An alien hotel room. Laid up in bed. It was a good way to understand past occupants, societies, life. A bad way to understand oneself.
Two nights ago I fell off the bed. Fell flat on my face. Missed the side table by a couple of inches. Hurt my nose, my thigh, my upper arm. I touch it; it feels hard and tender. Life is full of contradictions.
My friends suggested -- besides wearing a helmet and armour, of course -- that I should sleep in the middle. I hate middles. I believe in extremes. There is something about being in the middle that is disconcerting, displacing and even humiliating. Middles don't give you an opportunity to experience the edge of the cliff.
How debilitating and numbing it can be to be in the middle and find emptiness around you. If you are pushed on one side or you take one side you know. You may be thrown off, as I was, but it is your little corner, your place, your ecstasy.
I did not really experience the fall. I was asleep. Then I lost sleep. I watched my pain. Yes, you can watch it if you have the vision for such things. I watched as the bruise reddened and grew and then turned blue. I watched as dawn slithered in through the curtains. I watched as my feet felt heavy enough for me to know I had them...hah...sometimes I forget I have parts of me.
Sometimes I forget I have me.
- - -
Okay, I have removed the ban on anon posting for now...the message has been conveyed. Besides, is there any guarantee that 'real' people are real? I feel so unreal...
6 comments:
Another "real" piece of advice... zameen pe sona chahiye :-)
Get well soon.
Farzana
I have no problem in posting as a real poster b/c I adore your blog.
But, I got hurt by your banning anon posters like me(circle) who was your own creation.U were the one who created this identity (circle) for me.I accepted your identity with all my heart.
Once, you gave me an identity, then there was no question for me to get any other identity.
The identity you gave me was more than real for me.
I loved my circle identity so much that I lost my original identity...which seemed fake.
Anyway,this is me(your circle) accept me as circle or as my real identity(choice is your's)
Just let me know your decision....
If, you reject me as a circle, i will come up with my real identity....
Again,what is reality? that's another point....
Besides, my reality is,"circle".
Farzana
FYI,even though you banned me,I was reading your blogs daily..and crying..........
I have my gmails,aol and other e-mail...but, I decided not to log on with them...why?b/c I am circle..nothing else.
If, you doesn't like me posting here on your blog...please, let me know..I will respect your decision.
I am your worshipper, I am your disciple.....How can I reject your commands?
amandipp, that advice sounds like cold shower, very practical.
Hey what are friends for :-)
Post a Comment