The average single man is one inch shorter than the average married man.
I am aware that the influence of women is capable of turning boys into men…not really, not really. They in fact turn infantile. Gurgle-gurgle, gripe, goo-goo, grrr…However, according to very peck-able sources, they supposedly become responsible. They are told they are bread-winners, as though it is some contest to win bagels. They are told they are settled, so they lounge around in hammocks with a drink in hand and settle down to read the newspapers. They walk the dog, but won’t talk. They find imaginary specks of dust while they throw garbage wherever they are.
Nah, I am not hitting out at men. They are rather handy to have around.
To return to that one-inch they add to their height, I have no clue how it could happen. For me the operative word is ‘average’. Average people are prone to be easily influenced. The married man, given the task of bringing down crockery or other household things from shelves that are way up, begins to stretch quite a bit. Or, he gets into the habit of craning his neck to look over his spouse’s head to see what she is looking at. Or, he realises that women do not like cracked soles, so he sort of stands on his toes. Or, he just puffs his chest out, pulls his tummy in. Or, he gets his hair blow-dried. Or, he just feels taller because he is referred to as “my better half” by his partner when she is suffering from PMS.
Why only one inch? Well, most married men try and stick to the figure one for public consumption. It is a part of the monogamy deal that will add inches (hah!) to their character CVs, they are told.
Single men need not rush into matrimony only to add that crucial length. Just follow the steps above and save some woman from an additional inch-long purgatory.