Another forever

A peace has descended upon me. It had happened once before when I was enveloped with this feeling that nothing could soil me or spoil me. At that time I was coming out of a very dark moment of truth -- a moment that took me an eternity to understand.

When a friend saw me that day, the first thing she said was, "You have released yourself."

I do not think I have that drive. The cage flies me!

I do not know what 'closure' means. How can you 'close' a chapter of life when you are still reading the book? And even after you are through with the book, will you be done with the genre of literature, with the metaphors it holds, with the ideas it conveyed, the emotions it stirred?

I cannot use such terms. But when I am finished with something, I make sure that it never does come in the way. I hate residues. People who say they have had 'closures' are the ones who in fact walk around with those ghosts, they use them to imbue their future fantasies and reality.

I too have my baggage, but if the past resides in me, I live in it, suffer in it and damn myself. I do not use it to make my present and future more interesting. I may have learned some things, they may have made me form wispy ideas, but that is how even the most abstract belief systems are formed.

I too make mistakes, but they are the mistakes of Now. I am the Now...or the Never.

I cannot say I will cross the bridge when I come to it; that is understood. But I want to know more about the bridge, I want to know about the river flowing beneath, the sewage that was thrown into it and whether it has still left traces of its murkiness, I want to know...because knowing gives me courage, hope and certainty.

Forever never comes on its own. It has to be wooed...and then wounded for it to give way for another forever.