Got this from a friend in the mail:
How's your health now? The post yesterday painted a rather scary picture. There would be many gloating at your misfortune. The world is full of such people whom you have tormented with your sharp tongue and quicksilver wit.
For all my cynicism, I do not think so. Does any person imagine that because they have been hurt by my views, destiny has caused this? Hello, if you could command destiny, you would be able to come up with a repartee instead of wishing me ill…You visit hospitals and people who have never said a word are lying with needles poked into them. You drive past the worst form of deprivation – how did those people hurt anyone?
And is mine misfortune at all?
I was visiting a retired Colonel the other day. He is in his 70s; he has been aware of several things in my life. “So, what about all your problems?” he asked.
“I am savouring them,” I said.
“Really?”
“Yes, I cannot just let them be…if they are to become a part of my experience I must feel them deep within.”
In some ways the deeper they go the less visible they become. Yes, sometimes I do find that fate is having a bit of fun at the side by not showing what I am going through.
Then why do I write about it? Because this is a part of the mundane things we live through and they suddenly become important. I think about how there were so many things I did not know about myself – my body, reaction to pain, to medicines, to sympathy.
It irritates me when people accuse me of negativity when I think of the positive outcome of most things.
When I see the array of tablets, I see a rainbow in them.
When I am being checked, I make fun about it.
When the painful shots leave marks, I see them as free tattoos.
Yesterday I met a new doctor. For me it was like being on a discovery trip. He was writing down my case history and asked, “What foods do you crave?”
I went blank. I could not think of anything. So I said, “I am very Gandhian, I have no cravings.”
I kept recalling various ‘problems’ and adding them to the list, “This is to make sure I appear interesting.”
He smiled. He said I would have to reduce most of my medication.
“What happens to the rainbow?” I asked.
“You lived without it for years.”
“Okay, let’s go for the pot of gold instead.”
So, if anyone is delighting in my misfortune (and I really do not think it is possible) all I can say is that I love to see that smile on your face because that is the only way you will feel good. I wish you had other outlets and stimuli, but being an ‘inspiration’ makes me feel quite special.
Also, physical pain pushes away mental trauma. I was coping with something I found difficult, but my attention was diverted.
This I feel is how nature tries to make you strong.
How would I know I had it in me? And heck, it feels darn good when someone looks at you, sees you fishing out for the tablets and says, “I can’t understand why you need these. You look so perfectly healthy.”
And I glance at the moon, a full moon from between the trees, and say, “Could it be that those tablets need me?”
