Here, there, nowhere

"Hieeee, so what did you do for New Year's?"

I let it come. Huh? Why are we put through this silly inquisition year after year?

Am running short of smart verbal bombs. Last year I said I refused a date with Paris Hilton. My friends like to pretend they are these big intellectuals so they asked, "Who?" I said the one with the famous chihuahua and they went "Of course!" and with a feeble attempt at humour wondered why I did not go out with the dog instead.

I said I was not yet done with lamp-posts. I like lamp-posts and I don't know why they have become associated with canines.

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The most famous face was Kasab's. Yet, if I was to identify him in a parade I would not be able to do so. I would recognise his cargo pants, though.

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I follow a tradition of getting something new. This time I settled for a pair of house slippers that were waiting for my arched feet to enter their ghareeb khaana. We follow a tradition of ghar ke chappal and baahar ke joote/sandal. Never the twain meet.

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There was this pigeon moaning outside my curtained window. I thought it would give up soon but the mmmmm continued. Too far from where it was, I could only shout, "Shut up!" Silence. Then I heard a flutter and it left. I wish I had a guava to feed it; someone told me guavas were a parrot thing. Is it okay to seek retribution from a parrot for being rude to a pigeon?

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For lunch I had leftovers. It was rice that was sort of dhansak type. I wanted to eat leftovers. I like it when I have to scrape the bottom of the pan and get this brown smokey thing. It looked like lacy lingerie. And tasted like sin.

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Is it narcissistic to take pictures of oneself looking ill or is it humility? I think it is boredom.

I spent half an hour watching a mosquito die. Sturdy fellow, I thought. I brought out the coffin - okay face tissue - to bury it. Something seemed amiss. It moved and became elongated. It was a thread from my bedsheet that had curled up and in the slight breeze looked like it was breathing its last. Funny. I couldn't tell the difference.

It's good to see life in the lifeless.

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"Hieeee, what did you do for New Year's?"

I created a mosquito that does not bite.