"Hieeee, so what did you do for New Year's?"
I let it come. Huh? Why are we put through this silly inquisition year after year?
Am running short of smart verbal bombs. Last year I said I refused a date with Paris Hilton. My friends like to pretend they are these big intellectuals so they asked, "Who?" I said the one with the famous chihuahua and they went "Of course!" and with a feeble attempt at humour wondered why I did not go out with the dog instead.
I said I was not yet done with lamp-posts. I like lamp-posts and I don't know why they have become associated with canines.
The most famous face was Kasab's. Yet, if I was to identify him in a parade I would not be able to do so. I would recognise his cargo pants, though.
I follow a tradition of getting something new. This time I settled for a pair of house slippers that were waiting for my arched feet to enter their ghareeb khaana. We follow a tradition of ghar ke chappal and baahar ke joote/sandal. Never the twain meet.
There was this pigeon moaning outside my curtained window. I thought it would give up soon but the mmmmm continued. Too far from where it was, I could only shout, "Shut up!" Silence. Then I heard a flutter and it left. I wish I had a guava to feed it; someone told me guavas were a parrot thing. Is it okay to seek retribution from a parrot for being rude to a pigeon?
For lunch I had leftovers. It was rice that was sort of dhansak type. I wanted to eat leftovers. I like it when I have to scrape the bottom of the pan and get this brown smokey thing. It looked like lacy lingerie. And tasted like sin.
Is it narcissistic to take pictures of oneself looking ill or is it humility? I think it is boredom.
I spent half an hour watching a mosquito die. Sturdy fellow, I thought. I brought out the coffin - okay face tissue - to bury it. Something seemed amiss. It moved and became elongated. It was a thread from my bedsheet that had curled up and in the slight breeze looked like it was breathing its last. Funny. I couldn't tell the difference.
It's good to see life in the lifeless.
"Hieeee, what did you do for New Year's?"
I created a mosquito that does not bite.