You switch channels, you turn newspaper pages, and there is the M word staring at you. To be honest, at this time of the year Muslims seem like termites coming out of the woodwork.
There is the Muslim symbol, the Muslim story of patriotism, the Muslim who lived to tell the story (ouch), the Muslim on the couch, in the closet...oh, unlimited variety.
Just when I was going to yawn, I discovered that the Battle for the Mussalman has taken on a serious tone. Prime Minister Manmohan Singh has said that poor Muslims have priority over the country's resources. The saffron spoilers have complained to the Election Commission that such statements go against its model code of conduct.
I don't know what the PM meant. Poor Muslims could mean "oh those poor bechara Muslims" and then we could have iftaar parties all year round. What does priority mean? Do people wait in some queue for the nation's resources, and Muslims will be allowed to break the line? And what are these resources? Power, water, fuel? How do you make sure poor Muslims get more of these and first?
Mulayam Singh is doing his bit. First he has to make Kalyan Singh, former BJP guy of Babri fame, look like a nice guy who has turned over a new leaf. Then he makes Sanjay Dutt do some dialogue baazi where the actor says he was arrested under TADA and tortured because his mother was a Muslim. Fool. Many people have been arrested for being Muslim, so what's the big deal?
Mayawati thinks all Muslims are like Dalits so she has no choice but to make them her major electoral lust factor.
Laloo Prasad Yadav thinks they are like the cattle in his tabela who he personally gives chaara to.
The Left does not have to try too hard because it is assumed that they are pro Muslim because they are anti Hindutva.
Even the saffron waalas want to be nice to the Muslims. Their strategy is simple: we have nothing against the good Muslims.
Good Muslims are people they don't get to see or hear. Or who sing Vande Mataram and say Jai Ho. And who cannot see Pakistan on the world map. Essentially, good Muslims according to them are intelligent idiots.
Now, like folks from other communities, there will be Muslims who wear their salwaar or pyjamas upto a certain length that reaches their ankles, they may grow their beard a particular length (yup, big on length, I guess), they may wear burqas or hijaab, they may dab 'Jannat e Firdous' ittar behind their ears, they may remember their god five times a day after being reminded on a loudspeaker, they may do the annual slaughter, they may beat their Shia breasts during Muharram, they may display some calligraphic plaque in their homes, they may wear parrot green and candyfloss pink clothes. So what?
Not many will ever demand priority over the nation's resources. So just chill. Yeah, the Rooh Afza. That too.
Everybody loves a good Muslim?