15.5.09

Condoms and cucumbers

A Swiss mother called the police after her seven-year-old daughter found a condom in her McDonald’s Happy Meal. An investigation will be conducted to find out where the condom came from and how it got into the food. An analysis was being done to determine if the condom posed a health risk.

I don’t know how much time and money will be spent on this. I think they should just stop calling these things Happy Meals.

How did the condom get there? I have a few theories. No, it isn’t about the guy making the patty. We aren’t talking doughnuts. This might sound a bit gory, but the probability of the raw material (and I am trying to maintain delicacy here) deciding to take revenge and not perpetuate the species isn’t entirely unthinkable. There are other possibilities in this arena which one shall not go into.

It is also possible it was not a condom but a part of a hand glove that came off.

Does it pose a health risk? Depends on the quality of the rubber. If it was the extra lubricated sort then too much grease is bad for health.

Of course, there is the moral dilemma of a seven-year-old. I’d say she got one heck of an education.

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A Malay man has been using cucumbers and brinjals while having sex with his wife. The woman claims he forced them into her private part at least seven times in the past six years due to erectile problems he suffered after an accident.


Any kind of force isn’t good. But, does she have anything specifically against these veggies? Now don’t hang me for bad research; cucumber is a fruit but commonly mentioned as a vegetable. So, there.

Would she have preferred something different? I am just wondering: Don’t vegetables have erectile problems too? I have seen wrinkled fruits and veggies. It is also distressing to note that in six years he used this form of invasion only seven times. It was like an annual ritual with an additional one thrown in as bonus.

Why did she not complain about his problem and is making a noise about the poor brinjals and cucumbers? Was there a Year of the Brinjal and a Year of the Cucumber or were they alternated in one act? Was more than one used at any given time?

What was the method of disposal of the said items? Is her distress bad enough to stay away from them as edibles?

Why did the man not use a dildo, instead? Was it his commitment to natural resources? Would the vegetarian society felicitate him? Should he be crowned the King of Green?

I know I should take up for the woman and I empathise with her. But there is no need for her to go bananas…honestly.

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