Kinky India?

Why are sex toys banned in India? A week or so ago, there was this report worth a chuckle:

Custom officers at Mumbai’s international airport found themselves in an awkward situation when a search for undeclared gold in a woman’s baggage on Sunday night revealed kinky lingerie and sex toys.

“The woman was surprisingly confident as she said she wasn’t aware about a ban on sex toys in India. We hesitated to question her about the stuff, but she was very comfortable while explaining the use of the toys,” said a Custom officer.

That was not all — the officers were further surprised when she explained that she had brought the toys for her daughter who is to wed on July 28.

So, why are sex toys banned? Indians have a lot of sex, at least they procreate a lot which means they do it. Indians gloat about the Kama Sutra. Indians are high on the list for paid sex. Indians visit porn sites. And on the negative side, we have a large number of sex offenders.

Sex toys do not harm anybody or, as our officials like to say, corrupt morals. In fact, a person may not need anyone while using such a product. And how does kinky lingerie also figure? Indian men wear langotis (a sort of thicker version of the G-string!) and women have for ages enticed with katori-shaped cholis (ah, Madonna’s conical bras are not new). As for vibrators, the government might like to ban massagers, tooth brushes, cucumbers and a host of other things that may be used as toys. And why are flavoured, ribbed and dotted condoms marketed with such fervour? To control the population? Rubbish. There is this ad about a strawberry-flavoured one. It is quite funny that the woman is on her back and getting ecstatic. About what? I mean, can her that taste it??

Seriously though, India should start its own venture. Get the krishi udyog (agriculture) department to create organic, healthy fruit and veggies specially designed to please. The environment ministry can work on something that does not consume too much power and in fact while doing its job also keeps other things in the vicinity working. Like, act as a TV remote, or double as a pen drive. It should of course be made of natural products. The IIT guys can finally do something to get into Narayan Murthy’s good books (he dissed the new institutes saying that the best was over in the 60s and 70s) by experimenting with some indigenous techie stuff. How about a hickey birdie?

Just for the information of those who do not know, and I have said it somewhere already, our village women are hugely enterprising. They use the stones in rivers where they go to wash clothes. And we know why lap dogs are called lap dogs, no?

Now that we are a huge economic power, we can afford to take it lying down.