Born to live-in?

Gujarat has paved the way for legitimate live-in relationships. You don’t have to be in love, but if you are looking for a mate in your later years the Vina Mulya Amulya Seva (VMAS) has the option for you. On Sunday, they organised a “Senior Citizen Live-in Relationship Sammelan”. 300 men and 70 women attended. Seven couples found what they were looking for and will go on a few dates before they start living together. No wedding ceremony, no legal papers.

“I have all the luxuries in life, but I wanted somebody to share my feelings with and find an emotional connect,” said one of the lucky men whose partner’s needs are simple: to be with “someone whom I can enjoy life with, go shopping and watch movies”. Another 60-year-old male participant said, “At my age, sex is not a consideration. What I need is company, a person with whom I can live with for the rest of my life.”

Why are they not choosing the legal route, then? I also do not like the desexualising aspect. It is a sham. People can enjoy sex for longer and, in fact, this should be kept in mind. Is this just another avenue for people looking for an outlet? A report states:

The organisers would be monitoring the relationship status of the couples in future, and if required, would also make the men make a security deposit to ensure that the women do not get exploited.

Once the woman and man start living under one roof, the role-playing will start. The men will be at an advantage because they may need someone to care for them. The woman can be exploited to look after the house and the grandchildren, if any are living with them. Moreover, chances of him walking away are greater. At this age, how will the woman cope? There is nothing to bind them together. I also do not like the sound of a “security deposit” as though the woman is some object that has to be kept in a vault. Will the organisation arrange for a ‘replacement’ just in case one relationship does not work out?

I understand the loneliness, and how difficult it is to find someone to share so many of life’s pleasures with. This is possibly a good avenue, but I am a bit concerned about the consequences.

Is this radical? I am not too sure. Besides their immediate families, how will their neighbours, friends, relatives react? Will they be seen as spouses or will they be sneered at? How will they explain their status to the young kids in the family? When people of a certain age in our society fall in love and decide to live together there are question marks. Even today, in urban areas among the elite too, the non-marital status is emphasised.

And, indeed, I am curious to know how this sort of gathering did not rile the culture custodians that rough up young people for cuddling up and celebrating Valentines Day, and tears movie posters because ‘it goes against our culture’ and is a westernised import? Why are they behaving as though we are born to live-in? The reason is simple. They delude themselves, quite deliberately, that the people are too old to do anything and the patriarchy is so strong that they believe the poor man will need someone to look after him in his dotage without having to leave anything behind.

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Unstoppable!

Talking about the ‘no sex’ angle, a 95-year-old man is getting tired of his one-year-old son. The bloke is impeding his fun. Ramjeet Raghav of Haryana who became the world’s oldest father last year, said:

"I used to be able to go on through the night, sometimes two to three times a night, and if I got the chance during the day then I would. But now we have our son it's not always possible. We're so tired all the time and there isn't the opportunity.”

But not one to give up and amazingly for a villager quite concerned about his 59-year-old wife Shakuntala’s enjoyment too, he saves up money to pop the V pill.

“I now take a capsule a few times a month so I can go the whole night again. “I'm up, down, up, down, through the night. I don't stop. It makes me feel like our wedding night again. She loves it.”

They don't want any more kids. No beating round the bush here. Straight and simple. I wonder if they have time to do the movies, though. And they sure as hell are emotionally connected if they like the same things. 

Sunday ka Funda

There are teems of people in the roads everyday, uprooted from homes. For them survival is a dream. A little money to be earned, wrenched from their families and often themselves. They don’t have to be naked fakirs and the only voices that speak for them are what they have left behind and which they connect to with that old red postbox.

Gaman remains one of those rare gems that silently revealed such displacement – crowded streets and vacant eyes. Two ghazals from the film...

tanhai ki ye kaun si manzil hai rafiqon

taa-hadd-e-nazar ek bayaabaan sa kyon hai

seene mein jalan aankhon mein toofan sa kyon hai

is shahar mein har shaks pareshan sa kyon hai

(Where is the loneliness headed to

as far as one can see there is nothing beyond

the heart burns as storms fill eyes

in the city everyone seems to be a tortured soul)

Back in the village, the woman waits. The torture is no less as memories tug…

koi deewana galiyon mein phirta raha

koi awaaz aati rahi raat bhar

Aapki yaad aati rahi

(Some madman roams the streets

Some sounds I hear at least

As all night your thoughts don’t leave)

Movie: Gaman
Singers:
1. Suresh Wadkar
2. Chhaya Ganguly
Music Director: Jaidev
Lyricists:
1. Shahryar
2. Maqdoom Mohiuddin
Actors: Farooq Sheikh, Smita Patil
Year: 1978

Men love honey traps

If you are a guy with a Smartphone, just wait for her to call and say, “Honey, it’s me!” She’ll pour honey into your ears aching for some whispers. She isn’t real, but if you have downloaded an application such as this, I don’t think you are real too.

This South Korean invention will have video calls from a virtual model. Mina is 22; a real model posed and recorded about a hundred messages. She has now been transformed into an App.

One would imagine that as technology progresses people would understand that the progress in mindsets would follow. Apparently it isn’t so.

This is for lonely men; women are not supposed to feel lonely or want someone to talk to them.

Mina is young “with a perfect body and disarming smile”. It raises questions about how older men will see this as an important aspect in their quest for real relationships. You might say this happens in other forms of recreation as well – the models are young, curvy and sensuous. True, but they do not call and feed the male ego three to four times a day.

Here are some lines she speaks:

“I saw a horror movie today and I’m so scared.”

This just reinforces the belief that women are fearful little creatures who need to be saved even from horror movies, when the bloke who is watching her is the one horrified of his own life.

“I miss you honey! Good night, I will see you in my dreams.”

Fine. It would take a fool to believe this, knowing that he has got the application, and he knows she has never seen him. But it can give men the power to believe that their invisibility, their lack of grooming, their persona are irrelevant and they can get away with being bumpkins and bums.

“Are you still sleeping? Time for breakfast!”

This line assumes that she is the one who will be serving him. I am sure she is not waking him up to get her breakfast in bed. So the spoilt brat of a man can get a bit of extra snooze and the scent of waffles instead of getting egg on his face.

At $1.99, Mina comes cheap, which is again a problem because men will begin to think that women are easy to get. You think I am just over-reacting to some fun? She is on call. Said one bloke:

“Mina called me while I was working overtime. This is just great.”

Poor, tired souls, these men. And they need women for refreshment.

And this one clinches it:

“I wish I could meet Mina before I die.”

The martyr fella. It isn’t a fantasy; it is payback time for all the charged up moments she gave him. Now if only Mina could land up there with an ice pick. Dying can get lonely.

Suicide Pact

A news story that really starts two years ago has been lauded because of the philanthropy of the subjects. Dr Rajasekar Sham donated half of his assets to the University of Madras where he studied radiology before moving to the US. That is the obvious part.


The story that interested me is that two years ago he and his wife, Lucila, made a suicide pact. As the report says:

“The couple cancelled their phone, stopped their social security benefits and prepaid the year’s income taxes.” And, of course, the Will.

They had been married for 40 years and when Lucila was diagnosed with cancer and had very little time to live, they decided on this since they had no dependents. She did not have the strength to end her life, so she asked him to kill her. He stabbed her and then himself. She died; he did not. He was found guilty of manslaughter but later managed to kill himself.


Is this about love? About loneliness? About selfishness? About fear? About hopelessness?


Why did they choose stabbing for what was a joint decision based on love? It seems gruesome. Was Lucila being selfish or was Dr Sham afraid of living without her? Surely for a professional of some standing – the donated money speaks of a fairly good lifestyle – he would have had friends, colleagues and his work or related interests that might have kept him occupied?


They were obviously both in their senses when they took this step and planned it all so carefully. What if Lucilla had not died but was deeply wounded? What if she, in that state, wanted to live until her illness ate into her? Would she look at him with anger, of why he did not convince her otherwise? Would she introspect about the possibility that he might not have killed himself later?


She trusted him, but did she trust him enough to believe that had he continued to live he would not forget her and not move on? Was it her fear at play as well?


Did Dr Sham have second thoughts and therefore did not succeed fully? Did he later kill himself out of fear of the law or due to his earlier commitment?

We recall how writer Arthur Koestler made a pact to die with his wife Cynthia; she suffered from no illness. Initially he planned to die by himself since he was suffering, but in his final suicide note he mentioned that his wife could not live without him. Cynthia’s note stated:

“I fear both death and the act of dying that lies ahead of us. I should have liked to finish my account of working for Arthur – a story which began when our paths happened to cross in 1949. However, I cannot live without Arthur, despite certain inner resources. Double suicide has never appealed to me, but now Arthur's incurable diseases have reached a stage where there is nothing else to do.”

Nothing else to do? Is a person something one does, an occupation? Do we become hopeless in the face of such loss or is it the ultimate tribute?

Empty-handed evening

What is dusk? The end of the day returning without nothing.

When I wrote Break Lighting, I had a feeble idea. My mailbox brought me up-to-date with emptiness. Thank you for sharing this gem...

Aaj bhi na aaye aansoon
Aaj bhi na bheege naina
Aaj bhi kori raena
Kori laut jaayegi

(Today too there were no tears
The eyes remained dry
The blank night
Returned blank)

Khaali haath shaam aayi hai



Movie: Ijaazat
Lyrics: Gulzar
Music: R.D.Burman
Singer: Asha Bhosale
Actors: Naseeruddin Shah, Rekha, Anuradha Patel
Year: 1987