There has been a religious decree against tourism minister Nilofar Bakhtiar. One more "WTF is happening" scenario. Just for those who are not aware fatwa is an opinion by a group of people, nothing more.
Years ago, at a time when there were no such fatwas and Khushwant Singh had planted a peck on the cheek of the Pak High Commissioner's daughter, he was asked to apologise. Therefore, it has nothing to do with religious edicts alone.
10.4.07
7.4.07
Psycho!
Morbid, macabre, mmmm...lots of mmmeannn stuff being said about me. So I took this little psycho test forwarded by a friend. Sad, sad. I did not get the answer right. I need another test to find out why...
Psycho Test
Read this question, come up with an answer and then
scroll down to the bottom for the result.
This is not a trick question.
It is as it reads. No one I know has gotten it right- including me.
A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother,
met this guy whom she did not know. She thought
this guy was amazing, so much her dream guy she
believed him to be just that!
She fell in love with him right there, but never asked
for his number and could not find him. A few days
later she killed her sister.
Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?
(Give this some thought before you answer).
SCROLL DOWN.
Answer:
She was hoping that the guy would appear at the
funeral again.
If you answered this correctly, you think like a
psychopath.
This was a test by a famous American Psychologist
used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer.
Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and
answered the question correctly. If you didn't
answer the question correctly good for you.
Psycho Test
Read this question, come up with an answer and then
scroll down to the bottom for the result.
This is not a trick question.
It is as it reads. No one I know has gotten it right- including me.
A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother,
met this guy whom she did not know. She thought
this guy was amazing, so much her dream guy she
believed him to be just that!
She fell in love with him right there, but never asked
for his number and could not find him. A few days
later she killed her sister.
Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?
(Give this some thought before you answer).
SCROLL DOWN.
Answer:
She was hoping that the guy would appear at the
funeral again.
If you answered this correctly, you think like a
psychopath.
This was a test by a famous American Psychologist
used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer.
Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and
answered the question correctly. If you didn't
answer the question correctly good for you.
6.4.07
No sex please?
'No sex education in schools' screamed the headlines. Discussions, discussions. I thought we had come a long way. We haven’t. Most people in India even today talk about how sex education is important to educate young people about AIDS, to teach them about technicalities, and the rest. As though hormones can take instructions.Why would a teenager who is just getting that sumptuous feeling wish to be burdened with biological details about squigqly things and eggs?
No mention is made about how a person might feel, what role attraction plays. I am very clear after all these years. Sex has only one purpose: pleasure. And even today there is only one thing that can get me to listen to anyone talk about it: Titillation.
Why are we so ashamed of accepting this simple fact?
I do not think that anyone gets wet dreams imagining the ovulation period. So cut it out. And watch the sensuous shape of the sand dunes and the hour-glass…
No mention is made about how a person might feel, what role attraction plays. I am very clear after all these years. Sex has only one purpose: pleasure. And even today there is only one thing that can get me to listen to anyone talk about it: Titillation.
Why are we so ashamed of accepting this simple fact?
I do not think that anyone gets wet dreams imagining the ovulation period. So cut it out. And watch the sensuous shape of the sand dunes and the hour-glass…
5.4.07
News meeows - 1
Reality is infinitely more bizarre than what I see through my window and imagine most days.
Keith Richards has confessed to snorting his father’s ashes with some cocaine, and it wasn’t all that bad, and he says he is still alive. Weird. If people can live after relishing the flesh of animals and birds and cannibals after eating humans, then why would anyone die snorting ashen remains?
I suppose each to their own queer habits, and heaven knows we all have them. The only thing I am curious about is whether he wanted a part of his father to merge with him or he just wished to get a kick more kick-ass than the one he usually did?
- - -
Shekhar Kapur’s ex-wife, Suchitra Krishnamurthy, has blamed Preity Zinta for the break-up. So, what’s new? This Suchitra has said a few weeks ago how after her divorce even people like Alyque Padamsee, the famous and irritating ad ‘guru’, asked her if men hit on her more now. She said she was shocked. Well, a couple of days later she was sharing panel space with the same man and made no bloody mention of it when this was the subject of discussion.
And why has Preity asked Shekhar to “clear her name”, whatever that means? If he had any sense of responsibility he ought to have done so on his own. But most men are wimps. And for me wimps are those who think they are macho. Imagine the Kapur getting a huge one just with the thought that he was being paired with Preity. It is very common for married men to hallucinate, if mere fantasies don’t satisfy them. As for Suchitra, she had used her husband’s website to write a poem hitting out at an actress for breaking her home; she could not even find her own space to do it…I like what a friend of Preity said: “Surely there’re more discreet ways for an angry wife to be noticed?”
Heck, no. The worst part is, the guy wins either way. If he keeps quiet, then he is this hot and happening dude; and if he comes to rescue Preity, then he becomes the knight. What a charmed life these idiots live.
- - -
Greg Chappell quits. Good. We don’t need foreign coaches; if we must lose it is better to lose on merit as full-blooded Indians!
Anil Kumble quits one-dayers. Boy, what a noise they make of it. The first time I saw the news on telly, it announced, “Kumble says goodbye” and everyone in the studio looked like they were attending a funeral. For a moment I paused. I was hoping it wasn’t a real tragedy. I like Kumble; I mean, I like his voice.
Now the fellow has decided not to do those 50-overs thingies and he has got some 800 odd wickets and they call him a legend. If only some of us had the good sense to choose our profession right. We’d have been legends long ago.
- - -
Shahrukh Khan is finally at Madame Tussaud’s Museum. This summer when Indians descend in London or, more appropriately, Oxford Street they will find time to go and visit the wax-work. I only hope they have done a good job. Amitabh Bachchan and Aishwariya Rai look horrible with pasty faces and stupid expressions. They tried to make the Bachchan resemble a kind of maharajah wearing an embroidered sherwani; he ends up looking like someone caught off-guard at a fashion show for the aged.
And Ms. Rai has been captured in a completely funny typical Hindi song-dance posture, and ends up very mannequin-like. But, then, sometimes reality is just as static…
Keith Richards has confessed to snorting his father’s ashes with some cocaine, and it wasn’t all that bad, and he says he is still alive. Weird. If people can live after relishing the flesh of animals and birds and cannibals after eating humans, then why would anyone die snorting ashen remains?
I suppose each to their own queer habits, and heaven knows we all have them. The only thing I am curious about is whether he wanted a part of his father to merge with him or he just wished to get a kick more kick-ass than the one he usually did?
- - -
Shekhar Kapur’s ex-wife, Suchitra Krishnamurthy, has blamed Preity Zinta for the break-up. So, what’s new? This Suchitra has said a few weeks ago how after her divorce even people like Alyque Padamsee, the famous and irritating ad ‘guru’, asked her if men hit on her more now. She said she was shocked. Well, a couple of days later she was sharing panel space with the same man and made no bloody mention of it when this was the subject of discussion.
And why has Preity asked Shekhar to “clear her name”, whatever that means? If he had any sense of responsibility he ought to have done so on his own. But most men are wimps. And for me wimps are those who think they are macho. Imagine the Kapur getting a huge one just with the thought that he was being paired with Preity. It is very common for married men to hallucinate, if mere fantasies don’t satisfy them. As for Suchitra, she had used her husband’s website to write a poem hitting out at an actress for breaking her home; she could not even find her own space to do it…I like what a friend of Preity said: “Surely there’re more discreet ways for an angry wife to be noticed?”
Heck, no. The worst part is, the guy wins either way. If he keeps quiet, then he is this hot and happening dude; and if he comes to rescue Preity, then he becomes the knight. What a charmed life these idiots live.
- - -
Greg Chappell quits. Good. We don’t need foreign coaches; if we must lose it is better to lose on merit as full-blooded Indians!
Anil Kumble quits one-dayers. Boy, what a noise they make of it. The first time I saw the news on telly, it announced, “Kumble says goodbye” and everyone in the studio looked like they were attending a funeral. For a moment I paused. I was hoping it wasn’t a real tragedy. I like Kumble; I mean, I like his voice.
Now the fellow has decided not to do those 50-overs thingies and he has got some 800 odd wickets and they call him a legend. If only some of us had the good sense to choose our profession right. We’d have been legends long ago.
- - -
Shahrukh Khan is finally at Madame Tussaud’s Museum. This summer when Indians descend in London or, more appropriately, Oxford Street they will find time to go and visit the wax-work. I only hope they have done a good job. Amitabh Bachchan and Aishwariya Rai look horrible with pasty faces and stupid expressions. They tried to make the Bachchan resemble a kind of maharajah wearing an embroidered sherwani; he ends up looking like someone caught off-guard at a fashion show for the aged.
And Ms. Rai has been captured in a completely funny typical Hindi song-dance posture, and ends up very mannequin-like. But, then, sometimes reality is just as static…
25.3.07
Hind sight
One more time I hear someone say, “Hips don’t lie” or pun on that phrase, I will scream.
Okay, so Shakira has arrived. We know what her suite looks like, what fruits will be placed in her room, what flowers she fancies, and the rest of the blah. But will we please just stop this nonsense about the measurements of her rear? What is the big deal? It could be 38 or 40. So?
This is cheap, disgusting and very déclassé. And these are the supposedly elite sorts who are going to shell out big bucks to watch her perform. And then someone has the gall to assume that she invented belly dancing. Wait a minute. Have you seen those women from Lebanon, Egypt, Jordan?
There are articles in the papers on ‘How to do a Shakira’. Serious. When our item girls contort their bodies, it is called tacky; when our film actresses shake their booties, it is dismissed as jhatkas. Some Spanish woman with big hair thrusts her behind and they go ballistic about her “sinuous movements”.
Here is a piece of advice for these star-struck fools: Next time you want to watch sinuous, just watch the snakes perform with amazing grace. And they don’t even have hips.
Okay, so Shakira has arrived. We know what her suite looks like, what fruits will be placed in her room, what flowers she fancies, and the rest of the blah. But will we please just stop this nonsense about the measurements of her rear? What is the big deal? It could be 38 or 40. So?
This is cheap, disgusting and very déclassé. And these are the supposedly elite sorts who are going to shell out big bucks to watch her perform. And then someone has the gall to assume that she invented belly dancing. Wait a minute. Have you seen those women from Lebanon, Egypt, Jordan?
There are articles in the papers on ‘How to do a Shakira’. Serious. When our item girls contort their bodies, it is called tacky; when our film actresses shake their booties, it is dismissed as jhatkas. Some Spanish woman with big hair thrusts her behind and they go ballistic about her “sinuous movements”.
Here is a piece of advice for these star-struck fools: Next time you want to watch sinuous, just watch the snakes perform with amazing grace. And they don’t even have hips.
Licking 'em
Given the current ‘heat’ generated by a Spanish singer, let me reproduce something I wrote about the Rolling Stones tour of 2003. There are region-specific words, phrases...and of course the spellings follow the pronunciation!
- - -
“Yeh Rolling Stones kya hai?” asked Qadri saab.
“Tauba!” exclaimed his begum, “All your madrassa training is going waste waise hi…don’t you know it means ludakte patthar? Palestine mein children are throwing to protect themselves. You have no idea about worldly affairs…”
Harminder Kaur snapped, “Ai lo ji, we are discussing our building’s plaster and you are going on about world-shorld. But lat me tell you my puttar vaint for show at Brabbun Stadium and this Rolling Stone is not some anaap-shnaap thing. They are big band. I think so that Kran Jowar maast ask them to give tuning in his naxt film. I rad that they are urban boys, not gaon ka laundas like Bittles.”
“Hai rabba, meri sohni,” said Kushal Singh. “Your knowing pooree duniya da band-baaja. Parande di kasam, tusee vadee mast cheez ho. But I am also coming from behind you, so I know one more andar di baat. That Mick Jaggery is called sexy rubber lips.”
Dakshaben, looking aghast, nudged in, “Ok, ok, Sardarji. Shu motee vaat chhe? If he goat rubber lip then our Sharukhbhai now has titan neck, samajh ma aavyo?”
“Titanium,” declared Sohrab Mistry. “Why dismiss the West? Look at aapro Zubin, he does us proud.”
“What you are saying? He only takes that laakdi and moves it up and down. Our Narendrabhai did it and whole Gujarat was like daandiya-raas,” said Karsanbhai.
“Enough!” Sohrab was agitated.
“Mare-re, evan ne knowledge nathi, tu javaa de,” pacified his wife, Dinu. “Do you know the Rolling Stones listen to Bach and were on the Licks tour?”
“Hailaa! Iph they needed stray barking dogs they should have only just fingered me, like this, chutkee, and I wood contact my Bhau in mooncipalitee to arrange all licking. I wood satisfy them, aai shapath.” O.J.Tambe looked pleased.
But his better half, Shantatai, told him clearly, “Whyphor you want to put your foot in mooncipaltee truck?”
Anando Chattopahdyaya just shook his head. “Naathing like Robindro shongeet to give phool shatishfacsun.”
“Ooree baba, and what I am doing all this time for you, hain? Your not pheeling good phrom my machher jhol? From shondesh? I am bringing phrom all gullies in Kolkata all phor you. And in phool public adda you saying your happinesh ish phrom old gramaphone?” The building’s favourite boudi was very upset.
The quiet Mervin D’cruz mumbled, “And to think we used to jam to the Stones, those were the days.”
“Haan, kya zamaana tha, Ghalib, Mir…” trailed off Qadrisaab, till he realised he had goofed. Watching his sad face, the Begum said, “Fik’r mat karo. These big akhbaar log have told the band people about the state of the persecuted minorities in our country. Sab theek ho jaayega ab.”
Faaltu, the corner shop boy, who was listening, finally asked the group, “Thandaa mangta kya?” They all nodded happily. “Nimbu-paani chalega? Apun ab yeh firangi maal nahin rakhta. Saala log ko bumb bhi seedha maarne aata nahin, tau mooh faad ke gaane se kya faayda?”
- - -
“Yeh Rolling Stones kya hai?” asked Qadri saab.
“Tauba!” exclaimed his begum, “All your madrassa training is going waste waise hi…don’t you know it means ludakte patthar? Palestine mein children are throwing to protect themselves. You have no idea about worldly affairs…”
Harminder Kaur snapped, “Ai lo ji, we are discussing our building’s plaster and you are going on about world-shorld. But lat me tell you my puttar vaint for show at Brabbun Stadium and this Rolling Stone is not some anaap-shnaap thing. They are big band. I think so that Kran Jowar maast ask them to give tuning in his naxt film. I rad that they are urban boys, not gaon ka laundas like Bittles.”
“Hai rabba, meri sohni,” said Kushal Singh. “Your knowing pooree duniya da band-baaja. Parande di kasam, tusee vadee mast cheez ho. But I am also coming from behind you, so I know one more andar di baat. That Mick Jaggery is called sexy rubber lips.”
Dakshaben, looking aghast, nudged in, “Ok, ok, Sardarji. Shu motee vaat chhe? If he goat rubber lip then our Sharukhbhai now has titan neck, samajh ma aavyo?”
“Titanium,” declared Sohrab Mistry. “Why dismiss the West? Look at aapro Zubin, he does us proud.”
“What you are saying? He only takes that laakdi and moves it up and down. Our Narendrabhai did it and whole Gujarat was like daandiya-raas,” said Karsanbhai.
“Enough!” Sohrab was agitated.
“Mare-re, evan ne knowledge nathi, tu javaa de,” pacified his wife, Dinu. “Do you know the Rolling Stones listen to Bach and were on the Licks tour?”
“Hailaa! Iph they needed stray barking dogs they should have only just fingered me, like this, chutkee, and I wood contact my Bhau in mooncipalitee to arrange all licking. I wood satisfy them, aai shapath.” O.J.Tambe looked pleased.
But his better half, Shantatai, told him clearly, “Whyphor you want to put your foot in mooncipaltee truck?”
Anando Chattopahdyaya just shook his head. “Naathing like Robindro shongeet to give phool shatishfacsun.”
“Ooree baba, and what I am doing all this time for you, hain? Your not pheeling good phrom my machher jhol? From shondesh? I am bringing phrom all gullies in Kolkata all phor you. And in phool public adda you saying your happinesh ish phrom old gramaphone?” The building’s favourite boudi was very upset.
The quiet Mervin D’cruz mumbled, “And to think we used to jam to the Stones, those were the days.”
“Haan, kya zamaana tha, Ghalib, Mir…” trailed off Qadrisaab, till he realised he had goofed. Watching his sad face, the Begum said, “Fik’r mat karo. These big akhbaar log have told the band people about the state of the persecuted minorities in our country. Sab theek ho jaayega ab.”
Faaltu, the corner shop boy, who was listening, finally asked the group, “Thandaa mangta kya?” They all nodded happily. “Nimbu-paani chalega? Apun ab yeh firangi maal nahin rakhta. Saala log ko bumb bhi seedha maarne aata nahin, tau mooh faad ke gaane se kya faayda?”
12.3.07
Not Muslim enough?
I thought I had mellowed down in the past few days. But as I read the papers today, the bile rose again. An editorial in the Times of India titled We're Not Understood discussed how the film Black Friday had been unfair in its portrayal of the Muslim problem. As some of you may know, I have already written this in the Counter Currents issue dated Feb 19 reproduced in my blog post here.
Is it possessiveness that is riling me? No. This is a subject that needs to be exposed, and I did not see anyone else do it. I did stick my neck out, and although the publication where it was published is a niche website I might like to state here that all my articles there have been on several mailing lists and been quoted. So, it isn’t a ‘hidden fact’.
The writer of the current lead editorial has been described as a political commentator. And political commentators are supposed to be serious as hell, which is why my piece had an “emotional content”, although the ideas expressed are virtually the same.
What bothers me is this façade of seriousness. I can see all those little Muslim organisations getting very excited because a member of the majority community has been so sensitive in voicing how they are “not understood”. Does anyone here know that some people have even said that I have no right to discuss Muslim issues because I am not Muslim enough? So someone who is not Muslim at all is kind of okay-dokey? It makes them feel so wanted. I am waiting for some of the email forwards to come my way.
I was accused of taking the film “personally”. What will they say about this writer? Words like social consciousness will be thrown around.
It is getting so tiresome. I got a letter from a reader saying that someone found my column in the Asian Age, A Feminist Manifesto, had a Muslim bias! I wrote back: “If the person has detected a Muslim bias in this particular piece, then it is unfortunate and reveals a counter bias of insisting on seeing things where none exist.”
When I do have a bias I flaunt it on my sleeve, not under my armpit like a meethi chhuree (a sweet knife).
Is it possessiveness that is riling me? No. This is a subject that needs to be exposed, and I did not see anyone else do it. I did stick my neck out, and although the publication where it was published is a niche website I might like to state here that all my articles there have been on several mailing lists and been quoted. So, it isn’t a ‘hidden fact’.
The writer of the current lead editorial has been described as a political commentator. And political commentators are supposed to be serious as hell, which is why my piece had an “emotional content”, although the ideas expressed are virtually the same.
What bothers me is this façade of seriousness. I can see all those little Muslim organisations getting very excited because a member of the majority community has been so sensitive in voicing how they are “not understood”. Does anyone here know that some people have even said that I have no right to discuss Muslim issues because I am not Muslim enough? So someone who is not Muslim at all is kind of okay-dokey? It makes them feel so wanted. I am waiting for some of the email forwards to come my way.
I was accused of taking the film “personally”. What will they say about this writer? Words like social consciousness will be thrown around.
It is getting so tiresome. I got a letter from a reader saying that someone found my column in the Asian Age, A Feminist Manifesto, had a Muslim bias! I wrote back: “If the person has detected a Muslim bias in this particular piece, then it is unfortunate and reveals a counter bias of insisting on seeing things where none exist.”
When I do have a bias I flaunt it on my sleeve, not under my armpit like a meethi chhuree (a sweet knife).
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