Bed for men

From: Butts, boobs and beyond

Big-big Modi gets Nano...small-small

Everybody is a politician. Ratan Tata has now taken his small car to Gujarat. This will only buffer all those loud claims about the ‘progressive’ state. A state whose chief minister does not know how to treat his own people, has hundreds of homeless people and orphaned children, is now playing daddy to a four-wheeler.

The Tatas, who everyone spoke of as upright, clean and dignified (quite forgetting the battle for the top and the way Russi Mody was treated), have now proved that they are as opportunistic as anyone else. They are the ones who talk about work ethics; they have never been tainted for using power to get projects through.

Singur did not happen just like that. Mamta Banerjee’s protests may have to do with ulterior motives, but there is no reason for Ratan Tata to behave like a schoolboy and time the announcement with Modi’s seventh anniversary as CM (Chief Monster). In an even more childish move he said, “There is a bad M (Mamta) and a good M (Modi) and we have made the transition”. Oh, dear, so Harry Potterish. Incidentally, he did not make the transition; he was forced out of West Bengal.

Now, to make up for the reasons that were touted for that dumping, they are talking about how the area where the plant is located has many Muslims and there will be employment. Sure. Modi has been flaunting Gujarat’s progress for a few years; there are other industries. If Muslims qualify then they should have been given jobs there too. Why wait for a Tata when we know this is a tricky sop? The land belongs to the government. You can give jobs to your bureaucrats and police officer’s children. Who cares? Don’t drag Muslims into this and play the Gujarat ones against the Bengal ones. The two situations are different.

And the more important question is: How many Muslims does Modi have in his cabinet? How many do the Tatas have in executive positions?

You are now in a state where Khojas and Bohris, the educated class, lives. Let us see if they get positions of authority. Don’t give us this crap about how people from relief camps will get to become vendors at the car parks.

Enough of this.

The Nano is anyway a No-no…read my version of The World according to Nano.

Ms. Hawa Hawaii

I usually post old Hindi film songs. This one is from 1987, which will be old according to some! It works bigtime for me because it has all the ingredients of good Bollywood masala.

The song begins with gibberish and it is wonderful to hear it in Kavita Krishnamurthi’s trained voice.

What do I like about it? That it is parodying the genre while paying tribute to it. It is so over the top and black and white (and shiny gold) that when you find those sensitive moments of playfulness in Sridevi’s eyes, you realise that mainstream cinema has thawed many a cold heart and added richness to many a poor life.

Mr. India - Hawa Hawaii

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Results of previous poll

What is god?

A specific one for each religion - 3 (27%), An abstract entity - 1 (9%), Nature - 2 (18%), Conscience - 3 (27%), What god? I don’t believe - 3 (27%)

Quote uncoat -14

“Silence is of different kinds, and breathes different meanings.” - Charlotte Bronte

Have you experienced that about to say something feeling? That tip of the tongue feeling? That bite my tongue and swallow every morsel of a sentence feeling?

I am thinking about this. We interpret and misinterpret words. Have we ever thought about the way silence can work? I have had conversations with people who want to know why I have not expressed an opinion on something or the other. “You have not said anything about the curfew in Kashmir, what is happening in Orissa, Malegaon, Assam…”

They are topical and it isn’t that I don’t have an opinion. Sometimes, I cannot formulate my thoughts. Sometimes, my thoughts cannot find words. Sometimes, my words run ahead.

So, in that sense, my silence is indeed being perceived and conclusions are reached.

When I hibernate, there is a reason. That silence is melancholic, meditative. Or it may not be silence at all. It may be numbness. That is not akin to silence, which is a choice. When you are numb you feel nothing.

Despite my written output, which essentially amounts to speaking through words – and this is post #1001 on this blog! – I do leave a lot unsaid.

For, in the large desert I am only willing to share my vision of a sand castle with you…maybe you will be here on days when there is a sand storm or I spot an oasis. It will be conveyed as I take a sip of grit and let the water drip off my lips to form a patch of a temporary memory.

Why do we have to believe Zardari?

Asif Ali Zardari has described militants operating in Jammu and Kashmir as terrorists. Our reports are talking about how this statement has “warmed the cockles of Indian hearts”. The mush-mush goes on:

“This is the first time a top Pakistani leader has dared to state this in public and vindicate the stand of the Indian establishment.”

We are even more stupid than I thought. He was giving an interview to the Wall Street Journal sitting in New York. He has to use the word terrorism to save his skin. And we need a novice to vindicate our stand? Look at this Zardarism:

“India has never been a threat to Pakistan. I, for one, and our democratic government are not scared of Indian influence abroad.’’

And the Indians are going gaga over this? If they are not scared then why is he asking to be treated “at par” with us by the US? How does it matter? Then comes this sweet one:

“Why would we begrudge the largest democracy in the world getting friendly with one of the oldest democracy?’’

As usual South Block came up with its kneejerk reaction:

“Whatever the situation in Pakistan, Zardari is the leader of his country and it is important for us that he makes the right noises. He seemed very positive in New York too when he met PM Manmohan Singh and promised to eliminate terror. This statement actually signals a shift in Pakistan’s stand.’’

What shift? Every leader talks of eliminating terror, as though terror is its baap ki jaaydaad. He did take a swipe at his predecessor by noting that former President Pervez Musharraf would more likely have called them “freedom fighters”.

Sure. As he too will in good time when he gets over this euphoria of the American autumn.

I am surprised that Indian authorities are letting a Pakistani leader speak on behalf of what we have been shouting is a part of our country.

Now you tell me what’s going on…

Aiding and abetting

Oh, well, one knows of people who are willing to take risks, but I absolutely detest it when some fellow makes a virtue out of it. Sidhartha Gauri may have gone through life without any claim to celebrity. A report describes him as “a young, healthy, relatively good-looking man…a 30-year-old filmmaker and author from Yamunanagar”.

He has found his aim in life: to marry a HIV positive girl. The reason? “My offer lends me a higher purpose in life, giving a part of it to somebody who needs it the most, even if it is a few months or years, is like prayer for me.”

The web portal where he posted his profile has only HIV positive people looking for matches. Naturally, there is suspicion.

Should there be?

I would like to know why his higher purpose and need for “sacrifice” does not extend to women from poor families, women with disabilities, women who are widowed, women who are thrown out of their homes, women who are forced to become part of the flesh trade.

They too need a companion.

I have written about how AIDS has become a marketing strategy. Everyone wants to join the bandwagon when no one talks about so many other illnesses that still take lives in our country.

Besides, what he is doing may set a precedent which could have undesirable ramifications. Since not much is known about him, I would not like to comment on his personal ambitions. However, it is possible that some men will want to get onto this for monetary reasons. Gauri himself got in touch with a 20-year-old Indian settled in the US. So, wouldn’t a green card, or even a jaunt, be some kind of incentive for some?

There are several HIV positive men who might seek similar women, and while I am not proposing any sort of ghettoising the situation in this case warrants prudence and not a patronising samaritanism.

Hello god, and Eid Mubarak!

I hear one version of you will be busy in the next few days attending to people gathered to pray en masse – people who believe that one month of abstinence from life’s basics will make them stronger of mind and body. The idea is not new (well, okay, you are god, so you probably invented it) and is followed by all faiths in some form or the other.

Some of us do not use a designated time to abstain. It does not lessen the commitment and worth of others who do. I also appreciate the celebrations at the end. It is a release, a sort of victory over oneself. You may think I have become cynical, but you know that if hope springs as eternally in anyone’s breast it is mine.

Will you walk with me to my childhood? I have written about some memories, but do you recall that time when I fasted one whole month? Everyone thought it was because I was promised a Sheaffer pen. I conveyed that. The fact was I was trying to understand you in my little childish way. I hated waking up for sehri and did not care much for iftaar – I remember the first day I plonked a date in my mouth and just before I could clamp my teeth over it, someone asked if I had offered any prayer. No. Wasn’t the whole day a prayer, a worship of my potential?

I mumbled something with my head covered (I looked nice with the white dupatta…oh, you know that). Then there would be fruits and some snacks and Rooh Afza. All these years I thought Rooh Afza was a patented Muslim thing, till just the other day someone – a non-Muslim - told me he had it as a kid and now his kids are drinking it.

That flimsy milky connection with my Muslimness went whoosh with that one sentence.

You must remember Ammi’s sheer khorma; it isn’t like any other. She kept it simmering for hours till it turned from white to cream and then almost the colour of deep sand at dawn. She did not overdo the garnishing and that was the beauty of it – its simplicity. It had body, no weight. It was rich without being flashy.

Isn’t that how we must live all year through?

God, you must be wondering why I am not calling you Allah or Khuda. I think you ought not to be confined.

The purpose of this note to you is to let you know that things are really bad.

• There are bomb blasts almost everyday
• People are killed even in relief camps
• There is a stampede almost everytime at some pilgrim site or the other

What are you doing about it? Don’t tell me to approach the police, the government. You tell me. Because most of these things happen using your name. Can’t you delete references to you in those email letters before blasts? You are god.

Can’t you make us see and accept that there are different people with different versions and we are all entitled to our views as long as we do not cause disruption and violence?

Can you not do something to ensure that those who go all the way to worship you at some place do not die only because they are pushing and shoving to get a glimpse of some manifestation of your being?

I read a report that says more people die in such stampedes than in bomb blasts. It does not reduce the tragedy in both cases. But it is ironical that one gets associated with your name whereas the other that is already associated with your name does not get much mileage.

You, god, are being sidelined.

This year some parts of India will celebrate Eid with black bands. It is to protest against the tragedies. I am not wearing a black band. I will have the sheer khorma, and yes it still has that smoky scent and I like it when some ash from the agarbatti falls in it. I take a spoonful right there when the fateha is offered.

I stand there and ask for nothing much. If I need to get something I will have to work for it, work at it. Usually, I am too lazy, so things happen and it becomes a happening. For that I thank you and the whole of creation.

Today, I will ask you something. What zakaat did you give this month? You should lead from the front.

Getting some people to wear black bands, to go quiet, will not solve the issue. It will in fact send out the wrong signals – that they have been silenced. I want you to make sure that the poor mohallas are lit up with candy floss pink parandis and parrot green bangles; I want to see them at the hawker’s carts pick up fake trinkets with their freshly-hennaed hands.

Don’t spoil it for them. They worship you, wherever they are, whichever version of you they pray to. Keep their faith intact. In you. And themselves.

Pardon the temerity, but I shall end with,

Haafiz Khuda tumhara…

Yours,

Just one among many

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Results of earlier poll:

The unrest in Pakistan is due to:

America - 13 (72%), Al Qaeda - 5 (27%), Local tribal warfare - 4 (22%), Internal political one-upmanship - 3 (16%), RAW, India - 0 (0%)