Pass the 'poor Muslim' some halal, please

I love it when the media tries so hard to sound secular. The Times of India had this first person account by someone who calls himself ‘A Son of India’. Now this SOI was on a flight back home from some holiday. The flight attendant apparently was rude to a Muslim. The writer is a Hindu. He makes that clear, just in case we make the grievous error of seeing a Muslim take up for a Muslim. That would be so bad, na?

The story is full of crappy stereotypes:

In the seat in front of us, there sat a young, quiet man, with a long beard, a typical Muslim cap, and white salwar.

So, our SOI has checked out the beard and the salwar although the man was in the seat in front. Even if they were travelling Business/First class, and he had to visit the loo in the front, how many people look at the clothes of men?

This Muslim man did what all Muslims are supposed to do – asked whether the non-veg meal was halal. See, what I mean? You cannot be a bloody Muslim until you find out how the animal or bird you are going to eat has been bled to death after some prayers were uttered.

There is also something about how he was not given tomato juice because it was over, but the White man was served. This does happen, but here the motive is different. You see, SOI had “downed a Ballantine’s with soda”, which is just so cool; his mother was also given half a glass of tomato juice. See, lady does not drink and because she is a Hindu she gets at least half a glass of juice. Muslim is offered Pepsi (how could he ever imbibe alcohol…taubah!) and just has to wait for his halal whatever.

The halal thing got our SOI furious. “All the poor man was doing was making sure that the meal was something that he could eat.”

Yeah. “Poor man.” Feeling good, eh? And, yes, our SOI can tell his V apart from his W…sooo werrryyy vonderful…

What really got my goat had started at the very beginning of this fable-like tale. It is about eight “Sardarjis” who were drinking themselves silly, making a noise. Of course, SOI is quick to tell us, “Some of my closest friends are Sardarjis. Some of the kindest, humblest, most intelligent and polished people I have met in Delhi are Sardarjis.”

Oh, cut it out…and some of the best bhangra I have seen is by sarjardis and sardarnis. So? Get to the point.

Here is the point. After that halal thing, he heard someone from the Sikh group say, “This is Indian Airlines, not Muslim Airlines!’’ SOI was aghast:

I could not hold back any longer. I turned to them and said as politely as I could, ‘Sir, please let me inform you that India is a huge nation. We have millions of Muslims. In fact, we have more Muslims than Pakistan. I am a Hindu and I really do not appreciate this kind of talk.’ At this point they all shut up and nodded.

Wahe SOI! He gave them an education. A bunch of people high on drinks wait to finish their meal and hit out at the poor Muslim? Does the poor Muslim not say anything at all? Does the SOI complain to the flight attendant in charge? Does he register a complaint? No. He writes this pathetic attempt at being the magnanimous fellow.

Pathetic because he goes on the ‘Jai Ho’ trip about India being the next superpower. What all his has to do with halal chicken only he knows. “The Europeans did it right, divide and conquer. We were great and rich once upon a time, and we are still the same now.”

Well, if there is anything this SOI has learned from the Brits it is to divide. If he wanted to tell us about the poor Muslim and rude airline staff, he could have written about that. He brought in the Sikhs. Imagine, Hindu saving the Mussalman from the Sikh.

What’s the next episode, kid? Pork on Muslim plate and how you saved the poor Muslim from Christian wrath?

This nonsense will get a lot of claps from people who think they are all liberal. TOI will publish letters. It is like their Sacred Space stuff…no-jhatka chicken for the soul.

People like SOI should just stick to their Ballantine’s and check out a bit of other booze that even Muslims relish. Oh, I forgot to ask whether the salwar was ankle-length or not.

Was it? Just wondering…

With a mouthful of rum-soaked chocolate, here I am signing off,
A Halal Mother of India.

The way we are - 5

Do Gurleen Kaur’s plucked eyebrows decide if she is not a “true Sikh”?

Endorsing a hardline stand by the Shiromani Gurdwara Prabandhak Committee (SGPC), who barred a young Sikh girl admission in a minority institution on grounds that she violated a fundamental tenet of the religion by plucking her eyebrows, the Punjab and Haryana high court ruled the SGPC was fully justified in doing so.

I know one should jump in to defend the student. I won’t. She was seeking to get admitted to an institution that had specific “requisite of maintaining Sikh swarup (Sikh appearance) was a permissible precondition for admitting students under the Sikh minority community quota”. No one is dilly-dallying here.

Posh clubs have their rules, so why do we get so agitated when religious organisations lay down their terms? If she wants to get into a college, she can use a non-communal one. The problem is that many people want to belong to a ghetto with their superficial cosmopolitanism.

I think these arguments are a waste of time. The bench came out with a 152-page report! What can she challenge? There are Sikhs who do shave off their beards because of several reasons; most women, especially in the glamour world, would not be seen without plucked eyebrows. I am sure if they tried to join any religious committee, they would be debarred.

If we question any one institute, then we must ask whether what is written down in the scriptures or wherever should be evaluated again.

Of course, no one has any business to make a blanket judgment of whether a person is a true Sikh or not. There are many parameters to measure these and each will choose theirs. No point splitting hairs over this.

- - -

Shiv Sena executive president Uddhav Thackeray wants Kasab hanged.

“It is a shame that we are spending crores from public funds to provide security to Ajmal Kasab, who had mercilessly murdered so many police officers and citizens. Why is he being kept alive for so long.”

To provide evidence, since we don’t seem to know how to find it.

Criticising the clean shit given by Ram Pradhan committee to city police and the state government on 26/11, Thackeray called the panel’s report a “farce’’. “We are trying to run away from the truth. Everybody knows who is responsible for the deaths of officers like Hemant Karkare, Ashok Kamthe, Vijay Salaskar and several other cops,” said Thackeray.

Who is everybody? As a responsible citizen, you must come forward and say it aloud. Yes, the report is a farce. But what does it have to do with Kasab? And what about the enquiry into the Malegaon blasts? Because the question is not only about them being killed but why.

Hanging Kasab is a technicality. Getting to the root of the reason is more important. Are you ready for what will come out of it?

Hands and Feet

Hands and feet and fingers and toes are just so enticing, especially when seen differently. The tips of the fingers caressing, the hands holding, grabbing, reaching out...the feet sinking deep into sand or walking on grass, treading purposefully towards what looks like a destination.

Here are some pictures I have taken. They convey so many things to me…

Start of the day, the sun creeps in and the feet decide to have a cuppa, read the papers and lounge on a rocker!

A closed fist seen from this angle can appear to be a foetus:

The hands open out, like a flower…or more like a leaf spreading itself on the branch languorously:

No fingers are empty…they shine and they have ears that listen to that sheen:

Feet are larger than hands, but hands can reach out and touch them. Look through them…at them…indulgently, as though wanting to hold them forever:

The face of Indian de-mockery-cy

Kya bolti tu?

Congress chief Sonia Gandhi promised a rigorous assessment exercise for newly-inducted ministers, warning that those in the government could also make way for others currently outside, holding out, in one stroke, hope for ministerial aspirants and discards while sending out a perform or perish signal.

I dislike the way a word like ‘discards’ is used. And I do not see the need for this school marmish attitude. True, ministers have to work, but everyone knows what will happen and who will decide what work is to be done.

If I may say so, this threat is also a signal to make way for those ‘Young Turks’ once they have rounded up enough people.

Kya bolta tu?

PM Manmohan Singh who was the first one to start the campaign for Rahul Gandhi to join the cabinet now says:

“He already has a big responsibility to bring in young people... he is doing more than sitting in a cabinet meet.”

All right. It means that running a recruiting agency is more important than managing a production unit that caters to a huge demand and is responsible to its ‘buyers’ who have made it what it is.

We are not yet done with Dr. Singh. Here he is explaining the current cabinet:

“It is not always possible to accommodate everyone. There are several factors like availability and talent and other considerations that played a role.”

Availability? If there are aspirants waiting, as Ms. Gandhi suggested, then there is plenty of availability. People will give their right and left arms and all limbs to get a ministerial berth.

Talent? Is our PM telling us there is lack of talent and he had to go looking for it with a fine toothcomb? And at the end he found a 72-year-old M. S. Gill to head the Ministry of Youth Affairs and Sports? The 72-year-old Dr Farooq Abdullah gets New and Renewable Energy; I don’t know what the heck it means, but I hope it is not something tongue-in-cheek. There are lots of such talents…

Other considerations? Would the PM care to explicate? It does not sound nice at all.

And in this great secular republic we must know the number of people inducted from which caste and community. Here goes:

• Brahmins - 9
• Other Upper Castes - 19
• Kshatriyas - 4
• Vaishyas - 4
• OBCs - 16
• Dalits - 10
• Tribals - 5
• Muslims - 4
• Sikhs - 3
• Christians - 3
• MBCs – 2

I wonder what category they are according to our PM – availability, talent or other considerations.

Kya main boloon!

A question of angles. I am putting this up because it is in the national newspaper. It should tell us just how well they are willing to exploit such situations:

Newly-inducted cabinet minister Farooq Abdullah is greeted by his daughter-in-law Payal Abdullah after the swearing-in ceremony at Rashtrapati Bhavan.

News meeows - 20

Are the attacks in various cities of Pakistan a holocaust?

Pakistan Human Rights Commission chairperson Asma Jehangir said the government failed to get its act together despite an intelligence report about an impending terror strike. “People of Pakistan are going through a holocaust. They are suffering high levels of trauma and stress due to sheer helplessness. Deep down they know they are in for a long haul,” Jehangir said.

What are these intelligence reports? Our subcontinent is known for intelligence reports that are either vague or come out in the open after such attacks. Media reports are careless, to say the least:

The Frankenstein’s monster unleashed by Pakistan’s Inter-Services Intelligence struck back at its creator as suspected Taliban terrorists detonated a car bomb near the ISI office in Lahore, and gunmen opened fire at the guards.

No group has claimed responsibility for the attack, but the authorities said it was in retaliation to the anti-Taliban offensive in the country’s northwest. “This is a reprisal from the Taliban after their defeat in Swat,’’ interior minister Rehman Malik said. “Baitullah Mehsud (Pakistani Taliban chief) had threatened to attack major cities after the Swat operation.’’ He said the militants were on the run and had no option but to lay down arms.

Does Mr. Malik not realise that if militants are on the run and so scared of the government, how could they target a part of its own organisation? The Taliban is the creation of the ISI? If this is a certainty, then the government can disband it, right? And nothing will happen? I do not understand how the current regime is managing to get away with so much credit for its “anti-Taliban offensive” when it has destabilised the country.

Voluntary agencies have a propensity for playing along when the powers involved are so-called democratic forces.

Now, we are told that media reports think it was probably an attempt to free Lashkar-e-Taiba chief Hafiz Mohammad Sayeed, who is under house arrest after the 26/11 carnage in Mumbai and was to be produced before a local court not far from the attack site.

Do you see how completely confusing these messages are? The Taliban was not involved in the Mumbai attacks. These are just tactics to deflect from the main issue – the Pakistan government had created this monster and is answerable to its masters elsewhere.

- - -

The Slumdog Millionaire actors are getting on my nerves. Every other day there is some story. One thing is for sure. The film will remain in the public eye for longer than it deserves to be. No one ever bothered about what happened to the kids who acted in Salaam Bombay. The producers had also started a trust but its main actor got nothing and is now, I believe, an autorickshaw driver.

Mohammed Azharuddin and Rubina Qureshi have been endorsing products, are being feted by political leaders, the state government has given them some property, and a voluntary organisation is giving them Rs. 6,500 for monthly expenses. And what happened to that Qatar businessman who came to sponsor Rubina’s education?

What is going on? If at all, the film’s producers should have paid the kids a proper amount and been done with it. Why the tamasha of a trust, homes? What happened to the tale about Rubina’s father willing to ‘sell off’ his daughter? I think that was a plant to get sympathy and maybe prop up the film. You think Danny Boyle has returned to Mumbai to save these kids? From what?

And then our government and people will feel all so sad. Damn. Has anyone realised that when the Garib Nagar slums were bulldozed there were other families there too? Did anyone read the report of the Sanjay Gandhi Nagar slumdwellers who were given housing and sold those flats? That was a huge racket and it is fairly common. What is actor Gerard Butler doing visiting them? If Hollywood is so concerned, someone can just take them there. They are the business of their employers, not of the Government of India or the state or NGOs.

If the establishment wants to help them then they will have to help all slumdwellers. The GOI has not produced the film. The GOI has not benefitted from it. The GOI is not in the business of selective choices. There are no reservations yet for those who star in international films. The GOI has responsibilities towards all citizens.

- - -

The Dalai Lama has offered $100,000 and his help fundraising to prevent the planned closure of an imperilled religion department at a Florida university after receiving an emailed plea for a letter of support from a longtime acquaintance on the faculty.

Great. One more international personality that makes the headlines always. The Dalai Lama is the spiritual head of a community based in a specific location. His people have been fighting for the right to a homeland. They are refugees in India. He has got his own shop set up in Dharamsala and until recently pretty much decided how much bhai-bhai we could do with China.
He is pretty cut off from many of his own as this piece I wrote shows.

Why is he trying to save a department of religion? What is so great about it? Obviously, no one cares enough for it. So what are they trying to prevent from folding up? What is the source of the Dalai Lama’s funds? Is it his job to help in fund-raising drives when Tibetans have to go on strike and suffer huge losses whenever they need to protest against something or the other by the Chinese authorities?

Where are all those Hollywood followers who embraced Buddhism? They are closer to Florida or is the clinch only for convenience when they can show off their robes and their beatific expressions and make those mandatory gestures to claim His Holiness as their superstar?

Does Rahul Gandhi even know what a Young Turk means?

Just when I thought we were done with the tacky ‘Singh is King’ headline in national newspapers, we now have ‘Rahul’s Young Turks’.

Never mind that they did not find a place in the government. As I mentioned in a comment earlier, Rahul Gandhi should have put himself to test with a cabinet berth.

The media ought to at least up their knowledge a bit before they shoot their mouths off.

What is a Young Turk? Simple dictionary meanings are here:

1. A member of a Turkish reformist and nationalist political party active in the early 20th century.
2. A young progressive or insurgent member of an institution, movement, or political party.
3. A young person who rebels against authority or societal expectations.

Do these men fit into any category? Don’t hang on to the word 'progressive' because these people need to be tested on that count. How can they rebel against authority when they are the authority?

I was shocked to read this:

Under Rahul Gandhi’s guidance, the Youth Congress is turning target-oriented and adhocism-free by suggesting that those who enrol between 5,000 and 10,000 members stand a good chance to be nominated for an assembly election.

This is like encounter killings – your promotion depends on your hit rate. Or like insurance agents.

The report also states:

Rahul Gandhi has asked his team of Young Turks not to dream of being in the government at least for six months and to devote their energies to the recruitment of fresh blood across the country.

Do you realise what this means? That after six months of meeting their targets, they can start hustling? It also means they could prove to be worse than the opposition parties and demand their pound of flesh.

What happened to the committed youth who were ready to ‘Jaago re’?

- - -

I have covered the stupidity of this before, but last night on TV they had these people talking about how we should not rubbish the dynasty…after all, we have instances of musicians’ children becoming musicians…

Haan, but a tabalchi’s son will bang on the tablas; a sitarist’s daughter will pull other strings.

An actor’s son will capitalise on papa/mama’s skills before the camera.

A businessman’s beta or beti will inherit wealth and change the décor in the office to make it look more hip.

That’s it. They won’t really mess around with the country. Though, bad musicians and actors can be a huge pain. But you just don’t pay to watch them.

Do you have a choice with these Young Tharkis?

Rahul Gandhi said he wants to change the way politics is conducted in our country. Not a chance. Sorry. You started on the wrong foot.

Go send this young blood to first donate blood. Get doctors in the remote villages. Electricity. Water. Literacy. These young people must be brought together to do these things rather than bribing people to join the party so that they can get more power and sit like satraps and continue with the same things. Prune the lawns, but there will still be weeds. By changing the curtains you do not alter the window or the way you look through it.

Just as wearing a Che Guevara T-shirt does not make anyone a revolutionary. Nice try, though.

Taking it on the chin

There are some articles that get people to respond either very sharply or emotionally, as the case may be. There are far too many and I had said I would put them up but realised most of those people may not be genuine even about the abuses!

It is a set pattern if the issue is Indo-Pak. In one pithy sentence: Pakistani saying, "Why write on Pakistan?"; Indian saying, "Why write on Pakistan?"; I thinking...at least they are reading. I get good idea from all this.

I have merely emphasised some points in the excerpts below that made me smile or laugh aloud or well...

Do not forget to scroll down for the finale…the only one I replied to from this lot because the person is a known number.

Views from Pakistan

Farzana, don’t comment basing on your fantasies. There is more filth in your country try to clean that first. I know this is no argument but what you see in Pakistan is mostly projected and propagation. You ask me any thing and I can reply that regarding society here. Now edit and read yourself whatever I could write. There are mistakes but I have to do other jobs as well.

Out side America the UE is not satisfied even. You have watched the flogging and not the way they humiliate women in their society. They don't spare sick idea to materialize practically.`
I know Britni and Miley and Jolie very well but would not like our society to go after there foot print as we would need a good stock of morning afters!.

- - -
Why don't you give Pakistanis the real face of India and write about that in the news papers?

Killing of Muslims everyday, Muslims are not allowed to go to mosques, poverty, farmer suicides, filthy cites, army raping Kashmiri girls and mothers and castrating Kashmiri men? You could write about it and break up India into small pieces which we will then conquer by jihad.


View from India

Missus,
I am thinking that your articles is too much pessimistic. Elections are the good things that we are having and the rest are not having. You are telling the communal forces are not destroyed that is for you sad. But that is the true it will never be. You are the expecting that every one problem must be solved otherwise it is not good, and you must to thinking that one by one all the problem it will be solved. I am to much happy that the winning is Congress because the future will be good. I am thinking that to many our people they are not understan the english and they cannot getting job or business.
I am liking your writing also that kagazkalam is to much clever. Are you having the children?
- - -
Hi Farzana,

I read your article on Manmohan singh and all that he could 'not do' and how he showed it as achievement, for things that were not really achievement.

However, why do you feel that PM has to be some one who has won an election.

Mother teresa was not married to father of children she adopted, and she is still a mother.

With due respect for your expereince of journalism, I would have appreicated if you could have taken more holistic view. At the end of day you create perceptions in the minds of reader, but then there are some like me hard to convince.

But some where you are also fighting with the perception of elegibility for a person to be PM, rather than what he should do.

He is lot better than many, isnt he?
IF he listens to all, doesnt it means he is all encompassing. If he listen to sonia doesnt that he mean, he knows his limitations.

Farzana its dynamic democracy, where 2+2 = 4 will not be case always.

Regards,

- - -

The final one here in response to Imagining the Taliban:

Hi Farzana,

Having read your article three times over, I STILL have absolutely no idea what you're trying to get at - tum kehna kya chahti ho? It seems to me you're a muslim who can't reconcile to being an Indian (or vice versa) - either way, you seem to carrry HUGE chips on your shoulders, which make you attack the Bollywood Khans, Azim Premji and even the venerable Dr Abdul Kalam for no particular reason, and with no particular logic. Your statement that the Bombayites were not angry, but only `mildly irritated' at the 26/11 carnage was pure poppycock, to say the least.

Anyway, this is not about your identity crisis, but your other references...

As a muslim, if you feel the Taliban doesn't need to be stopped, then we are on different pages altogether, and there's no point in having this exchange at all..

As an `incidental' Hindu, I am terribly proud of the pluralism of India (I prefer the word to secularism), and take great comfort in the fact that the saffron brigade is peripheral to the concept of INDIA - fringe elements that pose no threat to this great nation and what it stands for..

Regards,
X

My reply:

Assalamalaikum:

I should hope this form of greeting fits in with a certain stereotype you seem to harbour, never mind the fact that I am an “accidental Muslim”, as opposed to your “incidental Hindu”.

It is rare for anyone to read my article these many times, though I do wonder why you, or anyone for that matter, respond to something so obtuse. Thank you for dignifying my “not particular reason”, “no particular logic”. You are very kind.

You ask, “tum kehna kya chahti ho?” Jo aap theek samje, kyonki aap samajh hi nahin rahe hain.

You bring in the old thing about Muslim vs. Indian and the Premji brigade. My “poppycock” has turned out to be almost like a prophecy. I hope you do not blame this on my ashubh (inauspicious) Muslim blood.

And why should I respond to the Taliban only as a Muslim? Then, may I ask if you are responding as a Hindu?

Regarding the pluralism of India, that cannot go away as long as some of us live it, rather than live with it. I do not wish to flaunt anything, but my upbringing and my family are examples of it. To reiterate it everytime I write anything that goes against the tide would be to reduce myself. I refuse to do so even after the continual questioning of my nationality (forget nationalism).

However, it is interesting that you see the saffron brigade that has caused havoc several times in our own country as “fringe elements” but the Taliban as a threat. What more can I say?

I do hope the light tone has not offended you. I did not want this to be one more exercise where you waste your time trying to figure out what I am saying. Thanks for writing in, anyway.

Khuda Hafiz before I run out of Muslim phrases…

Regards,
F