Quote uncoat

Advaniji believes that being the prime minister was his birthright…and, therefore, he has never forgiven me

- Manmohan Singh on the BJP leader

If anything, L K Advani would never forgive Sonia Gandhi, not Manmohan Singh. As regards birthright, there are many politicians in this country who believe it is and it is taken to its logical conclusion. Dr Singh happens to be propped up by The Family, and the only reason it has not exercised its birthright is simple: Why go into the kitchen when you have a khansaama (chef)?

- - -

To our son, his excellency, Mr Barack Hussein Obama. I have said to you before, that even if Libya and the US enter into a war, god forbid, you will always remain a son

- Muammar Gaddafi, Libyan leader

The problem with such ties, even if by diplomatic adoption, is that it makes the son assert himself and want a piece of the pie and the pie (oil) chart.

The face of Indian de-mockery-cy

Kya bolti tu?

Congress chief Sonia Gandhi promised a rigorous assessment exercise for newly-inducted ministers, warning that those in the government could also make way for others currently outside, holding out, in one stroke, hope for ministerial aspirants and discards while sending out a perform or perish signal.

I dislike the way a word like ‘discards’ is used. And I do not see the need for this school marmish attitude. True, ministers have to work, but everyone knows what will happen and who will decide what work is to be done.

If I may say so, this threat is also a signal to make way for those ‘Young Turks’ once they have rounded up enough people.

Kya bolta tu?

PM Manmohan Singh who was the first one to start the campaign for Rahul Gandhi to join the cabinet now says:

“He already has a big responsibility to bring in young people... he is doing more than sitting in a cabinet meet.”

All right. It means that running a recruiting agency is more important than managing a production unit that caters to a huge demand and is responsible to its ‘buyers’ who have made it what it is.

We are not yet done with Dr. Singh. Here he is explaining the current cabinet:

“It is not always possible to accommodate everyone. There are several factors like availability and talent and other considerations that played a role.”

Availability? If there are aspirants waiting, as Ms. Gandhi suggested, then there is plenty of availability. People will give their right and left arms and all limbs to get a ministerial berth.

Talent? Is our PM telling us there is lack of talent and he had to go looking for it with a fine toothcomb? And at the end he found a 72-year-old M. S. Gill to head the Ministry of Youth Affairs and Sports? The 72-year-old Dr Farooq Abdullah gets New and Renewable Energy; I don’t know what the heck it means, but I hope it is not something tongue-in-cheek. There are lots of such talents…

Other considerations? Would the PM care to explicate? It does not sound nice at all.

And in this great secular republic we must know the number of people inducted from which caste and community. Here goes:

• Brahmins - 9
• Other Upper Castes - 19
• Kshatriyas - 4
• Vaishyas - 4
• OBCs - 16
• Dalits - 10
• Tribals - 5
• Muslims - 4
• Sikhs - 3
• Christians - 3
• MBCs – 2

I wonder what category they are according to our PM – availability, talent or other considerations.

Kya main boloon!

A question of angles. I am putting this up because it is in the national newspaper. It should tell us just how well they are willing to exploit such situations:

Newly-inducted cabinet minister Farooq Abdullah is greeted by his daughter-in-law Payal Abdullah after the swearing-in ceremony at Rashtrapati Bhavan.

The Myth of Manmohan Singh

The Myth of Manmohan Singh

The Follower as Leader
by Farzana Versey
Counterpunch, May 22-24, 2009

History is often about a play of words. The man of the moment who has taken the oath of office for the second term is an actor in search of ‘no character’. It is the invisibility of the persona that is his trump card.

It works in a situation where we are robotising the human. Indian democracy has promoted a standard iconisation of the middle-class. This is not the middle-class of dissent but of consumerism. Our Prime Minister is not the brand; he is the franchisee. Dr. Manmohan Singh, the genial, the educated, the decent man, has power without responsibility.

He will probably go down in history as a bureaucrat being promoted as a great politician. Dr. Singh does not deserve many of the accolades he has got. So, where's the catch?

The catch is to have canny people to back you. No one realises that the real force behind the liberalisation policies was former Prime Minister P. V. Narasimha Rao. As finance minister, Singh became the hero of the industrialists. They did not mind some wealth percolating down to the middle-class as long as it was called the middle-class. Therefore, India’s power is still in the hands of the business tycoons. The swelling belly has not given birth to any major financial power centre; it could well have been a mere bubble.

Manmohan Singh’s role is to showcase a country that exists in the imagination of a few.

That is his version of India. He has never contested an election; he has no grassroots experience. It shows up glaringly when he decides to go rural in his talks. When the Left Parties were opposing the nuclear deal, he tried explaining his stand to the then President George Bush by stressing that it was important to take care of the vulnerability of two-thirds of the population, namely 650 million people, dependent on agriculture for sustenance. "That meant that India needed some degree of protection through special products and safeguards, on which we need greater clarity."

In his enthusiasm to play Santa Claus he did not notice all those farmers committing suicide or that India was importing wheat. What happened to the great Green Revolution?

The caucus of industrialists supported the deal, not the ordinary citizen or the villager who is supposed to benefit. It was also a major diplomatic sell-out. India already generates hundred thousand mega watts of energy; with this deal we would get 20,000 MW more by the year 2020.

This is what showcasing the prioritised India means. He is no strategist, but he walked away with all the credit for something that amounts to nothing.

In the crass world of politics where wily forces rule, Singh’s asset is that he is a vacillator. His being a phenomenon has more to do with serendipity than statesmanship. The Congress has wisely used his name as their calling card. But it is not true that every wrong move by the party and the onus of it would be on him. Quite the contrary. He is in the enviable position to get away with anything and attribute it to helplessness, because he is not considered rabid, rigid, or regressive. And he is answerable to the dynasty.

It would be no revelation to state that Sonia Gandhi is propping up Dr. Manmohan Singh; the more pertinent point is that he chooses to be propped up.

In the epic Mahabharata, the low-caste archer Eklavya is asked to offer his right thumb as guru dakshina as he could prove to be a threat to the royal Pandava Arjuna. Although he has not been tutored by the guru Dronacharya, he has been inspired enough to practise before his clay idol. The disciple readily offers him his thumb.

In the contemporary context, would it be considered a sacrifice or a measure to please? In the epic, the reason the guru is completely awestruck by the humble archer's skills is that on being disturbed by a barking stray he aims an arrow and seals the mouth of the dog without apparent injury or loss of blood.

Dr. Singh’s has been a bloodless coup. He has added that dreaded word dignity to the lexicon of Machiavellian manoeuvres. What we see of him today is an elderly patriarch trying to appear upright while promoting a liberal market lifestyle. It must be noted that the liberalism is confined to the market.

He is protecting the brand. The brand comes with the baggage of Bofors. Of the 1984 anti-Sikh riots. He looks the other way and pushes forward the Rahul Doctrine. No one quite knows what it is. Dr. Singh is probably unaware about it too. Rahul Gandhi has been called the political scion, and there is no need for us to be chary about it, for we have watched this and encouraged it for six decades. Today’s pretence and talk against monarchy are essentially hollow dictums to appear as dissenters.

Rahul Gandhi famously said that his party is proud of the poor in India. The romanticisation of poverty is primarily non-rational. So when we talk about equality it is a legal expression. All legal systems have been brought by force. This suits democracies rather well; you do not have to ensure uniformity because it goes against the egalitarian principle of fairplay.

The Doctrine may have gained some ground in Uttar Pradesh, but that state is not in the big stakes financially. It is good to let the political iron remain hot there while the big businesses thrive elsewhere and keep their saviours in power happy.

One might be prompted to make the rather wicked comment that this is a caretaker government. As Pythagoras said, with the advent of the intelligent man, there is no honest man.

Manmohan Singh has been given a pedestal; the pillar is the Family. Today’s cult figure is ensured tomorrow’s cartoon strip.

Prabhakaran and another Sri Lanka

The guy who had probably discovered a bit about V. Prabhakaran a couple of years ago was giving us the news. He sounded jubilant. “We are the first channel that told you he is dead. We were the first to bring you pictures of his dead body.”

I cringed. Also, I did not know what he was celebrating. Did he know? The LTTE (Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam) had the support of India in the early stages until the dynamics changed and they began to be disillusioned with the Indian government. They killed Rajiv Gandhi.

Anyone who has travelled extensively through South India, mainly the tip of Tamil Nadu, especially Rameswaram, will realise that there was support and the usual make-fast-buck tactics. I wasn’t surprised to read this bit of news:

"Smuggling to Sri Lanka has been a major source of income for many people living on the coast. Smuggling for LTTE was very minuscule when compared with the smuggling for Sri Lankan civilian consumption. Narcotic smuggling for LTTE had come down drastically in the last few years. It's true that smuggling activities have been hit due to increased coastal vigilance. However, smugglers will become active again after a while," a senior police official said.

The waters in this area are astoundingly beautiful. Even a decade ago when I was visiting, one could see fishermen, who the reports say would get arrested under the pretext that they were LTTE operatives. The attitude towards terror suspects is pretty much the same everywhere. And today, India says that Tamilians should be given more autonomy. This is another country we are talking about. This is our government view:

In a brief reaction, the external affairs ministry spokesman in New Delhi said, “It is our view that as the conventional conflict in Sri Lanka comes to an end, this is the moment when the root causes of the conflict can be addressed.’’ It called for effective devolution of powers within the country’s constitution to ensure that all communities, including Tamils, could feel at home and lead their lives with dignity. The spokesman added that India would work with the people and the government of Sri Lanka to provide relief to those affected by the tragic conflict, help rapidly rehabilitate all those displaced and bring back normalcy as soon as possible.

India feels responsible because it knows how it worked its way through this conflict. The death of Prabhakaran cannot kill a movement. What were we doing for three decades to get to the root cause? We are asking Sri Lanka to treat all its communities with dignity?

It is extremely polite of the Sri Lankan government not to tell us to look within our backyards. It is also to their credit that Indians are welcomed in their country, and for a few years now tourists get visa upon arrival.

- - -

I used to be a Sri Lanka junkie.

I absolutely love the place. However, certain areas were out-of-bounds for tourists. And security is stringent at the airports. I recall on one occasion the lady frisking me wanted to check my hand luggage again. I had a small box of dates and she did everything possible to find out more about it. Finally, I said, “Eat it.” She didn’t. No, I couldn’t carry it. I can say that someone owes me a few dates…

Then I remember this man in a lungi. I was on my way from Thiruvanathapuram airport. We were going through the security check and he had a lota (water jug) in his hand. It was the sort used to clean up!

Many non-Tamilians of Indian origin live and work here; most run small businesses, especially trading in gemstones. The Sindhi gentleman sitting next to me on a flight to Colombo told me he was a big man. All I could see was that he knew the flight attendants and he flirted outrageously with them.

He was a film distributor and was candid enough to tell me, “I can only afford third grade fillims. No other market here, no?”

I sympathised with his predicament. He offered to host me. I said, no thanks. He waited till I changed money and then insisted on dropping me off. I decided to do some political snooping. “So, is it okay for Indians?”

“You can settle down here, no problem. You look like Afghani, anyway.”

In Galle, there are several antique shops run by Muslims…and they are not pushing anything; we talked, we discussed, and I just walked towards the stretch of sea as women sold crochet doilies.

It was time to sip some tea…

Sunday ka Funda

The way we are - 4

Varun Gandhi was never a threat to the nation. He can stop lying about the doctored tapes. He hasn’t said anything after that which conveys he did not mean those things.

He filed a petition:

He said the UP government "acted in a malafide and vindictive manner by disregarding the procedure established by law with the sole purpose of gaining political mileage in the ongoing Lok Sabha elections and malign the reputation and image of the petitioner".

Wah, wah. Varun Gandhi has a reputation and image to uphold? His reputation and image are the creation of that one speech. He was nothing before that; he will become another Praveen Togadia of the BJP.

The Supreme Court directed the Mayawati government to immediately withdraw NSA charges against him.

Apparently, these are poll times, so there was no fight. The fellow wanted Rs. 10 lakh in ‘damages’. I wonder if it isn’t too much to wash his foul mouth with. I’d personally like him to be given that money so that he can be sent to a good finishing school where they teach you how to walk and talk. Or maybe he can donate that money for the children in Pilibhit whose community he targeted.

Or he could pay for Ajmal Kasab’s legal fees. That way he will be helping the nation.

- - -

A report says:

The government is yet to decide the legal fees it will pay Kasab’s lawyer Abbas Kazmi. According to sources, the special court that appointed Kazmi as Kasab’s counsel had suggested that Kazmi be paid Rs 2,500 per day of argument…If the trial goes on for years, Kazmi’s fees is likely to runs into tens of lakhs.”

Interestingly, they are talking of the trial going on for years. Lawyers can only use delay tactics, but what about courts that defer hearings? Heck, everyday, someone or the other is identifying one weapon, one bullet, one date or pistachio…I have said it before. No one is in a hurry.

I read some punk say that the trial should be expedited, as though this is some kangaroo court. If the government has taken it upon itself to go as per provisions provided by the judiciary, then the procedures will be followed. Unless they let him take that walk around his barrack and look away as someone shoots him.

An aside:

Senior lawyer Ram Jethmalani said that Pakistani gunman Ajmal Amir Kasab should not be hanged as “he looks like an escaped lunatic who did not know what he was doing”.

When his lawyer spoke about Kasab being underage, did not this humble blogger make a dig at it?

This guy sure knows his way around, in more ways than one. His reason for this walk is that he would lose his mental balance if they did not permit him. Ah, now his lawyer can, if they are not allowed (to let him walk around and he says will lose his mental balance), plead insanity for his client.

Please note that Mr. Jethmalani appeared on behalf of Indira Gandhi’s killers. He is saying it with some authority. Now, I would like to know whether such statements are permissible in a case that is sub judice.

- - -

I wonder why the National Securities Act was not slapped on Chhotu even though Varun and he have one thing is common (revealed later). Who is Chhotu? A dog.

It is like any political story for this Bihari kutta. Six years ago he was sentenced to death. He was a menace and had bitten some people.

But Raj Kumari Devi, the owner of the dog, said:

"It is a conspiracy by my neighbours to grab my property. They are targeting my protector, Chhotu."

Last July another case was slammed against him under CrPC section 107 (disturbing peace).

Like all big cases, this too dragged on.

Official sources in the Purnia district administration said that hearing in the case was deferred several times in the last six months, due to floods and ongoing Lok Sabha elections.

She put up a brave fight and who do you think supported her? Maneka Gandhi! (now you know the connection.)

Devi finally won the battle.

"I simply begged for clemency saying that being a widow, Chhotu was my only companion and protector."

- - -

The peaceful monk:

A monk drags a polling agent, who voters say was involved in false voting, outside a poll booth in Thiksey, east of Leh.

The way we are - 3

The TV anchor was discussing poll strategies in Bihar. Actor Shatrughan Sinha is one of the candidates. Anchor looked earnestly at the monitor and asked Mr. Sinha, “Who would you say ‘Khamosh’ (‘Silent!” a word made famous for the way the actor enunciated it in his films) to and how?” Mentioning a few leading politicians, he wanted the man who might well get a portfolio if the BJP wins or play an important role to mimic this before a national audience. Is this a circus? A reality show where comic artistes do these things?

To his credit, Shatrughan Sinha he refused to do so, but he did use the word in a general context. Earlier people had to keep politicians happy; now it is the other way round.

The anchor gave a huge victorious smile as though he had managed to get a scoop. I can imagine him saying, “You heard this first on our channel.”

Yes, puff cake.

- - -

This is stupid. Not the statement itself, but how opinion-makers are reacting to “all options open”.

In a breathtaking display of brazenness, the Samajwadi Party on Thursday declared that it would extend support to whosoever was ready to sack the democratically elected Mayawati government, marking a new low in politics and offering a peep into the no-holds-barred bargaining that is likely after the polls.

Is this seriously news? Mulayam Singh used the word ‘sack’. That will be possible only when a government is formed or ready to be formed. It means the major party will be the Congress or the BJP. What happens if Mayawati allies with one of these parties at the time?

Why is everyone looking quizzically at this new brazenness when we have a history of it in some form or the other?

- - -

For all those who have been talking about the Gandhis as royalty – no originality there – I found this most amusing:

The caption said:
ROYALTY VOTES: Maharani Padmini Devi and princess Diya cast their vote in Jaipur

They are voting in a democracy. Where does royalty come in?

On Rahul Gandhi and the five-year warranty

I am sick of the way the electronic media went on about the Rahul Gandhi press conference. Ooh…he is talking about keeping his options open…he is coming into his own…who is better, Rahul or Priyanka?…is he now the voice of the Congress?...oooh, he is such a dimpled darling…

Does this mean charisma? Look, if you want to cater to the lowest common denominator, don’t mess around with important national issues.

Rahul Gandhi gave a press conference because he was acting as spokesperson for his party. He is the leader of the Youth Congress. He may become prime minister one day, which is not like playing Nostradamus…and charisma is quiet something else. Jayalalitha has it. And she is way different.

What if he talks about alliances. We have sundry people from the party on panel discussions alluding to these. So? The only one who came out with the most obvious comment was N.Ram, who said, “The Congress would have to ally with someone or the other.” Yeah. But saying this would cut down on airtime and the rest would not be able to go hmm…haw…haw-haw-haw…

And what does ‘coming into his own’ mean? And what is this whole sister-brother fight about? These are the same people who crib about dynastic politics and then they sit and ‘deconstruct’ it with their pip squeaking.

- - -

If you are in Delhi, then you are blessed. Go to a bar, a toy shop, a water park, heck, anywhere and they will offer you discounts if you have voted or plan to vote.

Here are some deals:

Across Delhi, retailers are offering a flood of discounts, ostensibly to encourage the potential voter to... well... vote. From May 7-10, Louis Philippe is giving 20% off on all purchases as part of its “Luxury to Vote” drive. Bausch and Lomb is offering 5,000 students who’ve voted in Delhi and Chennai pairs of daily disposable contact lenses free. Bikanervala restaurants are knocking 15% off from the bill. On May 8-9, Noida’s hip nightclub Elevate promises free entry and a buy-one-get-one-free on drinks. Showing your finger was never more fun. “Children will force parents to go to polling centres,” says Sanjeev Mehra, president, Khan Market Traders Association, and owner of Allied Stores, a toy shop that has a 10% discount on as part of Khan Market’s “Vote for Democracy Discount’’ promotion. A total of 50 stores are offering discounts ranging from 5% to 30%, says Mehra. He adds that the HDFC branch at Khan Market will be giving away gifts including travel bags and cheque-book covers to account holders who’ve voted. “We wanted to reward customers who’ve taken the trouble to vote and also encourage the young to participate,” says Sunil Gadgil, general manager, Bausch and Lomb.

Oh, so it was such a trouble to go and vote that now the citizens of our country need to be rewarded. You think these shopkeepers care? The freebies and sops will get them more customers, business will thrive, and the young who were not interested in contact lenses or drinking will now get the hang of it…

Shall we say India Shining again?

- - -

If this isn't bad enough we have Adnan Sami’s wife, who has filed a divorce petition and a FIR against him, saying that his father was “responsible for killing a lot of Indian soldiers and had even been honoured by the Pakistan government with the Sitara-i-jur’ar title for the killings’’.

Could be since he was a former Pakistan defence commander and had been in service during the 1965 war against India. One is touched by the lady’s concern for Indian soldiers and am sure she knew about it when she married Adnan the first time (she married him again after an earlier divorce). Why has it become so important now? I am not suggesting that her allegations against him are untrue…that is a different thing altogether. But, she is trying to gain public sympathy. How did she get this information? Obviously her influential family knew about it. And then it is public knowledge since she quotes from his book, 3 Presidents and an Aide—Life, Power and Politics.

She also says that Adnan did not attend the launch function in Delhi because it would mess up his career. You heard it right. This book was launched in Delhi, which is the capital of India. Obviously, we are not as interested in our Indian soldiers as this lady is, who is not Indian.

- - -

Did anyone notice this ad?



It is a rather exploitative use of the ink dot shaped like a car battery.

The country is “zero maintenance”? It has an “automotive battery”? And a “5-year warranty”. Aren’t we lucky? But this is only if we have a car…India’s vast majority doesn’t.

Moral of the story: It’s all about wheels. Within wheels.

Trick or treat?

Old BJP dirty tricks at work again.

Arun Shourie suggested that it could be Modi’s turn to be projected as BJP’s prime ministerial nominee after L K Advani as he said, “You have an opportunity to elect the PM not only this time but in the next polls also.”

What is this – some sale where you are offering warrantee?

And this goes against what L.K.Advani has been ranting about:

Advani said if more and more aspirants from the ranks of UPA are staking claims to prime ministership today, it is only because the PM’s post stands “devalued”.

If they are talking about GenNext saffron leaders, then they have no business to talk against Rahul Gandhi and company. Yes, that is dynasty. But people also inherit ideologies and the vile ways of their seniors. That too is a legacy.

- - -

I watched the Priyanka Gandhi interview and have to admit I was charmed by her philosophical take on herself, her ‘forgiveness’ of Nalini, her father’s killer, her little insights into the family.

I was a bit upset that the interviewer, Barkha Dutt, asked her how she was so proficient in Hindi. What does this mean? You can ask this to Sonia Gandhi. Why should Priyanka not be fluent in Hindi? Her grandfather was from Allahabad and UP has been the family’s stomping ground; she was raised in Delhi and Hindi is the second language even in what we call English-medium schools. Huh, what was that query about and why?

Priyanka also said with absolute certainty that she will not join ministerial politics (she did not deny being political because that was what she has been surrounded by).

However, I could not help but notice that she kept plugging her brother Rahul bigtime. He is more outgoing, he is the visionary, he does not suffer fools, he knows exactly what he wants…and so on...

Now if only he knew what the junta wants and did not tell us how proud he is of the poor and other silly things, we might believe her.

- - -

Who are they trying to fool? And if they are not fooling then we truly live in some horrible times. A gangster can call up a politician and ask him to tell the general secretary of his party not to campaign?

This is what Amar Singh of the Samajwadi Party said:

“Chhota Rajan spoke to me politely and requested that Sanjay (who is also an SP general secretary) should not campaign for Azmi. He also claimed that he was a friend of Gurudas Kamat, the Congress nominee in Mumbai North-West.’’

If the call was from an unknown number and the fellow gave him a different name, how does he know it is the gangster? And for someone who has been in a few telephone scams, why did he not record the conversation?

Then he goes on this moping binge:

“When Sanjay and I landed in Mumbai on Thursday night, we found no securitymen around even though I am entitled to Z-plus cover. I immediately contacted chief minister Ashok Chavan who asked me to make an application in writing. Since I did not want Sanjay to be felled by the underworld I advised him not to campaign for Azmi.’’

This is not even funny. Sanjay has to report for shootings? Sanjay does not want to hurt his sister? Sanjay’s background is indeed getting in the way of certain vote banks? Out with it…

Divisions

I read somewhere that people in Priya Dutt’s constituency were spreading the rumour that her husband was a Jew; he is a Catholic. The reason attributed to the rumour was to rile the Muslims who apparently start frothing at the mouth when Jews are mentioned.

This is such a silly conjecture. Muslims in India have hardly ever reacted to the Jew and Zionism as Muslims in many other parts of the world. True, there have been support rallies for Palestine, but that just does not translate into being anti-Jew. I don’t understand how people can sit on some perch and start chirping like little old gossips.

- - -

We may be getting tired of Varun Gandhi but the fellow has managed to get a ticket from Pilibhit and is also campaigning for other candidates. At one rally, he rather audaciously declared:

“Now you people have to reply to my mothers’s tears.”

There are the tears of several mothers that need answers. Did he ash his goons to stop going on a rampage? Did he send out an appeal for peace? Now he talks about ahimsa (non-violence)and the disgusting thing is people might buy it because people buy such rubbish. We have very short memories. Instead of addressing core issues (naturally), he said:

“Main aapke bachchon ke samman ke liye jail gaya thha (I went to jail for the sake of your children’s honour).”

The honour of these children could be restored with literacy (which is among the bottom of the heap even in Uttar Pradesh) and alleviation of poverty (over 45 per cent under the poverty line). What honour can they boast of now? That he spoke about some limited idea of patriotism? That he got aggressive about a certain community?

My dear Varun Gandhi…

You naughty boy! What a nice little roundabout way to get Muslim votes. What did you say? You said what would swell the heart of any Saudi – that you would cut the hand of “anyone who raises a finger towards Hindus”. This is not in the Hindu shastras or the Indian Constitution; you are following primitive Islamic laws banned in most Muslim countries. Bravo…

At the same time you said:

“They have scary names - Karimullah, Nazarullah - its scary to see them at night…………… When my cousin who is seven-eight years old, saw Samajwadi Party's candidate's photo, she said Bhaiya (big brother), I didn't know that Osama Bin Laden is fighting from your constituency”.

Maan gaye ustaad…you know all these mullahs are trying to distance themselves from Osama, so the thought of little eight-year-old girl being scared of large section of population will bring out motherly instincts of all the Darul-Uloom types…and they do look frightening at night. You did not say day. See? You are conveying that in darkness everything looks different; we must see the light.

You called Muslims “katuas”; you were saying the obvious – circumcised. I don’t understand why these television anchors have suddenly become so demure and say they cannot even utter these derogatory words; these same channels used to reproduce Bal Thackeray’s speeches where he screamed the word all the time.

I think you are right. This is a political conspiracy against you.

"I am a proud Gandhi, an Indian and a Hindu in equal measure.”

This, I am afraid, you cannot be. It has to be 33.99 per cent or something each. Alumni of the posh Sanawar School are not supposed to be good with numbers, so it is okay.

"Nothing I have said was to incite anybody. There is a rigorous attempt to malign my faith, each time anyone tries to identify with Hinduism, he is being branded communal. I am pro-India, I am not against anybody.”

Look at your party. Even the BJP is anti-India then, they are not standing up for you. But you know what? It is all a smart strategy. They are using you and you are using them.

If the Election Commission debars you, then you have two years to practise your skills. This one speech has brought you in the foreground; the BJP is happy but won’t show it. They have got a lot of attention and are now speaking through both sides of their mouths – one is the Hindutva side; the other the secular side.

Mukhtar Abbas Naqvi (if he had “ullah” in his name would you be scared of him?) said that your speech is part of your Congress family legacy…he is not wrong. Your father Sanjay was known for carrying out lots of forced family planning measures, bulldozing slums…

On the positive side it also means that you have left room for your entry into that party too. The Congress needs Hindu votes; it also needs a Gandhi who is not just breaking bread with Dalits. And the fact that your mummyji is keeping quiet could help you – she can flash her Sikh card and 1984 won’t trouble the Congress.

I am telling you, this is a good time for you, as the astrologers would say. Rahu-Ketu, Shani-Ravi all are in alignment and you can swing anyway you want.

Er, Jai Sri Ram!

PS: I liked your reference to cutting off heads of “katuas”. Nice touch.