Great things about being a virgin man

Women are often concerned about losing their virginity. It is partly psychological and often due to what society expects, especially in the Indian context. That is the reason you will see desperate queries addressed to sexologists about how to hide the hymen rupture from the husbands, if he isn’t the one a woman has had sex with.

The sexpert tells her that there is something called trust, and she can lose her precious tissue while exercising, swimming, horse riding or spending quality time with a cucumber.

A rather regressive article that advises women to preserve their virginity has appeared in the Times of India. I believe that if virginity is so important, then men should be equally concerned about preserving the 'site'. So, here’s my rejoinder to a few points.

(Disclaimer: I do not adhere to the views in the piece or what I say. It is purely seeing the flip side)

There is nothing worrisome about your virgin status. Instead you should feel proud of it. It's not a big deal for it can be lost anytime. We know sex feels great, but just remember that there are many advantages of being a virgin. It is one of the most special gifts god has given you.

God did not gift virginity. A foetus was formed in the womb, and sometimes there are breakages of different parts. As regards feeling proud, why should men be denied such pride? And there are some goodies in store if you keep yourself to yourself.

So, for all virgin women out there, here is a list of few great things about being one.

No pregnancy fears: Out of the many advantages, this one is the most obvious. Many women who have regular sex always worry about getting pregnant. So if you are a virgin you need not worry about this, and also no headache of popping those birth control pills.

Men don’t have to worry about getting a woman pregnant and being subjected to baby pictures, right from Lord Krishna with butter smeared on his mouth to Justin Bieber trying to sing.

No STDs: It's always safe to be a virgin in this society where STDs like HIV/AIDS, herpes, syphilis are so common. If you are not having sex that means you are much less likely to contract STDs.

Men should remain virgins because these diseases can afflict them too, and do so more often. Besides, if they stay away from intercourse, they can even spend less time tapping the keyboard, and save themselves from strain on the back and eyes.

No emotional trauma of a relationship: Sometimes there is nothing left in a relationship after sex. Love is not all about sex so there are many things a couple can do without sex in a relationship. Remember, a sexual disappointment can make you feel hurt, lonely and angry.

True, and men need to hang on to their life because their seed is so crucial to the perpetuation of the species. They are more concerned about how well they do in bed. So, instead of getting many opinions beforehand, that might reduce self-esteem or result in raised expectations, they can just wait for the right time.

Your man will feel so proud and happy: It's a fact; most men still prefer a virgin woman. No guys want to think about his girl having sex with other guys. Even though virgin women are not sexually experienced, men still love them and feel more sexually excited. He will respect your innocence, and also there won't be any arguments on your past relationships.

Women find fumbling men cute. Haven’t you heard that all that brawn stuff just does not turn them on as much as a guy who is vulnerable? She will respect that and there will be no nagging about who you were with in the Palaeolithic Age. You can also spare the moment when by mistake you utter the names of Cleopatra, Nefertiti or Mrs Chaddha, or uncharacteristically say “Darrling” instead of “Honey”. Women can catch these linguistic derailments.

You are pure as an angel: Virgins are probably one of the sanest people on earth. Most virgin women have morals and respect themselves. Also they take relationship and marriage very seriously.

Virgin men are like Adam, the first man. A woman, therefore, feels like she is in heaven. Virgin men are sane because their other ‘brain’ has not been used as yet. When both brains come together, men understand respect and as they begin to value the relationship between their extremes they also value their partners.

So now, save your virginity. Don't give it away on a platter.

Yes, men. Treat it like a crusade. Save the endangered species. Wrap up the dildo.

Suck face

I am tired of kissing. First it was kissing as an art, now it is a science. Can people not just be left alone to do with their mouths what they wish to do?

How many of you have ever looked at the Kama Sutra for tips? I doubt it. Every glossy worth its smooth skin has covered this subject and I would in the past get terribly amused. To be honest, wouldn't you rather have a butterfly in your mouth than someone’s tongue fluttering inside in what is clearly a studied exercise?

This, however, is a subject that excites the intellectual. Sheril Kirshenbaum, a scientist at the University of Texas, has written a book The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us. Did George Bush mean that? Anyhow, she has laid bare the whole shebang about how kissing evolved, why people kiss, why some kisses work and others don’t, why people have a phobia of kissing and others don’t, why it is okay in some societies and not so in others. You get the drift.

I understand all these are important aspects of any activity. Do you know the manner in which you clip your toenails can tell you a lot about your past life? You don’t? Neither do I, but I am sure it can be explored. The point is that most of the material is available, and that is how I found out stuff, and it does not even work as relaxed beachside reading. Like, are you aware about something called the ‘hickey kiss’ when all it means is that you get a blue mark that looks like some editing details in galley proofs of newspapers? Oh, ok, it is supposed to be more animalistic, an out-of-control body experience. Then there are all those different areas where a kiss can be administered, and the motives are quite clear. Does anyone need to figure out what a cheek peck and a foot lick really mean?

Way back in the 1930s there was a manual called The Art of Kissing that spoke among other things of the Vacuum Kiss. The man must position himself as he knows and then when his lips are where they should be he must get on to the task of "sucking inward as though you were trying to draw out the innards of an orange".

I have eaten oranges and as far as I know they don’t have innards. Unless someone means to defrock the fruit and then blow into it or rather from it; sounds more like a conch shell thing. Oranges have slices and the sucking of them is messier than empty or vacuum-like.

The part I dislike about the scientific study, though, is that it says you are more likely to remember your first kiss than losing your virginity. Kirshenbaum, in fact, believes that you can remember 90 per cent of the details of that smooch. I beg to differ and I will provide a counter-scientific theory. While the kiss may have some special memory, it could well have been unmemorable.

How many of you have managed to find a prince by kissing a toad? Or have experienced the kiss of the spider woman? As for virginity, it is culture specific and may matter a whole lot in some societies and not so much in others, and there is also the gender factor – men are less likely to be affected by the loss of virginity than are women, although I believe that men will remember it more clearly because it was a boy becoming man thing. Girls become women when they start menstruating and reading Maupassant after throwing off Mills & Boon. Virginity has a lot to do with giving up oneself and I do not mean to the horse you are riding or the energetic aerobics at the gym that may cause the ruptured hymen.

It has a lot to do with oneself for women and for the conquest by men. Therefore, it is unscientific to believe a kiss will be remembered more.

These theories do start a debate. Did you know that the ‘soul kiss’ is called so because the soul passes through the breath of one mouth to the other? I thought that was the job of resuscitation and the soul kiss, which is how the French got famous, although they call it the English kiss (maybe because you end up with a stiff upper lip), was to cure tonsillitis. But then I am not Woodward and Bernstein and know precious little about Deep Throat.