Leave Lakshmi Alone

Maverick: Leave Lakshmi Alone
by Farzana Versey
The Asian Age, Op-ed, Nov. 13, 2007

Who is Lakshmi? No. The right question would be: What is Lakshmi? She is an item number. Born with eight limbs, the two-year-old has just undergone a successful surgery that has given her two legs and two arms, like normal people.

We are noticing our doctors with newfound respect, as we must. This is a time to celebrate.

It is also a time to ask whether Lakshmi’s miracle surgery will cure our society of looking at physical disability differently.

I am scared that this little girl will become a mere 'case study'.

With Lakshmi getting prime-time space, Indians will adopt her, pray for her health and we will be transformed into this wonderful village of sentimental people. Where are our emotions and sentiments when children walk around like zombies with bloated hungry stomachs, who die before they are born, who have their limbs cut off, incidentally by helpful doctors to facilitate the beggar racket?

There is a tele-serial on air now called Amber Dhara. It is about conjoined twins and is a heart-warming story about their trials. The problem is the pressure on triumph. Why do we put such a premium on success? One is not suggesting that those who are not born with their body parts in a certain way ought not to dream. But does not success for them turn into a pantomime, playing to the gallery? Aren’t they too seen as animals in a zoo when they go about transforming mud into gold? Do we realise that forget respect, even acceptance for them comes only after they realise those dreams when millions of so-called normal people can go about as failures?

Let us not see isolated examples as the norm. It is Lakshmi’s good fortune she could make the journey to a reputed hospital. How many of our wonderful doctors would go to the villages and tend to many such children who die from ordinary diseases? Isn’t there a romanticisation regarding the strangeness of this child’s body? Isn’t her display against basic norms of decency?

If it is to applaud our skilled surgeons, then can we not do so whenever they perform a difficult operation on a less unusual case? For, how many hydra-limbed kids are there in our country or even the world?

Lakshmi may end up being given a cheque by the government, blessings will be sent by politicians. When will they do something basic like have proper railings, special traffic signals and ramps for the disabled?

I cringe when I see Lakshmi’s old clips on TV, laughing, unaware that she is as good or bad as a circus artiste. Don’t drown us with images of X-Rays and the delicate nature of the surgery. Of how 36 doctors worked on her. These feel-good stories push all the dirt under the carpet.

For a while I used to teach at an institute for the blind. Yes, the institute uses the word blind, so let us not get silly about political correctness. I realised how ignorant I was. The first day I tried playing 'concerned citizen'. Adjusting the microphone I started talking. I heard a voice loud and clear, "Ma’am, we are blind, not deaf!"

I got the message. Slowly, I was brought down to earth. "What are your qualifications?" one asked. And he was right. He was more educated. His disadvantage was that he was not educated in English, and he could not see.

They also made me realise that a chi-chi non-regional accent was not going to help them. "Ma’am, you speak like English lady. This won’t help us, we will become telephone operators in some government office."

I dropped the idea of telling them how to enunciate and where to emphasise syllables. I felt no pity, but it hurt me to think that if they could argue and discuss major world events and have opinions, then why were they denied what I got as a matter of course?

These are fairly self-sufficient people. There is the larger world where I have seen moments of despair. K was a music teacher whose services were suspended because he was alleged to be homosexual and was exploiting the other blind students at the hostel.

A former colleague of his was shocked, "They discovered his homosexuality after 22 years?" I was told that this accusation is often used as a trump card to harass them if they do not toe the official line, which might include little things like not touching the walls and soiling them. They argue, "We cannot see, so sometimes we do take the support of walls. What can we do about it?"

Compare this with the attitude towards the famous disabled. Firdaus Kanga, who suffers from a debilitating neurological condition that has paralysed most of his body, is gay. He wrote about his experiences in his first book and his second. I had sounded a note of caution at the time, saying that of all those who were praising his work how many were doing it out of sympathy and how many due to its literary merit? And would he himself be able to come out of the trap and go beyond his handicap?

Not everyone has that choice. Lakshmi is not public property. She will have a private life and not as charmed a one as she is now getting. Therefore, must we use a personal tribulation as "time-pass" and in turn transform an unlikely candidate into a heroine? We are just vultures trying to satiate our miracle mania.

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First day, first show?

Okay, so two films are being released tomorrow and there is already so much noise that I don’t know whether I want to watch them.

But, I would like to give my two-bits even before they ‘hit the screen’.

Saawariya is irritating me for only two reasons – one is that ghost-blue backrgound in all the promos; the other is the title song that is usually played along with the scene. “Saawaariya, aa, aa, aa…” It reminds me of someone beckoning hens that have escaped from the coop. Aa..aa…aaa…

Om Shanti Om has the irritating Shahrukh Khan striking an irritating Rajesh Khanna pose and looking like Vinod Mehra. Only RK could get away with being irritating.

Now for my puff prophecy:

Saawariya will do well because of curiosity value and Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s haveli hangup. The news kids: Sonam seems immensely likeable in a ‘Let me help aunty cross the street’ way. She will be a sure-fire one-film hit. Much like that tepid Vidya Balan who scored because of a great Parineeta role and then realised she could not even say, “Good Morning Mumbai” in Lage Raho Munnabhai with aplomb. Sonam will get nice girl roles and will be praised by critics for her warm presence.

Ranbir Kapoor is going to strike gold. He looks like he is trying really hard (watch those moves with the towel) and effort pays, especially if you are backed with a great name and look like Mamma’s wholesome laadla. Fine. Ranbir is big for the next few years.

Coming to Om Shanti Om, Shahrukh’s new abs are disgusting to anyone with respect for stomachs. Yet, there is gloss in the film, because it has cinema as its theme, that too the wonderful 70s. If Farah Khan has not messed it up with caricatures, then this will be a bigger hit. Deepika Padukone is going to be a star. She is no star material, but she seems to have that extra thing that will transform mundane to very subtle masala.

One day, when she is older, I would like to see her enact Waheeda Rehman's role in Guide.

I haven’t seen a single ‘scene’ from either of these films, yet…

If I turn out to be right, then this post will be paisa vasool. If not, heck, you haven’t paid for it, anyway!

How can Indians usher in democracy in Pakistan?

I don’t understand why the Indian person in the street should be demonstrating for democracy in Pakistan. I have got this email to join the “Demonstration in Mumbai against emergency in Pakistan and in Solidarity with the people of Pakistan in their Democratic struggle”. The organisations that are arranging this are the andolan types. The location was this evening, 5 pm, outside Churchgate station.

They want to express “solidarity with the struggling pro-democracy people of Pakistan and hope soon their struggle will bring true democracy in Pakistan”. So why don’t they just get together in some hall or even maidan? Why are they impeding the movement of commuters who would want to return home after a hard day’s work?

If you have travelled in Mumbai’s local trains you will know what it is like. There is a swarm moving towards the station and then a rush at the platform, finally shoving and pushing to get into the train and hanging on for life. This is true even if you travel first class during peak time. Now, as this swarm descends, you will have a group shouting slogans about democracy in Pakistan.

This would be in close proximity to the stinking Sulabh Shauchalya (public urinal) that has been painted an aesthetic pinkish-brickish colour. Democracy for the common people is basic right to life, to opportunity, to amenities for which they pay taxes.

I am afraid I do not believe these morchas have any value whatsoever. The only reason I go along with some petition-signing is because they at least don’t create a public nuisance. Are these people trying to educate the commuters about the emergency in another country? Who the hell are this bunch of people to say, “He (Musharraf) has dismissed the Supreme Court which today has emerged as the protector of the democratic aspirations of a beleaguered nation”?

Feeling sorry or superior, eh? Only till yesterday the guy was cool because he liked Dhoni’s hairstyle. Yup. That’s what the common wo/man is interested in. The TRPs of news channels go up only when they get all hot and bothered, otherwise they’d be left by the wayside watching the saas-bahu struggle for democracy.

I was quite shocked the night the Emergency was declared to listen to a senior editor of CNN-IBN tell us, as images of Islamabad streets and security vehicles flashed on the screen, that the roads in Islamabad are anyway deserted because it is mostly government offices and the diplomatic enclave. That guy should have been told to go take a walk on Margalla Hill. Why the hell did it take me so long to get from Islamabad to Pindi when I was there? Why were there so many cars? Were they all cops in disguise? Why are restaurants fairly full even on weekdays? Are these army guys at Hotspot?

This is not to say that things will be the same during the period of Emergency. Human rights activists will be arrested; dissenting voices will be silenced. Heck, the Emergency wasn’t imposed to help the smooth movement of traffic. Unless the arrival-departure-arrival of Madame BB constitutes traffic. That woman’s needle of suspicion regarding the bomb blasts during her rally keeps changing. Yesterday I read she thought it was Osama Bin Laden’s son. (Wonder if it is the same guy who likes older women…). Today, I get to know that she has penned a commentary for the CNN where she stated, “the terrorists used a 'small child' as a ploy to get to me”.

Hmm…they are getting younger, aren’t they?

But Indians should just lay off, unless they want to contribute op-ed pieces!!

By the way, and pardon the cynicism, have you seen the face of protest in Pakistan? Where are their ordinary people? Or do they all look like the one in the picture? Some of us know better…

Martial law in Pakistan

Just called a friend in Islamabad on her cellphone. Got through easily. Time 7.26 pm IST.

The Left is active and she was in fact in a political meeting right when I called.

A state of Emergency is always bad, but why has it come as a surprise? Just as some of us outsiders were not at all surprised at BB's callousness, this is not really news, however disheartening it is. Some really thought this would be a return to democracy, by getting Pinky back?

Sorry about indulging in pop-analysis, but her return and its resultant mayhem is what pushed the Emergency. All politicians, even militiamen, are insecure.

And the papers had already quoted PPP leaders warning Benazir about returning to Pakistan because an Emergency would be declared.

This could not have been ESP.

PS: Hope my friends in Pakistan are well and the country survives one more crisis.

1984

Two images. October 31, 1984: Former Mrs. Indian Airlines pilot rushing out in a nightgown on hearing the gunshots that killed her mother-in-law.

November 1, 1984: Riots break out against the Sikhs. A woman in khaki wielding a lathi is trying to control a mob.

Today, Sonia Gandhi rules what has become tantamount to Indian monarchy. Kiran Bedi has been denied the top-cop post that she richly deserved.

Over 3000 Sikhs were killed and it was not restricted to New Delhi but spilled over into almost 80 localities. This is on par with Narendra Modi’s Gujarat, since the ministers who were responsible continued holding top posts and Rajiv Gandhi, despite making the infamous comment “When a big tree falls, the earth will shake”, became prime minister.

I can only quote Harbans Singh, a taxi driver, on a visit a couple of years ago. One evening, as we were passing by Indira Gandhi’s house, where her bloodstains have been marked out, he said, “Inki wajah se hum hero ban gaye.” I did not understand, so he pointed to his turbanless head and trimmed hair. Was that a smile of cynicism or helpless acceptance? How can you accept yourself as part of a criminal conspiracy, which most Sikhs were looked upon as? “No, you can’t. Nathuram Godse killed Mahatma Gandhi, so were all Maharashtrians seen as killers? I will not let anybody point a finger at me. I refuse to take the blame upon myself.”

He should not. They should not. But someone has to answer the questions. In these days of fast-track justice, there are still 1984 widows living in refugee camps.

Aware that the Hindu-Muslim conflict gets people more interested – and having concentrated on the Muslim problem myself – one cannot ignore this longer standing one. I can only say that I have written on the subject a few times and that is where Harbans Singh came in.

Many like him are still around. Waiting…lest we forget

The fool on the hill

Killing people with statistics amounts to zilch if you don’t have an original idea to stand on its head and yours. When I started getting letters on my rejoinder to the Jemima piece, I was a bit perturbed. Someone said I had not ‘researched’ it. Heck, she got away with the Hermes scarf and I have to go through musty books to tell her off? I like using chalk over chalk and not wasting cheese.

Besides, if you have done your work already, you don’t need a bibliography. I am happy being the fool on the hill:

Well on the way head in a cloud,
The man of a thousand voices is talking perfectly loud
But nobody ever hears him,
Or the sound he appears to make,
And he never seems to notice,
But the fool on the hill
Sees the sun going down,
And the eyes in his head,
See the world spinning 'round.

(The Beatles)

- - -

Funny how simple ideas, conveyed simply or even simplistically, get completely destroyed with intellectual input. I enjoyed reading Foucault at one point in time and recently when I saw the complete bafflement regarding the theory of exceptionalism, it made me wonder. Is it really all that complicated, especially if one sees it in the context of India? Or does making it complex add to the intellectual quotient of the perceiver?

I decided to detonate it:

Theory A:

George Bush imagines there are WMDs in India and thinks this is an exceptionalist idea, so he bombs Pakistan.

Theory B:

1. McDonald’s divides India. With mayo, without mayo? Dishum-dishum.

2. Historians to study how it affects caloric intake, given the sweat factor.

3. In the post-quarrel context, it must be analysed whether the sesame bun is an exceptionalist concept although it is known to always go with the patty.

4. In its crudest form, Indians use heeng to prop up culture. They therefore become custodians of morality. Ergo, culture is moral.

5. While these individuals insist on heeng, they are not open to the idea of adding mudduku, zeera or dhania that belong to different regions.

6. Those who protest against too much freedom of choice are also being exceptionalist because they are taking exception to the exception.

7. There does not seem to be a problem with the latter, but still the violence at Big Mac needs to be understood before you decide to add heeng or zeera.

8. Due to this fast-food battle, some people believe that villages are safe from such influences. However, when there is a shortage of other ingredients in the village and the local tantric is called upon to get the ‘bhoot’ out (The Exorcist replayed, in reverse colonialism), the Big M types start imagining that those creatures are weird. Irrespective of all this the Indian free market thrives because Big M and KFC co-exist and everyone stands in line to get their chicken wings.

9. The right and left in India both believe everyone likes fast food. It is an illusion, though. What Indians really want is to be Indians. Only thing is they don’t know how.

10. Mayo and heeng in fact show us the leap from colonial to post-colonial India where both can cause stomach cramps. India is therefore a democracy.