Don't IITs teach guys about women?

This is so Rehman Malik-like. Before we get to the IIT hotshot/novelist Chetan Bhagat's bizarre take on women, we must deal with Pakistan’s Interior Minister. Now what did he do?

He said in response to the recent killings in Karachi:

“According to my personal experience in Karachi, if, let’s say, it is said that 100 people have died in target killings, when I did the investigation, I found that there were only 30 target killings. 70% were those people who wanted to be rid of their wives and girlfriends or girlfriends who wanted to be rid of their boyfriends. All the figures are with me, they killed them.”

Mr. Malik was not referring to honour killings, for getting rid of wives, boyfriends and girlfriends is different. I do not know how he conducted these investigations if the cases did not come to the police. Target killings in Karachi are an old phenomenon and although the motives have changed now, it was not too long ago when Shia doctors were targeted. One important observation: women may want to get rid of boyfriends but not husbands, whereas husbands would want to get rid of wives, according to him. The old patriarchal legitimate bogey.


Now, we come to the IIT lad, Bhagat, who is worried about some Nielsen survey that says Indian women are the most stressed out in the world.

Here is the stuff he dished out in an op-ed today and my response:

"87% of our women feel stressed out most of the time. This statistic alone has caused me to stress out. Even in workaholic America, only 53% women feel stressed.

What are we doing to our women? I’m biased, but Indian women are the most beautiful in the world. As mothers, sisters, daughters, colleagues, wives and girlfriends – we love them. Can you imagine life without the ladies?

It would be a universe full of messy, aggressive and egomaniacal males running the world, trying to outdo each other for no particular reason. There would be body odour, socks on the floor and nothing in the fridge to eat. The entertainment industry would die. Who wants to watch movies without actresses?"

Ooh…you know something? We are stressed out not because of what you do to us, but because we have reasons of our own. We own our stress, okay? You do not do us, even as stress. And did they not teach you at the IIT hostel where to keep your socks and you ate at the canteen, did you not? Or rustled up an omelette? Don’t the tech/management guys discuss male chefs? As for body odour, do you get a sponge rub down to help or is the deo made in the kitchen? As for the actresses, they are there for more than entertainment, but if that’s the only way you see it, then go ahead. It is your way to de-stress.

"Kids would be neglected and turn into drug addicts or psychopaths by age 10. Soon, all-male world leaders would lose their tempers at the slightest provocation, and bomb the guts out of each other’s countries. In short, without women and their sanity, the world would perish."

Are you kidding? Where did you get that number 10 from? Do you round up every figure? You were talking about stress and you seem to suggest that women are becoming extinct. This is so childish. I mean, have you ever been to an orphanage or rehab centre even for some management summertime crap? There are poor people and they do not figure in any study on stress, neither do their mothers. They could have no parents.

It is not the job of women to tame men, shave and prettify them to be nice world leaders who don’t go bombing. Just for your information, India’s sex ratio is skewed and there are way fewer women, but India has not bombed any country, unless there was a war. What do you say to that? Go on, scratch your head. I am sure some woman will shampoo your hair despite all the stress.

"Yet, look at how we Indians, a land of spiritual people, treat them. At an extreme, we abort girls before they are born, neglect them in their upbringing, torture them, molest them, sell them, rape them and honour-kill them. Of course, these criminal acts are performed by a tiny minority."

Oh, you also read the newspaper headlines? Nice. Now, go to BKS Iyengar and learn a few yogasanas and decide how to talk about women’s stress after the spiritually uplifting experience.

"However, a majority of us are involved in lesser crimes. We judge, expect too much, don’t give space and suffocate our women’s individuality. Imagine if you did this to men – won’t they be stressed out?"

Imagine! Listening to Lennon or just watching ‘Desperate Housewives’?

"For now, i want to give Indian women five suggestions to reduce their stress levels. 

• One, don’t ever think you are without power. Give it back to that mother-in-law. Be who you are, not someone she wished you would be. She doesn’t like you? That’s her problem.
• Two, if you are doing a good job at work and your boss doesn’t value you – tell him that, or quit. Talented, hard-working people are much in demand.
• Three, educate yourself, learn skills, network – figure out ways to be economically independent. So next time your husband tells you that you are not a good enough wife, mother or daughter-in-law, you can tell him to take a hike.
• Four, do not ever feel stressed about having a dual responsibility of family and work. It is difficult, but not impossible. The trick is not to expect an A+ in every aspect of your life. You are not taking an exam, and you frankly can’t score cent per cent (unless you are in SRCC, of course). It is okay if you don’t make four dishes for lunch, one can fill their stomach with one. It is okay if you don’t work until midnight and don’t get a promotion. Nobody remembers their job designation on their dying day.
• Five, most important, don’t get competitive with other women. Someone will make a better scrapbook for her school project than you. Another will lose more weight with a better diet. Your neighbour may make a six-dabba tiffin for her husband, you don’t – big deal…There is no ideal woman in this world, and if you strive to become one, there will be only one thing you will achieve for certain – stress.

So breathe, chill, relax. Tell yourself you are beautiful, do your best and deserve a peaceful life. Anybody trying to take that away from you is making a mistake, not you. Your purpose of coming to this earth is not to please everyone. Your purpose is to offer what you have to the world, and have a good life in return. The next time this survey comes, i don’t want to see Indian women on top of the list. I want them to be the happiest women in the world. Now smile, before your mother-in-law shouts at you for wasting your time reading the newspaper."

You know what, Mr. Chetan Bhagat? Here is what you and all the stressed males should do:

1. Don’t be yourself. That stinks.
2. Forget talent, just sell your wares and take sanyas.
3. Don’t educate yourself – it will be rot.
4. Don’t worry about the dual responsibility of being a fool and craving a fool’s paradise. No one notices.
5. Get competitive with other men, or else you’ll never know there are better guys out there. And there are ideal women and men because the ideal lies in the eyes of the beholder, not a Deepak Chopra-clone studded with stereotypes.

So, breathe, chill, relax and go take a hike. And smile. Despite all the stress we bring upon ourselves because of work, talent, genuine concern, we still have the time to read piffle and chuckle over it.

Gosh, now back to worrying about those political leaders going on a bombing spree. Life is looking good. We are the world.

Cops in high spirits

 

Yesterday, a group of cops was on a training session. It isn’t about new weapons, strategy, fitness or even how to be polite and citizen friendly. They were seeking spiritual intervention. The reason is the recent cases where two senior inspectors have been caught in criminal/inappropriate acts. Arun Borude has gone underground after raping a 15-year-old girl; Baburao Gaikwad committed suicide after an extra-marital affair got messy.

Mumbai Mirror reports that Sakshi Ramkripalji of Sci-Divine Foundation was called in and the Additional Police Commissioner Ramrao Pawar said:

“Cops face constant stress and need such counselling sessions to tackle problems – both personal and professional – in a positive manner. We do not want more cases like Borude and Gaikwad to happen.”

Counselling is different from this spiritual stuff. 550 people attended, and it included the officers, constables and their families. The police force needs to have its own mechanism to deal with the professional problems. A spiritual lecture will not ensure pay hikes, better facilities, and more forces where required. It is sheer poppycock to believe that there won’t be more such cases. When was the last time you got to know about a spiritual guru/tantric who was not on some power trip himself or had control over his own instincts?

But the guruji managed to hold forth for an hour asking the men to control their carnal desires.

“These officers lead very stressful lives. They spend long hours, sometime days on end, away from their families. This makes them vulnerable.”

True, but so do people in other professions. There is no need to control their desires, but to unleash them in places where it is wanted and acceptable.

“Policemen need to be strong. They need to understand the importance of moral behaviour given the power that they yield.”

This is not about morality. They should understand that their job is to protect citizens. It is a responsibility. By making them seem vulnerable, the police force is shirking its role. When the havaldar takes a bribe, is it about stress? Or is it about making some extra money? When a high-profile case gets in the news, what makes a top-level officer hobnob with the socialite crowd?

And there is absolutely no need to go on and on about how these officers have brought shame upon the force. This is really obfuscating the issue. Officers are frustrated because of the attitude of their seniors or just the nature of their jobs. The police force must have strict penalties for those who commit crimes.

Clubbing the two cases mentioned is in itself wrong. While Borude’s is truly a crime of power, I am not sure about the extra-marital one. He did not force himself on the woman. So, had he not used a service revolver to kill himself would it have been any different?

The report went on to mention how women are always ready to fall for these men because of their power and their vulnerability. No one has bothered to talk about what happens when women come in to register cases, the questions they have to answer and sometimes the consequences where justice is delivered in the chowkies itself? How many ask questions about what happens to the juvenile suspects who are picked up and what happens before they land up at remand homes and sometimes even after in the course of the follow-up? What about their using the services of commercial sex workers for free to 'protect' them? How many want to know about why you only hear about the inspector level vulnerability and not about the creamy layer?

A spiritual guru won’t have the answers or will not give the answers. He needs to be called again to titillate the ‘essence within’.

A model's death

Is a model’s suicide any different from other suicides? Until Page 3 became a standard feature, one recognised models only by their faces and bodies; many remained fairly unknown unless they were interviewed in women’s magazines.

There is a romanticisation of the stress levels. Today’s papers reported the suicide of model Viveka Babajee. She hanged herself from a ceiling fan; the reason was depression, partly due to a failed relationship. She came to India from Mauritius and was immediately engulfed in the world of glamour. Together with her professional skills, she, like several others, became an asset at society parties.

The film Fashion, despite its stereotypes, has depicted the life of the industry rather well. The clamour to be a part of it is huge. There was the case of Gitanjali who was found in the streets of Delhi, drugged, disheveled and in urgent need of medical and mental care. The media took to her – it was a great story. Madhur Bhandarkar used bits of her life in the film, but what is most striking is the hierarchy. It exists in every profession, but especially in one where vanity is the selling point.

They all seem to have an ‘attitude’. Attitude is arrogance teamed with a readiness to do anything. It is a generalisation, but happens to be the unfortunate truth. The stepping stones are designers, photographers, agents and business houses. The latter stay behind the scenes but are probably the most exploitative.

There is the sequence in the movie where some new girls are asked to attend a party because it helps grab eyeballs. This is what we see on Page 3, where unknown faces become names. It isn’t that they lack merit in their field. Someone has to model those products. They get instant fame and very few fall apart. Doing drugs is not considered a major problem.

Viveka was smart enough to realise she could not model forever, so she became an event manager and in fact had returned to Mauritius. Why did she come back to Mumbai? Because, in all likelihood, the country where she was from has no such culture of celebrity. It does not splash pictures only because you are dressed in certain clothes or you are invited to a party. The real high is fame on a pair of legs.

I found it curious that someone she met a week ago said she looked composed and not depressed. That is what they are paid for. Viveka must have had other problems and probably hid them from the world because the same celebrity that brings you in the forefront for baring forces you to not expose yourself.

She chose to die.