Deewaana hua baadal

O.P.Nayyar did give us the patriotic Yeh desh hai veer jawaanon ka and the superlative Geeta Dutt (and even the C.H.Atma version) in Pritam aan milo, the sound of a cry. But what he will be most remembered for is the masti he infused his music with.There was beat, there was rhythm; most importantly there was a teasing quality. I don’t know how to pay an adequate tribute, so I will just list out my favourites in the manner OP would have approved – a dialogue between the male and female through his music…

He: aap ke haseen rukh pe aaj naya noor hai
She: babuji dheere chalna, pyaar mein zara sambhalna
He: main pyaar ka raahi hoon
She: ishaaron ishaaron mein dil lene wale bataa yeh hunar tu ne seekha kahaan se
He: pyaar par bas to nahin hai mera, lekin phir bhi, tu bataa de ke tujhe pyaar karoon ya na karoon
She: ye lo main haaree piya, hui teri jeet re
He: bahut shukriya, badee meharbaani, meri zindagi mein huzoor aap aaye
She: chain se hum ko kabhi, aapne jeene na diya
He: chal akela, chal akela, chal akela
She: jaaiye aap kahaan jaayenge, ye nazar laut ke phir aayegi

Some things do not have to return for they do not leave…It isn’t about creating legends but what touches us…

dil ki awaaz bhi sun, mere fasaane pe na ja
meri nazron ki taraf dekh zamaane pe na ja

Is this what it takes to love India??

I knew there was a buzz around Republic Day this time. But what I read in the supplement of The Times of India made me recoil in horror. Here follows their list of 'do it today' things; I give my version below each...

IF YOU LOVE INDIA, SHOW IT!

I am not answerable to an organisation to display my love for anyone.

Wear a tattoo with Indian colours. There is one with today’s issue of The Times of India itself. Go on, wear it!

What if you don’t read the TOI? What chemicals have been used for these tattoos?

Get your face painted in the colours of the Indian flag

Why? Is there a competitive sport taking place? Is this a circus?

Pin the Indian flag on the wall or a globe

There are many slums in this country – no walls and no models of globes.

Wear the Indian flag on your lapel

Is this even for those who wear revealing clothes? Won’t that be an insult to the nation?

Wear a tee which says ‘I Love India’

You are assuming all Indians wear tees; a friend told me about how he went around wearing a tee that said, “F… me”. No one did. So?

Make a patriotic song your ringtone

And then it gets cut off mid-tune when you answer or disconnect.

Hoist the national flag in your apartment/ housing complex or office

No slums wanted?

Sport a flag on the dashboard of your car

All Indians have cars? And are they loving Indians only if they have cars?

Sing patriotic songs while you are with friends and while you are travelling. Soon perfect strangers will join in too!

And what will it reveal except that most Indians are not trained in music and cannot hold a tune?

Send people messages wishing them a Happy Republic Day

And make the cellphone companies richer?

Be a part of the Times of India PDA programme in the city to show your love for the country. You can visit Atria, Worli, R Mall, Mulund, The Hub, Goregaon today (12 noon to 8 pm). And Atria, Worli, R Mall, Mulund, The Hub, Goregaon on January 27th and 28th (4pm to 8pm) to be a part of the PDA movement that is taking place all across the country. At these locations, you can get tattoos and paint your face in Indian colours. You can also pin an Indian flag on the globe to mark India’s increasing presence on the world stage!

Oh, get the hell out of my way…just tell us who has sponsored the whole 'Public Display of Affection' tamasha, how much you are getting. Give us or at least the Income Tax authorities an account. Forget the world stage. Be honest on our own stage.

With 'friends' like these, India does not need enemies. Stop this sponsored time-pass for a day.

Shahrukh Khan ko bachaa lo

He has called the computer names in Bengali, Telugu, Haryanvi; he hugs the contestants when they enter, when they reach a good enough position, when they leave ("Don't say 'I quit', say 'Mujhe gale laga do' when you want to leave," he tells them); he gives them high-fives; he addresses them familiarly by butchering their names; he even massages them occasionally; he wants to be called dost, friend.

This is just getting too cute. Shahrukh Khan has the potential of being a good host of Kaun Banega Crorepati, but he is trying too hard.

It isn’t about whether he is a worthy successor to Amitabh Bachchan or not; Mr. B is history, SRK is now. And I don’t like Mr. Now.

First there is the business of creating this oh-so-funky signature song – all hip-hop and bling-bling. This is not a silly game show where you point out things in boxes, okay? This is about general knowledge, even if it is to rate actors according to the number of endorsements for undies and chyanwanprash they have done.

SRK’s vulnerabilities (saying that he is nervous, asking a silly contestant whether he will sign him instead of George Clooney for a film) are too staged. Where is the spontaneity, the k..k..koool factor? Replacing “Lock kar do” with “Freeze it” is about the only real cool thing. But a participant choosing to say, “Kulfi jama do” is so back-of-the-beyond.

The usually suave and sensible producer, Siddharth Basu, should have made certain that there were no jibes at Bachchan. Not because he has to be revered, but because it is a waste of our time. And so defensive. The show started with SRK saying that he wouldn’t speak in shuddh Hindi and gave an example from the B repertoire. He wants to talk in a language that you and I can understand. So talk, no…why give explanations? We know what is understandable and what is not. Funnily enough, for all his efforts, his Compaq Da, Compaq Garu and Compaq Chowdhary are throwing up queries in very high-falutin Hindi. Then what was the big deal?

And there was no need to tell us that people were wondering what he would be dressed in and then informing us he would wear what we want him to…damn, he wants to be some puppet? It is one thing to try populist moves but, really, when a star goes on about being at the beck and call of the audience we know he is begging to be accepted. Wear what you want, as long as it does not hurt the eyes as that red tie, white shirt and grey suit did. It reminded me of my school uniform. And he does address the TV-watching audience as “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls”….that is how Father Rodrigues addressed us.

Now comes the massage bit. SRK offered his services to the contestants to soothe their nerves. The first time he went ahead and did it, fine. Soon enough a contestant who was a complete dullard and was thinking over one question asked him, “Thoda massage denge?” And the good host got up and stood there pummelling his upper back.

Where is the dignity in all this? I can understand being human, being nice, being friendly…but this is sickening. What happens when a female contestant comes in?

I mean it when I say that Shahrukh Khan can be a better TV host than he has been an actor, but will he stop hamming it here at least?

And when will grown-up men (that includes Mr B in his host avatar) stop portraying their fear of their wives? It is just so outlandish and outdated. Real guys don’t get frightened of their wives and keep referring to them, but then real guys are not out to save their marriages or at least the façade that passes for it.

So SRK, instead of asking people to freeze it, turn on the heat. 'Just chill' does not quite become you.

They are still trying to save Mohammed Afzal

Another petition to the President for clemency for Mohammed Afzal. You decide. There is already enough material on the web, most of you have formed opinions, so it is your take. Should you wish to read my views, just click on the 'afzal' label below. Thanks.