I knew there was a buzz around Republic Day this time. But what I read in the supplement of The Times of India made me recoil in horror. Here follows their list of 'do it today' things; I give my version below each...
IF YOU LOVE INDIA, SHOW IT!
I am not answerable to an organisation to display my love for anyone.
Wear a tattoo with Indian colours. There is one with today’s issue of The Times of India itself. Go on, wear it!
What if you don’t read the TOI? What chemicals have been used for these tattoos?
Get your face painted in the colours of the Indian flag
Why? Is there a competitive sport taking place? Is this a circus?
Pin the Indian flag on the wall or a globe
There are many slums in this country – no walls and no models of globes.
Wear the Indian flag on your lapel
Is this even for those who wear revealing clothes? Won’t that be an insult to the nation?
Wear a tee which says ‘I Love India’
You are assuming all Indians wear tees; a friend told me about how he went around wearing a tee that said, “F… me”. No one did. So?
Make a patriotic song your ringtone
And then it gets cut off mid-tune when you answer or disconnect.
Hoist the national flag in your apartment/ housing complex or office
No slums wanted?
Sport a flag on the dashboard of your car
All Indians have cars? And are they loving Indians only if they have cars?
Sing patriotic songs while you are with friends and while you are travelling. Soon perfect strangers will join in too!
And what will it reveal except that most Indians are not trained in music and cannot hold a tune?
Send people messages wishing them a Happy Republic Day
And make the cellphone companies richer?
Be a part of the Times of India PDA programme in the city to show your love for the country. You can visit Atria, Worli, R Mall, Mulund, The Hub, Goregaon today (12 noon to 8 pm). And Atria, Worli, R Mall, Mulund, The Hub, Goregaon on January 27th and 28th (4pm to 8pm) to be a part of the PDA movement that is taking place all across the country. At these locations, you can get tattoos and paint your face in Indian colours. You can also pin an Indian flag on the globe to mark India’s increasing presence on the world stage!
Oh, get the hell out of my way…just tell us who has sponsored the whole 'Public Display of Affection' tamasha, how much you are getting. Give us or at least the Income Tax authorities an account. Forget the world stage. Be honest on our own stage.
With 'friends' like these, India does not need enemies. Stop this sponsored time-pass for a day.