Ask the vexpert - 24

Question: I am 45 years old, 5.10-inches tall and have a wellbuilt body. My penis is 7 inches long. I have been married for 23 years and enjoy a good sex life. Six months ago, while travelling by bus, a person started rubbing my penis. I got uncomfortable and climbed off the bus. The next day, the same thing happened, but surprisingly, I enjoyed his stroke and behaviour. Since that day I am unable to enjoy an intercourse with my wife. I do not get an erection anymore. I only get aroused if somebody on the bus touches my private parts. I’m depressed. What should I do?

Sexpert: You have discovered on the bus that you are bisexual. Now you will have to decide to go one way or the other. However, when you are with your wife, you can fantasise about a man to get an erection. You need not feel depressed; rather work towards a solution.

Me: Did you start using the bus after 23 years of married life? If that is so, it has more to do with the mode of transport than the particular act by another person. The man was merely the medium to express the bus’s amorous intentions, you having neglected it for a while. If, on the other hand, you have been travelling regularly and this happened now, it is possible to classify it as the 7-inch itch. Maybe a part of you was waiting to be discovered. Whatever it be, your disinterest in conjugal cohabitation and arousal only by the ‘touch me’ on the bus reveals a deep need for becoming one with the masses. It is the political resurgence of your psyche that had thus far been happy with smaller and more elite forms of transportation. This is your Jasmine Revolution moment or a Tahrir Square revolt. That the bus is red and stands for blood and passion is also revealing. I would not deem you bisexual at all, for even if the back of the seat touched you, you’d respond. That part of you wants to join the movement and as it repeated itself the second day, it means that you are being included in the revolt. Do not be depressed. Just get off the bus and walk or take a cab or an autorickshaw. It might be worthwhile to invest in a scooter or even a Nano. Because your penis is not going to abdicate its throne and neither will your wife. So, better go home and fantasise about your own spouse as your bodyguard.

- - -
PS: In this series I usually have my tongue in cheek, but this time I take strong objection to the sexpert’s advice. The questioner has had just two such encounters and he is termed bisexual and told that he has to choose one way or the other and to fantasise about a man. It is ridiculous. Men, and women, can at vulnerable times during peak hormonal season get aroused by anything and it is their hormones that are responsible, not some stroking. If this person were bisexual, he would not have stayed married for 23 years without having ever fantasised about any man, if not gone all the way.


  1. I agree with your PS note.Some published questions in such columns are deliberately framed to serve a purpose of marketing.I have some patients who came with newspaper cutting for my reading and opinion.Most of the time their problems are incident based and transient in nature.

  2. It is a dangerous trend and if this is what respected professionals do I can imagine what quacks get away with.


Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.