Often, the most meaningful things are said in the simplest manner. One must, therefore, appreciate this effort to get Indians and Pakistanis to talk. The premise is basic – we have phones, they have phones, so telephone. I warmed to it immediately.
But, will this bring people on both sides (we are not even speaking about the two nations) closer together? This was a ‘controlled’ atmosphere, and even if comments were not censored it was understood that the conversation was to be light. What we see is one reality – the coffee shop or corner store one. The young even on campuses are politically aware and most certainly come with a bagful of stereotypes about the other. It does not negate the awareness about Bollywood, cricket, or food. Yet, all of these can be politicised on the day there is a clash of films, a match or a culinary competition.
Take that delightful moment when the Indian girl asks her ‘friend’ in Pakistan, “Do you like Salman Khan?” and the latter replies, “No. Why?”, the Indian says, “Then we can talk!” It is humorous, but in the subtlety is embedded conditionality. Or, the fact that the Pakistani is portrayed as thinking he holds on to a deep, dark secret for being a fan of Sharukh Khan.
The makers have also matched the profiles of the people they partnered, dude with dude, accent with accent; in a way it helps to bring out the commonalities but it also conveys that communication is limited to ‘people like us’.
It was cute when the Indian girl speaking to a Pakistani who wants to visit Jaipur tells her, “Main bol deti hoon inse (I’ll tell them to do something)”. Or, when the Pakistani young man asks the Indian when he will visit Pakistan and he says, “Sir, aap mereko visa bhejo tau main nikal jaoon abhi kal ka kal (if you send me a visa I am ready to leave rightaway).”
This is all tongue-in-cheek swagger, which makes it an astonishing little outing. In fact, after having written these couple of paras, I am feeling guilty for nitpicking. This is what charm offensives do!
A quick weekend roundup of what made news and what it means.
The Tehreek-i-Taliban chief Hakeemullah Mehsud has been killed in a drone attack. Liberal Pakistanis are jubilating that at last a drone has hit the right guy. (How often did they point out the wrong targets?) The problem is that they do not even try to put pressure on their government to deal with such men. I'd like to know how the Americans manage to get it right this time. If they are capable of good targeting, why is it that so many civilians have been killed? Was this a chance encounter that gives them enough ammo to live on before their exit from Afghanistan? (Incidentally, Mehsud has been 'killed' before, too.)
And then there is Imran Khan. His tragedy is that every time somebody from TTP dies or is killed Pakistanis start mourning for his political career. They don't even realise what an unhealthy obsession it is. But, then, he is a few words away, unlike dealing with the real McTalibs.
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Just got news that Rohit Sharma has scored a double century in the ODI against Australia.
Due to too much hoopla, I've lost interest in cricket. But seriously, scoring over 200 in a one-day match is like cooking biryani is a microwave oven.
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Lata Mangeshkar has declared:
"Narendrabhai is like my brother. All of us want to see him become the Prime Minister. On the auspicious occasion of Diwali, I hope our wishes would come true."
Surely, Lataji cannot speak on behalf of all Indians. She is using a religious festival and has done what amounts to campaigning for Modi. We are aware of the family's leanings towards the Hindutva ideology and its support for the Shiv Sena in Mumbai. We also know how she made a noise about the proposed flyover on Peddar Road only because it would affect her. (She resides there.) Such political interference is not new, and when she was not getting an assurance she sulked and threatened to leave the city. Her sister Asha Bhosle spoke of moving to Dubai, which happens to be convenient because she owns a restaurant chain in the UAE as well as other Arab countries and London.
Wonder why Lataji has not sought a haven in Gujarat.
Meanwhile, Modi's reaction was amusing:
"With their (Mangeshkar family) divine voices, delighted crores of people making them stress-free with music and making their minds and bodies healthy."
PS: My views on Lataji predate Modi's appearance on the political scene.
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No comments:
Michael Fassbender is fed-up with everyone obsessing over his penis.
"It wouldn't be acceptable, it would be seen as sexual harassment, people saying (to an actress), 'Your vagina...' You know?"
I am glad they left Parvez Rasool out. I am glad because by the act of not sending him — the "first Kashmiri" to represent India — on the field, we are witness to varied kinds of politicking.
On Saturday, Aug 3, India was playing the 5th ODI against Zimbabwe in Bulawayo. We were already in the lead. Of the 15-man squad, Rasool was the only one who was not given a game.
The result was outrage. Why treat a Kashmiri as different when you want him to be India's hope?
Chief Minister Omar Abdullah expressed his anger with his usual dramatic flourish: "Did you really have to take him all the way to Zimbabwe to demoralise him? Wouldn't it have been cheaper to just do it at home?"
The CM is insulting the Indian team, the state he rules and Rasool, especially the latter when he pleaded on the eve of the last match to "give him a chance". Had there been allegations of malpractice or matchfixing, would he have been as quick to ask the team to treat a player from J&K without any favour?
One does not have to think too hard about the machinations and Mr. Abdullah is not the only one.
Kashmiri Pandits who hardly ever referred to Vivek Razdan and Suresh Raina are now emphasising their Kashmiri roots. Clearly, it is one of those 'use the populist sentiment' moments. It is not the same though, for Parvez Rasool lives in Kashmir and, unlike the other two, he has to 'earn' the India cap for reasons beyond cricket.
Does everything in J&K have to do with militancy? Rasool, a resident of Anantnag, has experienced it first-hand. When there were militant attacks in Bangalore in 2009. As India TV reported:
Police along with a few other people detained Rasool, who was a member of his state’s junior cricket team, as they had been staying within the premises of the Chinnaswamy Stadium which became the target of the militants.The youngster was later cleared of all charges and continued with his cricketing career to achieve greater heights.
“I dont want to talk much about that incident...Whatever happened back then is something I have left behind me and followed cricket. Now that I have worked so hard, I have got such good results,” said Rasool.
On the one hand, there is the real issue of the alienation of those from the state, and then there is a hint that even a sop would do. The word sop is not used though; it is called symbolism. That does not change anything. The Times of India said that not giving him a single game defied "both cricketing and symbolic logic". The first being "to test its bench strength in conditions quite different from home against a weak opposition".
This does not sound like an opportunity, but an insult. Experts might differ, but a weak opposition would be like playing at the nets. Besides, the tokenism would fall flat:
It would also have given a player from Jammu & Kashmir an unprecedented India cap, the symbolic value of which could have been huge. Sadly, the men on the spot didn't seem to understand this and nobody higher up nudged them either.
How different would this be from bookies placing calls to swing a match? The BCCI does not, and must not, decide what happens on the ground. And the BCCI is not the government of India. It is the GOI that will ultimately have to work with the state for real decisions, and not mere symbolism. As the report further states:
The first cricketer from J&K team to be selected for the national cricket team, Rasool is also a beacon of hope for players from a region which felt marginalized from Indian cricket's mainstream. By playing Rasool, who is by all accounts competent enough to hold his own against Zimbabwe, the Indian team could have brought joy to Kashmir and given the player confidence to get into the big league.
This is just patronising. Is a Kashmiri only competent enough to play Zimbabwe? If that is a weak team, then how will he gain confidence against bigger players? I read somewhere that his selection was fast-tracked after a good haul against Australia in India.
Kashmiris feel and are marginalised in several areas. And, it may not sound right to say it, but not everyone in the state is looking to represent India in cricket. And not everyone would be crestfallen over this 'picnic to Zimbabwe' because people continue to be killed and have to battle everyday issues.
If only there were sops and symbolic gestures to assuage those.
Why should a former Pakistani cricketer not get a visa to visit India? The obvious reason is that his son is married to underworld don Dawood Ibrahim's daughter.
I am not a proponent of Aman ki Asha, and his trip is not a part of it. To suggest that the Indian government is doing so as some kind of détente is ridiculous. We have celebrities visit us, and work here too, including cricketers.
Isn't his connection with Dawood Ibrahim sufficient?
Doesn't anyone realise how strange this sounds? If, as is the practice meted out to most criminals, he is on top of the 'wanted' list, should the GoI not have asked the Pakistani government to question Miandad years ago when the marriage and wedding plans were flaunted openly and our media and senior officers went to Dubai and returned with nothing, except wedding pictures?
We won't even get into the subject of the Sharjah matches where celebrities were spotted on the stands with him. Some later claimed they were under pressure to do so. This is just too convenient. The underworld financed Bollywood for a long time, and they were happy to be his guests.
There is a lot of hair-splitting over nomenclature. From don to terrorist. The March 1993 bomb blasts ring out clearly in people's minds.
Has the Indian government managed to arrest him? Why can we not take responsibility? Dawood Ibrahim is an Indian. His family lives in India. In Mumbai. His brother was to contest an election. Everybody seems to know where he is, but there's no hurry to arrest him.
It is fairly common knowledge that everyone,from the cops to politicians, maintain a rapport with the underworld. It's been this way from the days of Haji Mastan, Varadarajan Mudaliar, Chhota Rajan (his Ganesh pandal in Chembur was a great draw and his brother produced films, including 'Vaastav' loosely based on his life), Dawood and the later entrants.
All of the big ones escaped the legal rap. The great encounter specialists depend on informants from rival gangs. It is a relationship beyond convenience, though.
Since there is so much discussion about 'shame', why are we as Indians not ashamed that such blasts took place? Where are our Intelligence agencies? We should be ashamed that even Portugal wants its extradition of Abu Salem reverted because they don't think he is getting justice! We should be ashamed that our cops don't have proper ammunition and facilities. On a tangential note, on New Year's Eve, due to special bandobast, policemen got two packets of biscuit each for a 12-hour shift.
I will not under any circumstances let the popular idea of terrorism overtake other crimes. By trying to make Dawood into a Pakistani stooge - something we already know was exposed by their magazine and not our security agencies - we completely ignore the killings of others, during the riots that preceded the bomb blasts (no luxury of 'action-reaction' terminology permitted here), during police shootouts, and by the gangs that operate under a different guise these days.
If we have problems with Javed Miandad visiting India because of familial links with Dawood, then we'd like to consider stopping all diplomatic ties and peace efforts. These tantalising attempts in cricket, music and trade reek of political hypocrisy.
Also, it is time we cleared our own dirt. The 1993 blasts culprits were arrested, compensation given in quick time. The victims of the riots preceding are still waiting for justice.
Does the Indian government want Dawood Ibrahim for that, too? In fact, it just might be an idea, considering his influence.
The reason the Opposition has dragged in this visa issue up is simply because we need a 'war-like' situation with Pakistan at all times. They seem to be doing rather well on the field in the current ODI series, so we can't display painted faces patriotism. The next best alternative is throw a loose cannon. It won't hit the target as it is not meant to, but will bring out the nationalist in every 'sporting' Indian.
PS: Imagine if Pakistan's Interior Minister Rehman Malik turns around and says, "Send us a dossier. We don't even know whether Javed Miandad lives here"!
Not many in Pakistan would have heard about their cricket team for the blind. Fewer would have known about Zeeshan Abbasi, the captain. They are playing in the T20 World Cup for the Blind.
However, one accident and it becomes an issue of intrigue. The Hindu reports that today morning after drinking from a water bottle at breakfast, Zeeshan felt sore in the throat and took ill. Some say it was cleaning acid, others say it was liquid soap, still others say it was phenyl. An endoscopy was performed; he has been discharged.
But the backroom chatter has just started. It is, as happens always, about the tense relations between India and Pakistan. A case of gross negligence by the hotel staff has turned into a whoddunit. (Does anyone remember Bol Woolmer's death in Jamaica?)
I don't wish to sound insensitive, but India is more interested in its international series against England, where it is being trashed.
To even imagine that the phenyl was part of some vendetta is weird. It raises a few questions about whether there can really be normal relations between the two not only despite, but because of, peace initiatives. 'Aman ki Asha' is essentially a Mom & Pop store version of amity. It has not reached the general public.
What if an Indian player drank that 'water'? Would it not be seen as the responsibility of the hotel, and not the organisation hosting the event? Even so, here's the official statement:
Mr G K Mahantesh General Secretary of the Cricket Association for the Blind in India (CABI) and founder of the Samarthanam Turst for the Disabled, who are organizing the 10-day tournament, termed the incident as ‘shocking and embarrassing’. He said “All players are important to us. The Movenpick Hotel have promised an internal inquiry and we await the results.” Mr Mahantesh added the ‘strictest of actions’ will be taken against those responsible for the incident.
In today's paper, I saw a picture of the Jaipur Foot meant for Pakistan. Our neighbours come here for medical treatment. They come for literature festivals. They come to perform. They come for conferences. These do not need the crutch of peace. These are services and ideas we avail of and share with everyone. The same applies to Indians.
A sports event, especially involving the differently-abled, requires care. However, accidents occur even with those with regular faculties. Haven't we heard complaints of Delhi belly, food poisoning, sun stroke?
A probe has been ordered. It will reach the authorities who don't care about such people otherwise. A team fighting against the odds of not being mainstream will now be politicised by opportunists. Zeeshan Abbasi will have to uphold nationalism for the seeing blind.
Is hatred a handicap? Can't you move with it? In fact, people keep alive ideologies and patriotic zeal, the killer instinct in many competitive fields because of just this feeling of hatred and opposition.
Is 'Aman ki Asha' merely using emotive appeal?
It is good that the disabled will play together. But there will be one team that will win. If we say it's the game that matters, then in this case it is probably a concession.
Let us see it as an exchange programme. Not everything must be marketed as an Indo Pak peace initiative.
I wonder if soldiers from both sides who've become handicapped in the course of battles would not make more sense. Who'd understand the importance of peace more than them?
I don't need to watch the IPL matches. The photographs are on the ball.
I don't care much about checking out men's butts, but Saurav Ganguly seems to enjoy a bit of exposure. Mumbai Mirror caught him from behind. The 'Restricted Zone' in the foreground makes sure you only look...no touching, no touching, as one Bollywood song goes.
PS: If the cricketer had been part of Kolkata Knight Riders, instead of Pune Warriors, he'd have been sore.
Cricket does not interest me much anymore. I liked the white flannels, and whatever money the players may have made, the idea of them being auctioned is somehow quite unpalatable.
Now that the new season of IPL has started, there was the usual glitzy opening ceremony. Nothing these days goes without an opening ceremony. I did not watch it, but saw the pictures – crass Bollywood fare, the top-billed actors looking like courtesans and pimps acting as cheer-leaders.
Since we have foreign players we cannot complain about foreign performers. This time, they got Kate Perry. Her bottom half was Anjuna beach, Goa and the top half was ‘let’s getting married in a Rajasthan palace’.
But, this picture with cricketer Doug Bollinger is such a put-off. I do not know how all you wonderful people look at it, but this appears to be some kind of soft-porn to me, with that wide-open mouth and the mike.
And then there is this. Precious. I will retain the caption as it was, emphasising a couple of interesting phrases:
CALM BEFORE THE STORM: With the IPL and associated entertainment set to drown out all other cricketing noise over the next month-and-a-half, we decided to take a peek back to calmer, more innocent days, when famous men could wear lipstick without fear of retribution. Pictured during India's 1989 tour of Pakistan are (from left) future commentator Sanjay Manjrekar, a zero-international-centuries Sachin Tendulkar, two-Test wonder Vivek Razdan and Indian Express boss Shekhar Gupta before he started walking the talk.
As this was in Pakistan, I naturally call it the $10 million picture.
“It (cricket) requires one to assume such indecent postures”
– Oscar Wilde
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Both photographs from Mumbai Mirror. The paper has not attributed it to any source.
You have heard about cricketer Vinod Kambli crying on a television channel. You have heard the experts. The “I was there…” chant has begun. What is the objection to Kambli’s statement that the 1996 World Cup semi-final match against Sri Lanka was possibly fixed and that is the reason we lost?
Teary on the field, 1996
Here are the arguments by those who know:
Why did he wait for 15 years?
We wait for years to discover our heritage and wreak havoc on people in the name of culture. 15 years is not much.
Why is he saying that his career was finished when he played 31 one-day matches after that?
Did he reach the form, what was his role in test cricket? Wasn’t he the guy who started with Sachin Tendulkar and showed the same – some even say more – promise?
Why is he creating a drama and crying before the cameras?
Kapil Dev cried; Hanse Cronje cried; Dhoni cried; Yuvraj cried – that latter two for sheer joy after the last World Cup victory. Kambli had cried on the field at that time as well. Why did no one say anything about it?
How can he say he was made a scapegoat – by whom?
Precisely. The manner in which all those in the team then are now rallying behind Mohammed Azharuddin, who was banned for life for match-fixing, (the ban was removed in 2006) just shows that they knew whose tail they could twist. He quoted the then team manager Ajit Wadekar, and Wadekar is himself now saying that Kambli’s accusations are not true. (Azhar is now screaming about Kambli. Does he know what they have been saying in the studios about him during this discussion? That his word does not count.)
The dressing room has seen a lot of action in the past, so it is not like this cannot happen. If all those experts are saying, oh, it is possible, but he cannot make these claims without evidence, I’d tell them to go run between the wickets. If they can suspect, and say it on national television, then so can Kambli.
It is pretty disgusting to listen to them declare that had the accusation come from someone like Manjrekar or Tendulkar perhaps one would take note. Really? What happens to those ‘waking up after 15 years’ comments? Manjrekar said it may have been a wrong decision but it was an honest one. Now they are all saying that it was a team decision to field. Is there a vote by the team when the coin is tossed on the field?
And where is Sachin Tendulkar? Watching from the wings? No statement from him. Perhaps he is just waiting for that 100th century.
The problem is that Kambli has been the castaway always, and I believe that where regional biases are so strong can someone stand a chance with a high-caste attitude? In the early days an Eknath Solkar (a gardener’s son) could get away with a little pity; in the days of commercialisation someone like Kambli has the stakes heavily against him.
He came from what is referred to as the backward class, lived in a chawl with his parents and six siblings, studied upto matriculation, and became a prodigy on the field. He scored almost 800 runs in his first seven tests. He was clearly on the make. His double century came much before Sachin Tendulkar’s, but the latter is the respectable face of Indian cricket. Kambli was the eternal rebel, seemingly with no roots and therefore no possibility of flowering into anything of consequence.
A lot has been said about the Sachin-Vinod friendship; many have even attributed Kambli’s inclusion in matches due to this factor. It is commendable that they could share such a relationship at all in a cut-throat world. But while Sachin has always been seen as a magnanimous gentleman and a loyal friend, Kambli had to live under this shadow of generosity, even when it dried up. (He made the mistake of mentioning this too on a reality show – the naïve fool.)
He and Javed Miandad (in his time) were like clowns in the circus. They knew that people were there to watch the acrobats and the animals display their skills, while their job was to be funny and flamboyant. This often made them social and professional outcasts. Taking risks had, therefore, become a ‘nothing to lose’ gamble.
Tendulkar stood for stability; we could rely on him and show him off. Kambli was the boy who needed to be given a chance. And he mucked it up by being the bad boy. We could also feel superior for encouraging a wayward person get back on the right track. He was cricket’s own combination of tragedy king and jerk.
The local imperialists as well as the patriots are aghast. When he said, “Main apne desh ke saath kabhi gaddari nahin kar sakta (I cannot ever betray my country),” I can well imagine the shudders going through so many replays. It does not make him a great patriot or the others less so. But it further exposes how this sport’s major contribution these days is not about the nation but the spoils of such wars – it could be in terms of endorsements or making it to the record books.
Why, Sunil Gavaskar and Ravi Shastri are on the payroll of the governing body of cricket and yet claim to be objective experts during matches. The controversy has been sidelined. After all, they are not drama queens.
Kambli is. It is in his system. That is the way he played his game, the way he talks and the way he makes a scene. Some of it has been no doubt to get attention. But how can anyone ridicule him for appearing on reality TV shows? All these starchy fellows who make up the panels of news studios are also being exhibitionistic. Last night, the anchor of Times Now, Arnab Goswami, got them to stop and watch a portion of the interview with his running commentary: “See, he is crying, he is hurt, emotions are rolling down his cheeks!” Is this not drama when you replay the drama and get your jollies out of it? If this is a non-issue, why is everyone so hot and bothered and grabbing their airtime? And Navjoy Singh Siddhu should keep shut – he has been a judge on a comedy show, and he does not even have to get on one to be a comic.
Yes, Kambli woke up too late. Yes, he wants to be on TV (was he invited or did he solicit it?). So? In 1996, there were not too many avenues for him to open up. If the media is sitting in judgement, or making the most of this situation, then do not blame him. This is what television is about now, and everyone is playing to the gallery.
Vinod Kambli is this Indian psyche, a sort of street urchin playing in the rain and dreaming of making it big, and landing up in the studios even if it means showing the shit.
Pakistan gave India the honour of being the Most F…. Nation. The F stands for Favoured. When Pakistan does that to us, we are truly f……. Or so we’d like to believe. We have this strange ESP with our neighbour; it probably realised we had something up our sleeve and so there were second thoughts. Pakistan always has second thoughts about India. There is always a second coming, a second infiltration, a second war, a second summit, a second peace initiative. Of course, India holds half the key.
Anyhow, forget about the second thoughts. What does being MFN mean? It is strictly a trading term, so we can sell each other exploding mangoes. Maybe, if they think we are really f…., our business heads could even get a slice of the Murree Breweries pie. Vijay Mallya can support his flailing airline business and lend some Kingfisher aircrafts to hover over the drones.
Our lobbyists can offer to intervene in the political hide-and-seek games and have late night chats with people who matter on how to get people who matter posts that will help other people who matter. This will result in Pakistan’s first 2G scam (I told you they like seconds, so 2G stands for second ghapla, which is a polite way of saying they’ve lost count of the ones before).
Some of our politicians will take kickbacks for tilting the Minar-e-Pakistan because Asif Ali Zardari who wanted to emulate Sonia Gandhi thinks it should have an Italian touch, like the Tower of Pisa. The Opposition will get their business partners to work on a British theme with Frontier motifs to please Imran Khan, who wants to build a living people’s memorial there.
No Pakistani politician will, however, go to prison because he will be given a second chance. No, they don't feign illness to get into hospitals and even though both their kidneys are functioning, they flaunt about managing a third one.
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The case of three Pakistani cricketers getting prison terms for spot fixing made front page news because India had to live up to its MFN status. This is the deal. With three players of promise out of the Pakistani team, it is obvious that whether they say so or not we are MFN.
To commemorate the event, unfortunate as it is, here are a few songs dedicated to them:
For Salman Butt:
Patta-patta, butt-a, butt-a, haal hamara jaaney hai Money hi money phir bhi hai money chaal hamara jaaney hai
For Mohammad Asif sung by Veena Malik:
Boli ke peechhe kya hai, boli ke peechhe Boli mein bill tha tera, bill mein de di media ko, big boss, haye
For Mohammad Aamer (since his mother says he is only a child):
Nanha-munna khiladi hoon, videsh ka sipahi hoon Bolo mere sang, jai Pind, jai Pind
Post-script: Last heard, President Zardari was enquiring, like an Indian ad for cars, "Kitna deti hai?" (How much mileage does it give?)
I want to applaud Narendra Modi. Inadvertently, he has shown up the fake liberals for what they are. The Gujarat government decided to give Yousuf Pathan and Munaf Patel one lakh rupees each. Javed Akhtar has been quoted in the newspapers as saying onine (I assume a tweet), “All State are rewarding their World Cup winners by at least 1 crore but the rich Gujarat is giving 1 lakh each to Pathan and Patel. Great!”
Great, indeed, that it is now about the states and “their” winners. It reveals that it is not about India, but about Mumbai (which is a state within a state, of course), Kerala, Punjab, Haryana, Delhi, Jharkhand, Gujarat. Isn't it like the IPL?
If these liberals are alluding to the communal aspect, then there are many reasons to take up the cause; this is hardly it. The team has members from different communities and faiths and we rarely notice who is from where. This and the manner in which the post-match circus has unfolded only revels in regionalism. There was a time when selectors were quite partial to people from certain states, but that was more about patronising their own and often not without merit. Jagmohan Dalmiya and Saurav Ganguly come to mind.
It is a different game now. Everyday we are witnessing crores coming out of government coffers for our World Cup winning players. I can understand the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) doing so, but why the government? These guys played for India - that is their job. It is not some favour they have granted us. And it is rather shameful that many cricketers openly said they played for Sachin Tendulkar.
His greatness as a sportsman apart, this sounds quite like the “Indira is India’ obsequious slogan. It is okay, though, that they carried him on their shoulders. It is about camaraderie and that he may not be available for the next World Cup. But why is captain Mahendra Singh Dhoni pleading for a Bharat Ratna for Sachin? Think of the names in public life who have contributed so much and are honoured in their dotage or not at all. Of course, Tendulkar remains 'modest'. His dream of some academy or the other will come true. These are people who make loads of money in endorsements; they should be putting in their own earnings to start the business of ‘teaching’ since they won’t be training anyone for free.
The deification can reach weird heights. On Gudi Padwa one pandal had his image as Lord Vishnu. Why has no one objected in a country where there is always a noise about hurting religious sentiments? I understand that a polytheistic faith may not have problems with such portrayal but we really need to leave the gods alone.
It is impossible, though. Dhoni shaves off his hair as an offering; others go to temples, dargahs, gurdwaras. These are places where the poor sit and wait for someone to drop some coins or a roti, but our heroes visit with full security despite being pumped with ginseng in some product they advertise.
The public has reason to be happy, but those in responsible positions will not dole out money in crores as readily for welfare schemes for the other Indias.
Pakistani captain Shahid Afridi has hit out at India and the Indian media. It is amusing, so let me present here an imagined conversation between him and Veena Malik in Big Goss. Parts of the report with his comments are interspersed:
"In my opinion, if I have to tell the truth, they (Indians) will never have hearts like Muslims and Pakistanis. I don't think they have the large and clean hearts that Allah has given us," Afridi said during a talk show on Samaa news channel when he was asked about relations between the two countries.
Veena Malik: “Shahidji, how kaan you say this ji? After so much afat we are making out here. Allah is not your jaagir and Allah has made my haat large and clean so I can put lots inside and also make it look like bright Taj Mahal.”
Shahid Afridi: “Mohtarma, aap kuchch na kahe tau hi behetar hoga. (Ma’am, it would be better if you did not say anything) You are insult to Pakistan, to Muslims, to hearts and all parts.”
Veena: “Haan, haan, apni zaat pe aa gaye na? Mard hote hi aise hai. (Yes, yes, you are showing your true colours. Men are like this only)”
Afridi: “Tau Ashmit kya cheez hai? (So what is Ashmit Patel?)”
Veena: “Dawnt get personal. Ash-mit has only shown bigness of haat and also its cleanness. He knows me and my Allah wary vell.”
"It is a very difficult thing for us to live with them (Indians) or to have long-term relationship with them. Nothing will come out of talks. See how many times in the past 60 years we have had friendship and then how many times things have gone bad," he said as the audience in the TV channel's studio applauded him repeatedly.”
Veena: “Fast of all, it is more than 63 and half years. I know all figures, ask Mohammed Asifji. Frandship is two sided, if you temper one side of ball and rub on ground, then frandship will be balled out.”
Afridi: “You made big bang only for publicity. Apni match-fixing par thoda tawajjo dijiye. (Concentrate on your own match-fixing)”
Veena: “I am bold and open…”
Afridi: “Now stop. Don’t go further. Bilkul Indian film star jaise talk-shauk kar rahi hai aap. (You talk like an Indian film star)”
Veena: “Ji, becaaz I have mammary. All our banda used to come here only…Mran Khan, Wseem Kram, Shwaib…sab Bollywood ke khwaab dekhte they ya Bollywood ki hairoyenon ke. (Imran Khan, Wsaeem Akram Shoiab would all dream about Bollywood or its heroines)”
Afridi: “Their women are after us, did you see any of us with pouches?”
Veena: “Woh tau aapka problem hai na? (Isn’t that your problem?)”
Afridi: “Yuvraj lekar ghoom raha tha aur pregnant aurat jaise vomit kar raha tha. (Yuvraj was walking around with it and vomiting like a pregnant woman – the reference is to an initially unfit Yuvraj and his paunch)”
Veena: “But than he plad so vall. Sab ki chonch chup kar di. (But then he played so well, he shut up everyone’s beak.)”
"We don't want to fight with each other but a third country – everyone knows which one it is - is trying to spoil our relations. (This country) is taking advantage of Pakistan and wants to take advantage of India. I don't want to go into details but these people will not let us come together," he added.
Veena: “Now dawnt blame Siri Lanka.”
Afridi: “Suniye, you don’t know cricket or politics, aap acting hi karein. (stick to acting)”
Veena: “Agar acting kar sakti tau role mil gaye hote. (If I knew acting then I would have got roles)”
Afridi: “So even you agree that Indians don’t have large hearts?”
Veena: “Nawt at all. It is large haats that even though I kanaut act they give me prime tam. Why no other country is coming in way of my relationship with India?”
Afridi: “Because outside India and Pakistan nobody knows you.”
Veena: “Saare jahaan ke log jaante hai (everyone in the world knows me), not only crickatting world. If you were bold like me you would name the mullahs who are spoiling relations.”
Afridi: “I said other country.”
Veena: “So I am also saying other country. Mullahvi.”
Afridi: “Aap ko tau Allah bhi…(With you even Allah…)”
Veena: “Dawnt be jealous of jarnail knowlej I own, theek hai ji? (Don’t be jealous of my general knowledge, okay)”
Asked about the Indian media's coverage of the Pakistani team during the semifinal with India at Mohali on March 30, Afridi replied: "The Indian media has a very negative approach and very negative thoughts. The people may not be like that but I think the media had a very dirty role in spoiling relations between us and India. Our media, which is criticised by people, is hundred times better than theirs," he said.
Veena: “I am making vawes in Indian media, no nagatiwe proach, no nagatiwe thot. Media is making me have good relations with all Indians. Pakistani media puts me in front of camera with some bearded man.”
Afridi: “And if India will put you in front of their bearded man you will jump with joy…”
Veena: “They don’t have those types.”
Afridi: “Amitabh Bachchan hai na.”
Veena: “His beard is designer and awerybody knows from paaon to sar (head to toe) I only like designer.”
Afridi also criticised Interior Minister Rehman Malik for warning the Pakistani team not to get involved in match-fixing and Indian cricketer Gautam Gambhir, who vowed to dedicate victory in the World Cup final to victims of the 2008 Mumbai attacks. "I think they were both very stupid comments by Rehman Malik and Gautam Gambhir...I wasn't expecting this from Gautam...This is all politics, what do you know about who carried out the Bombay attacks?" he said.
Veena: “Rehman ji and I are both Malik and Malik and only we know inside of match-fixing.”
Afridi: “Whole world is involved. It was bad for our morals.”
Veena: “Ab ismey moral kahaan hai? (Now where do morals come into this) Be bold and crejiss like me.”
Afridi: “That I can see. Boldness is not about upper stuff…”
Veena: “Dekhein, aap hadd paar na karein. (Look, don’t go beyond a limit)”
Afridi: “I am only saying outside you can be bold in dress and Rehman Malik was bad for moral with e.”
Veena: “Vot English is this, hain? Moral tau hmm…mmm…haan ‘M’ se shuroo hota hai…(Moral starts with, well, ‘M’)”
Afridi: “Ji. Hum ending ki baat kar rahe they. (Yes, I was talking about ending)”
Veena: “Pakistaniyon ka yehi prowblim hain. End ka sochte hain. Pichur abhi baaqi hai dost.(This is the problem with Pakistanis, they only think of the end. The picture is still to go on)”
Afridi: “So why did Gambhir want to dedicate to victims of Mumbai attacks?”
Veena: “He said for finals ji, and we were not playing, tau don’t do fikar. Indians have large haat that’s why we did not reach final.”
Afridi: “They did it for themselves. It is all politics.”
Veena: “Aap cricket kheliye, yeh kaafi hoga. Theek hain, ji? (You play cricket, that will be enough, okay?)”
Afridi: “Aur aap India mein hi rahe. (And you stay back in India)”
Veena: “Tau phir Pakistan ke crikaters ka kya hoga ji? (What will become of Pakistani cricketers then?)”
Afridi: “Badey dil se kaam chala lenge, ji. (We will manage with our large hearts)”
- - -
End note:
I'd like to add that I received a few congratulatory emails and text messages from Pakistanis after the semis as well as the finals. I was confused. I don't want piece, I want the whole ji.
(c) Farzana Versey
- - -
Updated: April 5, 6.30 PM:
Shahid Afridi is now walking with his tail between his legs. He did not say all that…er…he did not mean all that…ho-hum.
I have uploaded a video. It really does not make much of a difference. But his clarification comes to an Indian channel – NDTV – whereas he gets the applause in Pakistan.
“I have enjoyed my cricket in India and I love Indian people. Don’t take my comments negatively. I have always got a lot of love and affection from Indian fans. And I request the media to play a more positive role and not waste time on such trivial issues. The media makes a big deal of small issues. It is shameful. I have always done my bit to improve Indo-Pak ties but sometimes you say something and it is interpreted the other way. I have been quoted out of context.”
His answers were direct. What context was not there? This should just teach us about not going haywire about cricket diplomacy and players doing their bit. Perhaps he’d like to ask one of his own predecessors, Aamir Sohail, who had objected to his comments.
Forget the hype about extra local trains, offices working half a day. And let us please try to forget some itsy-bitsy model who wants to strip if we win the World Cup. She says, “I’m a cricket fanatic and I’m a diehard supporter of my nation. India needs a lot of support and this is my way of supporting the team…and I’m doing this to excite our boys to play better.”
What a fruitcake. If she wants to do her bit, she can just get atop a table and gyrate at some of those lounge bars where other ‘fanatics’ are watching the game. They are more likely to get excited. It is insulting to India, Indians and our cricket team that some female who is “confident” of her body can have the temerity to announce that Indians will perform better just thinking of her stripping. I wonder what her exposure has been. These guys have seen many women doing much more, as sportspersons are accustomed to special attention. They'd be more excited if their captain threw off his shirt, as Saurav Ganguly had done some years ago.
Captain Courageous: Ganguly rose to the occasion
Since this model has posed for the Kingfisher calendar, perhaps she should try her stunts at Vijay Mallya’s IPL team innings, whenever that happens, as one of the pom-pom girls.
I also wish people realised that today’s game is not the final. Catching bits on TV has not excited me enough, despite the fennel and cheese crackers. The run-up in newspapers has been asking actors and Page 3 types about their favourite teams. The answer is pretty standard: “I luuuveee India.” And one more thing. I wish people knew that most Sidhuisms (what former cricketer and now commentator says) are quotations. They aren’t original, except that he mauls them. But then, more people know Sidhu than they know Shelley.
And I am tired of watching ‘celebrities’ I don’t know. And just for your information, the street below my building is buzzing; not everyone is cooped up inside.
File photo: Dawood Ibrahim and actor Anil Kapoor
Who wants to be a millionaire?
One more thing. The person who is not there is probably all there. How I miss those scenes from the Sharjah matches where the cameras would zoom into don Dawood Ibrahim in the company of Bollywood stars. Later, even those caught hugging him, denied it. Body doubles? Some said they were forced to be there. Possible. Although, rather surprisingly, he did not seem interested in Pakistani celebrities. Anyway, our stars have moved on. But has he?
Now for the finals at Wankhede, we all know how much money has been spent on the special lights and how Mukesh Ambani has bought three VIP boxes.
I don’t know how much things have changed, besides the cosmetic ones. But sometime in the mid-90s, I watched my first and only live cricket match at the same stadium and even the posh set was excited about Jeetendra in all white, including his shoes.
Let me reproduce a snapshot of those memories, kind of strip mentally:
Ms. Gucci arrived, flashing her gold trophy – a thick Cartier bracelet. Loud ‘whoas’ and ‘shiiiiit mans’ rent the air. But we could not feel the air. We were seated in the member’s enclosure, the one sealed with glass on three sides/
The talk among our august group, and I am sure of those in the private little cubicles flanking us, was about office, the party in the evening or the latest gossip about the other Ms. Gucci and Mr. Hugo Boss. Yet, when the umpire flailed his hands about indicating a boundary, these cats would meow a little prayer and figurines and taweezes would appear from nowhere to make life easier for Indians.
I had stepped outside for a feel of the real action and there was more lust here than that room with a view could ever manage. Our ‘boys’ were the toy boys and totems not because they were necessarily better than whoever they were playing against, but because every bead of sweat, open mouth and heartbeat was paying obeisance to them.
Today, the masses have been sidelined and it is all about the who’s who and what they are wearing.
Incidentally, I am dressed in green! But it isn’t that kind of green; it is the green of sage.
- - -
Update:
- India won by 29 runs. Great. But how does it become "creating history"?
- Pakistani captain Shahid Afridi apologised to his country for losing. If he has to do that then they and not his team are a bunch of losers.
- Two cutouts were in the audience. Wait. They were the two leaders Manmohan Singh and Yousuf Raza Gilani.
- Heard several commentators say we need to win the finals and the cup for Tendulkar. Anyone heard of India?
I don’t understand why Pakistan’s interior minister Rehman Malik’s ten commandments to the cricket team should cause a “furore”. All the poor guy did was to lay down some basic rules: thou shalt concentrate on practice, thou shalt go to bed early, thou shalt wake up according to schedule, thou shalt ensure discipline, thou shalt dedicate yourself to the game for Pakistan, thou shalt not indulge in match-fixing…
Now, this is the one that has raised eyebrows among former players. Zaheer Abbas said he is demoralising players. Rubbish. Their ammis, abbas and biwis would be telling them the same things, except probably the last. Imran Khan thinks the minister has problems with the English language, so he must have meant something else. How many of us can understand the language used in scriptures?
The idea that he is spying on the team is ridiculous. Or maybe it is meant to sound like that.
Rehman Malik needs to be applauded for thinking on his feet. He is acting as cricket’s messiah by declaring that his country has sent “clean players” and can’t take chances after the ICC had banned three for spot-fixing. His target is not the players at all. He is preparing the ground for the outcome of the game. (Yes, I understand his English and more.)
If Pakistan wins the semis against India, then not only will the country rejoice but Pakistan’s image as detergent nation will also get a boost. If it loses, then pin it down to match-fixing. And everyone knows that such fixing is not a one-way street. So, which is the other one? Conspiracy theories galore will float. Rehman Malik and the Pakistan government will have ready scapegoats and their own hands will be clean. If only the cricketing greats understood basic bat and ball stuff.
This is such an obsequious sucking up to a trend, and a trend this WikiLeaky thing has become. The Times of India that often front pages its achievements of being the largest, the biggest, the best, has this on its masthead:
The report quotes Julian Assange:
“There are some very great little journalistic groups in India, pointing out the TOI among others. Journalism in India is quite vibrant in the medium and lower level.”
Quite simply laugh-inducing because he discovered all this “based on his dealings with Indians”. If they are media people, then the very fact that they keep their mouths shut about corruption, when not playing with the powers or games with each other, reveals that their vibrancy is relegated to talking big and thinking small. And just how easily the TOI has accepted validation of being one of the “great little journalistic groups” and possibly from the “medium and lower level”! He obviously does not know about the advertising-editorial relationship, where even the front page is often taken over by some company’s wares or services and where Page 3 pictures are paid for, in cash or kind and ad space is bought with the condition that there will be editorial content favouring it.
- - -
Ok, so Tendulkar is unstoppable. So is Warne. One has clocked up 50 hundreds, the other has sent 100s to 50 or more.
But Sachin is the good guy. Shane is bad. And for those who think the bad guys are the ones who win, not so. Even Shane is praising Sachin.
And Shekhar Kapur says:
“And then I look at Sachin and god still lives in India.”
Has Sachin scored only on Indian soil? Can atheists not appreciate cricket? Does god have to be an achiever and break records? Or is it god giving Sachin those records? Then, does he deserve all the credit?
At least Shane Warne can hog on his hormones and spin that ball without divine intervention.
So M.S.Dhoni blames the T 20 fiasco on exhaustion and partying and everyone starts talking about how cricket is supreme and these excuses won’t do.
I don’t care whether Dhoni is making excuses or not. It has once again brought to the forefront the nature of the sport. Dhoni is right when he says:
“The IPL is not just about cricket. There are lots of things going around it. The players must be smart about it. They have to respect the body, give it some time to recover because it’s not just about playing. There have been day-night matches, then parties, and then early morning flights too. All this, including the travel, takes a toll. But if you are smart, I don’t think 45 days of cricket will drain you.”
The last sentence does not seem to have registered. He is trying to say something. There has always been infighting and one-upmanship. Now with IPL there are external factors too. Dhoni is as much a part of the satellite stunts. How well you are dressed, what haircut you get, the company you keep all have become more important than the scores. After all, they are now auctioned items.
The organisations capitalise on this aspect and make the players play other games after they have done their stint on the field. And why would any hot-blooded young player give up the opportunity to be seen at the right places when that is what helps in the selection process? Come on, you have to know the right head honchos.
And those who are getting all righteous about it are not players. What games has Rajiv Shukla played besides politics? Suresh Kalmadi? M.S. Gill? They have stuck to their positions as chiefs of various bodies without ever representing the country or even their mohalla. Jagmohan Dalmiya was a Kolkata businessman and he managed to virtually rule the roost.
Forget treating contemporary cricket as some holy cow. It is just another poodle with fancy trappings added to it.
The high point in recent days was that Sachin Tendulkar had finally signed into Twitter and within hours managed to get a whole bunch of followers. It was crazy how starlets went on about how he should exceed the following of Ashton Kutcher, who I believe has the largest following thanks I guess to the updates he provides on his wife Demi Moore. We even had an old friend telling the media about how he convinced Sachin to sign up. Now there will be newspaper columns about his tweets and when he slept and what he thinks, which is a nice human touch, but it is not national news.
Therefore, Dhoni’s comments are far more relevant. Sachin would not have said it. The good guys do finish first in some areas. And, hello, why is Mohammed Azharuddin railing about Dhoni’s excuse and saying that players can refuse to party? Right.
I’d like to pull up all our tainted players and ask them why they did not refuse those underhand betting deals.
In our country we are bad losers, but this time that is not the concern. It has stopped being a concern for a while now. People are sharp and they know that this is like a dumb film they can watch in an auditorium to get some cool air-conditioning. It does not even qualify as a peanut gallery anymore.
I do not know which of these ‘outings’ is the worst.
THIS:
Fans of Marilyn Monroe will be able to bid for an intimate snap of the star at an upcoming auction. An xray of the stars chest is set to go under the hammer. The medical photograph was taken at a Florida hospital in 1954 when the actress was being treated for endometriosis. The x-ray shows Monroe’s ribs as well as the outline of her famed cleavage.
I would understand a dress from some film, a personal belonging. This has become quite the norm for the public that seeks such vicarious thrills. But the woman was ill, for god’s sake, and it is an x ray. Isn’t there any shame left? And, why is there a mention of her cleavage. This is beyond disgusting.
OR THIS:
Oprah Winfrey has repeatedly lied about her upbringing and made up stories about sexual abuse to boost her reputation, claims biographer Kitty Kelley in her new book. Where Oprah got that nonsense about growing up in filth I have no idea, the New York Post quoted Winfrey’s cousin Katherine Carr Ester as saying in the book. I’ve confronted her and asked, why do you tell such lies ... Oprah told me that’s what people want to hear, the truth is boring.
Kitty Kelly has her kitty full of tell-all tales. I have my reservations about Oprah’s modus operandi that caters to the most basic instinct – voyeurism. It has often been camouflaged as catharsis, but you can see right through the tears, which often reveal that some of it has been staged. She is also her best subject, using everything from her weight to her money. Just as well. However, I can understand exaggeration as a possibility, but to make up stories of sexual abuse, especially as a child, somehow seems unlikely. If it is true, then it is cruel. Cruel to the telly-viewing world that trusts her implicitly, cruel to herself for needing such a ruse. Also, I’d like to know a bit more about this high moral ground adopted by her cousin. How much was she paid for telling this 'truth'? If she knew about it and felt so strongly, why was she silent all this time? There are hundreds of tabloids and channels waiting for such exposes.
OR THIS:
Sunanda Pushkar's face recently launched a thousand IPL controversies. However, if you've had enough of it, you could try an older variation. The one you've been spotting these days is only a new and improved version. City sources say that the woman, who is in the eye of the Modi-Tharoor storm, had a nose job done by a leading Mumbai-based cosmetic surgeon ten years ago. Sources said that Pushkar also had two other fat reduction surgeries before the nose job.
(Latest reports say she has withdrawn her stake in the IPL.)
Take her to task for the franchise deal, but this is low. The Medical Council should take note of the plastic surgeon Dr Ashok Gupta for revealing these details. It goes against the ethics of his profession. Incidentally, Mumbai Mirror that carried the story showed the before and after pictures and amazingly in all of them the lady is wearing the same lipstick. Is it her fealty towards a certain shade or is someone tampering?
Besides this, it might help if those who socialise with bottle blondes stopped mentioning this aspect of her. It is amusing to see the ladies who lunch get all concerned about power women, which of course Sunanda is not because she has not yet had a chance to appear on Page 3. She is an insult, apparently. She is telling us what to think about Tharoor. How dare she? Phew. People who opine about piffle should not be wondering about how her opinion does not count.
- - -
The sainted and the tainted - Lalit Modi with the Dalai Lama:
The stadium is empty. He sits on a bench. He won’t play. But he will cheer. He will paint his face with the tricolour. He will root for our team. He is plugging hockey. He is a cricketer.
Virendra Sehwag has been roped in to promote World Cup Hockey 2010, starting February 28. I find it hugely insulting.
I keep reading about lost past glory. What past glory does cricket have?
The major advantage, at the basic level, is that there is something like gully cricket; there is no gully hockey. It is a stadium game and needs to be treated as such.
Hockey is mired in as many controversies as the cricket organisations, but it does not have sponsors. It is a vicious circle. Someone has to start getting people interested. I am not holding a flag for it as a national game, but we have to respect the fact that it was hockey that brought us glory. It is a sport that is played internationally, too.
A film like Chak De was almost like a concession to it.
Virendra Sehwag in the ad gets attention for himself and the sport he plays. No one is interested in whether he is going to watch hockey or kabbaddi.
Tony Blair’s sycophancy towards the US is well-known. He is now defending himself before the first official grilling of sending 45,000 troops to Iraq in 2003. That is six years too late.
His remarks are completely off:
“This isn’t about a lie, or a conspiracy, or a deceit, or a deception, this is a decision. And the decision I had to take was, given Saddam’s history, given his use of chemical weapons, given the over 1 million people whose deaths he caused, given 10 years of breaking UN resolutions, could we take the risk of this man reconstituting his weapons programme? I believed ... that we were right not to run that risk.”
Was this his decision or his Party’s? Or was it prompted by America? Had Saddam caused deaths outside his country? Did anyone in Iraq seek western intervention? Now that no WMDs have been found, he is talking about the threat of Saddam reconstituting his weapons programme. Does the West not have the technical arsenal to know about such earth-shaking occurrences? Aren’t they warning the rest of the world about imminent attacks? Weapons programmes do not just drop from certain skies or sprout from the soil of selected nations. It takes some work and that can be traced.
The more amazing comment is Blair being concerned about Saddam breaking UN resolutions. Apparently he had already promised Bush his support to get to the weapons for, “If we tried the UN route and that failed, my view was it had to be dealt with.”
So, the possibility of the UN route failing was there. Could not Saddam have utilised those same loopholes and tardiness?
And then he has the gumption to state that the post-war planning was flawed:
“The planning assumption that...everybody made was that there would be a functioning civil service. Contrary to what we thought ... we found a completely broken system.”
What did he expect? After decimating a country pretending to help it, there would be a system that would work so that the West could arrive to the sound of bugles and put up a puppet regime?
This war was a lie and deceit. And there ought to be international legal provisions to try leaders of countries that use the UN as their toad.
- - -
Can Shahrukh Khan please thank the Shiv Sena? Or has he already done it much before the ‘controversy’? I hate to revisit the IPL saga, but when the first bits of news trickled in I did not read a single comment by the actor. He came in later to say that the Pakistanis and Australians must be allowed to play. Now, the Shiv Sena has asked its party’s loyal workers to tear posters of the not-yet-released film My Name Is Khan.
Last night I was watching a discussion between a SS guy and an activist, Gerson da Cunha. We know what the SS guy must have said, but Mr da Cunha wondered why the Shiv Sena has not done anything about ‘Bombay’ Port or the ‘Bombay’ Times. I found the latter bit intriguing. The gentleman, although among the few truly genuine people as per my instinct, is pretty much visible on Page 3. It was, therefore, a bit surprising that he brought this up. Also, he made a specific reference to the TOI “at Bori Bunder”! As many of you might not be aware, that stretch was called that, the Bori standing for the Bohris – a sect of Muslims. I think he was trying to make a point.
Anyhow, after that I changed channels and there was Sharukh on a news programme talking with Karan Johar and Kajol and they did their hokey-pokey routine. Is anyone from the SS objecting to the promos, the interviews on TV, in the newspapers?
No. Because the SS needs to be in the news and so do the people “in trouble”, especially if the trouble is going to get them the attention they need at the moment.
The Shiv Sena is a public service organisation that keeps our celebrities in fine fettle. The film is to release only in the second week of this month. Our Home Minister P. Chidambaram has come out and spoken about how he would like to see the Pak players in action. He said it was his personal opinion. The Home Minister cannot appear before the media and give his personal opinion on a subject that has the nation in thrall and is already a diplomatic disaster. No one asked him what his favourite video game was.
So, Shahrukh gets Congress support but being a good Maharashtrian he will also be nice to the SS…maybe an apology, maybe a special meeting with the Supremo where ‘the matter will be resolved’? And then a special screening with buttered popcorn?
- - -
How important is it for anyone to have news channels discuss Sania Mirza’s broken engagement? We know that the media is intrusive and we are. If it has to be reported, fine. Be done with it. But, no. They were playing Hindi film songs in the background and brought in the third party factor, too. Worse, her publicity-hungry father was telling media persons about “incompatibility”, and one anchor in the studio said how can they now become incompatible when they were compatible when they got engaged?
Clearly, this woman has no idea. Did the media ask them whether they planned to get married because they were compatible? It could have been that he liked watching her play.
This has given enough grist for the glossies and sundry snippets to debate the issue about women’s achievement and men’s insecurity. Ten people are asked ten questions in ten places and they give ten answers which effectively say nothing that we don’t already know.
For the 'don’t already know' and my views, watch this space. (Hah, isn’t that how the media keeps you hooked? I am just tryin’ my hand at it too!)
Every new “twist” in the IPL tale would be yawn-producing had it not been full of lies. Some West Indies cricketer suddenly needs surgery, so now we can get Pakistani bowler Abdul Razzaq. Everyone thinks it is ok. No security issues. Nothing.
I think if there are people in this country and in Pakistan who really believe that throwing balls and hitting bouncers is going to result in peace, then the man to buy is Imran Khan.
We are always worried about the Taliban, right? He is our man. He can talk to them. The moment he plays a few ‘peacing’ matches – and he will invest all that money in his cancer hospital, too – the good Talibs will shoo away the bad Talibs. Now that America too is willing to talk to them, it will be all good.
Imran Khan does not have a chance in hell, or heaven, to lead his country politically. He can try this out. Sold-out matches and the only Talibs who will be at our border would be those sending SMS messages for some competition or the other that is taking place. We will make more money; they will make more money. Who knows, Asif Ali Zardari, who has a fan following in Bradford, may even ask some Pakistanis to return home and sneak out for some much-needed rest and join Sarah Palin on a foxy talk show. Pakistanis will be relieved. India will be happy to play Big Bro once again.
And, yes, Parmeshwar Godrej’s swimming pool will be waiting to cool off Imran Khan. Remember he had asked on the earlier occasion that India should help Pakistani democracy?
Don’t ever call me a cynic again. I have given my thoughts on how to make piss.
