'Euro-English'

Imagine, how easy it is to get one language to become another. I don't usually post forwards here, but could not resist this...or ziz...from my inbox:

"The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the  British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for  improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become  known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will  replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump  with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should  klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in  the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f"..  This will make words like fotograf 20%  shorter.

In the  3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted  to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are  possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double  letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate  speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the  silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go  away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such  as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz  yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from  vordskontaining "ou"  and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil  sensi bl riten  styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil  find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali  kum tru.

Und  efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze  forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza  pepl."

Deos and Deities

Who’d have thought that the government move against deodorant ads would get a saffron person to state:

“I guess these guidelines do not apply when it comes to painting Hindu gods and goddesses in nude and/or erotic positions."

Well, that was what my Inbox had and it is something that keeps coming up in discussions too. 


My reply in full:

Dear X ji:

I do not believe these ads have much of an impact, but am I to assume you have no problems with such ads? Does the Shiv Sena not routinely tear up posters on hoardings that it finds objectionable? What about protests during Valentine’s Day? Most religious groups inflict such morality on people without even taking recourse to the legal process.

The analogy of paintings of Hindu deities naked or in certain positions is not quite the same. These depictions are there in temples and ancient art. Most of contemporary art does not demean the figures. And let us not forget that guidelines or no guidelines the people behind such paintings do bear the brunt. In our country we have a very strong unofficial system of policing. Sadly, it does not come out when the country is in real danger.

I can only guess that your next query or thought would be, ah, and what do Muslims do when there is a cartoon drawn about their Prophet? As a non-practising person with some basic knowledge, I think it has to do with non-idolatory. Islam has no visible images at all; we do not know what the Prophet looks like. So, like most vain people we’d want a more Christ-like or even Santa-like image rather than some skewed Aladdin. It has to do with aesthetics.

Now, you may well ask, what would a mullah whose face is covered with a bush know about aesthetics? And what is aesthetic about shouting slogans and doing other undesirable things?

Claudia and calligraphy

I agree, but in this respect all religious proponents have the same degree of enthusiasm. Recently an Australian swimwear company had images of Goddess Lakshmi; some years ago model Claudia Schiffer walked down the ramp wearing a dress with Islamic calligraphy drawn on the top; pop star Madonna used Sanskrit shlokas in some songs, someone else belts out some exclamatory lines from the Quran; there have been occasions when even Buddhists have been hurt because some wine was called Maya. There have been objections and protests.

The protestors showing what they do not want shown!

I think the oft-quoted bit from the Bhagwad Gita can be applied across the board:


Karmani ave adhikars te
ma phalesu kadachana
ma karmaphal hetur bhoo
ma sangostu akramani

“Thou hast power only to act not over the result thereof. Act thou therefore without prospect of the result and without succcumbing to inaction.”

Everyone acts the way they deem fit for fear of inaction.

Regards,
~F

PS: Sorry about the long rant but traditionally the majority has appeased the minority so I assume some indulgence! (Please take this in the right light spirit.)

- Note ends -

I did not copy the pictures in the email, though.My views on the deo ads have already been expressed here

Sunday ka Funda

The Sheikhs of the skullcaps

Bahaudin Naqshband (c. 1389A.D.) was approached by the sheikhs of four Sufi groups in India, Egypt, Turkey (Roum), and Persia. They asked him, in eloquently-worded letters, to send them teachings which they could impart to their followers.

Bahaudin first said: 'What I have is not new. You have it and do not use it correctly: therefore you will simply say when you receive my messages, "These are not new".'

The sheikhs replied: 'With respect, we believe that our disciples will not think thus.'

Bahaudin did not reply to these letters, but read them in his assemblies, saying: 'We at a distance will be able to see what happens. Those who are in the midst of it will not, however, make the effort to see what is happening to them.'

Then the sheikhs wrote to Bahaudin and asked him to give some token of his interest. Bahaudin sent one small skullcap, the araqia, for each student, telling their sheikhs to distribute them as from him, without saying what the reason might be.

He said to his assembly: 'I have done such-and-such a thing. We who are far will see what those who are near to events will not see.'

Now he wrote, after a time, to each of the sheikhs, asking them whether they had abided by his wishes, and what the result had been.

The sheikhs wrote: 'We have abided by your wishes.' But as to the results, the sheikh of Egypt wrote: 'My community eagerly accepted your gift as a sign of special sanctity and blessing, and as soon as the caps were distributed each person regarded them as of the greatest inner significance, and as carrying your mandate.'

And the sheikh of the Turks wrote, on the other hand: 'The community regard your cap with great suspicion. They imagine that it betokens your desire to assume their leadership. Some are afraid that you may even influence them from afar through this object.'

There was a different result from the sheikh in India, who wrote: 'Our disciples are in great confusion, and daily ask me to interpret to them the meaning of the distribution of araqia. Until I tell them something about this, they do not know how to act.'

The letter from the sheikh of Persia said: 'The result of your distribution of the caps has been that the Seekers, content with what you have sent them, await your further pleasure, so that they may place at the disposal of their teaching and of themselves the efforts which should be made.'

Bahaudin explained to an audience of hearers in Bokhara: 'The dominant superficial characteristic of the people in the circles of India, Egypt, Turkey and Persia was in each case manifested by the reactions of their members. Their behaviour when faced with a trivial object such as a skullcap would been exactly the same if they had been faced with me in person, or with teachings sent by me. Neither the people nor their sheikhs have learned that they must look among themselves for their choking peculiarities. They should not use these trivial peculiarities as methods to assess others.'

'Among the disciples of the Persian sheikh there is a possibility of understanding, because they have not the arrogance to imagine that they "understand" that my caps will bless them, will threaten them, will confuse them. The characteristics here are, in the three cases: Egyptian hope, Turkish fear and Indian uncertainty.'

Some of the epistles of Bahaudin Naqshband had meanwhile been copied as a pious act and distributed by well-meaning but unenlightened dervishes in Cairo, Hind and the Persian and Turki areas. They eventually fell into the hands of the circles surrounding these very 'Sheikhs of the Skullcaps'.

Bahaudin, therefore, asked one wandering Kalendar to visit each of these communities in turn, and to report to him how they felt about his epistles.

This man said on his return: 'They all said: "This is nothing new. We are doing all these things already. Not only that, but we are basing our daily lives on them, and by our existing tradition, we keep ourselves occupied day in and day out with remembrance of these things".'

El-Shah Bahaudin Naqshband thereupon called all his disciples together. He said to them: 'You who are at a distance from certain events connected with these four sheikhly groupings will be able to see how little has been accomplished by the working of the Knowledge among them. Those who are present there have learned so little that they can no longer profit from their own experiences. Where, therefore, is the advantage of the "daily remembrances and struggle"?'

'Make it a task to collect all the available information about this event, inform yourselves of the whole story, including the exchange of letters and what I have said, as well as the report of this Kalendar here. Bear witness that we have offered the means whereby others could learn. Cause this material to be written down and studied, and let those who have been present witness it so that, God willing, even reading about it might prevent such things happening frequently in future, and might even enable it to come to the eyes and ears of those who were so powerfully affected the the "action" of inactive skullcaps.'

- - -

I received this from a reader in London, who does not have to deal with skullcaps! Thank you, if you are reading this. As you can see, true words always reach out.

Heir to Trash

For those who think they are too poor to leave anything behind, just bequeath your Spam. The Digital World is now rife with riches, in terms of email accounts, uploaded photographs, videos, social networking portfolios.

If you thought you lived in a cramped rented studio apartment and have the audacity to declare that you are homeless, you are in fact occupying space. Ah, did you know that 'My Space' was moveable property? Get it? You, who played the poverty card, the hobo, the one who had to depend on social security and wait for bonuses, are rich. So wipe that woe-begone look off your face and straighten your shoulders. You are priceless.

The legal fraternity has been busy formulating Wills that leave the heirs with all cyber wealth. Apparently, people believe that after they are gone their children, grandchildren or complete strangers ought to be given all their communication. Passwords won’t be mentioned in the Last Will and Testament because it is an open document. It will be drawn separately and the inheritor may have sole rights to it.

I understand that everyone believes they have precious stuff beyond their cupboards, safes, mutual funds, and property. This is certainly a move to make the Will a great leveler and bridge the gap, at least socially. I mean, someone can leave behind a virtual solitaire. It sounds neat. But what would an heir do with ‘friends’ gathered on Facebook? And how would s/he deal with updated tweets and discover that the parent or family member or friend was really cuckoo?

Think of all those recipients wondering about the nature of correspondence revealed. It is one thing when people do so while they are alive, but after death?

I don’t think it is a particularly good idea, unless one has saved every memory digitally. I am sure if you have pictures with someone at the Eiffel Tower, that someone would have a copy. Heck, your online ‘contacts’ and ‘followers’ might have access to them if you ‘share’. With so much sharing already going on, the heir could well misuse it. How many of the friends do you know personally? So, the person bequeathed with the information could well play the same character, that is you, and no one would know.

I think what we save is of value to us alone and what we delete is not. Imagine being the legatee of an email account and just after the last tear drop has dried on the cheek you go and sign in and the first words that greet you are: “Your email account has won $ 2 million”? Would you want to LOL or ROTFL?

The latter has often made me wonder about the hyperbolic nature of the internet. Does anyone really Roll On The Floor Laughing? Then how do they manage to type?

Those things our armymen do...

Now, this forward is supposed to make us go all gooey. I did try. Honest. But it’s not working. Why on earth is it even necessary to ask, “Any one more secular than the Indian army?”

Here are the examples. My two-bits in bold:

As a serving army officer, I never stop marvelling at the gullibility of our countrymen to be provoked with alacrity into virulence in the name of religion. I have never heard the word 'secular' during all my service -- and yet, the simple things that are done simply in the army make it appear like an island of sanity in a sea of hatred.

In the army, each officer identifies with the religion of his troops. In regiments where the soldiers are from more than one religion, the officers -- and indeed all jawans attend the weekly religious prayers of all the faiths. How many times have I trooped out of the battalion mandir and, having worn my shoes, entered the battalion church next door? A few years ago it all became simpler -- mandirs, masjids, gurudwars and churches began to share premises all over the army. It saved us the walk.

So, God is not omnipotent and omniscient, but has a) a foot fetish b) is a fitness instructor

----------------------------------
Perhaps it is so because the army genuinely believes in two central 'truths' -- oneness of god and victory in operations. Both are so sacred we cannot nitpick and question the basics.

In fact, sometimes the army mixes up the two! On a visit to the holy cave at Amarnath a few years ago I saw a plaque mounted on the side of the hill by a battalion that had once guarded the annual Yatra. It said, 'Best wishes from -....- battalion. Deployed for Operation Amarnath.

If there was oneness of god, then there would be no need for an Operation Amarnath.

-------------------------
On another instance, I remember a commanding officer ordered the battalion maulaviji to conduct the proceedings of Janamashtmi prayers because the panditji had to proceed on leave on compassionate grounds. No eyebrows were raised. It was the most rousing and best-prepared sermon on Lord Krishna I have ever had the pleasure of listening to.

Geez, the army has maulvis and pandits? Can people not have their own little holy books they can read from? Would it be the same attitude had a pandit given a sermon about the prophet? Do they also have Catholic priests, Sikh granthis and Buddhist and Jain monks?

-----------------------
On the Line of Control, a company of Khemkhani Muslim soldiers replaced a Dogra battalion. Over the next few days, the post was shelled heavily by Pakistanis, and there were a few non-fatal casualties.

One day, the junior commissioned officer of the company, Subedar Sarwar Khan walked up to the company commander Major Sharma and said, "Sahib, ever since the Dogras left, the mandir has been shut. Why don't you open it once every evening and do aarti? Why are we displeasing the gods?"

Major Sharma shamefacedly confessed he did not know all the words of the aarti. Subedar Sarwar Khan went away and that night, huddled over the radio set under a weak lantern light, painstakingly took down the words of the aarti from the post of another battalion!

Is this secular? If there are no aartis, it would displease the gods? Since they know so much about the working of the mind of gods why don’t they ask the gods (please note the plural…didn’t someone talk about oneness of religion earlier?) to do some jaadu and get the troops on the other side to just disappear?

-----------------------
How many of us know that along the entire border with Pakistan, our troops abstain from alcohol and non-vegetarian food on all Thursdays? The reason: It is called the Peer day -- essentially a day of religious significance for the Muslims.

Only the armed forces seem to know about such days. Which Peer is being commemorated and for what? To the best of my knowledge, Peer is Monday in Urdu. So, how does Monday appear on Thursday? Civilian Muslims eat meat on all days and those who do not drink will not drink on any day. The rest will continue with their chhota and bara pegs.

-------------------------
In 1984, after Operation Bluestar there was anguish in the Sikh community over the desecration of the holiest of their shrines. Some of this anger and hurt was visible in the army too.

I remember the first Sikh festival days after the event -- the number of army personnel of every religious denomination that thronged the regimental gurudwara of the nearest Sikh battalion was the largest I had seen. I distinctly remember each officer and soldier who put his forehead to the ground to pay obeisance appeared to linger just a wee bit longer than usual. Was I imagining this? I do not think so. There was that empathy and caring implicit in the quality of the gesture that appeared to say, "You are hurt and we all understand."

Fine. Nice. Empathy is good anywhere. Have they asked themselves why they have to do what they do? It is better than putting the forehead to the ground and lingering a bit longer.

------------------------
We were deployed on the Line of Control those days. Soon after the news of disaffection among a small section of Sikh troops was broadcast on the BBC, Pakistani troops deployed opposite the Sikh battalion yelled across to express their 'solidarity' with the Sikhs.

The Sikh havildar shouted back that the Pakistanis had better not harbour any wrong notions. "If you dare move towards this post, we will mow you down."

So Santa Singh became Santa Claus for the Indian Army. This is his job. Why see it as a special gesture?

-------------------------------
Finally, a real - and true - gem.

Two boys of a Sikh regiment battalion were overheard discussing this a day before Christmas.

"Why are we having a holiday tomorrow?" asked Sepoy Karnail Singh.

"It is Christmas," replied the wiser Naik Gurmeet Singh.

"But what is Christmas?"

"Christmas," replied Naik Singh, with his eyes half shut in reverence and hands in a spontaneous prayer-clasp, "is the guruparb of the Christians."

Ok, a Sepoy would not know what is Christmas and he is supposed to rattle out the brand names of designer weapons. And a Naik who knows ups his GK quotient and becomes secular because he connects the celebration of something to do with his religion and another. Like taal se taal mila...

I wonder what he would have said if someone asked about the Last Supper. Would he call it temporary reincarnation? Or just say “Rab returning for holy langar”?

Hey, Venkatraman Ramakrishnan, you've NOT got mail

I am so glad our Nobel laureate has said what he has.

“All sorts of people from India have been writing to me, clogging up my email box. It takes me an hour or two to just remove their mails. Do these people have no consideration? It is OK to take pride in the event, but why bother me? There are also people who have never bothered to be in touch with me for decades who suddenly feel the urge to connect. I find this strange.”

There are two levels on which I adore this comment.

1. He is not upto silly public relations and seeking of roots. I guess in his field it won’t matter much; an atom and molecule here or there won’t really pull at heart strings, unlike, say, a Salman Rushdie who can really get us all worked up because he is working on us. So, good going.

2. This business of thinking every Indian is really Indian makes no sense. I know the expats get irritated when I say it but here is one of you saying it in so many words, words that are far from polite, whether it would be in the gentle temple town of Chidambaram or the robust Punjab.

You won’t find him returning to be garlanded and have tilak put on his forehead and talk about how rich our culture is and how much he would like to dig into the rasam rice. He does not give a damn, and I am glad. We have enough of these Johnnies in New Jersey trying to claim heritage and crap. This man knows that some teacher at Annamalai University is faking it when he says that Venkatraman was his student. He must qualify as a true child prodigy for he left India when he was only three. He has called it “all sorts of lies”.

Ramakrishnan said it was good if his winning the Nobel Prize encouraged people to take interest in science.

“But I, personally, am not important. The fact that I am of Indian origin is even less important. We are all human beings, and our nationality is simply an accident of birth.”

Great. I almost said ‘saar’ and then realised he would not know what that meant. I’d have to say jolly good, now that he is not even in the US.

However, I would like to know if he will indulge in such plain talking when the heads of countries congratulate him. If being Indian is of no value, and it ought not to be given that he was so little when he left, then he should be able to tell them to just chill. I mean, no one sends congratulatory notes to an accident of birth. He could have been born in Jhumri Tallaiyya and no one would have cared. Now Tamil Nadu and Surat and all of India think their dharti putra (son of the soil) has won. Some may even be planning to invite him. Fuhgetit. He is not playing ball. He might like to tell his father not to go around giving interviews about the Indianness, though.

As for the belief that people will take more interest in science because of his victory, this is temporary. It happens when someone goes to space or cracks a code. No one is mastering spelling after a girl of Indian origin won the Spelling Bee contest.

Given the number of Indian restaurants doing brisk business in the West, we have not had a surfeit of people getting interested in food. We just like to celebrate anything.

So, here is a short note to him:

Sorry about all those emails telling you nice-nice things about things no one knows or understands. Or, someone asking you about how is life and all that, as though you are interested in such small things. You are now big man and I am not flooding your inbox because I am fully understanding how inbox is suffering because of overweight. We Indians are like that only, eating and eating and getting fat. Not working out. But obesity is American problem also. You not knowing because you are busy with test tubes.

But, Venkatraman Ramakrishnan, one day when the Western press asks you about anything on India, and they just might – about its foreign policy, its poverty, its global leap - please do not give your opinion. Even though you may be well-read, speak as a foreigner, not as one who knows. Coz, although you might remember the ground as you learned to crawl here, you don’t know the ground realities.

India does not count to you, and we respect that. For some of us, the chemistry prize could have gone to some Maori tribal. We don’t give a tosh. Oh, that reminds me to start deleting all those emails that are choking my inbox. You have to pay the price for fame; I have to pay the price for just being an Indian trying hard to be seen as one.

Rib-o-some, eh?

The RSS is Islamist?

The mailbox is a hugely interesting place. Yesterday, I got an email from a self-styled Hindulogy Foundation. The recipients were mostly movers and shakers; I was, I suppose, the shaker.

I shall reproduce most of this note, without changing anything, including capitals. It is addressed to Sudheendra Kulkarni who has quit the BJP:

Dear Shri Kulkarnni,

Congratulations for liberating yourself from the Slavery of RSS led Shakuni Parivar.

I knew that you, Jaswant Singh & my Guru Shri Arun Shourie can't opt for lifelong Slavery of this criminal organisation which has given birth to the criminals like Godse, Purohit, Pragya etc etc.

Let's work together to expose the real ISLAMIC IDEOLOGY & CHARACTER of RSS, so that gullible Hindus do not fall into their Pseudo -Hindutva trap.

Divine was graceful on me when I saw the demise of RSS led Shakuni Parivar in 2002 itself just after famous GUJARAT EXPERIMENT of RSS.

RSS is not an iota of Hindutva. Hindutva apeal can't be confined in the tiny brains of people like Sudarshan & Mohan Bhagwat. I have made following two imminent forecasts:

1. ISLAM will not see the SUN-RISE of next century.

2. US will become a HINDU NATION by 2100 AD.

Anyway I am very grateful to you & Jaswant Singh for displaying courage, which is missing in most of the Hindus throughout the Globe.

- - -

Wah, bhai, wah. When the RSS does the dirty it becomes Islamic.

For someone who is berating the RSS, which is largely responsible for the Hindutva resurgence, I wonder why the writer is so enthusiastic that Islam dies in the next century (very convenient, Mr. pseudo Nostradamus, since none of us will be around). And why this eagerness to see the US as a Hindu nation?

The internet has spawned a whole bunch of people who find sustenance in these theories.

Now, we come to Sudheendra Kulkarni. I can vouch for one thing – he is willing to listen and talk even if you are not on the same page as he is. The problem is that I knew him when he was a Marxist and I was trying to be one. You know how it is…I did not know he was a card-holding member of the CPI (M), though.

It is believed that the L.K.Advani speech about Jinnah was his work. Therefore, his taking up for Jaswant Singh is not unusual.

He has explained his reason for quitting:

“I have concluded that I cannot make any meaningful contribution to the party any more as I have ideological differences with it as it stands today…I want to have the freedom to express my views and be sincere to my convictions. At the same time, I respect the discipline of the party and, therefore, I have stepped out.”

How can one respect the discipline and have ideological differences? This discipline is a part of the saffron ideology. Everytime anyone raised protests, they would come out with this discipline thing. Oh, we are so disciplined. We have in-house elections, we follow rules, we manage to gather people to collect bricks and stones.

Now, what I would like is to read a book by Sudheendra Kulkarni. A man who has worked closely with both Atal Behari Vajpayee and Advani and in his early life with the Commies will have very interesting things to say.

As for the JS book, I repeat what I had written. What has he said about Savarkar, Golvalkar, Godse? Why is everyone cashing in on the cash-cow leaders and forgetting those who continue to be a part of the saffron ideology to which Jaswant Singh belonged until just the other day?

And, please, all these experts should just take a deep breath before they pronounce the death of the BJP. With all these departures, and its blaming Varun Gandhi of all the little people in the world for part of the debacle, and the post-mortem they will only conclude that they need the elders to guide and the second rung to go forth and conquer. Narendra Modi is considered young. And he is only going to get stronger.

Ramzan is more than looking for the moon

Why are Indians saying Ramadan? It was always Ramzan for me. If I don’t do a thing in this month, why do I mind at all by what name it is called? Because it infringes on a cultural attuning.

Those who have been around long enough know that I do not fast. It isn’t for 'unreligious' reasons. It is a personal choice. If I feel like doing it, then I will. No shoo-shaa over it.

However, the build-up does bother me. I do not like to be inundated with emails from strangers sending long posts on various religious verses and what they mean and how we can be saved by them. I suggest they send them to the embassies of several nations that believe it is their birthright to rule and subjugate people. Send them to those who create havoc in the name of faith. Send them to characters who taint the religion.

These people, in their enthusiasm to be carriers of the religion, end up as irritants and as a result those verses that might have been beautiful and conveyed a lot are sent straight to my junk box. We all have our values and there is no way for me to ascertain that the people sending me those precious words fit into any ethical belief system that I hold dear.

This month is to replenish your inner resources and abstain, so please stop spamming. I don’t have a handy hadith for that, but am sure you get the drift.

- - -

The new Islamists may abhor music, but the qawwali can be an uplifting experience irrespective of anything else. I remember visiting the Nizamuddin dargah only to listen to the qawwals. Of course, I refer here to the ones that convey oneness with a Being outside oneself. Or perhaps deep within.

The music is structured, its repetitive enunciation like the drones of bees near a honeycomb waiting to taste what they have created. That is the essence. Look inside and feel before you can go outside and seek. You could feel a tremor or a touch. I do not buy the ‘unfeeling’ state.

You may deny your body food and water, but the hunger and thirst for reaching bliss has got to be there.

And bliss is when you hear words like:

Piye jo sharaab-e-ishq–e-Nabi
Marta ho tau jeena aa jaaye

(The one who is drunk on the love of the Prophet
Learns to live even as he is dying)

Whatever you believe in and whatever figure/idea/thought you replace, there is a sense of rejuvenation. Religion is incidental; it is a ritual of your belonging. How sublime it is to hear two people, not of the faith, singing to be one with the Nabi of another.

It is not literal and that is how it should be. We stuff our faces with what we think is religiosity and never fathom the reasons why.

It is like crushing roses. You will get your fragrance, but the flowers will be dead.

Live, instead:

Piye jo sharaab-e-ishq–e-Nabi - Qawwali by Shankar-Shambhu

Art on Trailers

A forward worth sharing...this is amazing art:

Here are 7 pictures of European trucks whose trailers are decorated to look like the sides are missing and the products they are hauling are painted on the sides and back.

The first one is of a bottle of beer and looks so real, like it is coming out the side of the trailer.

The second is of a canvas tote bag.

The third is of Pepsi cases and they are all stacked on the ceiling, and the bottom of the trailer is empty.

The fourth is of another truck with the windshield facing the back, a driver painted in the driver's seat looking back over his shoulder to appear like he is driving backwards. (Now this one is just plain scary, even when the German reads 'On the wrong way?')

The fifth one is of an aquarium with fish swimming in it.

The sixth one is of a bookshelf with books lined up in it and a post-it-note with an advertisement on it, probably for the company that sells the books.

The last one is for Pringles-Hot & Spicy. The 'inside' of the trailer has the appearance of having been through a fire.

Jest like that...

Each Friday night after work, Bubbal Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of Bubbal's neighbours were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Bubbal, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubbal attended Mass ... and a the priest sprinkled holy water over him and said, "You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic.”

Bubbal's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighbourhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubbal's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Bubbal clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb, but now yaara you iz a fish!"

- - -

(Obviously, this is a forward I received...)

Monkeys and money

Got this in the mail

Once upon a time a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10 and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He next announced that he would now buy monkeys at $20 each. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 each! However,since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf.
In the absence of the man, the assistant t old the villagers: 'Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.'

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys.

They never saw the man or his assistant again, only lots and lots of monkeys!

Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.

Time to rail?

Here are some interesting train analogies about the candidates for the US elections...

Talk about being nuts for photos

When I first saw these in the inbox, I could feel myself there…there was such palpable tension.

This is a case of a photographer photographing another photographer. The identity of the subject in the photos is unknown.

The following pictures were taken by Hans van de Vorst from the Netherlands at the Grand Canyon, Arizona. Here is the account in his words…

I was simply stunned seeing this guy standing on this solitary rock in the Grand Canyon

The canyon's depth is 900 meters (3,000 " ) here.

The rock on the right is affixed to the edge of the canyon and perfectly safe.

Watching this guy in his rubber thong sandals, burdened with a camera and a tripod

I asked myself 3 questions:

1. How did he climb that rock?

2. Why not take that sunset picture from that rock on the right, which is perfectly safe?

3. How will he get back?

After the sun set behind the canyon's horizon he packed his things and prepared himself for the jump.

This took about 2 minutes.

At that point he definitely had the full attention of the crowd.

This is the point of no return.

After that, he jumped in his thong sandals & only having one hand free . . . The canyon's depth is 900 meters (3,000 feet) here.

You can see that the adjacent rock is quite a bit higher than where he is (and quite steep.)

He hopes to use his one free hand to grab on to the rock.

Look carefully at the photographer.

He is carrying a camera, a tripod and also a plastic bag - all on his shoulder or in his left hand.

He lands low on his flip flops ~ both his right hand and right foot slip away...

And at that moment I take this shot:

He pushes his body tight against the rock - waits for a few seconds, throws his stuff on top of the rock, then climbs up & walks away.

(Presumably to a bathroom to change his shorts!)

Phew! How can anyone take such a wow photograph?

Muaah Mushy?

Miss Pakistan thinks Musharraf is a ‘hunk’

I think this Mahleej Sarkari woman has been set up. It is no secret that I like Pervez Musharraf, but the reigning Miss Pakistan World is sounding a bit batty when she says, “Musharraf is a hunk. He has enough charisma to have young girls going nuts.”

This has made front page news. It is a little-known pageant. The reason is that the newspapers can flash pictures of Ms Sarkari and tell the world that Pakistanis too can lay claims to half-naked women.

Also, to get back to my original point, now that Asif Zardari is being lauded for his ‘statesmanship’ (which means he could be the reign man anytime), this is one more way to ensure that the mullahs run after Musharraf.

The democrats can then talk about how they are in fact the real clean bins and even more qualified to be the Islamic republic’s caretakers.

- - -

On a different note...

Ah... “happy day 15-4-2008” said the subject line…I got this yesterday, the 16th, in the mail by someone I do not know or one who has used a fictitious ID. It had an attachment: My picture that is here on the blog!

Haven’t replied.

What do I say?

Well, a happy day to you, too, but I really do not get it…why would I be happy seeing my own photograph, that too one I end up seeing everyday when I post and everyone else is subjected to?

How many miles to Fucking?

There is really such a town in Austria:

So as the forward I got asks…

Are the residents called Fuckers?

What are the mothers called?

What would you be learning at the Fucking High School?

Does the Fucking Hospital help you with anything else?

If your friend came from another town, he wouldn't be your Fucking friend.

And this report is hilarious:

PS: My comment pop-up window is not popping up, so thanks for the comments...will wait for the pop.

This person needs a job...

(This is a forward!)

This individual seeks an executive position. He will be available in January 2009, and is willing to relocate.

RESUME

GEORGE W. BUSH

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

Washington, DC 20520

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

Law Enforcement:

I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.

Military:

I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

College:

I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE :

I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.

I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.

With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:

I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.

I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.

With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida , and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President of the United States, after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.

I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.

I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.

I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues.

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleezza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.

I am the all- time U.S. and world record -holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history, Enron.

My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.

I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history. I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

I changed the U.S. policy to allow convict ed criminals to be awarded government contracts.

I appointed more convicted criminals to my administration than any President in U.S. history.

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States Government.

I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.

I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US election).

I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.

I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.

I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations , the majority of U.S. Citizens and the world community.

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families in wartime.

In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.

I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.

I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.

I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.

All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. I specified that my sealed documents will not be available for 50 years.

And this one doesn't want one...