Whose yoga is it, anyway?

After this Yoga Day is over, nobody will give a damn about it, neither those promoting it nor those opposing it.

As we celebrate the occasion on June 21, it becomes evident that unlike the rest of the world, for Indians it is not only about physical wellbeing. It takes a very simplistic mind to suggest that the sudden interest in yoga is about health. If that were the priority, then our health infrastructure would be revamped and several other cures propagated.

Perhaps those who perform their asanas and deep breathing might have gone about it as they always do but for the added burden of being made the keepers of a cultural heritage. This becomes more potent when you have to deal with what appear to be enemies of yoga. Supporting yoga today is also about patriotism.

"Yoga is the best soft power of India," said external affairs minister Sushma Swaraj. Inherent in the statement is the belief that we can colonise others with it, and indeed with so many other countries adopting it it is possible to indulge in such delusion, especially where the West is concerned.

The same goes for the prime minister. When Narendra Modi suggested to the UN to institute a day celebrating yoga, he was claiming heritage, capitalising on the foreign interest, and appealing to the NRI community by taking care not to use Hindutva evangelism and spoil their case in their adopted lands.

More than culture, it is an assertion of patent rights. Our foreign obsession often takes us to our own cultural moorings only after they've been accepted overseas, largely by the whites. Do we hear about blacks and yoga? There is no way that the foreigners enamoured of yoga are doing so solely due to its physical benefits. They like the exotica that accompanies it — the incense, the spiritual poses, the history and the mythography of finding the self from the navel to the seat of all desire at the base of the lower back, as the kundalini rises.

Added to this is the guilt that they are taking over yoga. There has been much debate for years about the appropriation. This is not quite true for Indian gurus from Maharishi Mahesh yogi to Deepak Chopra made money overseas and gained currency in the land of their origin because of their famous clientele overseas. There might be a few mom & pop type yoga stores, but it is more likely that it is preferred to be first experienced in its 'natural' environment.

The truth is that yoga has been chosen for special attention simply because it is a thriving industry, and not because India wants to culturally invade the world or the minorities. However, the 'yoga is anti-Islam, anti-Christianity' lobbies come in handy because the majority of middle-class Indians, avaricious as they are, like a moral core to justify their greed.

With the subtle implication that this is an ancient art form that needs to be protected and propagated, they feel assuaged. They carry history in their aspiring to be nimble forms.

It was bad enough that certain Muslim groups and individuals started talking about how yoga is anti-Islam, but it is even worse to see the ridiculous attempts to co-opt other Muslims. Photographs of maulvis and people wearing burqas and skull caps holding their noses and contorting their bodies just make it appear like the farce it is turning out to be.

It started with this nonsense about how Muslims can't do the surya namaskar because in Islam you are not supposed to worship any form. Not everybody who does yoga worships the sun or the moon or anything. Why even bring this up? This gave Yogi Adityanath just the kind of opportunity he waits for:

"Sun is the source of life giving energy. Whoever thinks Sun is communal, I would like to humbly request them to drown themselves in the sea or they should stay in a dark cell."

These Muslims deserve his idiocy that misinterprets their intent and even communalises the sun. At the other end is Sakshi Maharaj who called himself a true Muslim and Prophet Mohammed a great yogi. Some others said namaaz is like yoga.

Some Muslims asserted that they are not supposed to say 'Om' while doing deep meditation, and somebody suggested they could replace it with 'Ameen'. You really do not need either, and if yoga is all about health then just get on with it. By creating a controversy, bigoted Muslims have just played into the hands of the other bigots, and made themselves into a laughing stock to be 'saved' by the likes of Baba Ramdev.

Christians too have objected because yoga is "not compatible with Christianity". An event organized by drug rehab NGO Kripa is in trouble because many from the community believe that Fr. Joe Pereira is more like a Hindu yoga guru. A parishioner said, "...yoga is not Biblical. If a priest wants to organise something, he should do it within the framework of the Christian world."

Everyone seems to want to score points.

Mr Modi, despite all the criticism the event has generated, has used what has always been there to garner more attention for himself. He wants to ensure that this occasion gets into the Guinness Book. Large contingents will be out, including police personnel and bureaucrats.

A yoga instructor at the class for public servants was quoted as saying:

“They heard it on TV, and they are running toward the yoga. The prime minister is the king. If the king does something, that is very effective. And this time, our king is doing yoga.”

School students who anyway are expected to participated in Physical Training (PT) classes are being brainwashed. Is this about general wellbeing? One politician, whatever be his motives, seems to have got it mostly right. Karnataka Social Welfare Minister Anjanaiah said:

"Yoga is for lazy people, especially people belonging to well to do families. They do not have time for exercise in the open including taking a walk...People should ask their children to indulge themselves in playing outdoor sports including running and long walks instead of yoga."

Have you seen a poor person practise, much less discuss, yoga? Yoga is essentially for the angst-ridden elite looking for reprieve or the neo-enlightened who think it is a non-invasive body cleanser. Very few use it as an alternative to medicine. And now with the supposed renaissance, it has become a symbol of political opportunism camouflaging as culture. Forget yoga, we need a new culture.

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The Taliban has now objected to Pakistanis celebrating the occasion, so many events have been cancelled. An earlier piece I wrote on Pakistan on an Indian spiritual trip

When the Press shackles...

Turn the pages of a newspaper, surf television channels, visit news websites. What you get to see is plenty of freedom. Everybody is free to say what they wish, in a language they choose to, for a motivation only they might know about.

Together with freedom comes responsibility is not just a cliché. When you celebrate World Press Freedom Day at least understand what is expected of you:

Every year, May 3rd is a date which celebrates the fundamental principles of press freedom; to evaluate press freedom around the world, to defend the media from attacks on their independence and to pay tribute to journalists who have lost their lives in the exercise of their profession.

2014 Theme is: Media Freedom for a Better Future: Shaping the post-2015 Development Agenda.

How many are bothered about this? Editors who censor pieces and kowtow to masters of varied stripes are talking about press freedom? Even reports are cut to make space for ads, or if they go contrary to what the sponsors might like. Opinion pieces are censored because, again, they will cause problems.

But, whose freedom is this?

The regional press that has a much wider reach and better understanding of people in the villages and small towns, and certainly has an urban audience as well, is largely ignored.

A few months ago, two well-known TV anchors were said to be planning to quit their jobs. The immediate reaction was that they were under pressure. Op-eds in the international press too gave their example even though both had clarified that no such thing had happened.

More recently, a young lawyer collated some Modi myths to be busted; it was published in DNA. A few hours later it was not there. The immediate reaction was that the fascists had started working.

Let us get this clear: the fascists will. There are several examples. Yet, had anybody bothered to call out the newspaper, ask for an explanation? Had anybody bothered to raise questions other than the one that suited the current anti-wave? This is surprising, for nothing in that piece was new or more damning than some that have preceded it. There was no sharp opinion.

Would it not be more proactive to get the newspaper to respond instead of just riding a, well, wave?

We are already on to other stories, other minor ripples.

Is this about censorship?

The media that seeks the right to write has crossed the line several times. Have you noticed that while film stars and politicians are soft targets, industrialists are treated with deference? And what about the media houses themselves? It is rare that a Tarun Tejpal case comes to light, but even here it became a matter of professional rivalry.

I will only be repeating myself when I say that the deals the media strikes with politicians, with corporate houses (if they are not owned by them), with the underworld too will not be outed. Even in the Tejpal case, two factors were important.

1) After the media had given the Delhi gangrape primetime, sexual abuse has become an issue that cannot be ignored. I won't go into the dynamics of how it twists the victim's situation to suit TRPs and advertising.

2) Without in any way taking away from the crime, there was the political-corporate aspect that oversaw how justice was to be delivered.

In the FoE overdrive, there is rarely any discussion about the reporters on the field, especially in sensitive areas.

It is disgusting to read about how some in the press cling onto their peers who might be unfortunate victims of violence. It is time to wake up. Such incidents take place not because the media houses are outspoken and free, but because the perpetrators of violence won't have it any other way. They have targeted even those who are silent and have no media access. If the press wants to act as though it is upholding democracy, then it better learn to practice the freedom across the board within the organisation, and not be selective.

Or they should make their position/agenda clear. To the readers, their sponsors, and their staff and contributors.

Do they have the courage? No. They keep their options open because they want to curry favours. They do not know who will come to power, which industry will have its projects passed, which celebrity will be feted. So, we have a mélange of people of dubious worth featured consistently until such time that they become redundant for the 'free' media.

Afraid to love?

Why should anybody get defensive about love? There are different manifestations of it, and differing ways to express it. The need to box in can be a bit of a dampener.

Therefore, when somebody started a Valentine’s Day trend on #ActivistPickupLines to show that activists can be “cute and funny”, it was subversive. Worse, it wanted to express how they are not “cold-hearted feminists”. This is an assumption prevalent among non-feminists and conservatives. They believe in the ‘nazism’ of the feminist narrative. Besides, “cute” and “funny” are mutually-exclusive. In fact, all such terminology is. And let us emphasise that love does not mean pickup lines. So, this is again flashing it as machismo, playing into a male idea. Of course, women want it too, but why the heck should it follow masculine standards?

I am sounding a bit like a killjoy, but it is really better to just enjoy the moment, the day, the event without carrying this huge baggage where you have to defend your choice. Not very proactive. No doubt, some of the lines are adolescent funny and a howl back at popular theories and protests. But some…

“I'm underrepresented. In your pants”

Is it asking to ‘fill up’, or not getting enough, or having to share space with others? Ergo, acceptance of promiscuity/bigamy?

“You're hotter than global warming”

Yawwwnnn.

“We ain't gotta worry 'bout leaving carbon footprints...when we're horizontal!”

Wake up. You don’t have to do it lying down all the time. Or does all that activism or ‘standing up’ for rights tire you out?

“Of course you're beautiful. I don't believe in colonized standards of beauty”

Bitch. Look into that mirror first. This is colonisation when you think s/he expects that little twit of a compliment. Even the Tutsis do not believe in the Western standard of beauty.

“Three strikes and you're in”

And out.

“Baby you must been tired cause you've been marching for equality in my mind all day”

Pity that the mind of so effed up it did not even consider stopping the march. Relishing the inequality?

Part of the reason activists have got into the groove is because the anti-love movement has been taken over by extremists and they wouldn’t want to be bundled with them, would they? Also, they realise that their movements need to be marketed as much as those soft toys and tinsel cards, so they really cannot rant against ‘commercialisation’ of events.

And if simple things matter to some people, then why rubbish the same when others revel in small joys?

It is tempting to explain some ‘activist’ reactions to fear of love. It is quite different from fear of commitment. Those who are afraid to love could well suffer from a rigidity that they share with fundamentalists. It is narcissism that camouflages itself in things outside of oneself, but is more likely to be obsessed with one’s ownership of that role. What might appear to be self-deprecatory is likely to be plain old insecurity.

Famous writers and artists, and films that have used love as their template. It did not reduce their stature.

"It was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together… and I knew it."

 – From Sleepless In Seattle

Sunday ka Funda

“The society we have described can never grow into a reality or see the light of day, and there will be no end to the troubles of states, or indeed, my dear Glaucon, of humanity itself, till philosophers become rulers in this world, or till those we now call kings and rulers really and truly become philosophers, and political power and philosophy thus come into the same hands.”

― Plato, Plato's Republic

Power and the divine right of kings also happens to be a philosophy. And, Plato contradicted himself when he wrote in the section The Theatre of the Mind:

“In practice people who study philosophy too long become very odd birds, not to say thoroughly vicious; while even those who are the best of them are reduced by...[philosophy] to complete uselessness as members of society.”

Today's Republic Day speech by the President, besides the usual homilies, had at least a couple of interesting observations:

"Some cynics may scoff at our commitment to democracy but our democracy has never been betrayed by the people; its fault-lines, where they exist, are the handiwork of those who have made power a gateway to greed. We do feel angry, and rightly so, when we see democratic institutions being weakened by complacency and incompetence. If we hear sometimes an anthem of despair from the street, it is because people feel that a sacred trust is being violated."

"Equally dangerous is the rise of hypocrisy in public life. Elections do not give any person the licence to flirt with illusions. Those who seek the trust of voters must promise only what is possible. Government is not a charity shop. Populist anarchy cannot be a substitute for governance. False promises lead to disillusionment, which gives birth to rage, and that rage has one legitimate target: those in power."

No. Often, the target are the citizens. Indirectly, even the fallout of the rage affects only them. For, whether in power or out of power, the leader can shrug off promises, unlike the people for whom the promised could well be a matter of survival, if not hope.

Joy Maharashtra

Imagine had it not been for today 51 years ago, Maharashtra would have been playing footsie with Modi's Gujarat. On May 1, the separation of the two states took place bifurcating the old Bombay state.

The success of Maharashtra is that the Gujaratis have been such an intrinsic part of it and not just financially, although that is a factor. Mumbai is undoubtedly the fulcrum. It isn't the heart of the state; it is the pair of legs - toned, sleek, long but with calves that curve with mischievous intent, and as the legs cross you get a peek into what it has always wallowed in. Basic instinct.

Of course, Maharashtra is more, and I can think of so many memories.

My Puneri sarees bought from a small shop in Lakshmi Road, often the local nine-yard one that I'd use to get extra pleats as well as add to the choli blouse, buying bhakarvadi, riding the Deccan Queen, eating at Dorabjee's, picking up Shrewsburry and ginger biscuits from Kayani's Bakery and watching 'Ghashiram Kotwal' on its last legs with the original cast as a guest of Dr. Mohan Agashe, who just minutes before he was to perform the lead role of Nana Phadnavis was sitting at the ticket counter.

There was the Osho Ashram and long before I went in, I had watched a man in saffron robes meditating with open eyes at the park- limpid eyes that could be meditated upon. I was called back and returned to the real world of Maganlal chikki saved from Lonavla.

There was the village in Mahad where I had gone with some NGO, and we sat in this huge room on a frayed chatai with men in white topis discussing important matters. We spent the night at a nearby guest house and heard dogs barking. In the village there was a beauty parlour and many young women wore sunglasses; their hair was braided and tied with colourful ribbons. I saw the puppet makers, the dancers, the women who cooked in the light from gas lamps.

There was me hitching a ride on a truck because there was no public transport beyond Uran to get to the rehab place in the interiors where I wanted to pay a surprise visit.

There was the meal of thick chapattis with dry dal and garlic chutney, sitting on the floor with women who were once sex workers.

There was the government circuit house that smelled of old jasmine strings worn by the women who had danced for our fat cats the night before. And then there was fried eggs with soggy toast at 6 PM overlooking the lush greenery that only the privileged can afford.

There was a cinema hall in a small town where we could sit anywhere. No popcorn here but hot batata vadas and chaha (tea).

Tea. Cutting chai that is cooked till it looks mean and dark and is then offered in a saucer, the better if it is chipped.

There was Satish at Ganeshpuri who trapped aliens from Mumbai at the bus stand but introduced me to the cheapest and most delicious thali. There was me ordering poha, palak, roti and puranpoli and shrikhand along with 'rice plate' only to realise that rice plate had almost everything. At night he lustily danced to religious music. His plea was to get him a chance in Bollywood because he could shake his pelvis like Mithun Chakraborthy. He was stuck on Disco Dancer.

There is Bollywood. Nothing comes close and nothing can be further from it. Like Dharavi, it has a little of everything and everyone. It lives on other people's dreams. It lives for the day but will outlast the years without growing old.

I open the cupboard and spot the green and maroon saree and can feel the jostling of people in Dadar where I bought it from and the taste of dahi misal I had eaten later at TT Circle still lingering in my mouth . I touch the soft cotton fabric and it has my history woven in it. The history of a day that doesn't fade.

Waiting for Dawood

There are no toilet seat images of the betrothed couple, but this wedding is no less important than the Buckingham Palace one. Moin Palace in Karachi is named after Moin Ibrahim, who is the son of our own monarch in hiding – Dawood Ibrahim. He did what all good sons do when their fathers have a heart attack: he got married. The bride’s father has no criminal record but is a good friend of Dawood.

Our newspapers have quoted the police as saying that this is their big opportunity to nab the “elusive gangster”. If they know all the details about his empire, his houses, his relationships, his family members, his Bollywood and political connections (no police connections, huh?), and they also know he was playing cards when his heart gave warning signs, then they should have got him by now.

Why is it that someone in his family has to get married for them to get all charged up? This sounds like those gate-crashers getting ready for dinner and some fun. According to a report:

Sensing a rare opportunity to get close to the most-wanted man in the country, Mumbai police and security agencies have begun digging for the trail of invites, which have allegedly gone out from Karachi and into the homes of several famous homes in the city.

“We have seen images and footage of Dawood’s earlier parties where several known faces were in attendance. We know that many of them have been invited this time as well. We are checking on all those who were associated with Dawood at one time or another.”

If the images were of earlier parties why are they dilly-dallying? Does anyone remember how the news channels went into overdrive during his daughter’s wedding reception at the Grand Hyatt in Dubai? They had parked themselves behind the trees with zoom lenses and all we got was shaky camera-work. And nothing at all from the investigating agencies who managed a free holiday.

This will be repeated. Dawood Ibrahim, Tiger Memon, Anees Ibrahim and Shakeel Ansari are not going to be at the gate to welcome guests or even on stage. The fact that the don’s business is spread across continents and he can move with such ease should tell us that he is a protected species. And if the cops know who he is hobnobbing with, then knock on their doors here. Why wait for the band, baaja, baarat?

WEF (What Economic Forum)

There was to be a discussion on organised crime, 'Criminals without Borders' at the World Economic Forum in Davos.

Why a separate discussion? Isn't the WEF already about this? Or does it need some more muscle-flexing self-introspection?

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Heard about the Red Berets. Any symbolic moments? Just wondering...

Omar, the BJP and flag-hoisting

Omar Abdullah has never been a particularly responsible man. He takes after his father. The guy who at one time supped and slurped with the NDA now has problems with the BJP wanting to hoist the national flag at Lal Chowk in Srinagar on Republic Day.

"What is the need for an individual to hoist the flag? If their aim is to set Kashmir afire, please tell them to stop. If there are repercussions, I will hold them personally responsible. They should not hold me responsible if there is a fallout of that in Kashmir. They will have to come and sort it out. They shall not hold me responsible.”

This is the chief minister of Jammu and Kashmir talking. We may remind him that any individual is permitted to hoist the flag; they do so even in prisons. If he has a problem with an ‘individual’, then on what grounds is he talking about ‘personally’ holding anyone responsible? Is he saying he will hold a person responsible or that he will do so in his personal capacity? If it is the latter, then he has no business sitting in the chair he now occupies. What exactly does he mean that if there is a fallout they should come and sort it out? Why does he not just take off on vacation or something?

He wonders if their aim is to set the state on fire and this he believes is counterproductive to the peace that has apparently returned to the Valley. Just to jog his memory, the incidents of the past few months of “civil unrest” had nothing to do with flag-hoisting or any political party. It was under his administration that the protests took place.

Having said this, it must be mentioned that traditionally it is the ruling party that conducts the flag-hoisting ceremony at Lal Chowk. The possibility of a clash of egos, rather than any public skirmishes, is likely.

What is the BJP’s agenda? Leader of Opposition in Rajya Sabha, Arun Jaitley, said:

“BJP maintains that Jammu and Kashmir is an integral part of India... We are going to carry the national flag not in one state but through several states...This is part of a campaign for national sovereignty and solidarity.”

Since the Rashtriya Ekta Yatra is to start on January 12, pass through several states and end in Srinagar on Republic Day, I have a few questions:

• How does carrying a flag ensure national sovereignty and will the BJP also flash its own saffron flag along the way? 

• Why could it not start in Kashmir and end in Kolkata, for the message would be the same, isn’t it? 

• Given the views in the Valley and the fact that the BJP feels so strongly about it being an integral part of India, what is it doing to make Kashmiri Pandits a part of this solidarity?

• Is it possible for Arun Jaitley and any other BJP/saffron party members to carry a message of peace, instead of this ‘yeh hamara hai’ ownership agenda?

At the end of it with Omar’s fumbling and the BJP’s chest-thumping, and the pre-emptive noises, the people may be forced to come out in the streets to give both of them a piece of their mind.

And Omar Abdullah, do not take peace as lightly as you take the paranoia about fire.

AIDS Attraction

Today is World AIDS Day and it’s time for more feel-good gimmicks. Symbolism does have a place in raising consciousness. However, we do not question the manner in which such symbols are used and their consequences.

The Sydney Opera House in red behind a sculpture commemorating World AIDS Day

This year distinctive landmarks across the world decided to flash red to usher in a goal – to ensure that by 2015 no child will be born with HIV. While the photo-ops are from interesting to monstrous, from Paris’ City Hall and Fountains, the London Eye, Cape Town’s Table Mountain, Niagara Falls to the Sydney Opera House, one wonders at the sagacity of such neon-therapy. Are people going to the opera dressed in condoms or will they dip the prophylactics in the Niagara waters to show the potency of such safety measures? Is the disease, then, only about sexuality or is sexuality emphasised because it is, well, sexy?

This will turn out to be just a light show with sound effects coming in the form of homilies from the likes of U2’s Bono, who held a concert, and said it is a “winnable war”. This is not a war. It is about people who often suffer due to ignorance and negligence. Many of them are not visiting landmark sites or even aware of their existence. How will this ‘red’ alert help?

The deputy executive director of UNAIDS, with the rather unfortunate-in-this-context name, Paul De Lay, said:

"There seem to be secondary and tertiary waves of the epidemic, particularly the sexually transmitted side. You have young people who don't know enough about AIDS, there is less of a fear factor about it.''

Creating fear is counter-productive. I maintain that just as showing skull masks to prevent nicotine abuse works as an attractive proposition, making AIDS into a temptation that ought to be resisted will have an opposite effect. Besides, these monuments bathed in red will not make people afraid or bring about awareness. It is just a sheer waste of light and electricity. Perhaps, there will be another symbol of World Environment Day or Energy Conservation Day.

I am resting my case with Deal With Your Own Demons Day.

Squeaking about clean

I am charmed by Lalit Bhanot, the secretary general of the Commonwealth Games Organising Committee. The fact that the facilities are unhygienic and he deems it as a difference in perception of standards of hygiene reveals a truth that we and the rest of the world refuses to accept.

It could be a nice cocoon within the complex, but does it change the way Indians perceive hygiene? Have you used toilets in public places? Haven’t you seen the manner in which people defecate and urinate in the streets? Before screwing up your noses, and we do that, let us remember that these people have no choice. Let us also try and look back at our ‘lesser’ athletes who have to make do with very basic facilities. Let us recall the times we have glorified this excreta and let the westerners make millions of dollars over the dump.

One is not pro-dirt. Bhanot has not ‘shamed India’ as the headlines claim. We need to see how we shame ourselves and our citizens everyday. If some countries want to bring their own janitors, then they might as well bring their mosquito nets and Evian bottles too.

It seems that they are deliberately showing these aspects much as the fear created over security. Why would our authorities let them take these pictures? And how do we know for certain what these particular photos are from and about? Something stinks here and it is not the poop.

Those who have travelled overseas do know that the quick-fix fragrance and automatic flush stuff is not always about cleanliness. Loos there have sanitary napkins and toilet rolls on the floor; the seats often have menstrual stains. We all know about the legendary lack of male aim, and it is universal. Garbage bins overflow and are collected weekly as they wait in the backyards of those who can afford backyards. People do pee against bushes. And where do you think the homless go to clean up?

There appears to be less dust due to the climate, but there is enough of it going around. Mouldy foodstuff is pushed into a microwave to come out as good as new. Yes, Indians spit, but if you have seen any Phil Donahue show or read some silly stuff about Hollywood starlets and models you will know that their natural resources are expended in quite public a fashion. I know of women unable to control their bladders who have sat nonchalantly on pub stools as their stockings got drenched. But, the weather’s so chippy nippy that it dries and their glasses of ale warm them up so.

Of course, it’s all nice and clean at Flushing Meadows and Wimbledon and the World Cup and other events because the guys who mess up in the locker rooms are the guys who win the medals. So, no one complains because no one talks about it.

Get over it, people. Cricketers rub their balls against their balls and footballers spit on the grounds; tennis players lick their sweaty upper lips and athletes fart in their shorts. And people will pay money to wear, touch these items of clothing. Go clean up your minds first, then we can talk about how prepared we are.

Are our players ready to run, pole-vault and stand tall? Ask that question and let the drains choke to death.

Sunday ka Funda

“The teacher who is indeed wise does not bid you to enter the house of his wisdom but rather leads you to the threshold of your mind.”

- Kahlil Gibran

We celebrate Teacher's Day in India today. Since I hated school, I did not care much about the teachers. However, after all these years, I still recall certain aspects of their personalities.

Their faces, their clothes, their put-downs, their occasional laughter, their speech pattern, the way they enunciated words, the way they came round to inspect nails and uniform hemlines - mine had to be cut and ripped respectively, the times one bumped into them outside class, the suddenly affectionate "Good Evening, Sister" to the nun we met in our outside the school dresses...I discovered that daydreaming worked better, especially since one was ticked off for it.

I shall, however, be indebted to the physics teacher who caught me scribbling and not concentrating on her rambling. She had held up the notebook and said disgustedly, loud enough for the whole class to hear, "What is this? in my class you are writing poetry, tchhah!" I did not know that what I was writing was poetry. Her anger, her insult not only made me realise that I had created something but also that I was accepted as such before an audience!

I learned by observing, by the squeamishness I felt over cruel words, by the few times I was sent out of class, of the first flush of menstrual blood and the tightness in the chest. They tried, they followed the books.

I learned by tearing chapters and rearranging them. Perhaps I'd have been better-off had I followed the tried-and-tested ways. It just so happens that the worse-off hasn't been too bad for me.

This song is how I would like to continue to learn - by finding connections, crossed or straight:

Premji and Aiyer can go take a walk…

…or a sprint

It is becoming increasingly clear that while the Commonwealth Games are rife with corruption, I am not quite certain what the ‘concerned' people are barfing about. Some of it I discussed in Play it again, scam.

Today, Azim Premji was interviewed on the subject. Why Premji, chairman of Wipro, the computer etc manufacturers? As a citizen, he has every right to question the nasty deals. But he has not done that. He is complaining about money spent on infrastructure for the CWG, yet he forgets the same is done when some middling leader from the West arrives here. Besides, why this balancing act of ifs and buts?

Here:

“The Commonwealth Games, like the Olympics, are a celebration of the human spirit of excellence. Therefore, in itself, the Games are a worthy endeavour.

However, given the thousands of crores being spent on the Delhi Commonwealth Games, we need to ask if this is money spent wisely. As a country, we are constantly forced to compromise on funds. For instance, India needs more schools, and the existing schools need better infrastructure and more teachers….

How can we forget that for Rs 28,000 crore we could have established primary schools and health centres in tens of thousands of villages? Can we ignore this splurge the next time a malnourished child looks at us in the eye?”

How many malnourished children look us in the eye? If the Games are a worthy endeavour, then why is he diverting the issue to other aspects? Does he ask the same eye-popping questions when five-star hotels are built, new industries come up, and villages are wiped out to make way for factories? These are private enterprises – does that make them immune to accountability? And, they do need to get governmental approval. Ever heard Premji come down on these and discuss schools and healthcare?

“The capital already boasts of some of India’s best infrastructure. Instead of spending crores to widen Delhi’s roads, should we not prioritize building roads and schools in Bihar where none exist in the first place?”

I think Bihar’s CM Nitish Kumar will want to do a double-take on this. The places Azim Premji has visited in Delhi may have the best infrastructure, but has he been to Yamuna ke uss paar…the other side? Instead of rubbishing Bihar, he might like to check out the level of poverty in Delhi. Only because it is the capital does not mean the ordinary citizen gets the benefits.

“At times like these, it will serve our leaders well to recall Gandhiji’s talisman: ‘Recall the face of the poorest and the weakest man whom you may have seen, and ask yourself if the step you contemplate is going to be of any use to him. Will he gain anything by it? Will it restore him to a control over his own life and destiny? In other words, will it lead to Swaraj for the hungry and spiritually starving millions?’”

I assume Mr. Azim Premji’s computers will wipe out illiteracy and give the poor control over their lives.

As a related aside, has he asked our prime minister* how the nuclear deal will not help the poor?

- - -

This brings us to Mani Shankar Aiyer who is on a roll, thanks to the CWG. This is from a report where he:

…questioned the rationale of Delhi hosting the event and said it would have been a “very good answer” to insurgents if it would have been held in Manipur.

This is not even smart; it is idiotic. It is the people of Manipur who have to be given an answer by his government, a political answer. Where was he when the National Highway was closed and provisions could not reach the people? This sort of muscle-flexing does not make sense if you know that the insurgents are fighting several elements within and outside.

He wants to play games with them, then he can go there and have a chat and a friendly match of some kind. Why is he giving a lecture to Delhi University students about it? Talk to the Manipuris, ask them if they would have liked a little infrastructure, some beautified roads. whitewashed buildings, new stadia, potted plants, lots of toilet paper. And, yes, he can revert to his bosses in New Delhi, who still keep him in business, and check whether they can provide the requisite security to the players, the visitors and sports enthusiasts.

Aiyer wondered why such mega events come back to Delhi again and again. Even if it is organised here, he asked, why localities on the outskirts like Bawana are ignored.

Where is Bawana? Does Azim Premji know about it? And why is Aiyer so attached to it all of a sudden? Does Bawana have the space? Would it provide for the needs of such competitive sports? Why has his government not done anything for Bawana?

To show just how he means business, he poses a challenge:

“There are 37 days to go in which the government has to fill the gaps to ensure a spectacular Games which it has promised us. I am content to wait. The Games will last for 15 days. I will come back. Neither are you going away nor I am going away.”

He had promised to “get the hell out of” the city. I hope he goes to a place where he has a huge TV screen and can watch the games. If we know a little about him and about our media, then be sure there will be a satellite link conveniently connected to him for his sound bites. He will be on call 24/7 just to tell the world that it has been a useless exercise.

I hope that before leaving he ensures that the residents of Bawana have dish TV so that they can welcome him when he decides to move residence there to show his allegiance to lesser souls. We aren’t going anywhere, Mr. Aiyer, but we assume you will not let us down. Go, Bawana, go!


End note:

Did TOI have to mention in the headline: ‘I am not a US stooge, says PM’? Did he use those words? Manmohan Singh used the passive voice for the important part.

*“To say that this has been brought to promote American interests, to promote American corporations, I think, this is far from the truth. I beg of this House to pass this bill with unanimity.”

Having said this, it is truly unfortunate that he has to stoop in Parliament before colleagues, that too for a bad deal.

Play it again, scam

Play It Again, Scam
by Farzana Versey
Countercurrents, August 8

Our favourite sport – corruption – has once again taken centre-stage. Instead of kicking ball, there is talk of kickbacks. Had there been no whistle-blower, no one would know about the expensive pots and pans. We are still giving those embroiled in the Commonwealth Games controversies airtime to clear the air.

Is there a reason for it? Is it about national pride? Or is it one more smart strategy where the media that exposes the scandal cannot afford to miss out on the goodies of advertisements as well as telecast rights and sound bytes?

A couple of days ago there were huge advertisements in the newspapers titled ‘Commonwealth Games Emotional Appeal’. It was signed by ‘A Humble Citizen’, the head of the Sahara Group, Subrata Roy. I could well imagine how many Indians reading it must have had tears brimming over.

India has hosted several events in the past, sporting or otherwise. Not all have gone off without glitches. Even without the controversy over underhand deals, we are not quite prepared. Therefore, the manner in which the issue is being raised by a group of elite citizens has little to do with ‘pride’. What is there to be proud about hosting the games? It is done by rotation and whoever bids, gets to do so. It isn’t that the whole world is looking at us with sudden “respect and hope” and it most certainly has nothing to do with “our recent economic growth”.

This is the fantasy of the millionaires. The economic growth has not reached most citizens. In fact, humble sportspersons have to make do with filthy hostel rooms, inadequate practice, slimy food and sexual harassment. Is this our “rich heritage”?

The media has indeed given a great deal of time and space to the scams but that too is to grab eyeballs. Mr. Roy writes, “Due to this continuous and extensively negative coverage, we are creating a withdrawal feeling in thousands of organizers, 23000 volunteers, who are feeling totally demoralized and dejected. This would totally mar the successful conduct of the Commonwealth Games and give a bad image to our beloved country for all times to come.”

While sports are an important part of building the morale of teams and individual players, we have the hierarchy of different games and different sportspersons in place. It is this class system that gives us a bad name for we may flaunt the heroes in our endorsements, but the world is interested in what it will get out of it.

Why the world, is it not true that certain individuals, including Mr. Roy, are directly involved in sports franchises and bidding for foreign ones and could therefore be more concerned about their own image and well-being? Does Mr. Roy not have a stake in IPL and is he not eyeing Liverpool?

Unfortunately, the emotional appeal can have a counter-negative rather than a positive effect on the gullible middle-class that is made to believe that their nationalism rides on hosting a sporting event. It is grandiose efforts that make us believe we are global citizens. Indians are supposed to wake up to their Indianness when foreign dignitaries visit and miraculously roads are cleaned, plants dot the cavalcade location, buildings get a fresh coat of paint, linen is laundered and even the poor are dressed in colourful gear to give them a taste of our heritage.

China put out all stops for the Olympics not because it wanted to impress the world, but because it wanted to assert its power. We still suffer from a slave mentality. What will they think of us, is always a bother. There is never any consideration as to what we think of ourselves and how we treat those with less than what we have.

There have been several scandals before too, including match-fixing deals and doping. No emotional appeal was made then.

It is rather shocking that Mr. Roy feels “the culprits most definitely need to be punished with all their misdeeds thoroughly investigated and all sorts of checks and audits duly conducted by going deep into the matters related to purchase, negotiations & payments etc. But if should all be done after our country's greatest ever sporting event is over. Of course, all the culprits should be severely punished, thereafter”.

This is a classic way of pushing the dirt under the carpet. These culprits will be officially in charge of welcoming visitors, especially dignitaries. They will be the visible face of India, all over the international media. If we know from experience, they will be in the front rows, their relatives, friends and business interest groups will get VIP passes and sit in VIP enclaves.

If, as is suggested, we can still manage to make a success of the games, then there will not be many people to question them. For, it is these mavens who will flash it as a badge of their achievement. It is interesting that in this whole advertised public letter there is just one reference to the players who will be on the field. Clearly, they matter little.

Emotions ride high on the hot air of national pride and these days such pride is inexorably linked with those who can afford cheer-leaders. Humble citizens don’t come cheap.

- - -

This is the image of the ad:

Sunday ka Funda

“Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.”

- Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Liberty is the possibility of doubting, the possibility of making a mistake, the possibility of searching and experimenting, the possibility of saying No to any authority--literary, artistic, philosophic, religious, social and even political.”

- Ignazio Silone

Sunday ka Funda

A female polar bear with her two young cubs near Churchill, Manitoba, Canada. © David Jenkins / WWF-Canada

- - -

"And so our mothers and grandmothers have, more often than not anonymously, handed on the creative spark, the seed of the flower they themselves never hoped to see -- or like a sealed letter they could not plainly read."

- Alice Walker

- - -

Chalo chalein ma...

Film: Jagriti-1954
Music: Hemant Kumar
Lyrics: Pradeep
Singers: Asha Bhosale

May in Maharashtra

Today is Maharashtra Day. The state completes 50 years and so we have its house of cards – Mantralaya – decked up.



Today is Labour Day. I had taken this picture on one of my trips to the interiors:



If the state can get enlightened instead of merely lit up this girl has hope. Maharashtra has known many truly genuine trade union movements. It is interesting that a few metres away from the seat of the state government, the Vidhan Sabha, there are large office complexes and vendors selling vada-pav and sliced fruit and juices to those working there.

Despite all the noise against them, the UPite and Bihari will still come to Mumbai and Mumbai is the showpiece of Maharashtra. Sometimes people laugh at it, sometimes people throw stones, but it is no coincidence that the lavni is the dance form of the state. And it is kick-ass. It is partly about women catering to demands of men, but those men are from the working class. It is invariably about a winding down after a hard day's day. There is playfulness and joie de vivre.

So Halla Bol and Jai Maharashtra...dislaat bai dislaat

Francesca and Farida

Paulo and she read through Lancelot, and a page was enough for them to know how they felt. It often is instant. Like dust in eyes, though, it can hurt. It did. But, it did not stop them.

Dante further immortalised them in his Divine Comedy:

One day we reading were for our delight
Of Launcelot, how Love did him enthral.
Alone we were and without any fear.

Full many a time our eyes together drew
That reading, and drove the colour from our faces;
But one point only was it that o'ercame us.

When as we read of the much-longed-for smile
Being by such a noble lover kissed,
This one, who ne'er from me shall be divided,

Kissed me upon the mouth all palpitating.
Galeotto was the book and he who wrote it.
That day no farther did we read therein."

And all the while one spirit uttered this,
The other one did weep so, that, for pity,
I swooned away as if I had been dying,

And fell, even as a dead body falls.

(Translated by H.W.Longfellow)

As for Farida, she just sang a song like many others have done. I don’t know what she felt, but despite others having sung it, her version remains with me.

Sajan Laagi Tori Lagan – Farida Khanum

Loos Morals

Happy Toilet Day! When I saw an ad this morning by one of those toilet cleaning companies, I thought it was a joke. One of those happy bogs thing to market the product. Turns out there is, indeed, more to defecation than a super bowel event.

Now don’t go screwing up your noses. It’s got big sponsors and volunteers. Quite happening.

This event has a history going back to eight years. In 2001, the World Toilet Organization decided to address the issue of worldwide sanitation. It would be easy to smirk. But, think about it. We discuss global warming which is somewhere between the clouds and the sky. This is nearer home. It is inside the home, if you are lucky to have en suite facilities.

This year Unilever's Domestos has got together to “improve the lives of those affected by poor sanitation and increase access to hygienically clean toilets around the world”. This is where I have a problem. We have the local brand from this company and their ad frightens the hell out of me. It shows these huge monsters that are supposed to be bacteria walking all over the shit throne and screaming with joy about mucking up our little daily tryst with weight loss. I have felt chastised for I have been using another brand for years. Squishing the blue liquid into the pot made me feel safe and secure. Now, these animated bacteria have been telling me for the past so many days that I have been doing it all wrong.

It’s okay for the likes of us who have private loos and a fastidiousness that comes with learned behaviour about How to Respond to Excrement with Excitement. Had I been an academician of some ill-repute I might have pondered over it and produced a big fat geek wedding kind of production on paper. But I am not. So, I turn to the best bet – cynicism. And it is valid. How many people with poor sanitation and lack of hygiene know about this squishy-squish bottled cleaning liquid? How many have basic facilities?

In the heart of my city, I have walked through lanes where women have to use umbrellas to hide their faces as they squat near the drains. I have seen people line the railway tracks. I have seen children leave little pellets of malnourished shit. There are villages where people go to the fields to relieve themselves.

Therefore, we are dealing with a bunch of people that is wooing the WC-ers. It is ethically unfair. There are events for the community, the school, the world. There is also the Big Squat, “A Movement for the Toilet-less”, to drive home the point "where would you go?" and how people without toilets are forced to go in public places.

Is this empathy? How temporary it is when they tell you, “At exactly noon on November 19th, gather your family, friends, classmates, colleagues and everyone you know to squat in public for 1 minute in support of World Toilet Day.”

You might be given a bottle of the cleaning liquid and those 60 seconds would help your knees get a bit of a workout. It won’t help anyone, unless you want to bond with the group or you are planning to visit a really backward area and your lives depend on managing this feat.

If it is noon in your part of the world and you go along with this, here you go.

As for me, I dumped it.

Why can't Muslims keep it in?

If Sunnis, Shias, Ahmadis, Bohras, Ismailis or whoever wish to hold a gathering about their religion, then it ought to be restricted to those who belong to the faith. Why did the Sunni-Dawate-Islami have its annual convention under media glare? This is like permitting someone to enter your bedroom; there are bound to be intimate details that no one else should know because no one else is a part of it.

This was about how the faith ought to be practised, and while the media did mention that they discussed climate change, there was an element of “whoa, they know ‘bout it, eh?”. Of course, references were made about “appropriate dress”, “right colour to dye the beard” (henna orange, if you missed it and are dying to know) and how women can contribute because they keep the family in shape (so do gyms). Here is one such gem from a report:

Queries reflected the dilemma most followers faced in attempting to adapt principles of Islamic living with contemporary conveniences and ideas. On Sunday evening, one man wanted to know whether Islamic principles allow a follower to run a television repair service. He was told that while fixing damaged television sets was halal (permissible), watching a programme with inappropriate content was not.

Got it? Among three lakh people a handful would have been concerned, and if they are truly religious they can get the information from the local mosque’s maulvi or stores selling religious books/CDs. This was a stupid little effort and I won’t be surprised if some special queries were put in to cater to the salivating media. Or asked by a media person faking it?

Most religions, if seen in their original form, go against contemporary living, whatever the heck that is. Your contemporary living is different from mine. Such reports make it seem as though everyone is living one way of life and these Sunni bros are kind of really fumbling in their ankle-length pyjamas and saffron beards (haw) wondering how to do it right.

Boy, all my TV repairwallahs have been clean-shaven Sunnis (ok, one Sindhi too) and managed to only damage the set even more. I guess they thought they had to butcher it before repairing it.

Happy?

This meet reminded me of another one which I had attended. It was at a hall organised by some secular Muslim organisation and had speakers from “different walks of life”. I did not walk there, but was quite tickled that the cameras were focussing on me. I was suitably embarrassed at my magnetism and kept turning my face away. You don’t believe it? You are right. The reason was that, clad in pristine white with my head uncovered and a real sharp looking object in my hand –a pen, I had behind me and in front of me only black veils. It was sheer co-incidence, but can you imagine how thrilled the photographer must have been?

My own excitement lasted until the break after which I made a quick exit to do a few haraam things.

Is this pride?

At the Sunday gay parade in Mumbai:

Shobha Doshi, a housewife in her 50s, stood out among the colourful wigs with a banner that read “Proud Mother of a Gay Son’’.

Proud of what? His preference for boys over girls? I would understand “Supportive Mother”. There is nothing to be proud about any kind of sexual choices except between the two people (or, ahem, more) involved in the act and the prowess they manage to display. Although that too is a bit déclassé for it stands in opposition to system failure…that is failure to perform, which can be truly traumatic.

Let us rethink this pride business. It is about achievement and talent and has nothing to do with being gay or heterosexual.

Imagine if Kasturba Gandhi had taken part in a parade to say she is a “Proud Wife of a Celibate”. Going by how these ‘movements’ are being propagated, why not?