Hunt for a baby

Helen Hunt with her baby

When I read about Helen Hunt getting a baby due to an ‘uplifting experience’, I adduced it must have been close to Immaculate Conception. 

What transpired, instead, was a combination of superstition and auto-suggestion.  The uplifting experience was a ‘lift’.  On the David Letterman show, Hunt shared her experience with Indian guru Sri Chinmoy, who has been described as a “United Nations-recognised master”.  The UN has a questionable record on political issues; therefore, one wonders on what basis it might have certified a spiritual guru as a master.  In form of address ‘master’ is quite the norm, but it is by believers. Did the UN test spiritual powers and, if so, how did it measure these?

Bollywood films used to have a standard cure for infertility – a visit to a godman or guru. Often, the person would be a villain with beady eyes, smacking his lips and while showering blessings on the woman giving her a once-over. Depending on how the characters were to develop in the script, the woman would either be forced to succumb or escape. Art-house cinema too explored the misuse of tantric practices. This, unfortunately, is not relegated to cinema.

A scene from the recent Bollywood film 'Oh My God - OMG'

Even today, one reads about charlatans from different cults and faiths using their ‘powers’ to offer women more than spiritual guidance. The better-known gurus have an ostensibly clean image and a celebrity flock. They cater to bruised egos, including their own, and in India while their role in politics was earlier mainly on the sidelines, these days they pontificate on major national issues. This camouflages the exploitative nature of the smaller players.

Hollywood has been a good place for those who managed to charm an international clientele. Everyone seems to have been in some form of rehab, and needs succour. Scientology has already asserted itself. Tibetan Buddhism too has done so, for those with political sympathies for the Dalai Lama.  Beverly Hills easily alternates between the good life and the god life, one feeding the other.  People do feel the need to rejuvenate and/or seek a higher purpose.

However, when someone certifies that an important bodily activity has been performed due to such intervention, one needs to look more closely.

Here is the extract from a report:

The guru, who passed away in 2007, was famous for showing off mind-over-matter feats of strength, and he celebrates the achievements of people he admires by lifting them above his head.

Hunt explains, “He lifted people that he felt had achieved something, that had contributed something to the world… (Archbishop) Desmond Tutu, Muhammad Ali and me.

“I went with my goddaughter… and we pull into this place and women open the car door and they’re dressed in, like, floral gowns, and they walk me into this garden. Then I get on this contraption, walk up four steps and he lifted me up.”

It is obvious that Sri Chinmoy understood achievement. It does call for a celebration, although this is a most unusual way to express it. Why did this single experience convince her that she could become a mother? It coincided with her conceiving. “I wanted to have a baby and he was encouraging me to pray and not give up and I did have a beautiful daughter, so he was right.”

There is place for coincidence and serendipity in our lives, and some of us have had what are known as ‘out-of-body’ experiences. These, if we try and understand rationally, are part intuitive and part strong desire. The mind is an extremely powerful tool. Ask those who suffer from psychosomatic disorders. One needn’t go that far. It is possible to experience a state of suspension merely due to a fever.

But making babies does require some amount of hard work and it is far from being a meditative state. One cannot merely wish to conceive or be so uplifted as to create out of nothing. The concept of Immaculate Conception has fascinated me for long and it is a profound spiritual metaphor for creation. Taking it out of the realm of its religious context, it is symbolic of the purest birth of what could change the world – it could be a piece of art or an ideology.

Helen Hunt’s encounter with the guru lacks this sublimity. It appears to have been at best a spiritual transaction; it was also two famous people meeting as a trade-off. Why could she not pray on her own? How much did merely sharing her deep need for a child have to do with it? Is it not possible that the seed had to be sown in her mind for her body to accept it?

She is fortunate that she is who she is. But, the legitimacy she gives to such errant experiences conveys that although thoughts are potent, she could not even think them on her own.

© Farzana Versey

It's a caaarrrrr: Why did Pakistan over-react to wheels on water?

What made Pakistan react so vociferously to a water car? I find it interesting that despite it there was almost no talk of how they had been embarrassed before the world, quite unlike our media did when we had a major power grid failure.

It is a nation that thrives on a healthy dose of superstition, although how an engineering experiment, whatever be its merits, can qualify as superstition beats me. Most discoveries have taken place with only hypothesis. Now that we do have some knowledge, does it mean the denial of other probabilities? If science can land on the moon, in a deliciously ironical reversal it is the religious who think this is bunkum. No different from ‘rational’ superstition. And now we are getting to Mars.

Agha Waqar Ahmad believes he can make a car run on water. 

Barely had the chatter started and TV channels were discussing it than there was an outcry against it. Let us assume that this car just cannot work and it only made for some interesting TV, probably brought tears to the eyes of a few, how did it shake up the scientific community? Did people line up to try it out? Were the petrol stations and diesel pumps rendered redundant by any group of people? This was not even a bathtub moment. Yet, a respected physicist like Dr. Pervez Hoodbhoy held forth in an Op-ed piece titled, ‘The Water Car Fraud’. A scientist responding to a fraud is like a cordon bleu chef dissing street food.

Here is what he wrote:

“At first, it sounded like a joke: a self-styled engineer, trained in Khairpur’s polytechnic institute, claims to have invented a ‘water kit’ enabling any car to run on water alone. It didn’t matter that the rest of world couldn’t extract energy from water; he had done it. He promised a new Pakistan with limitless energy, no need for petrol or gas, and no more loadshedding. For an energy starved nation, it is a vision of paradise.”

Why can Pakistan not do what the rest of the world cannot? Mr Agha Waqar had made no promises. There was some jubilation, and typically Hoodbhoy pointed out names of some religious figures and a few ministers.

Someone rightly pointed out that there was a case in India about a man who had made similar claims about herbs. I know that a couple of respected business houses had run some elementary tests and there was even talk of a patent. It fell through because of lack of sustainability and, obviously, commercial viability.

I do not know anything about thermodynamics, and have no interest in water cars, but Prof. Hoodbhoy overstates:

“Scientific frauds exist in other countries, but what explains their spectacular success in Pakistan? Answer: our leaders are lost in the dark, fumbling desperately for a miracle; our media is chasing spectacle, not truth; and our great scientists care more about being important than about evidence. It is easy for them all to get away with this.”

How many scientific frauds have succeeded in Pakistan? It is true that politicians will make merry, but not because they believe in the experiment but it helps divert a nation’s attention. This is done the world over – some do it by conquering other nations, or by creating paranoia. The media has given more than enough space to respected people like him as well as satirists who would fail to deliver a line without such inspiration. As for the great scientists, one assumes their greatness has been verified in a laboratory. How have all of them got away with it? What will they get from it?

And just for argument's sake, is it not possible that some big lobby does not want small players? 

And how many Pakistanis have access to regular water, forget own cars? If a case is being made for such ‘issues’, then opposing something fake makes no sense at all.

The mind boggles at how a little water can cause a storm.

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I posted a comment on the piece, half in jest; it landed up on the letters page:

This is an insult to your nation. I do not mean this lovely little dream machine, but an Op-ed to say that you cannot dream. It isn't as though people were tanking up with baltis and piping it in their cars. One man with a sense of drama does not mean that the Hondas would die a slow death.

The media, at least this time, sold a harmless story and did not sponge on some blood.

Water is an important symbol. In India, we have many such 'miracles' - water spouting from deities/shrines. People worship at water sources that are polluted. If only we had someone with a wet dream too, we'd save on petrol to visit these miracle sites!

Someone read it and sent a reply to me here. I reproduce it in full because it reveals just what people choose to pick on:

madam,

I just read your comment on express tribune about water car fraud.

You have your opinion about that issue, but dragging others religion aka Hinduism in to the issue and making fun of it in a Pakistani website shows how perverted your mind is..

The water fraud issue is a matter of science and the religion is a matter of faith. Its their faith that tells them to take a dip in a holy river even though it is polluted. You may not agree with their faith but do not insult them.

As a matter of faith, Islam also has many un-natural and unbelievable beliefs that mention about 72 virgins,caliphate... blah blah.... . Should i also need to act as a flag marcher on blogs and websites and insult it? Answer is Absolutely no...

Our country is based on secular principles that tells us to respect other faiths even though u do not believe others faith. That's how our country survived for the last 65 years and still continue even though it consists of people from different ethnicity, religions, castes.. etc.

So please refrain from insulting other faiths of the country. If you do not agree with me you have various countries ( i hope u know those countries) to live and propagate ur views where those views are encouraged officially.

Sorry if am being harsh to you but truth hurts...

To call this truth should hurt more.

India’s FCUK

The French head of state may not have had the streets washed and buildings painted in his honour, but he and his wife might just get an Indian baby.

Item 1:

They went to the Salim Chishti dargah at Fatehpur Sikri and reportedly the caretaker, Peerzada Rais Mian Chishti, asked the lady, “What is your wish, your prayer?” She is supposed to have said, “Pray for my son, and pray I have another.” The news says he "gave her a red thread that she tied round her wrist, recited the ayat-ul-kursi, and blew". I don’t if it was on the thread or her forehead, as is often done.

Hai! Main maa ban-ne waali hoon

Anyhow, the papers have mentioned that the lady was veiled and there are some ‘yippee’ comments about it because you know of the French position on the veil. Well, the lady was not veiled. She had wrapped a shawl round her head, that’s it.

What’s the big deal, anyway? And why did she ask for a son? They gave her the story about how Emperor Akbar walked to the shrine to get an heir. He had an empire to run and it was years ago when patriarchy was deeply entrenched. Here we have Sarko who is funded by a cosmetics company, L’Oreal, so what’s this sonny need? He has three form earlier marriages; she has one from her previous husband. Rais Mian, like most of the custodians of shrines, are always in the limelight during such visits, and he had formed an opinion about her: “Very kind, warm-hearted and extremely family-oriented mohtarma (lady).” I gather the desire for a boy makes her family-oriented.

Fik’r mat karo, maine kaam kar diya

What he should have done is given that red thread to Sarkozy saab and not Begum sahiba and blown over his head because the Y chromosome is with him, Salim Chishti or no Salim Chishti. At least Akbar Badshah knew that. Of course, Sarko stuck to his jogging regimen to stay fit; he knows he cannot rely on a thread and the breath of a man who looks after a tomb.

Item 2:

Now that the French couple has done the rounds of the tourist sites and seen turbans everywhere, if they thought they’d get some rest and bare heads, then they are mistaken:

Government sources indicated that the contentious issue of ban on Sikh turbans in France will again be taken up with the French side. The government is expected to politely convey to Sarkozy how strongly India feels about the issue when he holds delegation-level talks with PM Manmohan Singh on Monday.

Yeh lo, ungli diya tau haath pakad liya

Out PM has done this before at other meets and mentioned how the turban is “a very essential part of the Sikh way of life”. True. However, don’t you think this should be conveyed through emissaries and not during delegation-level talks? This is especially important because the PM himself wears a turban and it would seem like he is taking advantage. As a host, he needs to be more careful.

I might also add that had APJ Abul Kalam Azad discussed the veil ban issue, it would not have been considered proper. It would have been deemed regressive. Then, any aspect of religion in which we are trapped is harking back to something that was expected for certain reasons way back in time. Sikhs do not carry swords because it is not feasible and I am not sure how many wear the kachcha (loose underwear) beneath their tight jeans or don’t trim their hair.

Item 3:

Not quite certain about choice of French cuisine or Indian, the chefs decided to do a fusion. It seemed to have appealed to the palate of the guests, though one wonders how…maybe the lady being Italian has some acceptance of farm food so this would seem like really rich. The hotel plans to name something or the other in her honour. May I suggest Carla Coq au dahi and Bruni Blanquette de gosht? Let’s not leave the man out, so the two other items can be enjoyed with stuffed Nicolas naan.

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Rough translation/meanings of the captions:
1. Wow, I am gonna be a mommy
2. Don’t worry, the work has been done
3. Give him an inch and he will take a yard

Pat Robertson and the Eclipse

A doomsday quick-fix prophet on TV last night was holding forth on how the solar eclipse would muck up our lives based on our zodiac signs. After he had told us just how bad it would get, a godman sitting next to him asked us to place a pot and add things in it according to the level of muckery, recite some verses a given number of times and then maybe we would be saved.

It was appalling to watch this on prime time. Would children, who ought to look on such phenomena with a sense of wonder, be instilled with information? I would deem this x-rated because it affects the mind. Instead of seeing it as a natural happening and seeing it through at least some scientific prism, they are fed this rubbish.

There are two aspects to this:

1. We keep away genuine interest and believe everything in nature can have dire consequences.
2. The way it is projected, only one belief system was being promoted. I do not know whether Muslims and Christians have strong superstitions about these matters. There are ‘practical’ things I recall, which may or may not have any scientific basis. It is disturbing to see religion being pushed in this manner.

This brings me to Pat Robertson’s ‘Haiti deserved the earthquake because of its pact with the devil’. He obviously does not know about quakes in Los Angeles and how buildings are specifically designed to avoid tremors.

It is disgusting to see an island that was occupied by force by the United States, had several coups, became a slave to the French, and survived it all despite still dealing with debilitating poverty as some victim of voodoo.

Commentators have talked about racist overtones. Haiti, unlike good little black slaves, threw off imperialist shackles. If it was doomed, it was going to be on its own terms. Now the world, especially the big superpowers, cannot stand the idea of such obstinate self-respect on the part of people who are not supposed to be anything but dust underfoot. No ready theories are available, so the best one to pull out is the one with god. God has got to be White, so Haiti is in cahoots with the devil.

The logical question would be: If god is kind and all that, then why would s/he cause this destruction? If the devil is a real opponent of god, then why would the devil let it happen without putting up a brave fight?

What about natural disasters elsewhere? What about man-made calamities that we bring upon our fellow citizens, not to speak about other nations? What god or devil pacts are these about?

Meanwhile, Haiti’s hospitals have been destroyed and thousands are dying. It is an ongoing tragedy that needs to be addressed. Pop evangelism won’t get Haiti anywhere.

It would be easy to dismiss Pat Robertson, but he is not the problem. He is reflecting a problem that we have in some measure as societies on the brink of mental instability. You and I may not buy his thesis immediately, but it will register as something that someone believes. And this man has a huge following. He is dangerous because he thinks he is on god’s side.

At least the eclipse has the good sense to get off the sun after a while.

The Saudi Genie and Goddess Lakshmi

I am not sure if djinns have a nationality but this is hilarious. No rubbing of lamp or anything here. No friendly little smoky figure leaping out and granting three wishes. This one is quite a demon.

A family in Saudi Arabia has taken a genie to court, alleging theft and harassment. The lawsuit filed in a Shariah court accuses the genie of leaving them threatening voicemails, stealing their cell phones and hurling rocks at them when they leave their house at night.

What can the Shariah court do? Theft brings upon the robber a punishment of limbs being chopped off. How will they catch the culprit and see that justice is done? Has the genie been named? What can genies do with cell phones? Sell them in the grey market? But won’t Saudi Arabia have some laws against that as well? And the whole family goes out that late? Whoa. Did not know they had such a rocking night life.

Now if only those rocks were solitaires.

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Goddess Lakshmi prefers gold, but she sure as hell would not like to be shown sitting atop a stacked bun, even if it is by Burger King. Such royal nomenclatures do not carry much weight, only calories.

A report tells us that the food chain ran a print advertisement in Spain depicting “Lakshmi seated atop a meat sandwich and other foodstuffs with a catch phrase, ‘A snack that’s sacred’, written in Spanish.”

It is such poor copywriting skills besides, of course, not even possessing basic knowledge about eating habits. This is fast food. People go there for a quick bite; this is not some offering at a place of worship. I know, I know, it is said that the stomach should be treated like a temple, but then one would go for some seven-course little French itsy-bitsies that make you feel chaste and starved and think you are close to nirvana because you automatically transform into a ‘seeker’.

Here we are talking about humongous portions with mayo dripping down and lettuce and onion and tomatoes fighting for space with the patty. It is one big act of jugglery to stuff the thing into the mouth as it opens up in indelicate and primal ecstasy.

These guys have lost it. However, the sagely opposition is off-the-mark when it states, “An advertisement knowingly and intentionally using sacred symbols, especially those of another religious tradition, for purely commercial purposes can be offensive.”

An advertisement is used only for commercial purposes. Goddess Lakshmi represents wealth and people do worship her for precisely that. So, if we cut out the hypocrisy and talk practical stuff, this ad is offensive because it makes no sense.

Honestly, the genies and the burgers keep me occupied. What would I do without some religious and superstition-induced stimulus?

The way we exploit...

Is this giving a whole new meaning to recession? A 60-year-old man was told nine years ago to have sex with his daughter to improve his business prospects. She was then 12. The advice was given by a tantric. This vile character began raping the man’s younger daughter a few months ago.

Is this about superstition? I think there is more to it. A man who runs a business may be greedy but not stupid. Did his business improve? If his daughter was unlucky for him, then would not having intimate relations with her further defile him, as per the logic of superstition?

It is time we stopped panning these crimes as blind belief. They are all about power. He was merely managing to release his frustrations. The tantric was using the time-tested device of sexual release to make him less edgy.

These guys flourish in our society because we need something beyond religion. To reach god we need to pray. It does not satiate our other longings, our senses. These charlatans come along and sell their stupid ideas.

Do not blame blind belief. We blindly believe in brands, in celebrities, in people we love. It is not in the same league. This is a crime being committed on gullible people or those with an agenda. They should be treated on par with other criminals.

I am glad the daughters picked up courage and reported the matter. Besides the most stringent punishment that is legally possible, this man’s business should be handed over to them rightaway.

And I do not see why the police allows these men to cover their faces. They need to be exposed. Where is the intrepid media during such cases?

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Now it’s a fashion show…

Then a meeting with Sonia Gandhi where the Slumdog stars said they were willing to campaign for the Congress:

“Now that people know us, they will listen to us,” they said about their campaign plan.

They then mentioned that they needed a house to live in.

Smart or sick?

Dis n Dat

Bal-bal dekho

Bal Thackeray has asked the legal community to defend the accused in the Malegaon blasts. The BJP says it is all right to get private funds. Agreed. There is no need for Balasaheb to make this announcement because criminals always get legal aid and no one questions their lawyers about where they got the fees from. This is a right given to them in the Constitution.

If he is seeking donations, then there has to be a legal edict issued against Mr. Thackeray because that is not on. Woh zamaana gaya when the SS goons would go and knock on doors to demand donations to celebrate festivals, not to speak about getting money from illegal slums. Precious irony here considering most of these slumdwellers were the outsiders, and not Marathi maanus. That was ‘protection money’.

If he regretted the loss of life in Malegaon his boys should have provided relief, so he can cut out the drama as prefix to his real intent. As he stated:

“But if the pseudo secularists in the country are supportive of Afzal Guru [Parliament attack case convict], why should we not love and be proud of Sadhvi Pragya, Ramesh Upadhyay and Samir Kulkarni?”

Pseudo-secularists support Afzal Guru because the death sentence cannot be applicable to him. Simple. They do not love him nor are they proud of him.

“Every day Islamic terrorists are planting bombs to kill Hindus in India. The latest blasts in Assam too were engineered by Bangladeshi migrants. If a Sadhvi Pragya or a Ramesh Upadhyay or a Samir Kulkarni is born in the present milieu, they cannot be blamed.”

Can Mr. Thackeray give us clear figures that state only Hindus are killed in these bomb blasts? If he is trying to convey that young people are impressionable – although these three hardly qualify – then he should justify the terrorism that started in Kashmir and Punjab, and has moved to other places.

Instead he comes up with his usual inanities:

“The arrest of cultured and educated individuals in connection with the Malegaon blasts is an effort to crush Hindus to please Muslim fanatics.”

Haw…if I understand right, Balasaheb is an educated and cultured man and the head of the first goon party in India. Muslim fanatics don’t give a damn whether these three individuals have got their degrees or are cultured, but it bothers me that a leader thinks you can arrest some poor unlettered people and that does not matter.

Psst: all those Muslim jihadis are cultured and educated, too.

Curious: Can someone tell me why some professionals are called software engineers when they also deal with hardware?

Kundali rising

Priyanka Chopra gave four flops and asked director Madhur Bhandarkar to give her his horoscope which she showed her astrologer before the release of the film Fashion. Fashion has been pronounced a hit. Does she therefore believe that her director is supreme and will give him full credit? Will she refuse to take any awards and accolades and direct it all to his birth-chart?

Halal

Some Malaysian maulvis have said that yoga is haraam. I am quite happy. Why is everyone so upset? Anything that expects you to turn and twist like Michael Jackson and hold one nostril and breathe out from the other and make panting sounds is all haraam.

Islam tells you to get straight to the point. Yeah, go for shunya…

Oh my goat!

Saudi women may be behind veils, but boy, their sheep do a real neat strut.

They had this beauty contest for sheep (rams and ewes get their chance as well). The event organiser, Faisal al-Saadoun, said, “Just like humans, sheep shouldn’t have fat in unwanted places.”

I don’t know what unwanted places mean in sheep lingo, but whatever it is, go for it. The winner becomes the prize catch and instead of a modelling contract or a Bollywood film in the pocket is bought at the highest rate. This time Sana won. Sana is a ram, and no gender bias here so stop badmouthing the Saudis. The buyer was ecstatic: “I loved his cheeks, his long neck and how his creamy yellow hair falls down his body.”

As the Arabs would say, marha-baal…

What a headline

“Gwen Stefani unveils baby Zuma”

Like it is an art show or a fashion line?

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