Hello, hello? Salman Khan?

It started a few months ago. There was this long-distance call ring. The voice at the other end asked, “Yeh Salman Khan ka ghar hai? (Is this Salman Khan’s house?)”

“Nahin,” I replied. “Aapne shaayad wrong number dial kiya hoga. (You could have got the wrong number)”

“Shaayad ke pucca? (Could or sure?)”

“Wrong number,” I said assertively.

“Chal chal, jhoothi…(Liar.)”

I put down the receiver. Picked it up again. He had not disconnected.

This continued every day. Sometimes he got abusive; occasionally someone else would call. Salman Khan had now become Salman bhai.

On one occasion the answering machine was on. I heard the same voice and his muttering, “Saali English mein bolti hai, kuchch samajh nahin aata…(She is speaking in English, can’t understand)”

Yep. Next time he called I refused to reply in Hindi. I even acquired a Salman Khan accent, you know the kind that takes you from the United States all the way to Australia in one sentence. “Rrright, ah jest khaald to say I lurv you, mite (mate)!”

Ok, I digress…I would just go, “Hmm, can you speak louder? Aha, no, no…”

He’d scream, “Tu hai na…(It’s you)”

“Whattt?? Sorreh, I down’t unnerstaind…”

It was working. The calls slowly became less frequent and I anyway kept the answering machine on most times. A few days ago, after what I assume must have been a Eureka moment, he had a brainwave.

I picked up the phone. A woman was at the other end. She asked me in English, halting and unsure, “Pliss, I want to talk Salman bhai.”

“Sorry, he does not live here.”

“Oh, who is you?”


“Ah, I know, I know. You are Katrina bhabhi!”

Why do funny things happen to me? Now I am waiting for the day Abu Salem calls and asks me for money. That would be rich.


  1. Salman Khan has finally broken the Silence and spoken out for his fans regarding the truth about the media and recent controversies surrounding him.

    Do check out his official blog duskadum.blogspot.com


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