News meeows - 5

Some Indian doctor has been arrested as a suspect in the recent bombings in Glasgow and London. So? So what happens is desis start getting into either yoo-hoo or woo-hoo mode depending on whether you are Pakistani or Indian.

The fact that someone tried to bomb seems irrelevant.

Why are Pakistanis slightly envious because it isn’t one of them? Is it a market they had full control over? Then think again. There are other nationalities in the fray too, even if we restrict it to the Islamic world.

And why on earth are Indians getting so self-righteously whiny? This isn’t the first time. I had already written about Dhiren Barot (of course he did the right royal pain in the ass thing by converting to Islam before trying his stunts) reproduced here who had the impeccable credentials of Al Qaeda.

Why does everything in the world come down to India versus Pakistan?

I still recall that hugely entertaining encounter in Toronto. Cars were blaring music and slogans, with young guys carrying huge Pakistani flags. They were celebrating their independence day two days late due to the blackout then. A lone Indian boy stood across the street with the tricolour. For some silly reason I went over and said I was proud of him. A dark man appeared from nowhere and asked where I was from.

“The Siachen border,” I replied, hoping he’d catch on.

He said he did not know where that was. I told him about the conditions on that border, how tough life was. He quickly said, “I am not into all this politics business. I am a Sri Lankan!”

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Salman Rushdie and Padma Lakshmi are getting divorced. The poor guy has been talking about how he had to suffer because the headlines screamed ‘Beauty and the Beast’ and other such stuff. Then he talked about how she had to suffer because she was gorgeous (sic), talented (sic) and also nice (sic).

Then why the hell are they parting ways? Because the media has been saying things about them? He is 60. Surely if he can take a price on his head and a knighthood, this should be a piece of cake, perhaps one from the lady’s cookery show.

He wants everyone to respect their privacy and yet he quotes from the media. Why did they not just get that divorce without making a noise about it?

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Everyday they are finding more dirt on presidential nominee Pratibha Patil. Now she is supposed to have had a chat with some spirits. I did not talk about it earlier because this time the race for the president has turned into a farce.

This is what she has reportedly said: “''I had a very happy experience here. The Baba came into the body of Hriday Mohini Dadiji. I did not know that he still talks. I thought he will say something and I will listen. But he had a chat with me and put me into difficulty. He also made me very lucky.”

Good for her. Which Indian politician can claim not to have been influenced by some godman/woman or the other? Even Communists talk to Lenin and Marx’s ghosts. And then there is Gandhi’s ghost and Ambedkar’s…we have one for every ideology and prejudice.

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Adnan Sami lost weight and got back his ex-wife. Great. Now at least everyone will shut up and stop going on and on about his weight loss. Has anyone realised that when a man loses weight they go into details about his diet, his health plan and nutritionist’s details. When a woman does, plonk: she must have got it all sucked out.

I am not being gender biased. It also depends on the kind of women. Some who are considered intellectual and belong to the charmed circle will never be found out.