Ask the vexpert - 29

Question: I want to measure the exact size of my boyfriend's penis. He claims that it is 6.5 inches when erect. I just want to confirm it. Should I use a scale or measuring tape?

Sexpert: Let the expert decide. It is not his pimple I am worried about but your attitude. Instead of being romantic and loving, you are so ‘physical’. It is not the length of his penis but the way he uses it to show you his love and affection that is important.

Me: Valid query. I believe that all relationships should be based on trust, and that needs to be verified. He has chosen a 0.5 figure, which immediately puts him in the suspects category. A tailor's measuring tape would give you a more rounded picture, instead of just the length. I'd suggest that to make sure the figure he has provided also carries weight, you should put it on a weighing machine. You might also try and check on stamina by putting 'him' through a stress test when he is in a 'happy' frame of mind.

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Question: I am 26, but still the cover of my penis has not been uncovered. What do I do?

Sexpert: Try daily with a little oil to slip it back till the base of the head of the penis. If you cannot, see a surgeon who will guide you further. Do not hesitate to consult one. If you act now, you will ensure pleasure during sexual intercourse.

Me: Don't do a thing. Wait for WikiLeaks.


  1. A penis should be measured by the amount of pleasure it gives and receives.

  2. I was sure you'd be handing out a comical quip in return. So unlike you not to seize an opportunity. Are you feeling alright, FV.

  3. Dion:

    I did not want to hurt your sentiments :)

    Since you asked: Is pleasure received equal to pleasure given, and will this pleasure be measured on the length of duration or depth? Will receiver acknowledge receipt of goods in good condition and satisfaction with services provided?

    PS: I don't seize the opportunity; I usually size it, or size it up....

  4. Nothing appears equal while the untamed mind perceives its surroundings in its own way.

    When giver and receiver become one in love, that is where heaven on Earth can be experienced. No ticket stub is needed to remind you of the ride.

  5. This is so unfair. You get all serious and then expect a quip from me. Red herring?

  6. FV - Agreed! I was being unfair. You're right to take me down a peg or two. I didn't intend from the onset to set you up like that. Must have been my subconscious that usually seems to be several moves ahead of the conscious me.

    More the case of a blue heart than red herring.

  7. Dion:

    Did not think of it as being set up, just that I was losing my grip on quips when you were 'blue hearting'....

  8. Happy Valentine's Day, FV.

  9. A wonderful V Day to you, too,Dion...thanks for remembering me, despite a shelf life :)

  10. Top shelf, lady. Don't sell yourself for less.

  11. Top shelf? I was thinking that at this stage does not make sense playing so hard to get!

  12. >>does not make sense playing so hard to get!

    It always makes sense playing hard to get (just not impossible :)


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