...and the Anna-fication of a literature festival
Narendra Modi realised that all his efforts for the Sadbhavna mission fast were not going as great as expected. He had planned it meticulously, but he chose the wrong venue. Godhra. Wrong timing: a month before 10th anniversary of the train burning. No mention of the riots. He wants Muslims to forget that. He wants to mend fences. Nice guy.
This was about peace and harmony. 1600 cops and 5 specially-trained Chetak commandos and unarmed jawans guarding the place. Peace? Peace is based on trust, and he says that there have been no riots. So, what is he afraid of? I get it. He is afraid of Salman Rushdie. What if that bloke who is not permitted to visit the Jaipur Literature Festival decides to land in Gujarat? After all, Narendra bhai has been promoting it as the wonderful Disneyland where you may scream in terror as long as you can afford the rides. Modi likes Rushdie. He does not know why, but maybe it’s the old if A=B and B=C, then A=C.
“But, saab,” said his favourite police officer who was transferred for giving signals for an encounter killing, but had now undergone cosmetic surgery and was back at duty, “We took down posters, we threw out artists…”
“Bhai, jo, that is different. We are the establishment. Establishment has right to protect minorities.”
“Er…we are the majority.”
“That’s okay. I am not counting. We must feel like the minority.”
“So, what to do now, sir?”
“Bring me that book. I have many copies in that underground place where I keep all those files about 2002.”
“The book is banned in India.”
“We are not India. I mean, Gujarat has 5 crore people, so we are India within India.”
“This could cause communal enmity, saab.”
Modi guffaws. “This is the land of communal enmity. If you add tadka to cooking oil it will splutter but you get good food. Go, get me a copy. Cover it with green cloth.”
The man leaves hurriedly. A few mullahs come and shake hands with Modi. He says, “You are late.”
“We went to buy you a special edition of the Quran to promote this wonderful multicultural system you started.”
“Time is over for peace.”
“You are insulting Islam by not accepting a copy. Last time you did not accept skull cap.”
“You people’s sentiments get hurt all the time. But you cannot reach on time. I had arranged for your bath here.”
“Kya?”
“For your namaaz, I made arrangements for you.”
“Wazoo…it is called wazoo.”
“Don’t try and convert me.”
“We are only informing you.”
“Why you did not inform me about Godhra train?”
There is silence.
“Okay,” Modi continued. “If you want harmony, go and sit quietly.”
His officer brings him a copy of the Rushdie book.
The mullahs smile when they see the green cover. “Subhan Allah! You are our supreme leader. We knew you had a surprise for us. We will pass a fatwa against anyone who does not vote for you.”
Modi whispers in his officer’s ear, “How did they know I am trying to conduct a counter election campaign to get some mileage because everyone is talking about UP?”
“The Deoband must have informed them.”
“This is same group that does not want Rushdie, na? Now see how papers will be full of Gujarat.”
He opens the book and starts reading. The group says, “Wah, wah” in unison.
Modi is confused. “You know what I am reading?”
“Ji haan. You have a sense of humour. You are reading Gulliver’s Travels.”
“What is that?”
“In the madrassa some boys have copies, they told us about how he lands in place where tiny people are and they tie him up.”
“So, why are you smiling? Now where is your Islam? It does not get insulted if book is covered in green?”
“The grass is also green and we walk on it, Khomeini saab.”
“I am not Khomeini,” Modi says disgustedly.
“Uff, mistake. Please continue reading, we are your prajaa, the little people.”
The CM shifts uncomfortably. The thought that he would be tied up by these little people worries him.
“How did these illiterates start reading books?” he asks his assistant.
“Because of Rushdie.”
“Does it mean if I read this book, I will become Muslim?”
“Saab, anything is possible. But don’t say this loudly. They will call it Islamophobia.”
“Take this away.” He returns the copy of The Satanic Verses. “Bring me some other book. These Muslims like stories. Even for peace mission, they want stories. It is always about god.”
The officer gets an idea. “I will get The God of Small Things.”
Modi shakes his head. “What things? These minorities will start thinking their god is the best again.”
“This is not about god.” The officer mentions the writer’s name.
“Arre, the same one who went jogging with comrades in Cuba?”
“Not jogging, only walking. Not Cuba, in India with Maoists.”
“Then send copy to Chidambaram.”
“What do get for you now?”
“Aladdin and the Magic Lamp. Muslims like fairytales. They think by rubbing a lamp, a genie will appear. They forget this is idol worship.”
“I cannot get it, sir.”
“Why? Is it banned?”
“No, your copy has disappeared.”
“How?”
“Sanjiv Bhat took it as evidence that you were plotting against minorities.”
“What happens to my freedom of expression?” This time he asks aloud.
The audience looks wide-eyed.
“Say something.”
“We thought you are reading from the book.”
“No. I want to know. Why can I not express myself however I want?”
The crowd starts to leave. He calls out to them.
A small voice says, “How can ashes answer what freedom the fire must have?”
Reports say that today, the opening day of the Jaipur Literature Festival, some writers read out excerpts from The Satanic Verses, since Salman Rushdie is not allowed. This personality cult is seen as protest.
Was Rushdie going to read out from the book? A bunch of huddled up elites in their cocoon thinks this is freedom of expression. Would they have permitted Modi to read, had he written a book? Who are they catering to? A small group, and that includes the media, that knows precious little about such expression, that muzzles dissenting voices, that sells its space without ethics for ad revenue, that pushes political agendas, that also pushes religious ideas; this applies to publications in regional languages as well. It is, however, the English-language media that plays god. We have discussed this already in Salman's Atheist Shrine.
These interests sponsor the JLF and grabbing eyeballs is part of the strategy of making it commercially viable. If they have some enthusiastic pseudo martyrs, they will benefit. Incidentally, Taslima Nasreen and Arundhati Roy, both ‘victims’, have not been vocal about this. Taslima had a fight with Rushdie about Twitter followers and his misogyny. Roy has got to guard her Muslim constituency. Everyone is on their own trip.
This reminds me of Team Anna and the singing-dancing brigade exercising their freedom. Rushdie had attended the previous festivals, so cut it out. If it is so important, then I would like to know why the writers have not sent a petition to the government asking it in clear terms to arrest those who issued threats. Do that. Exercise your freedom, instead of sticking out your tongue.
The festival is already overcrowded. If this were a movie, it would have been all about buttered popcorn.
(c) Farzana Versey
- - -
Similar posts:
Why Modi refused spandex tights
Modi’s fast ‘unto’ death: Gujarat’s shame
Narendra Modi realised that all his efforts for the Sadbhavna mission fast were not going as great as expected. He had planned it meticulously, but he chose the wrong venue. Godhra. Wrong timing: a month before 10th anniversary of the train burning. No mention of the riots. He wants Muslims to forget that. He wants to mend fences. Nice guy.
This was about peace and harmony. 1600 cops and 5 specially-trained Chetak commandos and unarmed jawans guarding the place. Peace? Peace is based on trust, and he says that there have been no riots. So, what is he afraid of? I get it. He is afraid of Salman Rushdie. What if that bloke who is not permitted to visit the Jaipur Literature Festival decides to land in Gujarat? After all, Narendra bhai has been promoting it as the wonderful Disneyland where you may scream in terror as long as you can afford the rides. Modi likes Rushdie. He does not know why, but maybe it’s the old if A=B and B=C, then A=C.
Yet, for all his liking, he did not want to spoil the Jumma party. He waited and waited for some real Muslims to pay their respects. Finally, he just gave up. Peace can go take a long walk. He asked his men to get a copy of The Satanic Verses. He was going to protest against these Muslims. Those Deoband guys who did not treat his progressive Gujarati fellow nicely when he was made Vice Chancellor and that SIMI is really awful going after poor Salman. No one cares for freedom of expression.
“But, saab,” said his favourite police officer who was transferred for giving signals for an encounter killing, but had now undergone cosmetic surgery and was back at duty, “We took down posters, we threw out artists…”
“Bhai, jo, that is different. We are the establishment. Establishment has right to protect minorities.”
“Er…we are the majority.”
“That’s okay. I am not counting. We must feel like the minority.”
“So, what to do now, sir?”
“Bring me that book. I have many copies in that underground place where I keep all those files about 2002.”
“The book is banned in India.”
“We are not India. I mean, Gujarat has 5 crore people, so we are India within India.”
“This could cause communal enmity, saab.”
Modi guffaws. “This is the land of communal enmity. If you add tadka to cooking oil it will splutter but you get good food. Go, get me a copy. Cover it with green cloth.”
The man leaves hurriedly. A few mullahs come and shake hands with Modi. He says, “You are late.”
“We went to buy you a special edition of the Quran to promote this wonderful multicultural system you started.”
“Time is over for peace.”
“You are insulting Islam by not accepting a copy. Last time you did not accept skull cap.”
“You people’s sentiments get hurt all the time. But you cannot reach on time. I had arranged for your bath here.”
“Kya?”
“For your namaaz, I made arrangements for you.”
“Wazoo…it is called wazoo.”
“Don’t try and convert me.”
“We are only informing you.”
“Why you did not inform me about Godhra train?”
There is silence.
“Okay,” Modi continued. “If you want harmony, go and sit quietly.”
His officer brings him a copy of the Rushdie book.
The mullahs smile when they see the green cover. “Subhan Allah! You are our supreme leader. We knew you had a surprise for us. We will pass a fatwa against anyone who does not vote for you.”
Modi whispers in his officer’s ear, “How did they know I am trying to conduct a counter election campaign to get some mileage because everyone is talking about UP?”
“The Deoband must have informed them.”
“This is same group that does not want Rushdie, na? Now see how papers will be full of Gujarat.”
He opens the book and starts reading. The group says, “Wah, wah” in unison.
Modi is confused. “You know what I am reading?”
“Ji haan. You have a sense of humour. You are reading Gulliver’s Travels.”
“What is that?”
“In the madrassa some boys have copies, they told us about how he lands in place where tiny people are and they tie him up.”
“So, why are you smiling? Now where is your Islam? It does not get insulted if book is covered in green?”
“The grass is also green and we walk on it, Khomeini saab.”
“I am not Khomeini,” Modi says disgustedly.
“Uff, mistake. Please continue reading, we are your prajaa, the little people.”
The CM shifts uncomfortably. The thought that he would be tied up by these little people worries him.
“How did these illiterates start reading books?” he asks his assistant.
“Because of Rushdie.”
“Does it mean if I read this book, I will become Muslim?”
“Saab, anything is possible. But don’t say this loudly. They will call it Islamophobia.”
“Take this away.” He returns the copy of The Satanic Verses. “Bring me some other book. These Muslims like stories. Even for peace mission, they want stories. It is always about god.”
The officer gets an idea. “I will get The God of Small Things.”
Modi shakes his head. “What things? These minorities will start thinking their god is the best again.”
“This is not about god.” The officer mentions the writer’s name.
“Arre, the same one who went jogging with comrades in Cuba?”
“Not jogging, only walking. Not Cuba, in India with Maoists.”
“Then send copy to Chidambaram.”
“What do get for you now?”
“Aladdin and the Magic Lamp. Muslims like fairytales. They think by rubbing a lamp, a genie will appear. They forget this is idol worship.”
“I cannot get it, sir.”
“Why? Is it banned?”
“No, your copy has disappeared.”
“How?”
“Sanjiv Bhat took it as evidence that you were plotting against minorities.”
“What happens to my freedom of expression?” This time he asks aloud.
The audience looks wide-eyed.
“Say something.”
“We thought you are reading from the book.”
“No. I want to know. Why can I not express myself however I want?”
The crowd starts to leave. He calls out to them.
A small voice says, “How can ashes answer what freedom the fire must have?”
- - -
Reports say that today, the opening day of the Jaipur Literature Festival, some writers read out excerpts from The Satanic Verses, since Salman Rushdie is not allowed. This personality cult is seen as protest.
Was Rushdie going to read out from the book? A bunch of huddled up elites in their cocoon thinks this is freedom of expression. Would they have permitted Modi to read, had he written a book? Who are they catering to? A small group, and that includes the media, that knows precious little about such expression, that muzzles dissenting voices, that sells its space without ethics for ad revenue, that pushes political agendas, that also pushes religious ideas; this applies to publications in regional languages as well. It is, however, the English-language media that plays god. We have discussed this already in Salman's Atheist Shrine.
These interests sponsor the JLF and grabbing eyeballs is part of the strategy of making it commercially viable. If they have some enthusiastic pseudo martyrs, they will benefit. Incidentally, Taslima Nasreen and Arundhati Roy, both ‘victims’, have not been vocal about this. Taslima had a fight with Rushdie about Twitter followers and his misogyny. Roy has got to guard her Muslim constituency. Everyone is on their own trip.
This reminds me of Team Anna and the singing-dancing brigade exercising their freedom. Rushdie had attended the previous festivals, so cut it out. If it is so important, then I would like to know why the writers have not sent a petition to the government asking it in clear terms to arrest those who issued threats. Do that. Exercise your freedom, instead of sticking out your tongue.
The festival is already overcrowded. If this were a movie, it would have been all about buttered popcorn.
(c) Farzana Versey
- - -
Similar posts:
Why Modi refused spandex tights
Modi’s fast ‘unto’ death: Gujarat’s shame
FV,
ReplyDeleteGet a life! Sharia-compliant and halal-approved, if you prefer. I am deeply happy that some guys said "take that" to the crazed Jehadis and read out from The Book (!!). High time we lifted the ban altogether.
How exactly is Modi connected to all this?
FV
ReplyDeleteAh! nothing like modi and godhra in the same breath to bring the hindutva trolls crawling out of woodwork screaming blue murder.
Nonetheless, I can understand the muslim ire given 2002 riots, but the hindu beyond-reproach-approach to modi(PBUH) does baffle me.
nice post-loved the wazoo bit.
FnF
all due respect mate, if someone needs to get a life- that's us.
It's Satire,it's dark,it's angst, it's farce, it's Mo camp calling NaMo's bluff - more importantly it's her blog - we are the impostors.
Do we ever, even for a second think,what the ummah finds especially repelling about Modi(PBUH)?
There have been a zillion communal riots with numbers far surpassing the ones in Godhra - so why?
Could it be his beard?
FV ain't the agony-aunt you can turn to expecting empathy towards anything non-muslim - she will counter it with a non-committal reply if she is having a good hair day, if in lousy mood she will ask you to go scale the wall.
Don't ever for a second think she can understand or even partially agree with your view points - for her you are a martian trying to tell her the amazing benifits of three cyanide capsules a day for indigestion.
>>FV ain't the agony-aunt you can turn to expecting empathy towards anything non-muslim
ReplyDeleteI suppose not but I do believe her audience is wider than that ...
As regards to holy wars of South Asia, this comes to mind ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MVdgz2ghhw
In case, it is blocked ... it is Dr. Seuss' Zaxes ...
@Hitesh,
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed the Dr.Zeuss video, though glossing over historic misgivings is not something I intend to do.
Well, if we are to hypothetically assume we have moved on , are we not discounting the atavistic infliction of FV's pet peeves?
"I suppose not but I do believe her audience is wider than that" - arguably yes. If one were to put it bluntly, she does throw a few crumbs at things non-muslim.
Why do I comment to FnF's rants ?
I think at some level FnF wants to believe FV is a "liberal" - it's such a used/abused/misused word - but let's for arguments sake,accept what it is supposed to mean in principle.
likes of FnF and Me, fail to see Modi(PBUH) as monster , somehow more sympathetic to the KP cause in a auto-pilot mode,Maoists killings are far less important than Yasin Bhatkal, list goes on. Given these prejudices, we start reading FV who is opinionated as well - and to our dismay realize FV ain't liberal after all.
What follows is sophistic arguments, and virtual outrage.
>> If one were to put it bluntly, she does throw a few crumbs at things non-muslim.
ReplyDeleteMay be so. Muslim issues are dear to her heart and she feels knowledgeable about them. It is good to read about them from non-traditional media outlet. More importantly, facts do support those pet peeves of hers; atavistic or not.
>>likes of FnF and Me, fail to see >>Modi(PBUH) as monster, somehow more sympathetic to the KP cause in a auto-pilot mode,Maoists killings are far less important than Yasin Bhatkal, list goes on.
having witnessed one too many riots first-hand, I can tell you that these are mini-holocausts of our own and for victims who loose it all relative monstrosity of one atrocity vs another is not of much comfort.
>>Given these prejudices, we start reading FV who is opinionated as well - and to our dismay realize FV ain't liberal after all.
I doubt she has made any claims of liberalism. In fact, she calls democracy a collective masturbation ;-)
It seems clear to me that in the name of democracy and liberalism, weak have already been weeded out around the globe by the 20th century; be it Native Americans or Palestinians, Eastern European Jews or large chunk of Russians and the list goes on. Current fights, debates and resistance are from the people who would like to avoid same fate, be it Tibetans or Kurds or yes Indian Muslims.
I do prefer sophistic arguments and virtual outrage to suicide bombings.
F&F:
ReplyDeleteThanks for your concern, but I am waiting in queue till you get yours. Those guys did not say “take that”. They are selling their books and spiel. Now if I want reflected glory, I can do a bit of ‘outing’ too.
How exactly is Modi connected to all this?
As much as the Sharia is connected to your life. It’s satire. Our new friend here told you.
CandidSpade:
ReplyDeleteThanks for figuring out the angst-farce. I did miss out on all those exclamation marks.
…but the hindu beyond-reproach-approach to modi (PBUH) does baffle me
I don’t understand it. You guys are still hung up on bwaahaa, look what Aurangzeb did…if someone tells me about Modi’s colour-coordinated socks, I might not be reproachful. And, yes, the PBUH you add after his name is charming. Certainly, Peace Be Upon Him.
Now, if I may touch upon some points addressed to others.
To FnF
FV ain't the agony-aunt you can turn to expecting empathy towards anything non-muslim - she will counter it with a non-committal reply if she is having a good hair day, if in lousy mood she will ask you to go scale the wall.
Don't ever for a second think she can understand or even partially agree with your view points - for her you are a martian trying to tell her the amazing benifits of three cyanide capsules a day for indigestion.
I thought you’d imagine my imaginary hijab would take care of the hair. And I would not ask anyone to scale walls, especially sicne bricks bring back certain memories. I understand F&F’s POV, just do not agree. And I do believe cyanide pills are good for digestion 0 of given to someone else, I can digest their non-existence. Happy?
To Hitesh:
"I suppose not but I do believe her audience is wider than that" - arguably yes. If one were to put it bluntly, she does throw a few crumbs at things non-muslim.
Look at the majoritarian victimhood! What you call crumbs constitute a considerable amount of non-Muslim writing. Poetry, musings, sex, relationships, soliloquys, conversations, vexpert, and in self-effacing moments even ‘not quite poetry’. Of course, you might see the hand of the ummah hidden somewhere, but then Maradona was not a Muslim.
About liberalism, if it is a “used/abused/misused word”, then on what basis am I not one? I thought I was up for grabs to be abused and misused. Come on, this is your moment.
F&F:
ReplyDeleteThanks for your concern, but I am waiting in queue till you get yours. Those guys did not say “take that”. They are selling their books and spiel. Now if I want reflected glory, I can do a bit of ‘outing’ too.
How exactly is Modi connected to all this?
As much as the Sharia is connected to your life. It’s satire. Our new friend here told you.
Hitesh:
ReplyDeleteI doubt she has made any claims of liberalism. In fact, she calls democracy a collective masturbation ;-)
Now, how much more liberal and liberated can one get?
Muslim issues are dear to her heart and she feels knowledgeable about them. It is good to read about them from non-traditional media outlet. More importantly, facts do support those pet peeves of hers; atavistic or not.
Well, they are dear, in the sense they are costly…there is a price to be paid. There are indeed facts and what follows are opinions on those.
I do prefer sophistic arguments and virtual outrage to suicide bombings.
I think you are keeping the wrong company. Why is it assumed it is one or the other? It means that had one not reported to arguments and outrage, the latter is so subjective a label, then the only option would be suicide bombings? Well, then the latter is also outrage and perhaps an argument and the former might be a version of intellectual suicide bombing. I am just playing along with the either/or argument.
I very good satire esp the one "Aladdin and the Magic Lamp. Muslims like fairytales. They think by rubbing a lamp, a genie will appear" , I can't stop laughing
ReplyDelete