Ask the vexpert - 4

Question: Whenever my husband gets up in morning, his penis is hard. Is it normal? Once, I sat on my boyfriend's penis in office. Is there any chance of getting pregnant if I sit on a penis even when both of us were fully clothed? His penis was very hard. Hence I am very scared.

Sexpert: Your extra office activity will not get you pregnant but it is possible that it may fracture his penis. Trust is an important part of marriage. Think about it.

Me: You are truly leading a hard life. Your husband’s state in the morning has been programmed. See, you check it as soon as you wake up, he wakes up, and therefore there is no need for an alarm clock. The only abnormal thing about it is that he seems reluctant to invest in a clock.

Regarding sitting on your boyfriend’s penis in the office, I assume you are leading a harder life than one thought. There must be a shortage of furniture. Chances of getting pregnant are slim depending on how you choose to sit; most people require the use of their rear and no reports have come in about births occurring in hind-site. However, if you are sitting in an unusual manner, even though both of you were fully clothed, you could get pregnant because sperms are known to get excited by activities not considered commonplace. Given your fears you may make an advance complaint with the employees’ union regarding your colleague not being considerate enough and soft at the given time. This might qualify as harassment at the workplace.

- - -

Question: I masturbate once a week and I feel OK. But the problem is that my hairstyle changes whenever I masturbate. Will it affect my health if I masturbate too often? Or will there be any problem in the future?

Sexpert: Hairstyles are weird in any case. Masturbation will not contribute or in any way be responsible for your health, lifestyle and how you look.

Me: There is a reason why your hairstyle changes. It has been rightly said that the male brain cells lie in the penis, therefore the action results in a reaction and the hair on your head stands on edge. When you are in a relaxed position after the activity, the hair flops to different sides and angles depending on the level of satiation reached. Please make a note of the variations. Each points to the nature of the stimulus used or the role you played in your fantasy. Middle-parting – Devdas-type lover; side parting – investment banker; puff – aging dandy; bangs – boy-next-door; dishevelled – rock star; gelled-back look – Mafioso or a pernickety guy.

Why don’t you try doing it with a condom on? That way you will find different caps on your head. It is likely that you might end up with a feather in one, too.


  1. Hahaha!!!
    This is amazing!

    Well, Farzana Versey, you rule.

  2. "Why don’t you try doing it with a condom on? That way you will find different caps on your head. "

  3. Much needed laugh...in the middle of an exam right now, ten minutes left...invigilator on my head at the moment, heehee

  4. SM:

    Any particular reason for the use of the full name? :)


    Well, am glad to get that full-bodied laughter...


    I should hope you did well. Btw, the heehee was timed perfectly!

    And yes, good to see you back.

  5. FV,

    Ummm ... I have two questions from 'Me', to ensure the advice is useful to readers:

    1) Is the questioner in the second question male or female? 'Me' seems to assume it's a male though I'm not sure.

    2) Is the hairstyle problem the top one or the nether one? Again 'Me' seems to assume it's the top one though I'm not sure.

    Thanks for your help :)

  6. WMW:

    Thanks for your probing posers.

    1. The questioner is male because only men link their future with the activity. Even renowned poets have talked about 'taqdeer apne haathon mein'.

    2. i assume it is the top hairstyle for vanity is overt. However, it is indeed a heady dilemma.

    Hope this helped!

  7. Naah...I just said it coz it came naturally.


Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.