28.11.10

Attn: Mukesbhai Ambani urf Shahjehan

Dear Mukesbhai:

I am writing to you with lots of pain. I goat coal from friend high up…working in Kanchenjanga type place baba…saying I am useless. Niraben is not coaling me…I am telling him time to time that I love lowby. Nice free fres air in aircondisun looking at peepuls from all walks and talks of life. My favourite is Taj lowby but after tragedy and coming to know that terrorist also liking it, I am not pakka sure. You know newspaper is saying Ratan bhai is moving Supreme Court. My tongue in hanging out like Kali Mata that how gentle Parsi man who doesn’t hurt fly and move head too much like common man style nodding is becoming like Bheema and moving whole big fat court.

I did goggle search to find out full detail and moving means asking judge about leak. Again my tongue hanging out. Why judge must do sulabh shauchalaya work? So I read more report. It is leaking tapes. He is saying it is private matter between income tax and Niraben. I am saying maybe Niraben is adding extra ‘I’ in Nira because of ‘income’. That way I am intelligent. Ratan bhai also is going to say to judge openly he will want crime to be tried, like good man and good citizen. He is knowing this is not Gujarat where Nano and moto (not Motorola baba) problem can be solved with Narendrabhai Modi giving secular blessing.

You think I am saying all this only to get you to give me scoop? No, no. I went to Huggin Das thinking now this Bengali, like Mata Amritanandmayi, is giving hug with ice-cream scoop. I am really pain because my high up friend is laughing and laughing saying no one will coal you to lowby. I am saying maara sam, my swear, nice gentlemens meeting me in lowby many times, shaking hands, looking into eyes and then asking to have chai-pani as if I am havaldar or something. I am saying like Bollywood heroine of long time back that I live on love and fres air only.

But if Niraben coaled me my naak would be little up, my ijat little more. To put solt on my voond you didn’t ask me to come to Taj Mahal also. You are now becoming Shahjehan…arrrarrra…Nitaben 2 G-yo hajaron saal, may live long, long live Nitaben…by the whey, you look like twins now, only she is fair-fair like you done Michael Jackson type skin removal. She is good dancer and all time she does mudra pose newspapers talk about her tellunt. Look no, that day only your Ant Hill housewarming party was on front page of Times of India. I saying to myself, wah, wah, now why no one is coaling this lowby? This is double roti standard na? One day you are Shahjehan next day they saying, uff why media doing like this and why media doing like that? Why, you say?

But I am asking you why you call house Ant Hill, everyone wanting to know, even friend high up. I am saying him, first you tell I am not worth lowby then how I must know all this. Ratan bhai will move court about how it is all private, so what if little detail was in paper about chandelier, food, guests, lifts, garden…you wanted to avoid media so you had housewarming (it is so cold what?) before date, and then see it is in papers anyhow. What is happening to world? Everywhere lowby, lowby. Only no one is saying even inside lowby there is special lowby.

I am knowing little bit also. It is all in karma. Some peepuls will say, look that woman and that man openly writing against Vijay Mallya though they are friends. I am wanting to smile like Mona darling Lisa. Saying negative about Vijaybhai is like beating maasocheest – he is looking forward to whip! My Ingliss getting better, na? All Niraben’s kripa; after Rakhiben Sawant and her jeejus, Niraben is next fatafat.

I am writing to you also to say I talk too much on telephone. Niraben’s record I can break. But no one is coaling me, except friend from high up. I am going to tell him lies and say your house is like 21st century Vrindavan. Only instead Kokilaben is Krishna and has two mothers, you Mukesbhai and Anilbhai. She is doing running from one to other, I am reading like that in papers. She is sitting with dandiya-type flute and having to lagao makhan butter for smooth-sailing of family ship. You not having ship? Helicopter is also okay, sailing in sky and dropping on hell-paad.

I am having another little noting. Mandir is in bottom of house and you are on top of god. Thanks god I am calling it Vrindavan and not Taj Mahal otherwise those mahants and political parties will say, look we will get Mukesbhai for elecsun because he is doing sym-ball and telling world that below Agra Taj Mahal was also mandir, he is making point, he is lowbying for us.

I am only opening your third eye. I know, I know, only Shiva had third eye, but Telelka and all sting wallas having third eye. You don’t worry, be happy. My pain is gone after opening heart surgery with you. All is out of chest. Reminds me, I reading Paremeshwar Godrej was also at party? Nice lady carrying communist baraat many times on head. What? Beret? Haan, haan, how I am to knowing all this? They saying what story to carry. Arre, how anyone can carry story? It is not some bojh, burden, to carry inside sack on head.

Please give Niraben’s reliancing number only. I will give missed call from Wada phone or air tell…most danger like telling in havaa. I am taking risk. I can hear phone is tapping like keyboard on leptope.

Today I made promise to self I will go to lowby. i don’t want my rape-u-tasun to be on stake like Joan ben of Arkansas.

Jai Shri Krishna!

Yours (Radia se kaise na jaley) censurely,
Antilia

- - -

PS: While I cannot 'translate' this into regular English, I'd elucidate that part provocation for the post was the reference to Mukesh Ambani's new house as the "21st century Taj Mahal" by a media person and, when there is so much noise about the media, this private housewarming party made it to the front page of the newspaper.

7 comments:

  1. :-D Simbly venderful, Molay.
    Al

    ReplyDelete
  2. Whyfor you are mistaking Gujju for Tamil? It is seenmplee whunderrphool...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Farzana, that was not Tanglish, it was Mallish. yuvar lowbying for Shahjehan kenfoose me as Mallish.

    I did not recognize Gujlish and thought it was Mallish, and you thought it was tanglish, and responded appropriately. Anyway, here is some Kanglish to complete the confusion. :-)

    http://tinyurl.com/35omd3d

    In other news, the aliens have landed...sorta...I thought it was time for me to crack open my 12 pack of spandex attire that I'd purchased for the odd alien vacation, but no such luck.

    http://tinyurl.com/26mcsfu

    Al

    ReplyDelete
  4. Al:

    Beneath all the 'ishes' there was a message-ish, too. I did not go all out wiht the Gujju bit because some thigns had to be stated more comprehensibly. As much as is possible from me :)

    PS: Will respond to some of your other comments later...my toes are aching!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Farzana, Let me explain what I meant by my earlier post which was partly facetious and maybe misleading...so sue me. :-)

    Civilization and civilization are all words to describe the average behaviour of large groups of people -- the point is to shift the average towards progressive thought rather than regressive thought, so see-sawing between progressive and regressive under the excuse of culture and civilization is going to leave us where we are now. I don't care what happens to this planet after I am dead. Really.


    "If we abrogate the drawing of lines to some, then we are not influenced by cultures but influence them. "


    Both of it happens at the same time, but the opportunity for such cross-cultural influences has never been more than it is now, which means we will see the effects of this in the coming decades. As is usually the case, all sides will be influenced in different ways over time, but there are many cultures today that pride themselves on their insularity and would like to spread their "message" such as it is.


    "Are you talking about Guantanamo Bay and the O.J.Simpson paradigm? "

    I am talking about the Isaac Asimov, Arthur Clark, Larry Niven Paradigm. Existence based on scientific living with no illusions about anything.

    Al

    ReplyDelete
  6. Farzana, As for cultures being legitimized, legitimization will not work if any one (or more) culture(s) want to dominate, and that is what will happen as a first step (like today).

    Then there will conflict and violence, followed by an acceptance that it was all not a very good idea....and then those lessons will be lost in a few generations and it will all start over again. We monkeys have really short memories, it seems.


    So far, Humans manage destroy themselves after they reach the limits of their collective competence to organize themselves -- Peter's Principle recast. All the civilizations now dead and gone are a testament to it.

    " Building motels isn’t a cultural shift, although how aliens are included in this would denote some cultural osmosis :)"

    I was being facetious -- the point is that scientific advancement and religious bullshit are incompatible in the long term. Look at the populace of the USA today -- what a sad degeneration from the stalwarts that went to the moon and did some incredible stuff. Why did it happen? Because the politicians in the Right think that their country is great because of their religion and culture, not because of scientific competence....so what you have is a regressive culture today that wants to rollback the teaching of Evolution in Class. The entire society will pay a big price because of this regressive behaviour -- but you gets what you work for.

    " The problem is you can’t hide beneath the sky. Well, what’s inside our heads is of course unlikely to leak!"

    This is not about hiding behind anything, but the opposite -- this is about facing this vast universe without fear.

    I suppose everyone here thinks we humans (or a set of individuals) are fricking awesome. I doubt if anyone will say such a thing if they actually comprehend the vastness of the night sky. Words like googol and googolplex exist to describe that vastness (Google is derived from Googol). Distances between stars and the number of astronomical entities in existence are in the order of Googolplex.

    So if one thinks our Milky way is the best Galaxy ever out of the billions of galaxies that exist, and earth the bestest planet ever to exist, please contact me for a really low-priced bridge in Manhattan that I just placed on the market. The Human race is nothing more than a speck of dust in the Sahara Desert, though we all like to pretend otherwise, and if we all cease to exist, we will all be missed like that speck of dust in the desert. This realization does wonders to one's ego if one is brave enough to internalize it, and few people are.


    Al

    ReplyDelete
  7. " The problem is you can’t hide beneath the sky. Well, what’s inside our heads is of course unlikely to leak!"

    This is not about hiding behind anything, but the opposite -- this is about facing this vast universe without fear.

    I suppose everyone here thinks we humans (or a set of individuals) are fricking awesome. I doubt if anyone will say such a thing if they actually comprehend the vastness of the night sky. Words like googol and googolplex exist to describe that vastness (Google is derived from Googol). Distances between stars and the number of astronomical entities in existence are in the order of Googolplex.

    So if one thinks our Milky way is the best Galaxy ever out of the billions of galaxies that exist, and earth the bestest planet ever to exist, please contact me for a really low-priced bridge in Manhattan that I just placed on the market.

    The Human race is nothing more than a speck of dust in the Sahara Desert as far as this universe is concerned, though we all like to pretend otherwise.

    Tomorrow, If we all cease to exist, we will all be missed like that speck of dust in the desert. This realization "does wonders" (in a bad way)0 to one's ego if one is brave enough to internalize it, and few people are. But once internalized, you do not fear everything as much because you realize that everything is futile in the big picture, but you cannot let that thought lead you to doom and gloom, which is what happens to most people. It is a lot easier to believe that someone divine will come and save my ass whenever I want.


    Al

    ReplyDelete

Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.