Wailers and vultures

‘With Bal Thackeray on Life Support, Mumbai braces for violence’. The New York Times in its “Notes from the world’s largest democracy” just could not let go of the opportunity.

But, then, this is what the Indian media has been doing. They positioned their OB vans, and how dare those Shiv Sainiks who had gathered near Matoshree, the Shiv Sena leader’s residence, come in the way of their ‘job’. Their job is not to wait for someone to die. Whenever that is to happen, they will know.

Some of them have complained about being hurt in scuffles. This is what happens when there are crowds. The SS has done far worse, with the people, with media-persons. But in the 90s news channels and their prominent anchors were not celebrities. The people who were beaten, whose offices destroyed were not important people in their scheme of things. What a strange coincidence that Nikhil Wagle, among the few who stood up to Bal Thackeray, is today part of one of these tosh news channels.

I have absolutely no sympathy for Thackeray the politician, and it does not even need to be emphasised. If you’ve been around during the 1992-93 riots, you would know, especially if you went where it mattered. Nor am I one of those “oh, it does not change anything only because s/he is dead/ailing”, although I would accord some respect to privacy. And at least I would not think it terribly funny to pun on his name or crack lame jokes. This is to be expected from people who get their information on timelines and find it easy to just lump along with any smart-ass.

Where were all these people when he was well and thriving? Hitting out at someone who is in a weak situation reveals the weakness of the people commenting. Does anyone recall the grand interviews Balasaheb gave to the media? You should watch some to get an idea about how deferential the media was. To see them today screeching about how his legacy is about violence is a tad bit amusing, not to mention that it states the obvious.

Regarding all this talk about how the sainiks have/will behave and what business they have to converge at his place, did anyone ask why Amitabh Bachchan landed up there? Lest anyone forgets or does not know, Mr. B holds a Sunday durbar at his residence. He comes out to greet his fans. The cops are required. He does this because he wants to reciprocate their love or some such thing. Well, then Mr. Thackeray has his supporters. The police force is needed to handle the situation.

And what exactly is the situation? Why does the media indulge in pre-empt strikes about “violence”? Yes, the sainiks can get excitable and agitated. Think about what happens down South when film stars and politicians have died. There are mass suicides.

Some shops did stay shut. Public transport was slow. Who put the germ of the idea that “something might happen” in the minds of these people? Even if some sainiks did go around asking people to down shutters, the snowballing effect is all thanks to the media and social networking sites.

The worst possible aspect is that they are using Muslim shoulders to fire their empty guns. As always, such ‘protective’ instinct is counterproductive.

There is the violence of the street. And the violence of using the possibility of such violence for one's benefit.

Censoring a Birth: The Bachchan Baby Saga

Hit me with a feather, please, and make it quick. Those who were getting all hot and bothered about how a judge was critical about the media are now agreeing to a ten-point censorship list only to protect the birth of a baby? Aishwariya Rai Bachchan may desire privacy, but what could possibly have made the Broadcast Editors’ Association send out a memo to television journalists and what has made them accept it?

Amitabh Bachchan says he is not aware. And the general secretary of the Association says:

“The main purpose (of the guideline) is to make Indian electronic news media more value-based and purposeful for broader public cause. I cannot respond to your email per se but I can only tell you about the sublime purpose which the BEA is seeking to achieve.”

This is not a public cause. A woman is going to deliver a baby. She is a celebrity. And the family made the announcement and has been using social networking sites to give updates. Her father-in-law also mentions it on his TV show KBC. (Will that also not be permitted?)

Let us look at the muzzling points first (my responses follow each):

• No pre-coverage of the event.

What does pre-coverage mean? That no one can say things like she has a baby bump when they had a big ceremony for it?

• Story of the birth of the baby to run only after, and on the basis of, official announcement.

There will be rumours, and often hospital sources do leak out information.

• Story not to run on breaking news band.

I agree it should not be on breaking news band. It is not breaking news and the channels should know it. They do not have to be tutored.

• No camera or OB vans at hospital or any other location (like the Bachchans’ homes Pratiksha or Jalsa) related to the story.

Good.

• Channels will only go for photo-op or press conference if invited.

In that case, channels that are not should not bother to cover the event at all. Such invitations are always meant to ensure good coverage from the host’s point of view.

• Channels will not carry any MMS or photo of the child. We can carry if issued by the family.

They can keep the child hidden.

• No astrology show to be done on this issue.

Oh, come on. And someone says this has not been forced on them?

• No 11.11.11 astro shows to be done.

Why? It is a date for the whole world.

• The duration of story to be around a minute/ninety seconds.

Great. Now TV channels are being told how much is enough?

• Obviously, unauthorized entry into hospital not permitted.

Good.

As I said, some amount of privacy is important. But these celebrities tweet and make public statements when it suits them. Let us not forget that Mr. Bachchan had gone off the press many years ago, but when he broke his silence he was ready to say and do anything. Aishwariya, too, after an ugly incident in her personal life decided to attend an award function with huge dark glasses to cover the bruise, making sure that the media noticed. Her wedding was also a big private affair that started in the streets. Their visits to several temples and places of worship become news. When Mr. Bachchan is in hospital, there is coverage. He stands in the balcony of his bungalow to greet the visitors who gather. If this were not reported, there would be considerably less interest in his durbars.

If the Association is so interested in public causes, then block all astrological programmes since they increase superstition. Do not rush to the sites of tragedy and push mikes into poor people’s faces for quotes. The media will have no right to park their vans outside the homes of people who are suffering – be it undertrials, riot victims, children with debilitating ailments, and any bloody human interest story. They must not keep running loops of murders and bloodied bodies.

Are those 300 channels that have agreed to the strictures willing to do any of this?

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This is the flipside of publicity. Demi Moore showed the world just how pregnant she was:

News meeows

Hurriyat chairman Syed Ali Geelani asked people in Kashmir to stop pelting stones at cops and security personnel:

“Religious debate about the relevance of stone pelting notwithstanding, we have realized stone pelting yielded no contribution to the freedom struggle last year. Instead, we lost 118 youth in last year's unrest.”

Religious debate? Is he out of his mind? The stone pelters were doing it because of disaffection and not because of any religious reason. There is nothing like a freedom struggle of last year that is any different from the years before – the methods alter a bit.

It is Geelani who was riding the wave and not the other way round. Geelani will never win an election in Kashmir; that is not to say those who win elections are right or in their right mind. The Hurriyat leader is trying to take over the real movement, but then what’s new? He is not the only one.

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A person has a right to her/his private beliefs. So, it was surprising to read these views in a TOI interview of India’s former chief justice, P. N.Bhagwati, a devotee of Satya Sai Baba for 42 years, regarding his devotion intruding into his work:

As a professional, each time I would sit down to write a judgment at 5 ‘o'clock in the morning, I was only writing what my god dictated. Bhagwan held my hand as I put pen to paper. Everything that I have achieved in respect of the law, and people say I have achieved a lot, is owing to the guidance and inspiration of Sathya Sai Baba. There is no doubt on that score.

And this from someone who dealt with legal matters and is supposed to be aware -


On alleged offences committed by Sai Baba that were never investigated:

What is the point of investigation? (Agitated) Bhagwan is divinity personified, he radiates joy; millions worship him. He is a teacher of mankind.

On ashrams inmates killed when there was an attempt on Baba’s life:

I am not aware of this. I live in Delhi, so I have no knowledge.

On succession:

…there is no row over succession. How can anybody succeed God? Who succeeded Lord Krishna?

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I really want to steer clear of naked women and women with veils. They are two extreme positions, but after all the noise would we not like to know about non-Islamic countries?

Tourists in Barcelona who wander off the beach onto the streets in just their swimming costumes — or even less — will now face stiff fines. The city hall voted to ban “nudity or virtual nudity in public places” and limit swimming costumes to swimming pools, beaches, adjacent roads and beach walks. Nudists who stray off their designated areas of the beach will be subject to fines of 300 to 500 euros.

From another report:

"We want to make people understand that it's an attitude that we don't like, that it's not banned or punishable but that it's something we don't think is civil," a spokeswoman for the city hall said.

Municipal authorities in the seaside Spanish city have already printed posters showing a couple in swimming costumes with a red line across it, along with another couple dressed normally but without the red line.

Sometime ago it was Sri Lanka:

Nimal Rubasinghe, secretary of the Cultural Affairs Ministry, said the government had received representations calling for a ban on wearing revealing clothing in public. “There have been complaints from various quarters about miniskirts, but we are only considering them and no final decision has been taken.”

“There are individuals and groups representing religious and cultural interests, who have written to us raising concerns that this kind of (mini) dress would corrupt our culture,” Minister T B Ekanayake was quoted as saying by the Lakbima news daily.

President Mahinda Rajapakse’s government had ordered the removal of billboards featuring scantily-clad women.

Second look: Last year, US singer Akon was denied a visa to perform in Sri Lanka after Buddhist monks took offence at one of his videos that featured women in bikinis dancing around a pool in front of a Buddha statue. The Sri Lankan army has committed atrocities against Tamil women.

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I used to like Kiran Bedi. She still makes sense, but what is she doing on TV hosting Aap ki Kachehri (People’s Court) where melodramatic performers enact some flimsy tangled issue and she flashes papers and declares justice? It demeans her position and gives the perception of a kangaroo court. But then, she is part of the Hazare movement and it goes with such a belief.

Interestingly, she also endorses a detergent to convey a clean image!

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Talking of ads, the senior Bachchan couple are selling diamonds. It is nice to see an older couple in such an ad, but Amitabh brings this heavy diamond necklace and is given a run-down by Jaya: “What would you know about diamonds?” He mutters to the camera, “Women!” Then he goes on a discovery tour and brings the necklace with the info and she is impressed. Just when he is exulting over it, she asks, with a sulk, “And bangles?” And he mutters even more silently, “Women…”

We really cannot break ground, can we? Typical avaricious woman, nagging woman. Incidentally, the neck piece is not worth all that effort. It looks like greed.

Mr. Bachchan's Brand Politics

Oh, they are overdoing it. Oh, he has every right to attend functions. Oh, he is our national asset and conducted himself with grace as opposed to the politicians.

Did the Congress have to react to Amitabh Bachchan’s presence at the sealink with chief minister Ashok Chavan? Did it have any business to ask whether he supports Narendra Modi’s role in the Gujarat riots? Is there a conspiracy against poor Mr. B that they removed the audio-visual clips of Abhiskek, who is the brand ambassador of the World Wildlife Fund?

Okay, the Congress has no love lost, but Mr. Bachchan did not have any problems when his son was given a premature award by the UP government because of their connections. You cannot play a game and expect to only have your cards.

Now, he has gone on the offensive-defensive. He has asked readers of his blog to tell him what to do – which function to attend. This is not public opinion but playing to the gallery. The media is sucking up to him big-time. Imagine the millennium superstar saying he was a failure in politics. They want to tell him, no, no, you did not fail, politics failed you.

This is what he writes:

Ever since leaving politics I have never partaken in any political activity, never made any political statement or shown public allegiance to any political outfit. As a citizen of this country I have a confidential right in not divulging publically my political allegiance, that is if I have any.

Gujarat was there before Mr Modi and shall remain even after him. The divine temple of Somnath in Gujarat was not built personally by Mr Modi, nor did he construct the ancient civilizations of Haraapa, nor did he have a hand in the existence of the lost city of Dwarka, or the beauteous white soils of the Rann of Kutch, and neither did he order the construction of the largest number of heritage sites in the State. These are all vital important and exquisite jewels in the crown of the majestic State of Gujarat, in the most beautiful country of the World, India, and I want to see ..who is going to stop me from glorifying them !!
ATTACK ME, ABUSE ME, CRUCIFY ME … DO WHAT YOU CAN AND WILL … I SHALL NOT STOP. I AM GOING TO DO IT !!

Hahaha…hahahaha….haahhaaahaha…

You find this laughter cheesy and stupid? Well, this is what the great superstar has done.

SO, MR B, NO ONE IS STOPPING YOU FROM GLORIFYING ALL THOSE HERITAGE SITES, BUT SINCE WHEN HAS NARENDRA MODI BECOME ONE?

Remember what you had said?

“I do not agree with anyone who calls me shahenshah. This title is more apt for Modi; I am nowhere close.”

Hahahahah?

And when you were brand ambassador of Uttar Pradesh we did not hear you promote any specific sites, nor have we seen you do it for Somnath etc. When did you discover the beauty of the state? And when will you film your next project in that Gujarat?

You also have some social responsibility, not as a celebrity but as a citizen. I had questioned Ratan Tata and his Nano project and I questioned you, too here:

And, as a citizen of the country, he ought to realise that the Modi regime has been harsh on the industry from which he earns his livelihood. He may not protest when their films are banned, but the least he can do is not help out an establishment whose human rights record is abysmal.

Mr. Amitabh Bachchan has conveniently sold out to the best possible hope for him at the moment. Mr. Bachchan has acted irresponsibly in doing so.

If this is not political activity, then please let us know if the Gujarat Tourism Board is not part of the state government. If it is, then you are hired by a political organisation. And since you are not a peon or a clerk, you represent the politics of the state. You mentioned Somnath, did you not? You forgot Gandhi and Porbandar. I mean the Mahatma.

Bachchan, Modi, Terrorists and Mumbai

Political expediency can be this obvious:

Bollywood superstar Amitabh Bachchan has formally agreed to become the brand ambassador. Bachchan will participate in the development of Gujarat. He will use his image worldwide to promote tourism. Chief minister Narendra Modi in a letter to Bachchan has welcomed the actor’s decision.

Mr Bachchan was the brand ambassador of Uttar Pradesh. Ever since Amar Singh’s fallout with Mulayam Singh Yadav, it was understood that the Bachchans would not stick around. However, he ought not to have been in such a hurry. Gujarat has been flaunting its economic progress; it has done well for itself. So, obviously, it isn’t that everything was in the doldrums and they needed a superstar.

Mr B’s relationship and exposure to Gujarat is limited. I can hear the voices saying, he is an Indian and the best representative. True. But tourists are not going to flock to the state because of him. To make it worse, he had this to say:

“I do not agree with anyone who calls me shahenshah. This title is more apt for Modi; I am nowhere close.”

And, as a citizen of the country, he ought to realise that the Modi regime has been harsh on the industry from which he earns his livelihood. He may not protest when their films are banned, but the least he can do is not help out an establishment whose human rights record is abysmal.

This is complete obeisance, typical Bachchan fake humility. Only in this case, it sends out a different message. He owes it to the people of the nation. I doubt whether we’ll hear much against this, and if you do it will be couched in sober words.

Mr Amitabh Bachchan has conveniently sold out to the best possible hope for him at the moment. Mr Bachchan has acted irresponsibly in doing so.

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How stupid it all is. This Marathi maanus versus the rest of the country. I have said it before that the RSS will not support the Shiv Sena stance because the saffron lot depends on the northern belt. So, no surprises about the BJP’s position.

However, they have smartly – and wrongly – invoked Article 370 to define the Sena attitude to that prevalent in Jammu and Kashmir. One has to do with sovereignty; the other prejudice. One has got a historical reason, however fissiparous it has turned out to be; the other is simply to keep out immigrants from within. Article 370 does not talk about kashmiriat; the Sena idea is about Marathi maanus.

Is the opposition to this strong, or even sensible, enough? No. Here is what Rahul Gandhi has said:

“North Indians (NSG) saved Mumbaikars during 26/11. If terror has to be fought, let Biharis stay in.”

This is ridiculous. Is he trying to say that the NSG specifically employs only North Indians? How many Mumbaikars were saved? What about the times they were not saved? Since when have Biharis become the force against terror? Is this about terrorism at all?

Sheer poppycock is passing for politics, which is bad enough on its own.

All that has to be done is throw the Constitution on the face of the Shiv Sena or drag the party to court. No Opposition party will dare do that because they are thinking about the future, about coalitions, about feeding their own vote banks.

Amitabh Bachchan dargah mein haazir ho...

Bachchan at Tirupati with brothers-in-arms Anil Ambani and Amar Singh

We had no idea that Amitabh Bachchan’s religious routine includes visits to dargahs. This is news. How come we never heard about it before? Aww, of course you will say that Mr B is subtle, he does not show off, he is a private person, he is so dignified. Fine. But if his pictures can be taken at temples, then they can be clicked at dargahs too. It is permissible and every celebrity placing a sheet of flowers over a tomb has been photographed, including Shakti Kapoor.

There could be pictures of Mr. B but obviously he did not want them displayed. Wonder why. Incidentally, the Haji Ali Dargah is still being renovated, so it was really some effort on his part to make it there. I understand the sanctum work has only just begun. Never mind such minor details.

Places of worship enjoy such famous devotees and the PR agents make sure their high-profile employers are given the right media coverage. Pandits and maulvis get into the act and feel good cordoning off the place so that the privileged worshipper can pay his respects in a privileged manner. All good.

Now, Mr Private Amitabh Bachchan has revealed that he has been threatened by an anonymous person via text message for visiting a temple and a dargah because it is “incorrect” to do so.

One assumes the person believes he cannot do both and it is tantamount to demeaning one faith. The report mentions visits to two dargahs and two temples in the course of a day. Interestingly, neither the individual nor the recipient mentions any particular reason or the religious belief of the sender. It sounds a bit strange given that fanatics of any faith would make their intentions very clear.

Obfuscation, of course, has its merits, especially to depict bravado:

“I am going to do it again, and shall continue to do it. And I want to see how you are going to stop me. If you have the courage and guts, come and get me,’’ he wrote (in his blog). The man has also warned the actor that his latest film Aladin, which hit the theatres on Friday, will not be successful because of Bachchan’s act of visiting both the dargah and temple.

“If the film has merit, no force on earth will be able to stop its worth. If the film is weak and does not have merit, no force on earth shall be able to make it a success. At the cost of every film of mine failing, I am not going to change my routine,’’ wrote Bachchan.

Aha, so it is a publicity stunt for the film. I knew it, but I wanted to leave this for the last. As I asked earlier, how many times have we heard about this routine of Mr. B? Aladdin, as we know, is an old Arabian legend; in the movie the actor plays the role of the genie. It is amusing that his routine is perfectly timed with the film’s release and is prominently mentioned in the SMS as well as in his response to it. The dargah angle makes complete sense now. How can you have an Arabic setting with a Muslim name and no little stopover at a place of that faith?

Clubbed together with this gimmick is the patented Bachchan self-effacing diversion: The film will succeed on merit and fail if it has no merit. This is just to make sure that a) the believers should throng the theatres, b) if they don't like the film, remember he went to a Muslim shrine too, so spare the Hindu one…okay, I am kidding!

But, someone is really smart.

This angel/genie persona is evident in Bigg Boss 3.

He tries to repeat the Kaun Banega Crorepati stunts with sanskritised Hindi and you almost feel that he is in inquisition mode. This season's show is boring as hell, but when I do catch some action on the day the contestant is voted out and that final salaam, it becomes obvious that the programme has suffered hugely because of him. The participants are aware of his stature and he is aware of his stature.

When he attempts the psychologist act it just does not ring true. Last night he tried it with Sherlyn Chopra and it was worse than a Nirupa Roy cliched tearjerker where he called up her mother and there was a patch-up with the lady referring to him as an angel.

All so darned staged. Understood? Amitabh Bachchan acts as genie and the poor little girl’s wish is granted.

I wish his Bhootnath had released now. It would have been fun to see him disappear. Yeah, that word: Disappear…uhm, King Lear.
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Top image courtesy: Amitabh at Tirupati