Trivial pursuit - 6

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

Amazing…and all this so it can taste worms and the occasional leftover bits of liver and flakes thrown at it? And then we applaud nature. Forget the sunrise and sunset and the ocean tides…say wow, look at those taste buds. Just throw me a worm and I can give you 27,000 interpretations of it. Humans are of course lower down in the evolutionary scale –we have only 10,000 of those buds tickling our tongues.

What do we do with those? I only know sweet, sour, bitter, spicy, hot, cold, rancid, and tasteless, like water and chewing gum that has been chewed into a hard ball.

All those connoisseurs will go sniffing at the wine in the glass, the one with a small opening so that the aroma does not escape, then take a sip, roll it on their tongue (where else will they roll it?), then nod their heads and pronounce their verdict. Ah, be careful, hold it by the stem or it will get all warm and fuzzy and ruin the temperature. Damn, the wine did not complain when it was rotting in the barrel.

All right, I have now lost complete track of taste buds. You got Chinese, Italian, Mexican, Thai, Indian, Puerto Rican, French, English, and the rest of the Commonwealth and European Union. You still do not have use for 10,000 taste buds. Even if you try out cockroaches, ants, and other delicacies.

So, I don’t understand why nature has bestowed upon the cat fish all those taste buds. Do they even chew worms and let them rest on the tongue long enough for anything to register?

Heck, it is said that if you and I hold our breath, then apple and onion taste the same.

Now, why would anyone hold their breath for this?

But then if we shut our eyes we can’t tell cat fish from anything large and amphibian. Go ahead, enjoy nature’s bounty. And tell me how it tastes.

Dis n Dat

Oprah no more queen of talk shows

The talk show queen’s popularity has diminished after she declared her support for Barack Obama, even though she knew it could destroy her career. She has publicly backed Obama as her choice to replace George W. Bush.

She is reported to have said, "What is the cost to me for doing it? Am I going to lose viewers? I made the decision that I have the right to do it as an American citizen. But I will not use my platform. I can use my own personal voice. I know him well enough to believe in his moral authority. And that is the number one reason why I am supporting him."

Big deal. Lots of people in Hollywood and media icons in the West openly support candidates of their choice. This ‘right to do this and that as an American citizen’ is getting tiring. And why will she not use her platform? It is her show. She can do what she wants. If she can promote books, she can do this. And what is this about moral authority? These Americans keep talking about moral authority which they carry on their zippers.

Besides, I am amazed that no one feels any pangs of shame when donations are solicited. And then they have the gall to throw corruption statistics in the face of Third Worlders. These are people who are being sponsored and their campaigns financed by sundry film stars and hoteliers. That NRI Sant Chatwal guy is irritating me, the way he keeps popping up each time Hillary is around, especially Hillary with that big smile and dazed eyes trying to second guess when Bill will open his mouth and she will have to ask him to shut up.

Aw, get on with it, you Yankees.

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I like Mayawati. I like it even more that she went ahead and commissioned her own statue and unveiled it herself. Because no one else would. At least she did not get some chamchas to do it. Great going. Okay, she is saying that Kanshi Ram made her his sole heir, which rings a bit sharply considering she has been rubbishing Rahul Gandhi of late for doing his time out with Dalits.

But I still like her insouciance. She did not care about what people said and thought about her relationship with Kanshi Ram and has truly stood up to the fascist forces. Did she use strong-arm tactics? Of course. Isn’t it better than batting her eyelids?

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“Did Priyanka Vadra recently meet Nalini Sriharan, one of those involved in the assassination of her father Rajiv Gandhi?”

Here is a portion of the front page report in The Times of India:

According to what Nalini told her lawyers, a visibly emotional Priyanka made Nalini sit next to her and asked several short questions related to the assassination. Why had it happened? For what purpose? What was Nalini's involvement? Nalini replied, “I didn't know anything till the end. But it is true that I went to the spot.” Nalini is the sole survivor of the five-member assassination squad.

Priyanka is quoted by the lawyers as saying, “My father was a good person. It could have been resolved through talks. Had you known about my father’s good nature, you would not have done this.” Nalini apparently kept quiet. Then Priyanka asked, “When did you see my father last?” Nalini said, “When he got out of his car.”

Initially I did not know what to make of it. Now I suspect it is this election year thingie. Sonia Gandhi had reduced Nalini's sentence from death to life imprisonment because of her little daughter. Now Priyanka might get Mommy to do something more.

At another level there is something very crucial: Does Priyanka have the authority to conduct such an enquiry? How the hell does it matter whether her father was a good person or not? We are talking about a hugely serious issue that is still on the boil: the LTTE. The newspaper has implied several things but we want to know how legally valid is it for the meetings to have taken place, for anyone to file a petition on the basis of Right to Information and, most importantly, whether the media ought to carry such stories at all?

- - -

Tittle-tattle:

Pottering around

JK Rowling was attending the Galaxy British Book Awards where she was honoured for her outstanding achievement when her purple satin gown slipped off her chest.

Mark Hutchinson, her press aide, was at hand to cover Rowling's modesty, and holding up the front of her dress. It's not the first time Rowling has been left feeling overexposed - on a book tour of the U.S. last year, her dress slipped during a reading, exposing her white bra underneath.

Takes the term ‘press aide’ really far, innit?

- - -

I am not newsworthy, but just thought I’d let you know that there is a bit of fresh excitement in life. My internet cable wires have been robbed. Had it not posed accessibility problems, I might have had a good laugh.

News Meeows - 12

Aamir Khan organised a special screening of his latest film Taare Zameen Pe for the leader of Opposition, LK Advani, who was in tears watching it.

The subject on a dyslexic child has been sensitively handled, I am told. I have yet to watch it, but how does Advani crying become news? Worse, watch the picture, Najma Heptullah, who happens to be Aamir’s aunt, looks decidedly shaken and Advani's daughter seems to be condoling.

Now, let us recall: Aamir has often been targeted by the BJP and his films were not screened in Gujarat after he took part in the Narmada Bachao Andolan. Anyone with some self-respect would not run to Delhi to be a part of this tamasha, unless you need to market your film. As for Ms Heptullah, my knowledge of her is of a warm person; the only aspect that rankled was her complete faith in the Gandhi family. What rankled even more was when she switched to the BJP.

- - -

In what is yet another exposé of the sordid side of the glamour world, the crime branch police on Sunday arrested a Belgian national who allegedly sexually abused male models in the city under the pretext of giving them modelling assignments. He allegedly targeted young men from other states who were in the city looking for modelling jobs. Then, seeing that the victim began trusting him completely, he would slowly begin sexually exploiting him. Apparently, he even filmed his rendezvous with the models and would circulate the CDs overseas.

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It is time the cops took action. Foreigners are given kid-glove treatment and while the women who are exploited rightly complain and there is need for stringent action against the locals who misbehave with them, we have to keep in mind that at almost all holiday destinations tourists take advantage of locals, especially the poor and illiterate. These models at least can voice their protest. Hundreds of cases get buried beneath the hot sands of beach resorts.

Also, the social circuit puffs up every white skin that comes here to work for some multi-national company; they are feted at the best parties. Back home no one would have bothered about them.

- - -

A few members of Samajwadi Yuvjan Sabha, led by its zonal leader Farukh Ghosi, held a protest on Sunday against controversial Indian-born British writer Salman Rushdie outside the residence of Parmeshwar Godrej in Juhu. The protesters, carrying flags of the Samajwadi Party, raised slogans against the writer and the Indian government. “Salman Rushdie waapas jao,” shouted a protester.

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Rushdie was here on a private visit for some charity work organised by Ms. Godrej. I do not know how and why Indian charities continually need some famous outsider to further their cause. Also, if it was a private visit, how did it become public?

One more intriguing twist here: It was the Samajwadi Party wing that protested. Its supporters include Anil Ambani who

is quite thick with the Godrej family.

- - -

Osama bin Laden’s 26-year-old son has sought a British visa so that he and his granny bride can live in the country and have a surrogate child. British Embassy officials in Cairo have interviewed Omar bin Laden who plans to settle down with his 52-year-old wife Jane Felix-Browne at her home in Cheshire, have a child through a surrogate mother and work as “peace activists”.

May I know why she is constantly referred to as ‘granny bride’? Doddering old men in their 80s marry women in their 20s and no one refers to them as ‘grandpa groom’.

I can understand this being news because of the Osama connection. It is a sensitive topic and perhaps cause for concern among some sections of society. But let the officials do their investigations and let these two get on with their life together. They got married in September 2006, so it is not a flash in the pan. Not yet. And whatever it is at the personal level, it is their business.

- - -

The man, whom Princess Diana described as “Mr Wonderful” and “the greatest love of her life”, has broken his silence for the first time, admitting that he’s still “haunted by the Princess’ memory.” Di’s former lover and heart specialist Dr Hasnat Khan confessed that he has still not recovered from the princess’ death, and feels like screaming at times.

He paid homage to Diana by discussing the respect in which he holds the late princess, and criticising her memorial fountain in the process. “Creating a fountain is not how you should remember a great person. You put great people up as high as possible. Look at Nelson,” he said

Where was he all these years when all manner of memorials were erected in the memory of the woman who continues to haunt him? She may have been a great partner to him, a great human being, but she was not a great person as in those who change the way society thinks or bring about a renaissance or make a difference in public life. She was a social asset, not a national asset.

I think he was better off quiet.

- - -

Two of a kind

Baba Ramdev had become notorious when the CPI discovered skulls in his ashram. Here he is blessing who else but Narendra Modi. No comments!

Dis n Dat

Most men in the UK believe that the girls most likely to have sex with them on the first date are the ones named Kelly, according to a survey.

The name, made famous by stars like Kelly Brook, pipped Tanya. Debs or Debbie is third, Becky fourth and Steph fifth, in a poll of 1,000 men for global research web site OnePoll.com. Spokesman John Sewell told The Sun: “It’s strange how certain names have connotations. If guys have a good experience with a girl of a certain name, they tend to remember them”.

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If I were Kelly, I’d take that website to court. This is so ridiculous. And to think that all this time I believed that British men were happiest with their hot water bottles.

And what does a comment like “If guys have a good experience with a girl of a certain name, they tend to remember them” mean in this context?

Do they go on a binge of “Kelly”ing. As in all their first dates would be with a person who has this name? Men are smart. In the throes of ecstasy they do not have to invent terms of endearment like “Babes”, “Honey”, “Doll”, “Darling” and others. Just stick to Kelly and you won’t be faced with a slap and the query, “Were you with her last night?”

PS: In India we have a male model called Kelly Dorji.

Students go through etiquette training at a vocational school in Beijing on Thursday.

About 1,400 aviation service students are undergoing physical conditioning and professional training in dressing and etiquette so that they are able to serve as stewards during the 2008 Beijing Olympics

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How about showing us how the men will serve?

A painting of a young Sean Connery wearing only a skimpy pair of trunks has gone on show in a Scottish art gallery, revealing the James Bond star’s talents even before he hit the big screen.

The picture of Connery, who won third place in the Mr Universe competition as a young man, was painted in 1952 by jazz musician Al Fairweather, then a student at the Edinburgh College of Art. The oil painting shows the actor side-on, posing in a pouch-style pair of bodybuilding trunks. Fairweather went on to become a successful musician and his painting has gathered dust in the Edinburgh art school’s collection for over half a century. The college has now decided to include it in a retrospective exhibition of its past students which will run until January 19.

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Well, thank you for telling us how men can indeed serve… “revealing the James Bond star’s talents even before he hit the big screen”. Wow. This was his talent? I understand that talent is sometimes inherent, not always acquired, but much as I like the …er…painting there is no way I would qualify anything in it as revealing of talent, except perhaps the artist’s.

Cool-uncool

The monkey is cool - the right attitude, can look you straight in the eye and even in nakedness displays class.















Kirsten Dunst may be a Hollywood biggie, but this isn't even about a great cleavage. It looks like someone is taking off their night clothes after a rather boring night. Uncool.

Psycho!

Morbid, macabre, mmmm...lots of mmmeannn stuff being said about me. So I took this little psycho test forwarded by a friend. Sad, sad. I did not get the answer right. I need another test to find out why...

Psycho Test

Read this question, come up with an answer and then
scroll down to the bottom for the result.

This is not a trick question.

It is as it reads. No one I know has gotten it right- including me.

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother,
met this guy whom she did not know. She thought
this guy was amazing, so much her dream guy she
believed him to be just that!

She fell in love with him right there, but never asked
for his number and could not find him. A few days
later she killed her sister.

Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?

(Give this some thought before you answer).


SCROLL DOWN.















Answer:

She was hoping that the guy would appear at the
funeral again.

If you answered this correctly, you think like a
psychopath.

This was a test by a famous American Psychologist
used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer.
Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and
answered the question correctly. If you didn't
answer the question correctly good for you.

News meeows - 1

Reality is infinitely more bizarre than what I see through my window and imagine most days.

Keith Richards has confessed to snorting his father’s ashes with some cocaine, and it wasn’t all that bad, and he says he is still alive. Weird. If people can live after relishing the flesh of animals and birds and cannibals after eating humans, then why would anyone die snorting ashen remains?

I suppose each to their own queer habits, and heaven knows we all have them. The only thing I am curious about is whether he wanted a part of his father to merge with him or he just wished to get a kick more kick-ass than the one he usually did?
- - -
Shekhar Kapur’s ex-wife, Suchitra Krishnamurthy, has blamed Preity Zinta for the break-up. So, what’s new? This Suchitra has said a few weeks ago how after her divorce even people like Alyque Padamsee, the famous and irritating ad ‘guru’, asked her if men hit on her more now. She said she was shocked. Well, a couple of days later she was sharing panel space with the same man and made no bloody mention of it when this was the subject of discussion.

And why has Preity asked Shekhar to “clear her name”, whatever that means? If he had any sense of responsibility he ought to have done so on his own. But most men are wimps. And for me wimps are those who think they are macho. Imagine the Kapur getting a huge one just with the thought that he was being paired with Preity. It is very common for married men to hallucinate, if mere fantasies don’t satisfy them. As for Suchitra, she had used her husband’s website to write a poem hitting out at an actress for breaking her home; she could not even find her own space to do it…I like what a friend of Preity said: “Surely there’re more discreet ways for an angry wife to be noticed?”

Heck, no. The worst part is, the guy wins either way. If he keeps quiet, then he is this hot and happening dude; and if he comes to rescue Preity, then he becomes the knight. What a charmed life these idiots live.
- - -
Greg Chappell quits. Good. We don’t need foreign coaches; if we must lose it is better to lose on merit as full-blooded Indians!

Anil Kumble quits one-dayers. Boy, what a noise they make of it. The first time I saw the news on telly, it announced, “Kumble says goodbye” and everyone in the studio looked like they were attending a funeral. For a moment I paused. I was hoping it wasn’t a real tragedy. I like Kumble; I mean, I like his voice.

Now the fellow has decided not to do those 50-overs thingies and he has got some 800 odd wickets and they call him a legend. If only some of us had the good sense to choose our profession right. We’d have been legends long ago.
- - -
Shahrukh Khan is finally at Madame Tussaud’s Museum. This summer when Indians descend in London or, more appropriately, Oxford Street they will find time to go and visit the wax-work. I only hope they have done a good job. Amitabh Bachchan and Aishwariya Rai look horrible with pasty faces and stupid expressions. They tried to make the Bachchan resemble a kind of maharajah wearing an embroidered sherwani; he ends up looking like someone caught off-guard at a fashion show for the aged.

And Ms. Rai has been captured in a completely funny typical Hindi song-dance posture, and ends up very mannequin-like. But, then, sometimes reality is just as static…