Ask the vexpert - 21

Question: I run a cyber café. Sometimes, customers come, masturbate and ejaculate here without my knowledge. Sometimes the fluid spills onto the keyboard and mouse and I end up touching it. I have the habit of smoking and tend to smoke or eat chocolates right after touching the dirty keyboard. Could it lead to an infection? Please help.

Sexpert: No harm will come to you. More harm will result from smoking.

Me: There are two issues here. It seems like the dirty keyboard excites you and makes you perform oral acts such as eating chocolates or smoking. I would suggest that you indulge in these acts without touching the keyboard that has heated electrons which may keep alive certain germs increasing the possibility of getting infected. If you do run your fingers over it by mistake, type ALT+CLR+ ESC.

Regarding your customers, you may provide special chairs that have seat fastening belts and hand shackles that provide limited movement. You could also have laptops so the mouse is not used. Make sure a timer goes off every five minutes. The possibility of some users finding all these things pleasurable remains but at least your equipment will be safe.


  1. Eww! A BYOK policy is in order here, not too difficult nowadays, you get wafer thin keyboards that will roll out and you can take it home with you!

  2. As a matter of fact newer models of phones that have touch screens and a virtual keyboard also allow a USB connection to a computer. Maybe they have "virtual keyboard" apps too for such phones...maybe worth looking into...just saying.

  3. Thanks :) Problem is the questioners do not read this blog, and this series is not supposed to eb serious. ..just saying since you are new here...


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