18.3.09

Ask the vexpert - 14

Question: I am a 25-year-old man. Please tell me if regular masturbation can increase the size of one’s butt.


Sexpert: Just as your nose, ears, fingers and tongue will not increase in size, neither will the butt.


Me: But, of course. What you have to decide is the sort of increase you desire. If it is a wide butt, then you will have to stand in the Bharata Natyam position with feet together and knees bent. This will adjust your behind to the shape you wish and with the activity at hand the muscular tension will work on the rear. If you just want a well-rounded butt, then you might need to circumgyrate and do a bit of rotation, first clock-wise, then anti-clockwise, just so as to ensure that your precious organ does not take on a bend instead. If you prefer a butt that juts out, then you will have to perform your act of self-love in the missionary-on-my-own position; the skyward look your behind takes will make it swell over a period of time. Done at dawn when the sun’s rays are showing up, the solar energy emitted will heat up the skin and quicken the process. You could call it your version of surya namaskar.

3 comments:

  1. Damn! He is 25 year old and still masturbates? What a loser.

    Sometimes I wonder if these "sexpert" columns are fabricated.

    ReplyDelete
  2. @Shadowed: Is there a specific age when "winners" stop masturbating?? Pray enlighten.

    ReplyDelete
  3. SM:

    Sure, some of these columns (questions) could be fabricated, but the sexpert here is a known sexologist...and the vexpert is ahem...

    I just wanted to say that what I write here is purely in jest and not to make fun of genuine problems; I rarely use serious problems.

    Ashish:

    Though not addressed to me, the answer my friend is blowing in the wind...

    ReplyDelete

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