Cowell Christ?

I can imagine Simon Cowell as a latter-day rock-star pontiff, but a 21st century Jesus? The Evangelical magazine ‘Re’ has given him the title and the reason is rather unusual: it is for his acerbic tongue that has been likened to the Messiah’s straight-talking.

I know there are several interpretations of how people view Christ, but I cannot imagine him sitting with others, listening to people who want to become idols for a year, and passing judgment over a competition. It is difficult that anyone might imagine Jesus’s straight-talking with Cowell’s rather sophomoric expertise.

Anyhow, just for the heck of it, here is the lordly and the good lord himself replying (actual quotes transposed):


SC: “If your lifeguard duties were as good as your singing, a lot of people would be drowning.”

JC: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

SC: “The end of the animal trade would leave more time to trap or beat to death pop star wannabes.”

JC: “I say, I've fed his sheep. Now I'll tend to them, ... tend to my sheep.”

SC: “If you've got a big mouth and you're controversial, you're going to get attention.”

JC: “It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

SC: “I think you have to judge everything based on your personal taste. And if that means being critical, so be it. I hate political correctness. I absolutely loathe it.”

JC: “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.”

SC: “I think he knows how to articulate something that people are entertained by and still be true to the message he's trying to send, ... very aware of himself.”

JC: “No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be hidden, or under a bowl. Instead he puts it on its stand, so that those who come in may see the light.”

SC: “If I said to most of the people who auditioned, 'Good job, awesome, well done,' it would have made me actually look and feel ridiculous. It's quite obvious most of the people who turned up for this audition were hopeless.”

JC: “For we walk by faith, not by sight.”

SC: “You've got quite a good voice, the problem I have is this looks to me like 10 years ago.”

JC: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

SC: “You are a saucy little thing aren't you?”

JC: “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.”

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Simon Cowell is really into the Christian spirit and decided to gift X-Factor co-stars $ 4500 worth of Botox packages. He in a sort of three-in-one Magi manner, one might say. After all, gold, frankincense and myrrh have been traditionally used to adorn and embellish. So, our man is only taking the gold polish, incense and unguent tradition forward and looking for frozen faces that make his smile seem brighter. A wise man, he is.