Ask the vexpert - 23

Question: Could you please let me know if there is any procedure/medicine to conceive twins?

Sexpert: Whose decision is this? Are you autocratic in your relationship? Have you thought of the extra burden of pregnancy and birth your wife will have to bear? There is no such medication available.

Me: As you know it is the fastest sperms that get to the goalpost, so you will have to start a reward programme which makes team work imperative. It will be like a doubles at Wimbledon. They will have to first go through a dry run, so to speak, and make sure they know what they are getting into. It is a commitment and most sperms just do the dash in and veer away due to the phobia of being sentenced to an egg cell. These two will need to be certain. Then they have to practise speed and accuracy of aim. If they are comfortable, they might enter one egg together or they could find a home in two separate eggs. Accordingly, your wife will bear identical or non-identical twins.

To train your sperms you will have to follow the same method you would to have an extra-marital affair – work harder or fake better.


  1. "To train your sperms you will have to follow the same method you would to have an extra-marital affair – work harder or fake better."


    This is not me talking, this is straight from the experts in the Armed Forces (Seamen Division):

    "Alpha sperm teams that work in teams of two must pass rigourous seminal training including 50 push ups, a 20 mile run, and shooting at an ovum from 500 microns. The goal is to reach the destination in a coordinated attack by the team to achieve simultaneous targeted penetration. Surprise and training are the key. Remember, it is the enemy that must be surprised, not you."


  2. FV, All of this reminds me when I was a fresher in college during the first few weeks where one gets to meet one's seniors, it was time to be mocked and jeered..all in good spirit.

    Questions would be posed orally like "What is long, black, hard, and full of seamen?", and of course, after the obvious (and hesitant) answer from the fresh meat, there would a lot of jeering and mocking about a severely perverted mind and why the correct answer was "A submarine"...along with a lecture about the dangers of soiling the halls of science with thoughts about sex..ah, those juvenile days...



Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.