Ale and Hearty

Can women use Viagra? Does it affect their performance? I am asking because of this silly little beer that has been created to trumpet the royal pain-in-the-ass wedding. BrewDog is marketing the Royal Virility Performance lager and it also has a tagline that says, “Arise Prince Willy”, which is sophomoric. It is a limited edition brew and the proceeds will go to the charities that the prince supports. Therefore, to mime a similar manner of speaking, those who consume it will really rise to the occasion.

What has not been made clear is the effect of the Viagra content on women who might imbibe it. Britain is known for its pubs and beer is a fairly unisex all-time drink there. It is a bit sexist.

The co-founder of the firm states: "As the bottle says, this is about consummation, not commemoration."

Then why wait for an occasion? Or is this bottle going to replace the water-bottle?

Now we have news that beer will not be served at Buckingham Palace because the “prospect of guests downing pints has been deemed unsuitable for such a prestigious occasion”. And would the guests be glugging pints? That says more about the guests than the beer. This is not the Oktoberfest where you sit on planks of wood and rough-hewn tables and the mugs are huge and there is much banging of the tables for refills. I dislike the taste of beer, but love to look at the froth. It is a beautiful sight, like a desert sunset topped by fluffy clouds.

Kate and William want a more “sophisticated” experience for their guests who will sip champagne and wine to accompany the canapés. There was a huge noise about how the 10,000 varieties of canapés will follow strict English cuisine norms. I wonder which English wines will be on the list and where would the champagne be from.

I am truly interested in the hierarchy of alcoholic beverages. I find it amusing when outside of fine dining, people make a production of wine-tasting. Especially if it is house wine! All good wines have been tasted; the details are mentioned on the label and if you are a connoisseur you ought to know about body and aroma. What’s the point when the steward brings a glass that you swirl it, sip it, roll it in your mouth and then nod appreciation, which you would do anyway?

It is fascinating, though, to watch. I doubt the guests at the Palace will dare do such a thing.

Talking of champagne, it is strange but quite sometime ago I had mentioned that the perfect female breast was the size of a champagne glass. It got people all wired up and it came to haunt me again recently in an accusatory tone. Honest, this is not my invention and not all champagne glasses are flutes. In fact, there is history to prove that the coupe was shaped along the curves of some aristocratic ladies, including perhaps Marie Antoinette. Wonder what she had with her cake.

I had an interesting experience in Delhi a few months back. I had a glass of vodka and my colleague brought his gin. We were seated with some other people at an ‘intellectual’ hub and he made a surprising comment about his choice of dinner drink: “I am not ashamed to show my feminine side.”

“Ah,” I said. “In that case I am an Alpha female and a spudist.”