Sunday ka Funda

Sunday ka Funda

Obama and Peta: The Fly Whodunit

Ah, now President Barack Obama cannot say he wouldn’t hurt a fly. Since everyone knows what he did in the studios, I found just one quote that makes me think of several instances when he could have uttered those words, “That was pretty impressive, wasn’t it? I got the sucker.”

Was the fly a sucker, as in naïve and vulnerable, or was it the sort of insect that sucks and feeds on blood? In either case, the Prez has got himself a new pun: “SWAT Operation”. I am sure someone at the White House must be thrilled to bits.

Watch the man in action here being interviewed by John Harwood and his ‘flyotus interruptus’:




For all his efforts, some people are not happy. As expected PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) thinks it amounts to cruelty to animals and are sending him some device to trap house flies that can be released outside.

This wasn’t a house fly. It was a fly on the make, trying to get its 15 minutes of fame before the cameras by getting too close to the most powerful man in the world. It isn’t something that happens to mere mortals. The fly could have been a mole, the fly could have been something from the past – skeletons are rather passé, the fly might have been the head of a cult called The Fliers whose sole purpose is to make the high and mighty get a laugh at their expense, you know like David Letterman. Or, the fly could have been an innocent victim that got trapped inside and was rather famous among its own. In that case, this wasn’t simple murder but assassination.

The FBI ought to order an enquiry and check whether the fly was American, to begin with. Was it racist? Did it belong to some Islamist group? Was it there to sneak into the Obama well-fitted suit and check out the potential of a date in New York at a Broadway musical?

These are exceedingly important queries that need to be addressed.

Meanwhile, the PETA guys might like to take a look at their own most exploitative ads. Recently, they released an image that showed German-Filipina model Mia Gray inside a cage to highlight the plight of animals in zoos.

I do not think anyone is thinking about any animal in a zoo while seeing this ad.

On and off – 6

Not on…

The Late Show host David Letterman said on his show that Sarah Palin “bought makeup at Bloomingdale’s to update her ‘slutty flight attendant’ look”.

Wonder where he buys his makeup to update his 'Hugh Hefner who lost all his bunnies' look. I do not understand what passes for humour in the media, especially television. He even took a potshot at Palin’s teenage daughter. Reacting to it, she said:

"Acceptance of inappropriate sexual comments about an underage girl, who could be anyone's daughter, contributes to the atrociously high rate of sexual exploitation of minors by older men who use and abuse others."

Absolutely.

As for the slutty look, not only has he insulted an individual but also a profession. What is so slutty about flight attendants? When he flies, is he seeing the women who serve him his drinks and bring him the napkin to wipe his face after he has puked on his own jokes as sluts? Is this his fantasy?

I am sure there are ways to hit out at Palin for her political gaffes or her opinions (or lack of them) on issues.

But, then, is he smart enough to come up with one-liners on those?

On…

Thomas Beatie, the ‘Pregnant man’, gave birth to a second child. Born a woman, he is legally male but decided to keep his female sex organs.

There are several questions that need to be examined here, but I give it the thumbs up for now because he did it again. If it was a one-off, it might have been a publicity stunt or just idle curiosity.

Although I am not suggesting it is the only aspect, it does indeed give fatherhood a more nurturing face.

With his wife and daughter when he was pregnant

Sunday ka Funda

This was voted the best commercial in Europe. Watch it and smile :) Need I say more?

Jest like that...

Each Friday night after work, Bubbal Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of Bubbal's neighbours were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Bubbal, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubbal attended Mass ... and a the priest sprinkled holy water over him and said, "You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic.”

Bubbal's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighbourhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubbal's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Bubbal clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb, but now yaara you iz a fish!"

- - -

(Obviously, this is a forward I received...)

His and Hers

He says

She says

Observatory

I just thought we had had enough of these political flirtations and here comes Manmohan Singh giving love bytes to George Bush.

“So, Mr President, this may be my last visit to you during your presidency, and let me say that thank you very much. The people of India deeply love you.”

I honestly do not understand how these politicians decide for the whole country.

“Mr President, I know how busy you are with problems relating to the management of the financial crisis. That despite all the enormous pressures on your time you have found it possible to receive me is something I deeply appreciate, deeply value.”

As though he does not eat and drink and walk his dog because of the financial crisis. This is just so Indian...hum naacheez ke liye waqt nikaala and blah.

“In the last four-and-a-half years that I have been prime minister, I have been the recipient of your generosity, your affection, your friendship. It means a lot to me and to the people of India. And when the history is written, I think it will be recorded that President George W Bush played a historic role in bringing our two democracies closer to each other.”

When did all this happen? Does getting the nuclear deal going bring democracies closer? When Bush’s history is written India will get a small mention. And if our PM has been the recipient of all this affection and friendship then he should stop there. No need to bring the people of India in.

Having said that and replayed the quotes for you, it is time to analyse this picture. The signals could well be different.

Analyse this:

Bush seems overwhelmed, he is facing down and from the way his shoulders and arm are positioned he is clearly taking this seriously, almost desperately.

Now Manmohan Singh is a different player. He has a smile on his face, but observe his hands. Neither is completely touching Bush; one is bent towards his back – a reluctant gesture with the watch clearly visible. Which means the loyalty is timed.

The other hand appears to be extended elsewhere. It could mean Singh is ready for the next person in line.

Of course, you will say that a photograph is clicked in a split-second and this could have been taken just before Singh had wrapped his arms around Bush. But that would apply to Bush as well.

And a lot happens in split seconds. A lot.

Height of audacity:

Gujarat Chief Minister Narendra Modi wants those who ‘spread lies’ about the people behind the train carnage to apologise to the people of his state.

How many miles to Fucking?

There is really such a town in Austria:

So as the forward I got asks…

Are the residents called Fuckers?

What are the mothers called?

What would you be learning at the Fucking High School?

Does the Fucking Hospital help you with anything else?

If your friend came from another town, he wouldn't be your Fucking friend.

And this report is hilarious:

PS: My comment pop-up window is not popping up, so thanks for the comments...will wait for the pop.

Am I 'fraustrated'?

Received this letter. Reproduced as it is:

Hello Farzana

Greetings from
B a n g l a d e s h.
Fraustration, too much
Farzana, really. You should
enlight to your reader, not fraustration.
I some time go through with your writings.
I want introduce you to Bangali reader here.
I can translate some of them for our newspaper.
In that case you need to send a straight photograph.

Regards,

AH

- - -

I have a feeling someone is pulling a fast one on me. A Bengali may pronounce something differently but not spell it phonetically. Yet, thought it was rather nice!

Without seeming to reduce the person, should he be genuine, I might have replied as follows:

Bhelcomb! And thank you for going through with my writings, that is why I was whaandaring why my writing always having kaampani, saamtimes pulling, saamtimes phushing. I hope my fraustrations has not made you less bhalo. Ami ki korbe? I was thinking of Jaarman Frau so fraustration became too much, hain? Not phinding it phunny? I promise to enlight reader once I start thinking of French Madame, then tumake komplaint hobe na. Shotti.

I also want introduction to Bangali reader in Bangladesh, but how you will translate my fraustration? Bherry diphicult tashk. Phull dukho-dukho.

Also, am whaandering about the word ‘straight’ for the picture. Is mine ‘gay’, no, dada, not like haapy, but ooman liking ooman? If you think so, then is there problems? Will gentlemens say whatphor this raabish nhonsense like eating mishti doi and plain doi together, tchah-tchah? I don’t want traabal phor you. Kindly enlight me pliss.

With all fraustrations I say nomoshkar,

~FV

- - -

Some words/phrases that might not register

Bhelcomb! - Welcome

Kaampani - company

Bhalo- good

Ami ki korbe? – What can I do?

Jaarman - German

tumake komplaint hobe na. Shotti - you won’t have any complaint, I promise.

Bherry diphicult tashk. Phull dukho-dukho - Very difficult task. Full of sorrow

Ooman - woman

traabal phor – trouble for

mishti doi – sweet curd

No comments

Funny bones

Am getting my chuckles from real-life incidents and real-real people.

Of late, of course, some people are very angry with me.

So, one of them asked me to “shut the *$%&#*$& up”.

It is beyond me why anyone would wish to deny another certain personal activities and I do wonder how the said activity can be 'shut up', as though there were a lid that could cover it. Anyhow, in the urgency to camouflage the unsavoury term 'F...', he has used 8 (Eight) replacements rather than the four that would have sufficed. I can only conjecture that it was over-enthusiasm. Bad spellings are bad enough, but to also err with cuss words is a bit sad.

- - -

Another has honoured me with what he says is an Irish curse: “May all those who fart only unnecessarily be also afflicted with the itch and have no nails to scratch with!”

At best I thought the activity was a necessary evil, but how can it be unnecessary ever? I also see no connection with the latter part. However, in the good old days when humans learned to walk, they used twigs to scratch, anything with bristles can do. They were civilised way back then…

What of course worries me is that this curse and several other cussed comments have come from one who has 300 people working under him and they are in charge of an important force in the country. Well, well, well…

- - -

Now, this one I really like found here.

General (later Field Marshal) KM Cariappa, while talking in Hindi had a tendency to translate English words too literally. He was visiting 50 Para Brigade at Naushera, whose Commander, Brigadier Usman was to be given an opportunity to recapture Jhangar. Addressing the troops, the General wanted to refer to India having become free and wanted to put the soldiers in the picture. Operations to capture Jhangar could be undertaken only after administrative arrangements could be completed.

He spoke:

O Para brigade ke afsaran, sardaron aur jawanon. Is waqt hum muft, aap muft, mulk muft, sab kuchh muft hai. Aap ka brigade commander saheb ne bola kih aap aage jana mangta magar ham pahile aapko tasveer ke andar dalna mangta. Aap abhi aage jana sakat nahin kionhki hamara bandobast ka dum bahut pichhe hai.

This roughly transliterates as -

Oh officers, Junior Commissioned Officers and men of the Para Brigade, today I cost nothing, you cost nothing and the country costs nothing, everything is free of cost. Your Brigade Commander told me that you wish to advance, but before that I wish to put you all of you inside the picture. You may not move forward because the tail of our arrangements has been left behind.

[Recounted by Major, later Lieutenant General (Retired), SK Sinha, who was the staff officer to the General during that period.]

- - -

This really takes the icing…

This picture accompanies the profile of an individual at a defence forum; please note the boy in the photograph is blonde (not proud enough to be Indian?) and below it are the words all Indians grow up with:

“Satyam Eva Jayate” – Truth alone shall prevail.

I would love to know what is the truth here and in what manner it will prevail. A little boy cocking a snook at what?

How brave is that!

Oh man!

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... "God, I have a problem."

"What’s the problem, Eve?"

"I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy."

"And why is that Eve?"

"God, I am lonely, and I’m sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"What is that, God?"

"A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He’ll lie, cheat and be vain; all in all, he’ll give you a hard time. But he’ll be bigger, faster and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he is aroused, but since you’ve been complaining, I’ll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won’t be too smart, so he will also need your advice to think properly."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, "but what’s the catch, God?"

"Well ...you can have him on one condition."

"And what’s that, God?"

"As I said, he’ll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring... So, you’ll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little secret. You know, woman to woman."

- - -

This is a joke I read someplace...but how true, how true...