The Advani circus pitches its tent

It’s funny reading about L.K. Advani treading the middle path. He is doing a Vajpayee. Once you are in the running for a post, you must put on this mukhauta (mask) and let others dirty their hands.

This time the dirty hand is the BJP Party President Rajnath Singh.

I have more or less accepted that the BJP will head the Centre (of course as a coalition) after the next polls and Advaniji will be at the helm after all these years of trying his hand at being kingmaker. Now he knows how kings are made and how to make crowns without thorns.

So, at the party (or paarr-tea, as LK would say) meet at Bengaluru (Bangalore), Rajnath Singh found one word that could be the party manifesto, since the NDA did not have any that could be construed as real.

Here goes what we will see:

1.

Ram Sethu will become a “national heritage monument" and must get listed among Unesco's world heritage sites.

It is not a monument to begin with, but chances of someone constructing a little structure on the bridge with tassels flying and embossed pillars is not implausible.

2.

"I am demanding that the Central government nationalise the road leading to Amarnath, so that no attempt is made in future to... (disturb) social harmony for political reasons."

I did not know roads could be traitors. Anyway, we will have a nationalised road, when for all these years the saffron parties did not do a damn thing. They did not even arrange for palanquins or donkeys. Now we can have nationalised asses and nationalised dolis and nationalised porters. You may as well nationalise the Shiva linga – who knows when some jihadi starts getting jealous.

PS: The BJP had said earlier that all arrangements must be handled by the Shri Amarnath Shrine Board. Now why is the Board quiet and not reacting? Because Mr. Dirty Hands is wooing Kashmiri Pandits by demanding a special enclave in the Valley for their rehabilitation.

PPS: The Jammu regional Chamber of Commerce and Industry (CCI) had earlier complained that losses incurred during the two-month long agitation were nearly Rs 10,000 crore; they have demanded compensation.

Dr Mubin Shah, president of CCI, Kashmir, jumped in to say the Valley is suffering since 1947 due to non-settlement of its political issues and added that a survey for the decade 1990-2000 had shown 1,837 days lost to bandhs and strikes.

3.

Narendra Modi is going to speak on national issues and is said to be a possible replacement for Advaniji once the latter becomes PM. Imagine all those followers like Arun Jaitley and Sushma Swaraj who have been doing time and diligently watching films with LK now being forced to watch as Modi bhai tries to convert India into another Gujarat. Arrrarra…

4.

"In panthnirpekshata, no one can oppose any flower... because the lotus is a symbol of Indian culture. Only by defining secularism as dharmanirpekshata can one make the lotus appear communal,” said RS.

All you pseudo secularists, the flower that grows without any regional or religious affiliations is now a symbol of our national culture. Dump all those roses and mogras and jasmines and marigolds. Wait! I have never seen a lotus displayed in any of the BJP meetings. You just need one to decorate the table.

5.

"Why do controversies arise only on matters of our faith and belief?" asked Rajnath Singh.

No controversies. Just election-time strategy. If you kept quiet and talked about filling potholes instead of nationalising roads no one would even listen to you and Advaniji of ‘middle path’ fame would kick you in the behind. Don’t you know the fate of those who preceded you and did not follow the party discipline?

What can I say? Welcome, welcome, Advaniji. And make sure to talk about building the mandir. Just because you discovered the Shiva lingam you must not forget Ram lalla. That was your ticket to political heaven.

Remember how you copied the Islamic jannat and got all those ghilmans to work on the dome?