Ask the vexpert - 18

Question: My girlfriend and I have protected sex once in three months. Last time during sex I applied tomato sauce on her breasts and navel and slowly started sucking the areas. We both enjoyed the act. Is this okay? Also, can you please suggest some styles we can experiment with?

Sexpert: You do not seem to need my help. Each person can fantasise for himself/herself. It is normal to play out your fantasies if both partners agree, it is not harmful to either if it is not done in public. Since you are so enthusiastic, look up some of the Kama Sutra positions.

Me: This is so like going out for dinner once in three months. And choosing a healthy option. Instead of wine and whipped cream, you have gone for processed tomatoes. This will ensure that you have healthy bones, teeth, skin and hair. Also, during some heavy activity, it will help lower your blood pressure. Of course, this should not only help you, so make sure your partner also gets to have some of it.

About positions, I would recommend you stick to the Tomato Strategy. What do tomatoes do in pasta? How are they spread in sandwiches? Sometimes, you can try making your own tomato sauce right there, except that your partner must be willing to endure the garlic-onion sweating, and the oregano being roughed up. Or you could have a tomato hanging on a pole and jiggling, or you might aim straight at it. The tomato asana is a yogic position in which you act as though you are going to be sliced; essentially play numb. And then give yourself up to whatever follows. The alternative is to imagine you are in a blender, so just toss and turn at rapid speed. It will give quite a new dimension to the quickie.

Warning: Should your girlfriend and you decide to procreate, do not include the sauce in your adventures when she is nursing. Milk curdles.

PS: May I suggest you use Salsa as a baby name?

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