Ask the vexpert - 26

Question: I want to know what semen tastes like. Is it salty, sweet or bitter. Would any of the above determine the quality of the sperms? If so, is there any possibility of deficiency/ill-health in the newborn. Can one prevent this?

Sexpert: Why not taste it if you are so keen to know? Salty, bitter or sweet the sperms merrily swim in the fluid. You cannot predict anything by the flavour.

Me: Sperms are like human beings – full of tantrums, picky, running the rat race and they have a sense of taste. And fun as well. If they are accosted by a strawberry-flavoured condom, be sure that they will think of cream and even Wimbledon by association, if they are well-travelled. The flavours you mention are the ones they live with and are influenced by. Individuals may possess all of these at different times, so a particular semen sample would reflect the mood of the day, a sort of ‘status’ on Facebook. Here is my guide:

Salty: The sperm will be an essential ingredient, a rather sociable being, adding a dash of that something extra. However, the possibility of water retention and high blood pressure may make them a bit slow and giddy headed. But salt goes well with eggs, so while they are together they will be rather well-adjusted.

Sweet: The sperm swimming in such a honeyed environ could well be a bit sticky to deal with. Once he gets rid of the baggage, the sweetness will make him a good after-meal companion. Like dessert. Since the only sweet eggs you get are for Easter, there will be hope of a second coming, a metaphorical need to return to roots. The also look for stability, a few good friends, and will turn out to be nice guys or good girls. 

Bitter: The first thought is to feel sorry, but the bitter medicine will stand these sperms in good stead later in life. They will be toughened and to get rid of the bitterness resort to airing their tongue, which will later transform into a give a damn attitude. They may rarely carry residual bitterness because they managed to rise above it anyway. However, they could suffer from angst and be wary of too much sweetness.

Before going ahead, taste the thing and then decide what kind of babies you want. And don’t slap the butter on. It masks the natural taste and misleads. Besides, grease could end in corrupt sperms. Imagine a people’s movement against you only because you want to do something like ‘Last Tango in Paris’.


  1. Not sure about the sense of taste, but sperm indeed is endowed with an acute directional sense. And yes they are in great deal of hurry to get to dig in - the early worm, catches the egg. And talking of "Les Liaisons" what could be better ... then butter?

  2. Indeed sweet in a taste.

    'Astang hriday' quote it as 'madhuram snigdham sfatik sadrasam' means sweet,greasy and alum colored.

    It is finally produced one of the seven 'dhatus' of human body in both, man & woman.

    As per 'charaka'the ancient physician [3000 B.C]
    "Rasad raktam tato mamsam mamsanmedah prajayate, medasosthi tatomajja, majja shukrasya sambhavah"

    —From food comes juice or chyle; from chyle, blood; from blood, flesh; from flesh, fat; from fat, bones; from bones, marrow; and lastly from marrow, semen.

    Now question arises that women never produced semen.And answer is,all the softness and glow of women's body,vaginal fluid,production of milk is due to it.
    Oral sex had been popular since ages and taste of seminal fluid remained no longer a secret.However it is not as sweet as sugar,I wonder why expert didn't answer such a easy answer.

  3. Anon/Jitu:

    Thanks for the info.

    A general note:

    This blogger does not necessarily subscribe to the views of the the comments and the taste experienced therein. Please experience at your own peril and I shall not be held responsible for any defective or other foreign particle that might cause you displeasure. No legal action can be taken against this blog for such human errors.


Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.