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“Keep up with the Joneses”

This means you want what others have, and that is not good. Right?

Wrong.

There is an assumption that each thing on this planet is monogrammed for individual consumption and enjoyment. Since it is not, we have no choice but to keep up with the Joneses, the Janardhans and the Jaffers. Most objects are essentials; some are luxuries. To desire these only because somebody else has them is considered materialistic. But, think about it. What if you do not know of anybody who has them and still crave for them? Who are you then competing with? The Joneses inside you?

You go shopping and the person next to you at the counter has selected something nice. Suppose it is table linen. Her eye espied it first; perhaps you missed it. You might ask for a similar set. Are you keeping up with anyone? You like the look on a magazine cover and want it, if it means a lipstick or other cosmetics. Are you competing? The best way to judge how stupid this theory is to visit a sale that offers huge discounts. Then everyone is keeping up with the Joneses to just get hold of items that are close to reaching expiry date, are no more a fad, or, in the electronic world, have been replaced by upgraded versions.

The problem is that we only seem to notice the tangible. The assertion is restricted to what we can see. The ‘materialism’ of competing with thoughts – not in the sense of brainstorming or expanding on ideas – to spread one’s own wares is far more acquisitive. Intent is sometimes worse than action.

Also, one has to be rather insecure to believe that by keeping up with the Joneses you will lose yourself. It might happen if you strive to be a clone. I have several objects that many others do. It is how I use them that will tell me apart.

And to be honest, I do get a kick thinking that I too might be the Joneses that others breathlessly want to keep up with…

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“If life gives you a lemon, make lemonade”

This is supposed to inspire you to take the smallest thing and make the most of it, or at least something. I am intrigued by the lemon. It conveys a certain level of being sparing. Why does life not give you an avocado? Why can we not make it into pulp and use it as a dip? How about an apple that we can make a pie of?

These, you might say, require other ingredients. Lemonade needs only water. What if the water is contaminated? What if you are in a desert and get that lemon? You might suck on it, but does it slake your thirst? Can you capitalise on its full potential?

How do you gauge potential? If you are suffering from nausea, then that sucking is good. I don’t know if life has given me lemons. This ignorance or not knowing has not prevented me from making lemonade. However, lemon juice is not an end. It is only one of the things one can do with lemons.

I’d much rather leave it out in the sun and watch it dry, the rind stiffening and slowly browning, while the insides swell with rage. And if one must learn any lessons from such idioms then pickled lemons last longer. If there is only one that darned life gives, then too you can separate the rind, the insides, the seeds. Add some sugar to the rind and eat. Feel the tartness of the juice or let it sting your eyes. And take those seeds and throw them in the soil. Wait for them to sprout to life.

Then let's see what life does with the lemon you give it.

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One can never step into Narayana Murthy’s shoes. I am just stepping into a position called chair of the board

- K. V. Kamath, new CEO, Infosys

For all the humility and ‘aal izz well’ formula of Infosys, the fact remains that Narayana Murthy made the decisions. He was the throne of Egalitaria. He may now be ruminating about “siesta and sitcoms”, but there won’t be any let-up. The hierarchy here might not have been vertical, but it is most definitely horizontal with all the speed-breakers and zebra crossings in place.

Okay, I don’t know anything about Mohandas Pai and whether he quit because he wanted to be CEO, but was the company not started by seven broke blokes? Where are they in this successful enterprise? Does the world gasp for any of them and the way Infosys played the global game according to global standards? Truth is it became a one-man enterprise with one man being nice about the rest. It is a private company and people can do what they want with it, but it most certainly was not about real inclusiveness.

What Mr. Kamath says is not only about stepping into shoes; the chair itself is Narayana Murthy.

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Advaniji believes that being the prime minister was his birthright…and, therefore, he has never forgiven me

- Manmohan Singh on the BJP leader

If anything, L K Advani would never forgive Sonia Gandhi, not Manmohan Singh. As regards birthright, there are many politicians in this country who believe it is and it is taken to its logical conclusion. Dr Singh happens to be propped up by The Family, and the only reason it has not exercised its birthright is simple: Why go into the kitchen when you have a khansaama (chef)?

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To our son, his excellency, Mr Barack Hussein Obama. I have said to you before, that even if Libya and the US enter into a war, god forbid, you will always remain a son

- Muammar Gaddafi, Libyan leader

The problem with such ties, even if by diplomatic adoption, is that it makes the son assert himself and want a piece of the pie and the pie (oil) chart.

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“Even though I am a little brat... 33 girls in two months seems like too much even for a 30 year old. It’s too much for anybody."

- Silvio Berlusconi, Prime Minister of Italy

Hugh Hefner would not say this. The Berlusconi drama is being played out and as stories about sponsored nips and tucks for the women in his pleasure house come to light, I think there is the aspect of consensuality to be considered. Some of the girls were minors, but they were operating as nightclub dancers and probably more. You go to any red-light district, especially in the low income areas, and there will be many minors who have been forced to sell their bodies. Their clientele can be of any age and the money is not even in their hands but sourced through pimps and madams.

Therefore, Berlusconi’s crime isn’t so much sexual as it is of misusing his powers. (And what did Clinton do? Monica Lewinsky tried making a career selling handbags and the rest? Where are they?) He promised one woman a position, another one got an implant, someone else got a lot of money and they knew what they were doing. Now, just suppose he had promised a portfolio or a business deal to one of his male employees, and we shall exclude the alternate sexuality possibility here, then would it be seen as more than favouritism?

What about all those media groups who want Ruby and company to open their mouths and get a headstart – with down payment for scoops?

Closer home, our own N. D. Tiwari has been asked to take a DNA test regarding a paternity suit. He is over 85. What has been our hypocritical position?

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“Fake pilots should not be arrested for being frauds but for planning and attempting mass murders.”

– Javed Akhtar, lyricist, on pilots holding fake certificates

This sounds like so much poppycock. The typical citizen journalism for the elite sort of thing. There have been reports about pilots getting licences through fake diplomas. It is a fraudulent practice where many people need to be pulled up. But are they planning mass murders? Then extend it to other professions where the fake degree rackets are quite common, including medicine. Lives are in the hands of the doctors, but since it is an individual interaction and case, it does not register in our consciousness.

The whole idea of mass this and mass that is gaining more and more currency because without a herd how would the well-wishers get noticed? People commit suicide watching episodes on television and films. Are those who conceptualise these mass murderers?

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“I wish to make it clear that no one from the Congress party or the Government indulged in any unlawful act during the trust vote during July 2008.”

and

“I have no knowledge of any such purchases. I did not authorise anybody in the Congress to purchase any votes. I am not aware of any such thing.”

- Manmohan Singh, Prime Minister of India

How can he make it clear and then not be aware at the same time? So much in tune with the persona.

I am a trifle amused to read 'new' perspectives on Dr. Singh and the discovery of his being politically savvy. When was he not?

The Myth of Manmohan Singh. Yes, I told you so!

Sunday ka Funda

“We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.”

– Lily Tomlin

There are so many things to believe and believe in. It isn’t about certitude but could well be a doubt. A question. We question because we want to believe.

I often find myself finding important topics spawning the most bizarre and laughable ideas. But then I have another quote that fits:

“It is my belief, you cannot deal with the most serious things in the world unless you understand the most amusing.” 

– Winston Churchill

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We cannot exist in a vacuum of complete non-belief in anything. It is a space we seek…

I need you to believe in something

I needed to believe…

Oh I'm moving in between

can you feel me in between

I need to believe

Believe – Chemical Brothers

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“I am married to my work”

Some idiot somewhere in the world utters this. The motives can be many.

Not to commit to a relationship. To show that s/he has a career that is very important. To convey that the job is rocking even if s/he feels it is a load of crap. There is nothing to do, but it sounds good to say it. Need to justify wearing a tightly-knotted tie in humid weather or a power-dressing skirt that shows you are more of an ass than anyone imagined.

So, to all those who work their butts and their heads off so much that they are married to the desk, chair, files, coffee-maker, computer monitor, conference room, agendas, strategy, and other stuff, here are my questions:

Do you have one night stands?

If you have a real partner, do you call that partner a mistress/whatever they call the other man?

Who cooks and cleans?

Are you with one person when you produce a baby or is it an orgy that gives it birth? In that case, who can claim paternity/maternity?

Do you realise you look like a buffoon each time you enter your office and they say you don’t come on time?

Or are you one of those who likes to say, “I am making love” when after those 15 seconds of fame you turn over and start smoking, napping, answering a call…hey, if Bill Clinton could , then why not you?

So, yeah, you are married to your work.

Now tell me: Do you f**k or do you get f****d?

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“Silence is of different kinds, and breathes different meanings.” - Charlotte Bronte

Have you experienced that about to say something feeling? That tip of the tongue feeling? That bite my tongue and swallow every morsel of a sentence feeling?

I am thinking about this. We interpret and misinterpret words. Have we ever thought about the way silence can work? I have had conversations with people who want to know why I have not expressed an opinion on something or the other. “You have not said anything about the curfew in Kashmir, what is happening in Orissa, Malegaon, Assam…”

They are topical and it isn’t that I don’t have an opinion. Sometimes, I cannot formulate my thoughts. Sometimes, my thoughts cannot find words. Sometimes, my words run ahead.

So, in that sense, my silence is indeed being perceived and conclusions are reached.

When I hibernate, there is a reason. That silence is melancholic, meditative. Or it may not be silence at all. It may be numbness. That is not akin to silence, which is a choice. When you are numb you feel nothing.

Despite my written output, which essentially amounts to speaking through words – and this is post #1001 on this blog! – I do leave a lot unsaid.

For, in the large desert I am only willing to share my vision of a sand castle with you…maybe you will be here on days when there is a sand storm or I spot an oasis. It will be conveyed as I take a sip of grit and let the water drip off my lips to form a patch of a temporary memory.

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“…and you are a frustrated fart as well”

Much as I’d like to accept the compliment (this comment has been posted in response to my views on someone going all sugar and marshmallow on Amitabh Bachchan), I do have a problem with the inherent dispute between the two terms.

To fart is to break wind, which conveys release; by that token, it is a successful attempt. Frustration is to hold back or be denied; whatever has been attempted is thwarted. Therefore, technically, you cannot be both.

Even metaphorically the image it conjures up does not work. Like a still windmill, it is pretty harmless.

However, since somebody has taken the trouble to pen his thoughts in a flush, I shall happily send across this:

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Regarding Mr. Bachchan, I have already said I do not agree with Raj Thackeray’s point of view about immigrants. But on the MNS assertion that he has done little for Mumbai, Mr. B comes up with a ridiculous one:

“I do not hold any public office, I am not a minister, not a government servant. You cannot question me...I am not answerable to anybody.”

What does this mean? A minister or a government servant has equal right to stay in another city. And as a celebrity who uses public space, who is the ambassador of Uttar Pradesh, whose wife is a Rajya Sabha member, he is answerable.

As a public figure, he is being asked why he is doing more for the place of his origin rather than the city that gave him so much. It is a fair query. Just being a legend is not enough.