Survival, Sacrament and the Marketplace

Making Haiti
Survival, Sacrament and the Marketplace
by Farzana Versey
Countercurrents, January 25, 2010

“I survived by drinking Coca-Cola. I drank Coca-Cola every day, and I ate some little tiny things,” he said. Wismond Exantus’s tale of survival conveys a larger lesson about charity franchising. As someone who worked in the grocery store in Port-au-Prince, where he was found after 11 days, his recollection of Coca Cola as opposed to “little tiny things” indicates that the miracle his brother spoke about could have something to do partly with this beverage and the conglomerate idea it stands for.

There are other ideas. His rescue took place as mourners wept outside the shattered cathedral for the funeral of the bishop; his family could not go to the place to save him because of looters, so they approached the rescue team. The looters are home-grown vultures; the saviours are outsiders.

We’ve been through the Pat Robertson viewpoint. Unfortunately, outside of his limited evangelism exists a larger one that sponges on similar thoughts. It is a ready market for do-gooders who may not express their religious fervour in such black and white terms, but the glorification of being blessed works just as well.

“I am a person who has been blessed,” said Jeremy Johnson, a Utah-based millionaire. “To sit back and relax and send a little money or whatever, it just made me feel ungrateful.”

Ungrateful about what? He was not responsible for the earthquake or for the delay in supplies reaching. He bought helicopters to fly essentials. In Jimani, which he has made his headquarter just across the Haiti border, he has set up a tent. Reports describe him with reverence for managing a “bare-bones operation”, dressed in frayed jeans (is this mandatory uniform or designer empathy?) where he sweats it out with only a small refrigerator providing energy drinks.

Strangely enough, his how to be a millionaire story is rife with fraudulent practices, but this, we are told, has not interfered with his altruistic work. He had earlier “provided a home for boys pushed out of a Utah polygamist sect”. And now he is in Haiti where, according to the Utah governor, people rushed to the helicopters for food and it became “really dangerous”. Therefore, Jeremy is a hero because he not only saves people, but saves dangerous people and those who belong to sects that are not morally up to much.

It is not surprising that he is working with Maison des Enfants de Dieu — Children of the House of God — orphanage to send these children to adoptive families. He has already managed 21 visas and transported them to the United States.

Apparently, bureaucracy was not an issue, although it is for his aid effort where he sees boxes of food on the tarmac. “As a result I even stole. There is a lot left to be done,” he said. This is precious, considering that the local looters were considered selfish and almost vicious.

Johnson is not a celebrity, so his compassion is not entirely driven by charity tourism. It is more about personal gratification: “My life is going to change from this, there is no doubt.” He is already planning the next move and has his shopping list of people who need to be set right.

Haiti, having overthrown the imperial yoke, has to allow itself into a numbing social colonialism and aid slavery. Seen as a tribal society it will now be refereed and guided by the superior Red Crosses. A while ago, I read this delicious comment by model Naomi Campbell when she was asked why she chose to raise funds for the UK flood and not for Africa: “I do Third World. I have been doing Third World since 1994.” One wonders about the expiry date of such vanity of the conscience.

Thirty-seven per cent of Europe’s population was destroyed by the bubonic plaque; ancient cities have been buried by volcanic eruptions. We have had El Salvador, Mexico, Burma, Bangladesh, Pakistan, India, Indonesia — all victims of natural disasters, not to forget Hurricane Katrina and the fires in California.

These calamities have scientific reasons and imbuing them with fatalism makes a mockery of the spirit of enquiry that ought to look into the dangers manifest in our abuse of the environment. Such wimpy sentiments are merely geared to sneak out of political responsibility. Or sneak in political power through the backdoor.

All it takes is a temple?

One more act that will be seen as a great gesture.

A Hindu temple left in ruin in a central Srinagar locality but preserved by local Muslims in the absence of anyone to look after it has been formally handed over to a community group of Kashmiri pandits.

A statement issued by the Kashmir Pandit Sangarash Samiti (KPSS here said, "We at Kashmir Pandit Sangarash Samiti feel honoured by the stand taken by the local Muslims to save the temple. This clearly indicates that due to the few unscrupulous elements the whole community or society gets involved."

Who did they save it from? Terrorists? Others from the majority Muslim community? If it was left in ruin, why did the Muslims preserve it? Did they also preserve homes of the pandits? If they did, why is that not highlighted? And if they did not, then what is so important about the temple? I ask this because it is said that with assurances from the local mosque management committee some people have relocated “to the area to take the control of the temple”.

Who is this mosque committee and is it running the state? Who has given it the right to decide whether it can keep anything and anyone safe? What if it fails to do so? Will the strong pandit lobby again start on ‘Kashmiris and their Pakistani affiliation’? Does it take one temple to bridge a divide that was cleverly manipulated by politicians?

And is this organisation (KPSS) the representative of all Kashmiri pandits that it can ‘take over’ the temple? What if other groups want a share of the godly pie? What if they have a different opinion? Why is it emphaised in the report that the Muslims chose a Friday to hand over the temple? Because, it is an important holy day and there would be peole gathered for prayers and they wanted mileage. Simple.

It is all about garnering mileage. One pandit spokesperson even said:

“This will be known as the best example of the traditional bonds between the two communities have not fallen apart completely and there is hope and chance revive it completely provided.”

Is such a gesture evidence of a traditional bond? Do the pandits forget that many of their homes were in fact preserved, just as many were destroyed, along with those of the others? Do they forget that they got a not-too-bad deal from the respective governments? Do they forget that the Panun Kashmir group was separatist in nature? The bonds ought to be deeper than this exchange of temples and mosques when people are being killed everyday.

What has to be revived is trust and that won’t come with some fellows from either side playing footsie with various establishment types. The local population is a helpless witness in most cases. Therefore, I’d like to know who is manipulating this from behind closed doors.

Ask the vexpert - 21

Question: I run a cyber café. Sometimes, customers come, masturbate and ejaculate here without my knowledge. Sometimes the fluid spills onto the keyboard and mouse and I end up touching it. I have the habit of smoking and tend to smoke or eat chocolates right after touching the dirty keyboard. Could it lead to an infection? Please help.

Sexpert: No harm will come to you. More harm will result from smoking.

Me: There are two issues here. It seems like the dirty keyboard excites you and makes you perform oral acts such as eating chocolates or smoking. I would suggest that you indulge in these acts without touching the keyboard that has heated electrons which may keep alive certain germs increasing the possibility of getting infected. If you do run your fingers over it by mistake, type ALT+CLR+ ESC.

Regarding your customers, you may provide special chairs that have seat fastening belts and hand shackles that provide limited movement. You could also have laptops so the mouse is not used. Make sure a timer goes off every five minutes. The possibility of some users finding all these things pleasurable remains but at least your equipment will be safe.

From no conspiracy to shoo

“There is no conspiracy theory that is going on — as is being reported in media. The media is biased at times. The media is responsible (for the Pak-players fiasco). The media doesn’t want to report on things that should matter. The media only wants to sensationalise.”
– Lalit Modi, chairman of BCCI’s IPL subcommittee

“The reasons for dropping (Pakistanis) were understandable in the current scenario. The franchisees couldn’t provide for the security of the Pakistani players and hence decided against bidding for them in the auction.”
- Shilpa Shetty, Rajasthan Royals co-owner

“Pakistan needs to think why it has not been able to create the conditions that can convince people here that it is serious about bringing to book the 26/11 plotters."
- the Congress asking for some introspection on why its cricketers were shunned

Two days ago everyone was singing a different tune. The question of availability of cricketers is not the same as our inability to provide them with security. The media might have gone into overdrive, but when it suits the IPL they want the same over-the-top reportage. Remember the cheerleaders?

Interestingly enough, news reports tell us that the Congress and the BJP “unite” on this issue. This isn’t about unity, but riding on the bandwagon.

The Pakistanis are responding with equal fervour. I say, if there is a problem that they are being sidelined, they should ask Wasim Akram to resign as coach immediately.

Now, let me tackle our government’s statement.

Who are the people that need to be convinced? The IPL franchisees? Do all of them think alike? The cricket-crazy public who would have liked to see the Pakistanis play?

The GOI has latched on to an issue that it said it had nothing to do with and connected it with the 26/11 attacks. How is Pakistan to convey seriousness if just suppose it is not serious? And if it is not serious, then it is for us to introspect since they are clear about it.

Incidentally, if someone has murdered do you expect him to prove that he has killed? Isn't the onus on the victim’s family to stand as witness and the police to look for clues? Why would Pakistan bring to book the plotters? I am afraid, it sounds stupid.

We can ask them to stop infiltrating, we can discuss terrorism, but to try a specific crime that is committed on our soil? This is like asking dacoits to surrender or criminals to confess. Given that we have Ajmal Kasab in our prison and a cop has mentioned how he spoke to one of the handlers posing as a waiter, are we not upto the task?

The Veil Wail

The Supreme Court has done the right thing to reject the petition permitting burqa-clad women to get voter ID cards without revealing their faces. The bench said:

“If you have such strong religious sentiments, and do not want to be seen by members of public, then do not go to vote. You cannot go with burqa to vote. It will create complications in identification of voters.’’

Absolutely. As it is, there is double and triple voting and poll agents cannot identify those people, so it is also possible for the veil to be misused.

However, it would have been more prudent for the judge not to mention religious sentiments at all, for they ought not to matter. This was a petition filed by an individual that stated:

“It will hurt their religious sentiments and the Election Commission must not insist on ‘purdahnashin’ women to be photographed for the inclusion of their name in the electoral rolls.”

The ‘their’ is not universal. If any of these purdahnashin women happens to be arrested as a suspect for a crime and needs to be paraded for identification, would there be any objection, knowing that she could be innocent and her life and reputation are at stake?

I truly find it ridiculous that the petitioner’s counsel has said it “would amount to sacrilege as their photographs would be seen by many men working as polling agents and electoral officers”. So what? Are those guys so besotted by veiled women that they will spend their time looking at the pictures? By pushing forward these ideas, it is such men who make what they consider respectable akin to some sort of pin-up.

The newspaper report mentioned the protests in France by the clerics. This was unnecessary for the dimensions were different. Besides, what is the point?

I only hope the Indian mullahs keep their mouths shut. If they are so enthusiastic, they can get into burqas themselves and then fight the battle in court.

Exhibiting Sex?

I thought we'd finally realised the importance of erotica when I read about the proposed sex museum in Mumbai.

Turns out that it will educate people about sex and sexually transmitted diseases; more importantly, about HIV and AIDS as it will have a "walk -through" to explain the new developments in the field

Some points:

* Would this qualify as a museum, since it serves no historical or aesthetic purpose? There are science museums but larger programmes being deliberated upon in them.

* Did the BMC manage to get space only in the Leprosy Hospital? This immediately puts sexuality and its resultant ailments in the category of real illnesses. I am not shunning leprosy, which needs to fight another battle for understanding. But, how are the two connected?

* What is the purpose of talking about such a museum as an attraction? Will tourists visit it to learn about the exotic Indian version of sexual diseases? Will young people truly benefit from such knowledge? Is some government organisation going to decide and will it, therefore, suffer from prudish ideas and red-tapism?

When we should be outsourcing, we don't. It would be ideal to get a business house to put up works of art, slide shows, history of sexual mores from the past to contemporary times. There could be a section on commercial sex work too since we encounter it in the street as also in cinema. It is time to face reality head-on.

It need not be salacious. This teachy preachy attitude does put people off.

The reason I mentioned private ownership is because they will display it well and there is little fear of exploitation because they are as afraid of sex mucking up their reputation. Imagine being pulled up for a sexually-loaded misintepretation!

The governmnent will anyway have the power to revoke the license.

Just let us get over this sex as education. If that is the intention, the BMC can put one of those guys selling oils and herbs to educate people about how to get rid of 'patlapan' and other weaknesses. Or they could have an astro parrot picking out cards to read out the fate of sinners.

Heck, I am making this sound interesting. No. A sex museum has got to celebrate sexuality and not make it into a malady or make a mockery of a malady that arises only partially due to sexual contact.

Show us the stuff we are made of.

Taxi, Taxi

I thought it was Raj Thackeray. But it was Maharashtra chief minister, Ashok Chavan, trying to convince us that is was important that taxi drivers in Mumbai will get a licence only if they are domiciled in the city for 15 years and can read, write and speak in Marathi.

This is not the Shiv Sena, but we must remember that Mumbai’s psyche has subconsciously imbibed the SS ideology. It is part of the anti-immigration move. Most commentators wonder how a cosmopolitan city can be like this. It is precisely the cosmopolitanism that is causing the problems. We are dealing with several types and now have them pushed against the wall based on different factors – religion, region, language, economic status, education.

Most cabbies are from Uttar Pradesh and Bihar. As always, the cities biggies are saying, oh, let us stop them for a month and see how the city suffers. That is not the point. This is a selfish way of looking at things.

How many passengers can read, write and speak in Marathi? Even if they do, most prefer to speak in English or Hindi. English because it makes them appear superior and Hindi because it is the language of Bollywood. I have seen yuppie types converse in ‘Bhai’ underworld lingo! It is not unusual to watch a Raju driver type being addressed as “Boss, idhar say right turn maarna…oye baap, oopar bhejneka chance mangta kya?”

I have tried conversing in some Marathi with cabbies who insist on responding in Hindi. They are either sensitive about my lack of fluency or prefer to use another language.

The other argument about domicile would make sense if the Marathi drivers knew the city as well. The reason given is that they should be able to identify addresses. This is a problem, and I have encountered Marathi-speaking drivers who do not know.

Instead, there should be a system of a central office that can provide such details. With low mobile phone rates, it is not too difficult.

With the advent of private taxis, this will be a huge blow to the black-yellow cabs. Instead of language skills, there should be other mandatory rules – like insistence on running the meter, being polite to passengers, not refusing to ply to certain areas, clearly indicating the timings that a particular cab operates.

An anecdote during the month of Ramzan is worth repeating. I had to reach the airport. No cabs anywhere in sight. Finally, I found one. There was a traffic jam and he started grumbling about getting the wrong place to go to in Marathi to someone on his cellphone. I ignored him. Then the vehicle behind brushed against his cab. He got out, there was a fight and finally upon discovering there was no damage he returned. He started on this spiel about how he would get delayed for breaking his fast.

I started talking on my cellphone and did the Muslim act by interspersing the conversation with “mashallah, inshallah” and ended with "Khuda hafiz”. When we were close to our destination, he said he did not know where the terminal was. I directed him, although all the signs were there.

I had not realised that he had not stared the meter. “Soch-samajh ke de do (give what you think best).”

“Hum pehli baar airport nahin aaye. Seedha bataa do, yeh ginti karma hamara kaam nahin hai (It isn’t the first time I am going to the airport. Tell me straight, I am nto here to count),” I said.

He demanded four hundred for a ride that costs not more than 250 bucks.

I had no choice and he knew it. I did tell him clearly, though, that this was nto the amount and he said he had come all the way and was getting late.

This was getting too much, so after paying him, I did not shut the door, but peeped in and said, “Aapka roze rakhne ka koi faayda nahin. Asli roza hota agar aap tameez se pesh aate aur tareeke se meter chalate. Ab jao aur iftaar manao aur apne gunaah ki muafi maango. Hamara koi nuksaan nahin hua hai, aapka hua hai inn paison ko lene ke baad bhi.” (Keeping the fast has not helped you in any way. True roza is when you behave well and follow the rules. Now go break your fast and accept your mistake. I lost nothing but even with the additional charge you have.)