When Mumbai was boothed

Everything is not about cynicism. We have a tendency to applaud only acceptable forms of protest. Now that 54 per cent have voted, Mumbai seems to have reclaimed itself.

There was much carping about the low turnout in the city until late afternoon on poll day. As the celebrities from Page 3, Bollywood, industry have been photographed, it is obvious that the others who didn’t go out and vote do not fall into the ‘luxury’ category. Not everybody is holidaying, not everybody is at kitty parties or watching movies, not everybody is smug.

It is for these not everybodys that I still laud my city. Whether they say so or not, refraining is dissent. I do have a problem about showing the middle finger though, because it insults the Indian Constitution and is churlish. But, for those who made a conscious decision, it is time to feel empowered. As residents of the financial capital, this sends out a strong signal to the complacent establishment.

There is the usual noise about how you can therefore not criticise the government. You can. If you pay taxes, don't throw garbage in the street, don't clog drains, don't incite people to anti-social activities. You can and you must.
This option is visible. For all those with inked fingers, nobody knows where their affiliations lie and therefore it would be interesting how willing they would be to stick their necks out for the party of choice, irrespective of the results.

This brings me to the idea of ‘privacy’ of choice. It appears to contradict the process of 'assembly'. If people voted en masse with a specific ideology/manifesto in mind, then it would be active participation. I am beginning to respect those who vote for freebies because they are not those insufferable ones voicing their tosh about rights. They seem more selfish than politicians, who are often upfront about their ruthless ambitions and even their lies. You can see through them.

My constant refrain is that the candidate or party you vote for is not going to be answerable. They might change alliances anytime.

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How prudent was it to carry this story about 28,000 safai kaamgaars from the sweeper’s colony and their voting choice on the eve of the polls in Mumbai?

We have spent over 100 years here but we do not own these rooms. Several generations of our family have been in this profession and even the educated members of the community have been forced to take up this job as we do not have any other accommodation. No party takes active interest in our upliftment. So, we have unanimously decided to use the None of the Above (NOTA) option in the Lok Sabha elections," says Devendra Makwana, a resident of the BMC sweepers' colony near Arthur Road Jail, Byculla. 

This was uploaded on the website at 11.30 pm. The Congress MP or his supporters, of the rival parties’ candidates could easily approach them for what is essentially a municipal issue. They could make promises, offer sops, anything. In fact, members of the Maharashtra Navnirman Sena (MNS) and Aam Aadmi Party have been quoted in the report.

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This picture in the social media was touted as evidence of democratic power:

Is it applause-worthy? It is shameful and distressing that in this city, this country, the poor, the elderly, and the disabled do not have the means to live with dignity. Unless, somebody decided to deliberately stage this for a photo-op.

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So this is exercising franchise - go vote and get discounts, and fatten the purses of those who will benefit the most anyway?

Or this:

“Share your inked selfie using #dnaVoteGuru to encourage your friends & stand to win movie vouchers.”

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Then there was the Election Commission doing its bit from secularism. Or, was it the media?

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How do people vote?

The poor with their helplessness.

The middle class with the belief that their version of right and wrong are supreme.

The very rich by calculating who will give them the best deals and pass their lolly dreams.

Therefore, voting is all about getting returns.

And it is only one part of democracy. The whole of India waits in long queues for every little thing. No one applauds them for standing for hours to get their rations, their buses and trains, their seats in schools and colleges, and water dripping into dirty buckets from slowly drying taps.

Will those who did go to the booths accept whatever be the verdict and stop cribbing from now? Unlikely.

I have retained my right to rant. I am the alpha satvik voter.

© Farzana Versey

Of Garbages and Kings: LBT

I called up the provision store to check if they will renew their strike tomorrow against the Local Body Tax. “We'll know by this evening." I decided to order a few things. Last week, many of us were caught unawares. There was some talk about LBT, but as it was restricted to Maharashtra and was not about FDI or any global issue, it did not make major news.

The traders were willing to take the losses to fight one more burden of tax. As one of them told DNA, “Everyone is aware that the more the number of tax-collecting government departments, the more the corruption. So now, with the introduction of LBT, most traders will end up giving indirect bribe to one more babu."

Who benefitted from the strike? The big players - malls. Reports mentioned the surge of footfalls in the supermarkets. Even those who are not regular supermarket shoppers might now be enticed into 'everything under one roof', where the trolley is an empowering force, and the sight of other shoppers with goods laden atop one another creates a subconscious demand.

The independent stores had understood this even before the strike. For example, I have several choices within just five minutes from where I live. My regular store walla knows it. His clientele is eclectic - from some famous names to the clerk in an office, and everyone in-between. He is a call away, and if the bags are heavy, one can trust the delivery guy to enter the house and deposit the goods.

What is his USP? Customer service. He has not yet tarted up his shop, for most people rely on home delivery. The daughter of an expat friend who visited recently was shocked when she discovered that some of her friends here could also get toilet paper at their doorstep. This is truly Mumbai where the consumer is king.

If the shop does not have something, he knows I'll call up someone else. So, he says, "I'll get it." It could be ice-cream, talcum powder, or fruits. He has never added a markup or service charge for any of these.

There was a bit of romanticisation of 'kirana' stores when the FDI discussion came up. That was just a reaction, for no one calls them kiranas anymore. The owners are mostly third generation slick guys, and in some cases women, who are computer savvy, and don't sit behind a cash counter all day. They are on the go, interested in trying to procure new goods, figuring out the new tastes that people are experimenting with.

One does not have to go to a speciality bakery to get multigrain bread or a variety of cheeses. The fancy organic outlets charge you for walking on granite tiles, but I can get my Indian diet bhel and homemade soya sticks instead of some Polish cracker that has the details of the packaging in Arabic! I can even return open packets, unlike some posh nature shops.

And the guy remembers exactly what our orders are like. So, if I say tissues, he knows which brand.

Last week, in an ironical twist, I ran out of garbage bags. According to the rules in my part of the city, the municipal truck comes every morning and all the waste should be in black bags. The person who regularly cleans the stairways and compound of the building collects it. This has made life infinitely easier for those who earlier had to take the waste bins and topple the contents into a huge drum-like container. Some people would not even care to put a lid on their garbage and it would spill over, only for the 'safai karmacharis' to have to manually pick it all up. The bags are infinitely more humane.

This digression is to highlight garbage. A strike will not stop people from generating waste — we eat, throw out old packages, bottles. Also, think about the wastage in the stores. What we read in the newspapers are huge numbers of so many crores lost in business (it also means loss to the government in prevalent taxes). But food grains and perishable dairy products and the like would need to be discarded.

Maharashtra is going through a drought and this seems like travesty. What about the poor who depend on rationed grains, oil, kerosene, sugar?

The government thinks that traders don't show their true sales figures. Traders say the government wants just more under-the-table money. It is likely that since traders operate on a cash basis, there could be some hidden assets, but most packaged goods anyway are sold at MRP rates. The traders have got their benefits, much like doctors/chemists get from pharmaceutical companies, prior to selling.

Some might think this is an elitist attitude. I am conscious of it, but that does not negate genuine concern. In fact, it made me aware that there is something called a handkerchief, which I had forgotten about due to my dependence on tissues. And for all the noise against plastic bags (quite legitimate given how people dispose them carelessly) the big one was cut at the top and fit in quite nicely into the garbage bin.

As I write this, I have not yet checked whether the strike will not begin again tomorrow. Why did they take a break? Because of Akshaya Trithi - an auspicious day in the Hindu calendar. There were ads in the papers enticing people to buy precious jewellery without any down payment.

If only the clerk and the domestic help could buy essentials in this manner.

© Farzana Versey

Killing the news or the messenger?

Is it about a story? A journalist gets arrested for being involved in the murder of another journalist. Such real facilitation of killings is not commonplace, or at least not known.

But, then, news needs to be fresh and to update it anything goes. Even another story.

When senior crime reporter J. Dey was murdered by the underworld gang, there were several theories. Few probably thought that someone from the same profession, in this case Jigna Vora, would play such a crucial role. The latest report says:

Crime branch officers told special judge SM Modak they suspect that Vora had sent information on Dey to gangster Chhota Rajan, the main accused in the case. MCOCA carries a minimum punishment of five years in jail or a maximum of death sentence. If the MCOCA charge against Vora were to be dropped, she would still face charges of murder and criminal conspiracy under the Indian Penal Code that can attract the death sentence, another officer said. 

Vora is accused of sending pictures of Dey’s motorcycle, details of his whereabouts, his office and home addresses to Rajan.

Soon after the murder, I had given the example of a reporter acquintance getting into trouble and written in Who kills investigative reporters?:

Sources. That's the tricky word. The sources don't drop from the sky or just saunter in. They need to be cultivated. The beat is not kind, nor the hunt for scoops equal. 

The underworld is a vile world but not too different from extremist groups - separatist or political establishment. My piece on Pakistani journalist Shahzad's murder tried to explore some factors.

I would also ask one contrarian question: If giving information amounts to actual murder, then must not police informants also be seen as encounter killers?

Regarding the Dey case, one truly wonders what happens to the ethics that the media constantly talks about. Before they sit to once again judge, let them re-examine the incidents where other sorts of sniping are par for the course – passing on rival or wrong information; planting sources to check out the sources; making threatening calls; posing as imposters. Of course, this does happen, and all for the spoils of the big story that will be stale after a day.

Aiyyo, India Tussi Bharat Ratna Ho!

Of course, India is one country. Diverse, yes, but unified. You’ve got to be joking. Just one day’s news will tell you that not only do we have such strong borders within our country but we also react in a manner that would make an outsider seem less alien.

Let me start with the film of the moment ‘Ra.One’. I have not watched it yet. Now, besides all the criticism about flimsy storyline, SFX not up to nuff, nothing like Hollywood, listless performances, what I found a bit curious was one long article in the TOI about the portrayal of Shahrukh Khan’s non-superman character as a Shekhar Subramaniam. The writer of the piece, a Tamilian, “cringed” because,

“It was somehow difficult to imagine the man whose name has always been Khan or Malhotra pulling off this new surname or doing his signature wide-arm gesture in a veshti and baniyan or even preparing crisp paper dosas for that matter. No, I don’t hate SRK; he’s indisputably the master of spontaneous wit and Yashraj romances.”

Here is someone complaining about stereotypes and indulging in it. What is a Malhotra or a Khan? Why does she imagine all Tamilians wear veshti-baniyan all the time? As a Malhotra, has anyone seen him eat pakoras?

The criticism would have been fine if the nitpicking were not as puerile as this:

“The curly hair, usually a Malayalee trait, I can take. Even Subramaniam’s inability to make iidlis or his soft spot for Lord Balaji (whose largest fan base lies in Andhra Pradesh by the way) is excused. But, under no circumstances, and ‘you can take it in writing’ (now this is a line any Appa would be more prone to using), would a Tamil father quote V Shantaram. Thiruvalluvar, yes. Valampuri John even. But a veteran Maharashtrian film director?”

Do all Mallus have curly hair? Lord Balaji is pretty universal in those parts, and yes, I mean the whole South, which is not Madrasi. As for quoting V. Shantaram, aiyyo, Rajini saar is originally from Maharashtra and he rules the Tamil industry. In fact, what is the cribbing about caricature? Every Rajinikant character is a caricature, often of himself. Pointing out the subtle variations within the South is not educative but only emphasises the disparities and the archetypes. It is important if the issue being discussed were of import; here we are talking about the non-hero avatar of a superhero.

One scene has got quite a few people into a Maggi mass. The good Tamilian writer explains that an appa “is not someone with a natural taste for noodles and wouldn’t ever substitute rice in curd rice with noodles. Is that so hard to get?”

Yes. Because, some appas can be eccentric. Here we go on and on about fusion cuisine and someone does it in the privacy of his home and it becomes a matter of grave social concern. What if he had poured rasam over the noodles? Or, was there a problem because he eats with his hands (not just fingers)? Have you not been to any traditional home or even small restaurants? Balling the rice after adding the sambaar/rasam/curd is pretty common. There have been occasion when such images are poked fun at, but if you can take a joke then it should not be a problem. The Chinese and Japanese even in fancy restaurants have their soup straight from the bowl. Americans will stuff triple-decker burgers in their mouths, mayo, ketchup and all. North Indians will eat their gol-gappas with the jal jeera dribbling down their chins. Same goes for most chaat in other parts of the country.

As for the accents, Bollywood is not here to make realistic cinema. Watch the old films, see how comedian Mehmood portrayed the Tam-Brahm in ‘Padosan’, watch those lungi dances…and we have film stars from the South who spoke in Hindi as Malhotras but never did get rid of their accent. No one spoke about nuance and how they managed to stay at the top.

It is interesting that there is no word about Shahrukh’s character being lean. Why? Does the Tamilian appa not like himself to be a little robust round the tummy, by and large?

And here is this whirly-gig that “even the most accented Tamilian father does not have a problem pronouncing ‘keys’, no matter where he’s looking for them (in this case, a woman’s bosom)”. Well, maybe he had just travelled from Medrass and hopped across the Tamil border into Kerlah? If he can acquire curly hair, according to the writer, then he can indeed look for kiss in the oman’s boosum (keys in the woman’s bosom)?

The writer goes all moralistic about upbringing of Tamilians. Hello, how many of them have wives in several corners of the house? Ex-CM Karunanidhi might be able to help.

PS: I do not like SRK and my next recipe will most certainly include noodles with curd, since I have already been eating tomato bhaat (pronounced bath by Tamilians) with curd and papaddam.

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From the South, we move north. Metallica decided at the last minute it would not perform at the Gurgaon venue – something to do with security. Dilliwallas were angry. Rightly so. But Dilliwallas are always angry, so angry that if they cannot break a signal, which is their birthright, then they just get on to the footpath. Of course, this was not a Delhi-only event, but there are some places that bring out the worst in you. And Delhi most certainly is.

It does have people from other parts of the country, but it is a strange mix of ‘ji huzoori’ and ‘civil disobedience’. Unlike Mumbai that does not make you into a uniform kind of Mumbaikar, Delhi does it unless you really strive to retain your individuality. The worst possible thing is that the Dilliwallas are probably not too happy that Noida pulled off the first Indian Formula One, pretty much without glitches. No one has as yet come out with CWG like scandals, and this in the land of Mayawati.

It is truly silly when people ask what will happen to that land now that the races are over. What happens to Jantar Mantar and Humayun’s tomb and Ferozeshah Kotla Maidan? The first two have symbolic-historical value, but after that picture of a stray dog at the spot before the races, perhaps it can be used to get our police sniffer dogs some exercise; it can be used as a jogging track; there can be music performances. Anything. Maybe even Team Anna can play a cricket match against the various factions that crop up within it every other day.

The cribbing continues, including how it is just a glamorous event. Sure, it is. But those with memories will remember that the respected news magazine, India Today, back in the old days had done a photo shoot of the makeover of athlete P.T.Usha. Think before you cast stones.

I have two cribs about the event, though.

• Why did Sachin Tendulkar flag the winner Sebastian Vettel? One of the participating teams was Ferrari and we might recall that he sold his Ferrari, a gift.

• I love Lady Gaga but an Indian band or a group of our best could have been chosen. After all, it was the Indian Grand Prix.

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We move to Mumbai. Shiv Sena chief Bal Thackeray wants Amitabh Bachchan to get the Bharat Ratna.

"Amitabh Bachchan is the last 'Shahenshah' (emperor) of Bollywood. In many countries of the world, the people don't know who is the president or prime minister of the country, but they know Bachchan. He is a real jewel of India who has brought laurels to the country...Bachchan truly deserves the Bharat Ratna.”

We do not know if Balasaheb plans to take away titles and we cannot have another shahenshah years from today. Mr. Bachchan does deserve this honour. But, why this sudden interest? Because, recently a North Indian MP had asserted himself and there was a war of words. So, the SS decided they could use the man who represents the North best. Moreover, he is now the brand ambassador of our beloved Modi’s Gujarat.

Let me jog your memory, again. In 2008, Mrs. Bachchan, Jayaji, a fine politician from the Samajwadi Party, had said at a function when the ‘speak and eat in Marathi’ call was at its peak:

“Hum toh Hindi mein bolna pasand karenge. Hum toh UPwalle hain. Mumbaiwalle humein maaf karein.” (I would like to speak in Hindi since I am an UPite. Mumbaikars please forgive me.)

Smart woman that she was, she forgot that she is a Bengali married to a UPite; she was marketing UP then. At the time, Sena spokesperson Sanjay Raut had said,

“Why should anybody undermine the Marathi language in Maharashtra? Moreover, there is no need for her to promote Hindi in Mumbai. It would serve the purpose better if she campaigns for the language in southern states.”

So, Balasaheb is not only suffering from convenient amnesia, he is pushing the Bachchan agenda by bringing in the friction with the Congress as the reason that Mr.B has been denied the honour. Why has he kept silent for so long? Had he got it during his friendship period, then the accusations would be of favouritism.

Talking of Mr. Bachchan and his show 'Kaun Banega Crorepati', I think it is quite communal, in that it finds a Muslim and the queries are about naqab and some Urdu stuff; the Hindus get their queries from mythology, which is in surfeit, incidentally. Always has been.

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It is, therefore, wonderful that the Mumbai High Court did not pussy-foot when it came to a mandal that claimed it was a temple and asked for it to be removed without touching the deity. Justice P.B.Majumdar stated:

“People are interested in building places of worship. But God is never interested in huge worship places. He is satisfied with a small place also. If you really have the love for God, pray to God. He can give you more.”

True. There should be a moratoriam across the country on new places of worship. We have more than enough of every religion and sect, not to speak of those in honour of film stars.

Mosques, temples and churches are anyway not about god, but about the devotees’ need to find god. A haystack should do. A pin here and there might confirm the best suspicions.

Shiney Bling, Nirupam-Uddhav Sting

We have heard about people having to swallow their words, but “Shiv Sena CEO” (a TOI description) Uddhav Thackeray would go a step further with Congress MP Sanjay Nirupam:

“If he persists, we will make him swallow his teeth.”

Another version spoke about breaking his teeth, but this sounds better. So, what is Nirupam persisting about? The Congress MP, who was once a loyal Sena guy, decided he had to speak up for North Indians, obviously as a pre-electoral move with the BMC polls coming up:

“North Indians play a crucial role in Mumbai. We are told that we, Hindi-speaking migrants, are a burden on Mumbai. This is not true. Actually, it is we who bear Mumbai’s burden…if north Indians make up their mind, they can bring Mumbai to a halt.”

1. 1. I am not sure if this can have any major impact on local polls; most of the immigrant workers are registered in their villages and towns and do not vote, so they are not a real vote-bank in the next level assembly elections. It only helps the politician to give a more cosmopolitan face to the varied constituencies the city is peppered with.
2. 2. Bringing the city to a halt should not surprise anyone because the Sena has done it in the past with its bandhs, ‘spontaneous’ strikes and its hold on the trade unions.
3. 3. There is no single body of North Indians and they are unlikely to get together to halt the city.
4. 4. It has become a largely north-centric fight, when there are many South Indians and Bengalis too in the city. We are dealing with regionalism on a larger scale than is being made out.

In a rather surprising move, the report states:

Uddhav has asked the Congress to clarify if it endorses Nirupam’s remarks. “Balasaheb Thackeray had, in his Dussehra rally address, warned that there was a conspiracy to delink Mumbai from Maharashtra. Nirupam’s Nagpur speech has confirmed our fears.”

Mumbai does not need to be physically/technically delinked; it already is. If the Sena is so concerned about all of Maharashtra, why is it that there aren’t too many reports of the party workers beating up someone in Satara or even Ralegaon Sidhdhi, Anna Hazare’s fielfdom? Simple. Few people migrate to the small towns and villages. It is the lucre of Mumbai that attracts people, or the illusion of it.

Like every other party, the Sena too would not want any such delink simply because they too would lose out on big icapital. How many trade unions does the Sena control in the towns, except for the industrial belts?

It is interesting that they want an answer from Sharad Pawar, the Sugar King of Satara, for they know that they have to safeguard the monetary interests just in case they come to power or can benefit in some way from kickbacks and scams.

As for the Sanjay Nirupam Congress talk, it is all hot air. Had he still been with the Shiv Sena the teeth they are threatening he will be forced to swallow would have been biting the same North Indians.

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In another case about disparities, actor Shiney Ahuja is angry. He ‘features’ in an ad for a mobile company. I was put off by it when I first saw it, but for a reason entirely different from the one Shiney has sent a legal notice for: that it takes a dig at his case.

His case is that he was convicted for raping his maid and later released on bail following an appeal. The ad amounts to “willful character assassination”. It shows a young woman exclaiming, “Shiney bought me a new 'Bling' (the name of the cellphone). Her friend retorts, “He bought me one too”, flashing the handset.

Soon a phone rings and it belongs to the maid. They look surprised and more so when she says, “What? Saab bought me one.”

The ad has been taken off air. Shiney’s publicist issued a statement:

“As we know, Shiney had challenged his conviction and the Bombay High Court has admitted his appeal, which is currently pending hearing. For the mobile company to air such a commercial influencing public opinion when Shiney's appeal is pending hearing, is equivalent to contempt of court.”

Shiney and his wife have given extensive interviews where they have tried to ‘influence public opinion’. (My questions remain unchanged.) He has signed films and will be a visible figure, maybe even a good one. What put me off about the ad is not the Shiney factor, but the class aspect. It seems okay for two spoilt young women to be given gifts by the same man, but they are shocked when the maid even possesses it. Her expression is one of guilt, as though owning what the great Indian dream tells us is now a ubiquitous gadget even in the villages is wrong. Besides, a maid being given a gift makes her suspect. Why are those two women not suspect for being he beneficiaries of what the man has given them?

The company may say that it is fictional but it is obviously a dig, and if they call this humour then honestly they have yet to discover where the funny bone exists. It is time the ad companies realised that helpers have mobile phones; not all are gifts. They are available cheap. And if they are given these, it is by their employers who want to keep in touch and know what time they will report for work. This is a job necessity, not to please some saab.

It is not Shiney but the domestic help sector that should be objecting. But, of course, Shiney gets to stay in the news. By hook or by crook.

Here is the ad:

Rahul’s 99%, Bloodied Diamonds and Guinea-pig Children

He is so stupid. Why did he say that? Now? Rahul Gandhi made the mistake of in some circuitous way accepting vulnerability and in a manner of speaking, one hopes, accepting responsibility:

"It is very difficult to stop every single terror attack in the country. Terrorism is something that is impossible to stop all the time. But 99 per cent of terror attacks had been stopped due to strong vigilance and intelligence efforts.”

There is the usual hoo-haa. It demoralises the force. (No one mentions sniffer dogs.) It means anyone can come in. (No, it means more people can come in because we have porous borders and enemies within.) It means the government has no spine. (It does not for other reasons, but do we want a war?) It means politicians are ignorant. (Quite a few are, but check out how many insurgent groups are inside our shores and how many governments help them along.)


For those who have been crying for accountability, Rahul Gandhi’s statement can be read as such, and I hope he does not say he was misquoted. It does not mean the government must not do anything. It only conveys the facts as they are in countries that are as fractious as ours.


I am surprised he said something like this, though, and did not let some syrup drip out of his mouth.

Right corner of TOI's masthead a day after - a headache?

Are politicians the only opportunists? People were bending down over bleeding bodies of strangers. The city was alive to helplessness. Or so we thought. Until the cameras closed in on hands rummaging in pockets looking for diamonds.


Cameras dripping with rains captured the sorrow and the anger. It was raining tears from hair. Umbrellas do not convey pathos.


Computer graphics twirled many times over, large white chunks like ice blocks in bold font dated: 26/11 – 13/7. This is history. History that you can reach out to, archived like loose leaves where autumn is spring.


There were no terrorist attacks before that. Remember. What you have not seen extensively on television does not exist.


Anupam Kher was talking about the common man and not “socialites”. He was among them in November 2008. Those same people who were talking about the fucking spirit of the city as they came out are now asking, “What resilience?” It is unbelievable. Have they really changed even if their chants remain the same against the powers that hides their power? Bhaag, bhosdi ke, bhaag. That’s the gut reality. D.K.Bose is in fact a successful mofo, an internet trawler downloading mishit doi cum.


Studios were trussed up for mourning. I did not watch the khabardars and the vardats, where men and women scream about “Hatya”, murder.


Kher was representing the Mumbaikar. He sometimes represents the smalltowner from Shimla, sometimes the Kashmiri Pandit. He can represent anything. He was also representing America. See how after 9/11 nothing happened there and they finally killed the man who perpetrated it, he said. I liked perpetrated. It sounded good.


V Balachandran, former cabinet special secretary, wrote in the Times of India:

After 9/11, the US totally re-oriented its earlier internal security doctrine of placing responsibility only on government agencies such as FBI and state police. It found out that 100 different departments, including private infrastructure, communications and transport bodies, had a vital role to play in internal security. So, the DHS set up joint management centres across the country, enlisting all these agencies in deciding strategy and implementation of all aspects of internal security, especially terrorism. Regular training exercises are held by them.

All very good. But, has anyone bothered to check how many attempts have been made at all on the US? What America did was to make people strip down to their socks, to generate hype and, worst of all, to order pre-emptive strikes only because it was afraid. The US was safe because it was hitting other countries. Osama will get Obama the votes. Maybe.


But, the US model is a mirage. It looks nice, but isn’t there.


Everything sounds good on a rainy day in Mumbai.


No, wait, it does not.


Mumbai Mirror, the city newspaper, reached the nadir of opportunism: 

“Bogeymen, monsters and unnameable made children of the last generation wet their pants at night; this generation has the terrorist. Omnipresent terror has weighed on young minds and we asked them to put a face to it.”

They put up those paintings with descriptions by the children. How can anyone do this? Do we want this terrorism to stay to sell our papers, our TV shows, our souls?


The paper had the gall to pontificate:

Reassuring is the fact no faith or race was associated with the terrorists - they were just male adults, with shades of feared teachers and a job that involves explosives and bombs.

A child's work

Here are a few descriptions:

• That's his blood on his clothes. Women terrorists plant bombs and men terrorists shoot people. Terrorists are in their 20s.

• Terrorists are from foreign countries and are jealous of us — of how big Mumbai is, how we live peacefully and our big buildings. That's why they want to take revenge and attack us.

• They kill and want others to kill too. That’s why they call the good, bad; and the bad, good. They are uneducated that’s why they kill others with guns and bombs.

• A man is planting a bomb in a school. He is a little tall and his job is to blow up places and kidnap people. 9.30 is the time on the bomb which I saw in a bomb-wala movie. He wants to kill every one. If I get scared about terrorists, I close my eyes and go to sleep.

• A terrorist looks like a very scary man. In my drawing, I have made a train station because I think that is what they want to attack. He looks ek dum kala. He is a tall man who is bald and has a thick beard.

• Terrorists are bad. Like pure evil. He has big ears, sharp, evil eyes and a mole. He’s dark and of medium height. He always attacks people.

All the negative emotions and stereotypes are there. You want to talk about innocence and make them regurgitate your fantasies? This is beyond sick.


Bhaag...and puke. 

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Updated, July 16, 6.58 PM:

"Why did you use that word? If you had to you could have just added dots." I got this in the mail. Let me explain. It is a Hindi cuss word. I used it deliberately. "Bhaag, DK Bose, bhaag" is a song in the film 'Delhi Belly' and it is a cleverly used so that when it is repeated fast it sounds like the cuss word I mentioned. I am not Aamit Khan or a socialite and I was exposing hypocrisy at several levels. There are people who want to curse the shit out of politicians and won't use the word as it is, even with dots. Besides, cussing does not solve the problem. But then, who wants to?

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My poem 'Blind' written in 2009 still seems relevant.

Mumbai blasts: No time for hype

Mumbai blasts. Wednesday, July 13. Time 6.50-7.00 pm. Within ten minutes three densely populated areas of the city were targeted. (There is some information that the timeframe was longer, contradicting reports.) This was coordinated despite the places being not in close proximity - Zaveri Bazaar, Dadar Kabutarkhana and Opera House. 21 people have died and 113 injured according to the last reports.

Gruesome pictures are being posted. Will it solve the case or just add spice to the tragedy?

Worse, politicians, the media and public had open access to the areas and were walking around them. The police had not placed barricades in time and crucial evidence could be lost.

A few points:

1. Why are political groups and people demanding to know who is behind it when the chief minister and home minister have already announced it is a terrorist attack?

2. Why are some people connecting it with the November 2008 attacks?

3. Why is it that each time there is a terrorist attack in India people are asked to maintain communal harmony? Can we not make a bloody difference between the two aspects?

4. News channels have emphasised that the areas were mainly populated by Gujarati businessmen. Dadar is not. And there are others working in these places. Unless there is information that the idea was to target Gujarati businessmen, such information is counterproductive. Does it not negate the call for harmony?

5. How important is it for celebrities to be quoted barely a couple of hours later condemning the attack?

6. The helpline numbers and blood donations should be used only by those and for those in need. Choking hospitals won't help.

7. Why are some people smirking over how there will now be conspiracy theories? The fact is that such acts are conspiracies.

Who kills investigative reporters?

An investigative reporter is shot dead in Mumbai. J.Dey, a senior journalist with Mid-day, covered the crime beat. He was recently looking into the oil mafia.

It is always pause for contemplation when someone doing his job is ruthlessly murdered.

I did not know him and cannot claim much acquaintance with his work. From what I have read, he knew a lot about the underworld activities. As we gather from news reports all the time, the underworld is not a terribly hush-hush underground movement. Their kin produce films, they sponsor Ganesh pandals, openly celebrate weddings and own real estate.

It is important to nail the killers because someone is trying to muzzle information. The usual suspects would be those he wrote about. He would have had access to some insiders. Do they necessarily constitute gangsters?

Let me veer a bit from this unfortunate incident.

Several years ago in what I had thought was a pertinent observation (subsequently I have mentioned it often), I had written in a column wondering how reporters have access to some underworld characters and quote them; I had mentioned a specific article in the news then. Why could the police not follow the lead that was staring them in the face? How could they pretend ignorance when a real conversation took place between real people?

As it turned out, my query was not considered innocent. The reporter was summoned by a police official. I got to know about it much later when the journalist who I did not know personally at the time told me about it. "You almost got me arrested," he said. I reckon he did not call me immediately because it would seem alarmist and make me even more curious.

Why were the cops not interested in arresting the culprits? How did he get the information.

Sources. That's the tricky word. The sources don't drop from the sky or just saunter in. They need to be cultivated. The beat is not kind, nor the hunt for scoops equal.

The underworld is a vile world but not too different from extremist groups - separatist or political establishment. My piece on Pakistani journalist Shahzad's murder tried to explore some factors.

Gangsters do not have a reputation to protect. They could wreak vengeance to make a point if one of them is in danger of being exposed or likely to squeal. For them media exposure is an asset because it conveys what they want to the government and rival groups.

Dey had written about underworld lingo. The cops know it; they also know the code words and what they mean. They only don't seem to have 'evidence'. Police personnel get killed too but we have cases where fake encounter cops have been in cahoots the mafia.

There are forces that benefit from the status quo. This is the real underworld where a coverup operation can be as mercenary as it is secretive.

(c) Farzana Versey

Joy Maharashtra

Imagine had it not been for today 51 years ago, Maharashtra would have been playing footsie with Modi's Gujarat. On May 1, the separation of the two states took place bifurcating the old Bombay state.

The success of Maharashtra is that the Gujaratis have been such an intrinsic part of it and not just financially, although that is a factor. Mumbai is undoubtedly the fulcrum. It isn't the heart of the state; it is the pair of legs - toned, sleek, long but with calves that curve with mischievous intent, and as the legs cross you get a peek into what it has always wallowed in. Basic instinct.

Of course, Maharashtra is more, and I can think of so many memories.

My Puneri sarees bought from a small shop in Lakshmi Road, often the local nine-yard one that I'd use to get extra pleats as well as add to the choli blouse, buying bhakarvadi, riding the Deccan Queen, eating at Dorabjee's, picking up Shrewsburry and ginger biscuits from Kayani's Bakery and watching 'Ghashiram Kotwal' on its last legs with the original cast as a guest of Dr. Mohan Agashe, who just minutes before he was to perform the lead role of Nana Phadnavis was sitting at the ticket counter.

There was the Osho Ashram and long before I went in, I had watched a man in saffron robes meditating with open eyes at the park- limpid eyes that could be meditated upon. I was called back and returned to the real world of Maganlal chikki saved from Lonavla.

There was the village in Mahad where I had gone with some NGO, and we sat in this huge room on a frayed chatai with men in white topis discussing important matters. We spent the night at a nearby guest house and heard dogs barking. In the village there was a beauty parlour and many young women wore sunglasses; their hair was braided and tied with colourful ribbons. I saw the puppet makers, the dancers, the women who cooked in the light from gas lamps.

There was me hitching a ride on a truck because there was no public transport beyond Uran to get to the rehab place in the interiors where I wanted to pay a surprise visit.

There was the meal of thick chapattis with dry dal and garlic chutney, sitting on the floor with women who were once sex workers.

There was the government circuit house that smelled of old jasmine strings worn by the women who had danced for our fat cats the night before. And then there was fried eggs with soggy toast at 6 PM overlooking the lush greenery that only the privileged can afford.

There was a cinema hall in a small town where we could sit anywhere. No popcorn here but hot batata vadas and chaha (tea).

Tea. Cutting chai that is cooked till it looks mean and dark and is then offered in a saucer, the better if it is chipped.

There was Satish at Ganeshpuri who trapped aliens from Mumbai at the bus stand but introduced me to the cheapest and most delicious thali. There was me ordering poha, palak, roti and puranpoli and shrikhand along with 'rice plate' only to realise that rice plate had almost everything. At night he lustily danced to religious music. His plea was to get him a chance in Bollywood because he could shake his pelvis like Mithun Chakraborthy. He was stuck on Disco Dancer.

There is Bollywood. Nothing comes close and nothing can be further from it. Like Dharavi, it has a little of everything and everyone. It lives on other people's dreams. It lives for the day but will outlast the years without growing old.

I open the cupboard and spot the green and maroon saree and can feel the jostling of people in Dadar where I bought it from and the taste of dahi misal I had eaten later at TT Circle still lingering in my mouth . I touch the soft cotton fabric and it has my history woven in it. The history of a day that doesn't fade.

Waiting for Dawood

There are no toilet seat images of the betrothed couple, but this wedding is no less important than the Buckingham Palace one. Moin Palace in Karachi is named after Moin Ibrahim, who is the son of our own monarch in hiding – Dawood Ibrahim. He did what all good sons do when their fathers have a heart attack: he got married. The bride’s father has no criminal record but is a good friend of Dawood.

Our newspapers have quoted the police as saying that this is their big opportunity to nab the “elusive gangster”. If they know all the details about his empire, his houses, his relationships, his family members, his Bollywood and political connections (no police connections, huh?), and they also know he was playing cards when his heart gave warning signs, then they should have got him by now.

Why is it that someone in his family has to get married for them to get all charged up? This sounds like those gate-crashers getting ready for dinner and some fun. According to a report:

Sensing a rare opportunity to get close to the most-wanted man in the country, Mumbai police and security agencies have begun digging for the trail of invites, which have allegedly gone out from Karachi and into the homes of several famous homes in the city.

“We have seen images and footage of Dawood’s earlier parties where several known faces were in attendance. We know that many of them have been invited this time as well. We are checking on all those who were associated with Dawood at one time or another.”

If the images were of earlier parties why are they dilly-dallying? Does anyone remember how the news channels went into overdrive during his daughter’s wedding reception at the Grand Hyatt in Dubai? They had parked themselves behind the trees with zoom lenses and all we got was shaky camera-work. And nothing at all from the investigating agencies who managed a free holiday.

This will be repeated. Dawood Ibrahim, Tiger Memon, Anees Ibrahim and Shakeel Ansari are not going to be at the gate to welcome guests or even on stage. The fact that the don’s business is spread across continents and he can move with such ease should tell us that he is a protected species. And if the cops know who he is hobnobbing with, then knock on their doors here. Why wait for the band, baaja, baarat?

Open Letter to the Police Commissioner, Mumbai

Sir:

I have received a notice from your office that has been sent to some local police stations and thence to the relevant buildings regarding an “imminent terrorist threat” and the precautions to be taken. I understand the importance of security measures, but most of the points you have brought in are applicable on a day-to-day basis and they are not followed. Therefore, what is the value of informing the citizens that this will be on until January 1st? What happens after that?

Within two kilometres of where I live, there is every place of worship and several bars and restaurants with liquor permits. On New Year’s Eve I believe most places will be allowed to remain open until the early hours of dawn and people will be drunk. Who will the cops keep an eye out for - those who might indulge in drunken misbehaviour or those who are praying? How do you judge suspicious-looking characters? The milkman may have a mean-looking moustache but is a hardworking guy who is earning his livelihood. You insist he should have an ID card when he visits the building everyday. You want those who deliver groceries and other essentials to show proof that they are who they are. The security guards should be more vigilant. Why only now? They should always be vigilant. You have not said anything about firecrackers; their sounds can create havoc both literally and figuratively.

The intelligence agencies have discovered that four terrorists have turned up in our megapolis. I find that rather curious. They have made sketches of these guys, which means they have no photographs and they have not been ever caught before. Apparently, they are supposed to hit at certain areas during the holiday season. This has created a fear psychosis and will only make the already pampered sections feel more pampered. They go around with personal bodyguards as well as police protection when there are extortion or other threats from the underworld.

I would like to know whether the letter I got has also been sent to the slums, for within this radius there are slum colonies too, the ones that have not been bulldozed yet or been forced out by builders who are part of the system. I don’t mind the naka-bandi, I don’t mind the frisking, the checking of vehicles. But do not invest too much power in the local residence associations. The tendency to become keepers of society can be a power trip. And they will create their own sub-sects of what and who is suspicious.

No one bothers when there is work going on in residences and labourers walk in and out without the owners bothered about being at home and putting their neighbours at risk; the security keeps no track and the incidence of crime can increase in such cases too. Therefore, how would filling in details in the security register help? Can people not lie? Most societies do not have watchmen from reputed firms, so who will keep track of them?

And why the need to sound apologetic about the presence of police personnel? This itself reveals that there is paranoia, not only about terrorists but the police force.

I assure you of all help, but I would also want to be assured that the poor people are not harassed only because they look suspicious to the rich, and that those drunken sods don’t mow down people sleeping in the footpaths or molest or ‘eve tease’ women and get away with it, and the noise decibels do not reach dangerous levels in what are clearly residential localities and there are hospitals around, too. Should there be any unfortunate mischief in a place of worship it should be treated as just that and not a terrorist act. We have seen this sort of cow-pig thing happen before, so let us grow up.

As a citizen and a loyal Mumbaikar, I do so hope that we can enter the new year when our minds are without fear.

Sincerely,
FV

PS: I hope you will keep the media out or else we will hear no end to stories of celebrities who just missed a potential threat by a whisker and how the bhajiwalla became a braveheart.

Marathons and men

Instead of filing a police complaint or refusing to run the race in a sponsored marathon event, actress Gul Panag has gone to the media. Or else no one would know that she was groped. Her reason for highlighting the incident ought to reveal the genuine problems faced by women everyday, but what we see here is a diatribe against Delhi culture and story of personal bravery.

Since she was brushed against in an inappropriate manner at the starting point of the race where the crowd took advantage, there are chances of other women participants having experienced something similar. Had she raised an alarm and alerted the authorities, it would have probably resulted in some arrests.

“Against which one of the 400 odd people I was stacked with at starting point shall I file a complaint?”

It would have at least sent out a clear message. These marathons are for specific reasons/causes and participants often include celebrities who are roped in for their fame. The point is that the organisers need to be careful. Many changes in civic law have taken place when people have brought such incidents to notice as examples. She says:

“Of course I’ll run again. I am a fighter.”

What exactly has she fought against or for? It is also a bit odd when she states:

"I won't advocate running around the city to women in Delhi. When you are at a busy junction here, you won't know who has touched your butt or pressed your breasts. It has to be the ugliest experience for a woman, but here you have no choice but get used to it.”

There are a multitude of women who need to use public transport and the roads to walk and run. They have no choice. And I think people know what groping means so this explanation of where women get touched is wholly unnecessary when dealing with a sensitive issue.

Then there is this thing about Delhi. I always love to hear someone lambasting the city!

"I am not at all shocked by the instance. It is most likely to happen if you are in Delhi. I just wonder when it's going to change, the typical north Indian male mentality. Just by having pretty roads and good infrastructure at places, you cannot sit back with a Capital city that's totally unsafe. It is difficult being a woman in Delhi.”

It is, but there are women living and working there. The local trains in Mumbai aren’t exactly havens if you happen to travel in the general compartment. Crowded places aren’t much different here. Our police chowkies have been rape dens and there is sexual harassment in the workplace here too.

While I detest Delhi as an idea, and having worked there for a bit to know it well enough, I dislike the branding of men and women in regional or race terms. The north Indian male mentality would be evident then even among those who live elsewhere. And if the South, West and East do not suffer from such a mentality, then we should check out the figures of women-related crimes in these places. No paragons of virtue in those.

I do not know what the expose has achieved and there is still time for her to register a complaint. Perhaps the organisers can be pulled up. Unless the organisers must not be?


End note:

"Pope softens up on condoms"

I thought TOI had finally come up with a rather lovely headline, till I did a quick check and found that it was not original. Hard as it gets, eh?

Muslims on a leash...

...held by Shiv Sena and Modi's men

When the Shiv Sena and the Maharashtra Navnirman Sena start protecting Muslims, it is time for our antennae to go up. They are parochial parties, and the former’s role in the Bombay riots and its communal stance is well-known.

The case of Majid Khan that I had written about - Dogs allowed, but not Muslims - has taken a turn because these two parties have done the turncoat act from their positions. They went to the building from where he was barred, held a meeting with the society members and asked them if they had a problem with a Muslim staying there.

“Until the Sainiks went there on Monday, some elements prohibited me from even going anywhere near the society. But the Sainiks insisted that I go with them there and sit in the very house that I had rented,” said Majid.

One can well imagine his relief. There will be a general feeling that the SS is doing something concrete and it does not believe in discrimination. Right now Majid Khan is only a Muslim; they probably have not asked whether he is from Bihar or UP or Tamil Nadu. They cannot afford to expose their hypocrisy and will play their cards well. As one of their members said:

“We have made it clear that we will give him 24-hour protection during his family’s stay in the building. Irrespective of who opposes him, we will stand by Majid. The idea is to send out a clear message that a person should not be ostracised because of caste, creed or religion.”

This is frightening. They have held a Muslim man captive and he is supposed to owe the roof over his head to them. If anyone has to give him 24-hour protection then it ought to be the cops, not a political party. This is not the Sena’s private durbar. This is not Chembur’s Panchayati Raj with some mukhya sitting and deciding.

If the Shiv Sena is honest, it should have helped Majid Khan file a police case, as I mentioned.

I am also struck by the photograph of the family. Had the man been a ‘typical’ Muslim, then would the Sena have come forward? This looks like any urban family, and personally it is how they are and many of us are. But a clean-shaven pant-shirt Majid with a Hindu wife has definitely played a role. I can imagine some SS blokes slapping their thighs and saying that this is how Muslims should be to belong to the mainstream, never mind that they go around looking like half-baked godmen themselves.

There is no message here and instead of the society members being made an example of narrow-minded discriminatory tactics, it is Majid Khan who has been made an example of the Muslim who will be forced to cop-out and become a ‘protected’ species.

Would he have dared oppose the Shiv Sena’s interference? No. And in that No lies the story of what threat really means.

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The business of protection against threat has become very important.

IPS officer Rajkumar Pandiyan, accused of killing Sohrabudin in a fake encounter in Ahmedabad in collusion with cops D G Vanzara and Dinesh MN, on Monday said he should have been honoured by the country for eliminating the most dreaded criminal instead of being put behind bars.

Sohrabuddin Sheikh and his wife were kidnapped and locked up in a farmhouse in November 2005. He was then dragged to a spot and shot dead, with one of the big cops asking his men to take the body to the civil hospital. Two days later his wife Kausar bi was burnt to death. The initial CBI reports did recreate the scene.

It will be recalled that top officials were transferred by Narendra Modi’s government to protect them. Now Ram Jethmalani will be able to appeal the case of Pandiyan even though his client says he killed Sohrabudin in a fake encounter.

Pandiyan wants to be feted because he believes he saved the nation from this threat. He obviously has little idea about what constitutes a nation and its laws. If the cops are really convinced and upto the task then they capture criminals and see to it that they are tried legally, and if at all they have to shoot, it is when they have evidence and a warrant. They do not lock them in farmhouses and then fake an encounter.

It is cowardly. And we still do not have a medal for cowardice.

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Picture of Majid Khan's family - Mumbai Mirror

Dogs allowed, but not Muslims

"At around 9.30, I was told that some locals had a problem with me being a Muslim. I was categorically asked to hand over the keys so that my belongings could be shifted out immediately. I was told that I shouldn't enter the building again or I would be hurt."

Majid Khan and his wife Gayatri had signed an agreement, gone through police verification and shifted their belongings to enter their new rented home on May 1.

The owner Jyoti Rege told Mumbai Mirror, that ran the story, he did not want to rent his flat out anymore.

V Ramnathan, the chairman of the building, Venkatesh Sadan at Chembur, said, “We were warned that no Muslims should live here. In any case, all the flat-owners here have decided not to allow him (Majid).”

The estate agent who brokered the deal confirmed that the owner had no option but to back out. He and Rege will compensate Majid Khan with Rs. 21,000 for the expenses incurred to shift his belongings, apart from returning the rent and deposit amount.

This is, of course, not the first case. Here, even though the wife is a Hindu there was a problem. It is the sheer temerity with which they are keeping Muslims out that is worrying. These are local citizens. The cops had cleared Majid, a businessman.

I only hope he files a case against the building authorities, the owner and the residents. No one can renege on an agreement just like that, that too at the last minute. There is also the threat angle. If some locals had pressurised the building society members, then the members have to identify those goons.

If none of these actions are taken, then the cops who gave Majid the clean chit need to be dragged to court as well.

Will Majid Khan do this? Is it worth the time and money? The residents do not even know the couple; it is not as though they had created any trouble. There is no tangible reason. This is clearly a case of discrimination based on religion.

The owner pleads helplessness; the society members will do the same. The ruffians will be blamed and since no one will recognise them, the case will be shut. All the Majid Khans in this super cosmopolitan city will be left to look for a nook that has only ‘their’ people although they do not think in this narrow manner.

I am sickened that few feel any anger about such situations anymore.

Good Cop, Bad Cop

It can’t be bigger than Bofors due to the sheer value, financial as well as regarding security measures, attached to the gun deal. However, the scam regarding bullet proof vests is itself a big deal.

The CBI has arrested three people, including one bribe-giver, for exposing an officer of the home ministry for taking Rs. 10 lakh.

R.K. Gupta’s company manufactures defence equipment and he feels he is being targeted because he exposed the cartel:

“This is an act of revenge. I and my wife studied at IITs. We are paying the price for blowing the lid off the scam. This is bigger than Bofors. We will have more (Hemant) Karkares if such elements are allowed to have their say in the decision-making process.”

Surprisingly, the CBI prosecutor investigating into the case, instead of expressing any views on the officials, said:

“We are not a puppet investigation agency. The CBI does not work under the MHA, and it carries on the probe independently. We have a CD of their taped conversation and this court can hear it. The accused is saying he is a whistleblower, but at the same time he was bribing the accused official.”

He could well be both. In fact, if he is the briber, then the case gets more credence. The problem is that everyone wants to sound holier-than-thou. The bullet proof vest controversy came to light after the killing of ATS chief Hemant Karkare, and more so after his widow filed a PIL.

No one can deny that those jackets were not upto the required standard, if any such standard is laid down at all. There weren’t sufficient numbers. If we want our police force to be ready and do not want a blockbuster where we have to bring in commandos, then we have to make them feel empowered.

There are, no doubt, instances of cops being the bad guys, several instances. But, there are many who want to do their jobs as best as they can. We have seen photographs of them in makeshift tents, where they did not have basic facilities and had to use the local shauchalaya even to bathe.

Just harping on coast guards is not going to take away the terror that exists everyday for the ordinary individual, especially the vulnerable segments.

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Talking of which, it was wonderful to read about Parivartan, an initiative by the Delhi Police, that has only women beat constables. A report in The Hindu quoted Sagar Preet Hooda, DCP (North), who is responsible for this:

“Police can't be everywhere, this is a mechanism to help us prevent crime against women, not just in public places but in their homes too. The beat constables are in constant touch with the colony women, they share their mobile numbers with them so that they can contact them in trouble. Women bond easily with women and that they know someone in the police gives these vulnerable women a sense of confidence to fight crime not just for them but for the neighbours too. We have cases where people complained against domestic violence in the neighbourhood and we have intervened.”

There are NGOs, but they too have to report to the police. In this case, there is direct contact and the very presence of the cops can act as a deterrent. Even more heartening is that it concentrates on the poorer localities and conducts workshops to train women in self-defence.

Let me play devil’s advocate for a bit: are these cops given the licence to shoot? Bonding is good, having authority figures around is better, but will these female constables act if necessary? Do they have weapons that work? We are informed that crime rate has reduced. Have there been any concrete examples of a rape being prevented? These vigils are in colonies and colonies have hierarchies. Do the cops get to choose their beat?

Despite these nitpicking queries, I think it is an important move, especially since domestic cases can be solved at the ground level rather than being dragged to court.

This sounds like real fast-track justice rather than the trumped up ones that the courts flaunt in celebrity cases.

Mukesh Ambani's India

Mukesh bhai is a smart cat – he used the Mumbai/Marathi taxi driver controversy to push the Indian liberalisation idea.

During a panel discussion at the London School of Economics he reportedly said that while India’s corporate world had moved away from ‘licence Raj’ after economic liberalisation, Mumbai’s “poor taxi-wala is still dealing with licence Raj”. The gathering applauded.

He was telling the diaspora achievers, “The achievements of our diaspora help India, but now is the time to come back. There are more opportunities in India.”

How have the achievements of the diaspora helped India? What diaspora is he talking about? The LSE-Ivy League one. The success stories. The return carrot is being dangled because it will make the liberalisation more acceptable.

His is a limited perspective. “We are all Indians first. Mumbai, Chennai and Delhi belong to all Indians. That is the reality.”

What about Jamshedpur, Junagadh, Singur, Nandigram? Why are the areas where the real money is made left out? They must not belong to everyone because that is where the riches will spurt from.

If we return to the first statement I quoted, his amnesia is palpable. Dhirubhai Ambani can be called the father of the Licence Raj. It was used rather effectively. Now, just because the son is sanctified by Forbes and, don’t forget, the brothers had managed to get the father legitimised by Wharton, the licence Raj is considered wrong. The “poor taxi-wala” got applause from an audience that will never have to deal with such situations; they are reaping the harvest of this same licence Raj that their parents made use of.

The issue is not of getting permits, but of not being permitted on parochial lines. Has Mukesh Ambani asked the cab drivers or the masala-papad waalas abroad to return? They too face discrimination in countries they have migrated to – be it on the basis of religion, language or place of origin.

Exhibiting Sex?

I thought we'd finally realised the importance of erotica when I read about the proposed sex museum in Mumbai.

Turns out that it will educate people about sex and sexually transmitted diseases; more importantly, about HIV and AIDS as it will have a "walk -through" to explain the new developments in the field

Some points:

* Would this qualify as a museum, since it serves no historical or aesthetic purpose? There are science museums but larger programmes being deliberated upon in them.

* Did the BMC manage to get space only in the Leprosy Hospital? This immediately puts sexuality and its resultant ailments in the category of real illnesses. I am not shunning leprosy, which needs to fight another battle for understanding. But, how are the two connected?

* What is the purpose of talking about such a museum as an attraction? Will tourists visit it to learn about the exotic Indian version of sexual diseases? Will young people truly benefit from such knowledge? Is some government organisation going to decide and will it, therefore, suffer from prudish ideas and red-tapism?

When we should be outsourcing, we don't. It would be ideal to get a business house to put up works of art, slide shows, history of sexual mores from the past to contemporary times. There could be a section on commercial sex work too since we encounter it in the street as also in cinema. It is time to face reality head-on.

It need not be salacious. This teachy preachy attitude does put people off.

The reason I mentioned private ownership is because they will display it well and there is little fear of exploitation because they are as afraid of sex mucking up their reputation. Imagine being pulled up for a sexually-loaded misintepretation!

The governmnent will anyway have the power to revoke the license.

Just let us get over this sex as education. If that is the intention, the BMC can put one of those guys selling oils and herbs to educate people about how to get rid of 'patlapan' and other weaknesses. Or they could have an astro parrot picking out cards to read out the fate of sinners.

Heck, I am making this sound interesting. No. A sex museum has got to celebrate sexuality and not make it into a malady or make a mockery of a malady that arises only partially due to sexual contact.

Show us the stuff we are made of.

Taxi, Taxi

I thought it was Raj Thackeray. But it was Maharashtra chief minister, Ashok Chavan, trying to convince us that is was important that taxi drivers in Mumbai will get a licence only if they are domiciled in the city for 15 years and can read, write and speak in Marathi.

This is not the Shiv Sena, but we must remember that Mumbai’s psyche has subconsciously imbibed the SS ideology. It is part of the anti-immigration move. Most commentators wonder how a cosmopolitan city can be like this. It is precisely the cosmopolitanism that is causing the problems. We are dealing with several types and now have them pushed against the wall based on different factors – religion, region, language, economic status, education.

Most cabbies are from Uttar Pradesh and Bihar. As always, the cities biggies are saying, oh, let us stop them for a month and see how the city suffers. That is not the point. This is a selfish way of looking at things.

How many passengers can read, write and speak in Marathi? Even if they do, most prefer to speak in English or Hindi. English because it makes them appear superior and Hindi because it is the language of Bollywood. I have seen yuppie types converse in ‘Bhai’ underworld lingo! It is not unusual to watch a Raju driver type being addressed as “Boss, idhar say right turn maarna…oye baap, oopar bhejneka chance mangta kya?”

I have tried conversing in some Marathi with cabbies who insist on responding in Hindi. They are either sensitive about my lack of fluency or prefer to use another language.

The other argument about domicile would make sense if the Marathi drivers knew the city as well. The reason given is that they should be able to identify addresses. This is a problem, and I have encountered Marathi-speaking drivers who do not know.

Instead, there should be a system of a central office that can provide such details. With low mobile phone rates, it is not too difficult.

With the advent of private taxis, this will be a huge blow to the black-yellow cabs. Instead of language skills, there should be other mandatory rules – like insistence on running the meter, being polite to passengers, not refusing to ply to certain areas, clearly indicating the timings that a particular cab operates.

An anecdote during the month of Ramzan is worth repeating. I had to reach the airport. No cabs anywhere in sight. Finally, I found one. There was a traffic jam and he started grumbling about getting the wrong place to go to in Marathi to someone on his cellphone. I ignored him. Then the vehicle behind brushed against his cab. He got out, there was a fight and finally upon discovering there was no damage he returned. He started on this spiel about how he would get delayed for breaking his fast.

I started talking on my cellphone and did the Muslim act by interspersing the conversation with “mashallah, inshallah” and ended with "Khuda hafiz”. When we were close to our destination, he said he did not know where the terminal was. I directed him, although all the signs were there.

I had not realised that he had not stared the meter. “Soch-samajh ke de do (give what you think best).”

“Hum pehli baar airport nahin aaye. Seedha bataa do, yeh ginti karma hamara kaam nahin hai (It isn’t the first time I am going to the airport. Tell me straight, I am nto here to count),” I said.

He demanded four hundred for a ride that costs not more than 250 bucks.

I had no choice and he knew it. I did tell him clearly, though, that this was nto the amount and he said he had come all the way and was getting late.

This was getting too much, so after paying him, I did not shut the door, but peeped in and said, “Aapka roze rakhne ka koi faayda nahin. Asli roza hota agar aap tameez se pesh aate aur tareeke se meter chalate. Ab jao aur iftaar manao aur apne gunaah ki muafi maango. Hamara koi nuksaan nahin hua hai, aapka hua hai inn paison ko lene ke baad bhi.” (Keeping the fast has not helped you in any way. True roza is when you behave well and follow the rules. Now go break your fast and accept your mistake. I lost nothing but even with the additional charge you have.)

Azmi’s Raj and Amchi Mumbai

Abu Azmi had been going to town that he would not take the oath in Marathi long before he was sworn in. While Raj Thackeray’s goons from the MNS had no business to get rough with him in the legislative assembly, and follow it up with stone throwing at his house and business establishments, in many ways Azmi had laid the foundation.

Language chauvinism is as bad as any other sort, especially in cities that have a large immigrant population. There are two factors at play:

1. Those who force it down people
2. Those who oppose it even when they do not need to

Azmi says he is not fluent in Marathi and took the oath in Hindi. The script for the two languages is the same. He could have read it out in Marathi. How would it affect him if he said ‘shapath’ instead of ‘saugandh’, both of which mean oath? Part of the problem is that he belongs to the Samajwadi Party whose leader comes from the Hindi heartland, Uttar Pradesh, as do many of its prominent politicians. Azmi’s act in Maharashtra would probably affect the party’s reputation elsewhere.

Has he not put up Marathi signboards on his shoe shop and restaurants? Then, what is the need to make such a fuss beforehand so that those guys are prepared to act when the time comes? Who benefits? All of them. The MNS – with the Marathi maanus; Azmi – with the Hindi belt and for standing up for the national language; Congress – to have someone do their dirty work; Shiv Sena – for jumping in just when they were being dismissed off.

This must be noted. The media and even politicians have been too quick to end the Shiv Sena era and giving Raj Thackeray’s MNS more credit than it deserves. His party did get a few seats, but overall what was its showing? Can we not look at it in perspective? It may be a relatively new party that made its election debut, which is like welcoming a bride into her marital home. The saas will put her on test soon enough, not to forget that her training will be all thanks to her maika (Shiv Sena). Raj pits himself in opposition to his cousin Uddhav and not Bal Thackeray. It is a smart move being passed off as respect. Balasaheb has re-entered Sena Bhavan. Prince Charles, Uddhav, has to just watch as the Queen sits on the throne.

Make no mistake. Raj and the MNS have only managed to give the SS more respectability. As I have written earlier, Raj was the fall guy and will remain so. The goons are with him, but not the real ammunition.

If only dogs could talk...

A cabbie has been arrested for sexual intercourse with a canine. He believes he cannot be sentenced because it is a stray and not a pet dog!

Mahesh Kamat while appearing before the court appealed for bail because the cops could not record the statement of the victim.

He has been slapped on two charges – unnatural sex and cruelty against animals. The first one is the controversial Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code (IPC), which includes gays and heterosexuals indulging in what the law deems as abnormal. Dogs and other animals are included.

The newspapers have branded this bizarre. I wish they had asked a few more questions.

What I find strange is that the cops in Mumbai, who are extremely lax about sexual abuse of women and little boys and in fact have been caught in rape cases themselves, are cockily announcing that they have enough evidence against him, including DNA and forensic reports. This is the same police force that does not reach crucial areas of attacks and riots on time and is ill-equipped. Cases of rash driving resulting in death and molestation cases take years if they ever manage to reach the courts.

These are the same cops that look the other way as strays are put to sleep by the municipal authorities. Suddenly, they are concerned about animal cruelty. It is believed that the offence disturbed the residents of the area. I really am wondering what this taxi driver was upto. Doggie with doggie is noisy enough and one may understand the dog’s reluctance. I do believe that humans are the only species that commit sexual crimes.

This man is obviously a pervert. But if the residents were disturbed, why did they not intervene? The cops have got evidence, which means they must have reached the place of the crime pretty much around the time after it happened, if not during, to know which particular dog it was. Strays are fairly visible in the city and I doubt if they have tell-tale signs that show specific abuse by men. Were these people watching the show and then decided to act?

Would the man be so foolish as to do it in full public view? And what is this about it being a stray and not a pet dog? It is like saying that the homeless have less of a right to their bodies than people who live in houses. This incident reveals that even for the animal kingdom the human mind uses hierarchies. The poodles leashed with Prada collars are of course not as free as it may appear.

The cops wouldn’t know about lapdogs, would they?