The army, a jealous VHP and the kissing sanyasin

…all you wanted to know about Hindutva’s new package

Dekha na, hai re socha na

Though the army views Lt-Colonel Shrikant Prasad Purohit’s arrest in connection with the Malegaon blasts as “a one-off ’’ incident in the “apolitical and disciplined’’ 1.13-million strong force, it admits its reputation has been tarnished.

Lt-General army deputy chief (planning and systems) Lt-General S P S Dhillon said “though this is a freak incident, our image has been dented nevertheless.”

Oh, so it’s all about the image, stupid. Not a word about terrorism, about the role of the army, and the rule of law. And freak incident it is not, since there was planning that went in it. What does the Lt-General mean by:

“We have our own mechanism for keeping a check on these kind of things”?

Is this some special secret? Should the junta not be privy as to how to keep a check on these things? Teach us so we won’t need you to leave your jobs and march down curfew streets.

Uff-uff mirchi

Shrikant Purohit, who could impress many with his views on the need to retaliate against “jehadi terror’’, had managed to win over many VHP activists who found the Parishad’s agenda “too mild’’ for their taste. His organisation, Abhinav Bharat, gave them the exalted title of Chanakya—after the legendary advisor to the Mauryan emperor Chandragupta.

See, this is how the army’s loss is Hindutva's gain. They have a strategist who knows how the army works. They are the real angry young men; Advani has not yet complained of weak knees and imported some NRI doc to operate on them, like dear mukhota Vajpayee, but he is getting on. Just watching taare zameen par is not going to make him twinkle for long.

And there are reports that this Lt. Colonel is also a fitness buff. Brawn and brains can make lamb chops of the most hardened rival.

The rival as it turns out is Pravin Togadia.

VHP leader Pravin Togadia may have styled himself as a fire-spewing radical, but he feared being overshadowed by Purohit, the serving Lt Colonel who has been arrested for the Malegaon blast and who has since acknowledged his role in plotting the September 29 “revenge terror” act.

Everyone wants to get into this revenge thing.

Pravin bhai, wot is this? Some Purohit coming and taking away your whirr-whirr thunder and you left everything in Amrika, your doctori, to sit and look at beemar mans and womans? I am also Gujarat ni shaan (haan, haan, why we must be mo-dust?), we should jeevaanu shaan thi, marvaanu shaan thi…you better get up. You should be in national committee for making undhiyon, our Gujju speciality where all vegetable mixing with big balls of bajra, everyone chaatoing finger like it is french fry. Finger baba.

I know, I know, you look surprise why I taking your side suddenly. Inside actually I understand you deeply. I know you are making mark with stains but you must not look like Modi bhai’s chamcha. You are big fat NRI. Put foot down…why peepuls say that…foot will be down only no? Haha…must laugh, otherwise all khunnas will remain inside and eat intestine.

You said, "No Hindu can be a terrorist."

Why? Not all Hindus eating daal-dhokla, sitting on khaat with thaat. I am not doing anymore rhyming or khaali-pilli I will get into trouble with Hajmola manufacturer.

You said, "I do not know Pragnya Singh at all.”

You want introduction? She will take you on ride on her bike. She is strong woman. Good choice. Not like Uma Bharti. No shame this sadhvi having. She slapped some party worker. Who knows Anil Rai, Bharatiya Jan Shakti (BJS) Chhindwara general secretary? Where is this Chhindwara firstly?

Reports said:

“She slapped him in full public view, then kissed him on the forehead for cameras and later gave up food to atone for her loss of control.”

What was loss of control no one explaining – the slap or the kiss? Now she is feeling bad and making stomach suffer. How Hindutva will fight Islamic terrorists on empty stomach? Once she also sat on Murli Manohar Joshi’s lap. I am telling you there is need to save Hindutva otherwise all this tamasha will make it look like some Ekta Kapoor serial: Sadhvi Bhi Kabhi Aurat Thi.

You take care, Pravin bhai, like Amrikanese say. You are like local James Bond martini – little shaken but not stirred.

Here, gift for your wall…

Muaah-muaah, Uma


  1. FV:

    If they arrest another three army officers tomorrow, will it still be "one-off"? Or will it then become a "threesome".

    Actually, you sound very prescient with all this. I remember your column and blogposts of a year back, when you had raised some valid questions about the Indian Army. Those who lambasted and abused you then should read that post again.

    There are no mechanisms for keeping check on such things. Yes, perhaps on checking the flow of information on such things.

    When the Army Chief and his successor go to brief the BJP party meeting in 1999 in their official capacity, what better can you expect. Don't go far. Look at Lt General SK Sinha's track record in Assam and Kashmir.

    Who is trying to fool whom with this "we are secular" business? If a rotten carcass is covered and perfumed, the scavengers will still bring some rotten pieces out. And the stink will follow soon. The same is true of the Indian army. Living in a state of denial will not help anyone, least of all the fauj itself.

  2. You are so funny making all this look foolish.Uma Bharati is worse than Mamta or any one.Enjoy your news coverage!!

    @pune s,you make interesting observations

  3. PS:

    Denial is something we are very good at. No one is willing to accept responsibility. the moment we say, yes, there is something wrong it can at least be rectified.

    Thanks for your enlightening insights .


    We often laugh to release the anger and angst. Take Chaplin, for example.


Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.