9.11.08

Ask the vexpert - 12

Question: I am a 19-year-old girl and my boyfriend is 21. We had protected sex but during intercourse, our contraceptive failed. His condom broke and a small part of it was left inside my vagina. I took I- pill within six hours of intercourse. Will I get pregnant?

Sexpert: Did you fish out the condom? Since you have taken due precautions, you will escape pregnancy. It won’t affect either of you except creating a lot of tension.

Me: I am unable to give you complete assurance since it is possible the condom got deeply involved with you. This is why it broke free. It is possible for you to get pregnant, not by your boyfriend but by that piece of condom. Condoms are made of latex, which is the juice from the rubber tree. Trees have life. Anything that has life regenerates and gives birth. You could mother the first latex baby. Keep it away from the bark of the rubber tree since it may prefer to call it Mommy.


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Question: Does eating mint chocolate lead to reduction in a man’s sperm count? I feel this is a common problem that all men are facing today. I am very concerned. Please help.

Sexpert: If you have this fear, don’t eat mint chocolates. But do not interfere with those (including myself) who love them; they have had no problem. If you have some scientific evidence, please do send.

Me: You are right. Each time you pop a mint chocolate you get an icy feeling. This cold gust moves at the speed of light through the lungs to the intestines. Since the intestines are curled, there is no room to manoeuvre in a linear manner, so they break through and reach the testicles. This gust has now solidified into snowy layers. The sperms that were happily swimming or taking a rest try to huddle up together, but the temperature is too cold and many die. They are accustomed to a tropical climate inside you, even if you live in Alaska. The ones who survive are the tough ones, so next time you meet them just be prepared for a frost bite.

3 comments:

  1. Wise man terrible flautist10/11/2008, 00:02

    It's interesting. I came across your blog searching for whether mint causes a loss in sperm count and found a post under a 'lets not get too serious' category that is clearly from someone vexed with all this stuff. Well such questions (abt sex etc.)can be serious questions for a troubled wife, or a curious young teen and I dont think questions like these two are repeated ad nauseam all over the place or are just so plain stupid as you make it out to be, that it deserves such cynicism oh blessed one with heightened intelligence. Nevertheless I liked the creativity behind the vexpert's response. In my humble view it was brilliant!!!! But in the ultimate analysis a piece of humour rooted in cynicism just makes one even more cynical, not more humorous. Each one to himself/herself I guess. Wonder if this post will fulfill the censors criterion you have laid down.

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  2. The Humble condom is seriously under stress, it has to handle naive , drunk, careless, arrogant and ruthless users , the most important part of lovemaking unfortunately doesnt come with an Instruction Manual ....poor thing now gets blamed for more ...worse it has two conflicting bodies , one is pushing it to limits and the other would rather do without ....
    Thats most a man can ask from a Rs 15 worth of merchandise ....
    Good old timing was so much so much safer >>LOL ....cheers ..Manish

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  3. Wise man terrible flautist:

    Sorry, but this writer is not vexed by these queries. Now, 'let's not get too serious' is a label I apply to my responses, not the queries. I post the legitimate answer by the expert, who knows his job, and mine who knows her place. Simple.

    There is no cynicism, just a small attempt at humour. No one will seek advice here...although i know a lot of things one can do with mint chocolates. Like adding it to milk and whisking it...smoothie.

    I hope you found your answers at more authoritative places. This is merely a stop-over, an appetiser if you will...

    Yes, you passed the censors, and you are no less a cynic for rubbing it in.

    If you wish there are others in the vexpert series if you click on the label.

    As the wise man would say, a flautist is one who plays a flute...no one describes him as one who blows air into a bamboo reed!
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    Manish:

    Phew, that is one big lesson...on time management and economics:)

    How's your Himalayan holiday going?

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