And the US hawks are warning us...

Do we need an American to deliver a lecture on “terrorism and threat to India”?

Michael Chertoff, US security expert and former secretary of Homeland Security from 2005-2009 when the US was the biggest threat to many nations, is sounding alarm bells about Mumbai-like attacks.

“In Mumbai attacks, we have seen evolving the tactic of using weapons and bombs together in a commando like operation. Such attacks are likely to happen more and the challenge before everybody is to be able to deal with them.”

If they are likely to happen before anybody is able to deal with them, then why is he barfing about it? I honestly don’t get it. You know how it is going to work and yet you cannot deal with it?

“There are safe havens which are being used by terrorists to plan and organise strikes. Afghanistan was one such haven after 9/11. The frontier areas of Pakistan and Somalia too are proving to be such havens for terrorism.”

If that is so, then what about the local boys who bomb tube stations?

Chertoff admitted that while al Qaida is a much weaker force now than it was in 2001 and that it no longer has its earlier “command and control system’’ it has been able to rebuild itself to an extent in Pakistan. He said that it also coordinates with groups like LeT. He, however, said that India had to exercise extreme caution in dealing with terrorism emanating from Pakistan.

Great. Now Al Qaeda is weaker and it has found a new home. You know why? Because he is complimenting Singapore and Saudi Arabia for checking “elements of radicalisation and alter the conditions on the ground”. I have said it before: America will not touch Saudi Arabia.

And then he has the audacity to warn India about Pakistan – something we do not need to be told – but, please note, there is no mention of Kashmir. None. He harps on the Mumbai-like attacks because he is connecting it to 9/11 and 9/11 is all that the US will remember.

Apparently, they have now developed the capability “to detect radioactive and other dangerous substances”. Had they possessed this earlier “at least 15 of the 19 who executed 9/11 would have been caught in the planning stage”.

I don’t know what the other four would have been doing for Mr Chertoff and his apparatus not to be able to get to them. Like are those blokes one up, have more radioactive thingies? The biggest superpower’s big security man is saying this. And then he is lecturing us? Those terrorists in their Versace tees must be laughing their heads off in those radioactive substances.

What the real deal here is to enlist the private sector. From all accounts it is only the private sector that knows how to use biometrics. Very cunningly he is talking about “layered defences”, which means outsourcing security. What private sector is he talking about? Indigenous?

Like we have a company that is really smart and detects this stuff and when some attack is about to take place, what happens? The Intelligence Bureau gets a whiff of some radioactive substance, calls up Private Sector and says, hey, we got a problem, get all your equipment quick and we will find those guys? Or it just buys off the stuff from the private companies, which means kickbacks, and the luxury to lay the blame on them and the government can say it was all faulty. A case will go on for years and years, by which time the attacks would have taken place, and I am only quoting Mr. Foreign Security Top Guy Who Lectures Us.

Or, does the United States want to play parddnerr and set up some franchise here of its biometric department so we can get those fellows?

Why do we have to listen to all this? It sounds like some latest designer trends that we follow blindly…like purple is the colour of the season when we don’t even have that goddamn season in this country. Get real. And quit India if you are lookin' for a stake here.

We are full up. So, thanks, but no thanks.