Ask the vexpert - 9

Question: My husband insists on using tooth paste for lubrication while having sex. Can this prove to be harmful?

Sexpert: If it can clean your teeth, it could help your vagina as well. Why not present him with a tube of KY Jelly for better lubrication? Also, ask him to prolong the foreplay so that you are better lubricated.

Me: If he is a dentist, then he probably thinks anything that can be held is a toothbrush. Do check if he has added bristles for effect. Or he has taken courses in time management and thinks he can brush with pleasure. It is not harmful just as yet; if he starts getting into dental floss and mouth wash and toothpicks, then you might have to deal with him differently.

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Question: I am 26 years old and my girlfriend is 18. She wants us to have anal sex since she doesn’t want her hymen to split till she gets married. Even when we tried anal sex, I couldn’t enter as the anal opening was too small. Also, she experienced a lot of pain. My girlfriend says that she will leave me if I am unable to enter her the next time. Please help.

Sexpert: I cannot advise you on anal sex since it is illegal. Tell her that it may cause side effects to both of you. Is it only for sex that you both are together?

Me: Ask her to go and first shit a watermelon and then you’ll get back to her. Seriously, when you get married you will have to sign a pre-nuptial agreement stating that you are an upfront fellow and have not got anywhere in life through backdoor entry. Use the high moral ground. And after all these demands why is she coy about her hymen splitting? I assume she will also go horse-riding only after marriage.


  1. Farzana,

    insists on using tooth paste for lubrication

    Oh ... and all this time I thought Vagina dentata was fictional !!!

    (Various cultures have folk tales about women with toothed vaginas, frequently told as cautionary tales warning of the dangers of sex with strange women. Thanks Wiki)

    She wants us to have anal sex since she doesn’t want her hymen to split

    LoL. I heard from Marlon Brando butter is a good solution ... LoL

  2. This is impressive. You did research! Like the Lahore canal thingie?

    Re. Brando...that would be the last tango then, no?

  3. FV,

    I always research good subjects with a fine toothed comb (pun intended!)

    And no, it wasn't the 'last' tango at all (at-least in the film) !!!


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