Whatever will be, will be

The star in the new year night by Eugen Bracht

I could not find the right curtains at three stores. If three stores that are known for their nice curtains do not have what I need, are my needs difficult to fulfil? Or are they catering to a template of expectations?

They showed me red, red in its many shades. They showed me brown, brown that covered distances from beige to the darkest wood.

Rust, I said. I wanted rust-coloured curtains. This? And they showed me a pink, faded and jaded. No, I said. Rust. Their faces were question marks. "Rusting is the common term for corrosion of iron and its alloys, such as steel." How could I explain this when it is not what I ever thought about when the colour rust danced before my eyes?

I rummaged through piles. Nothing. I left. With a few things, but not what I had set out for. There are always a few things that act as placebo, but placebos work only if you are looking for an ailment, not a cure.

The rods were empty this morning, like bare branches. I stared at the brass holder glinting in the sunlight. And then I remembered. The old curtains. Cleaned and ironed, lying in some draw. I am not good with putting up curtains, but I was on a stool, craning my neck and trying to find the fixing places. See? I don't even know the terms.

They are up now. Old. Familiar. Yet new. No dust, no stains, no wear and tear. I look at them with new eyes. Isn't that what a fresh start should be about?

* * *

I have skimmed through the newspapers and surfed past channels holding forth on the year that was. It is a necessary ritual, with some lame attempts at humour.

I recall how years ago as an active media person, I too would write a column or do a feature on the new year. There was the roundup, the people who matter, who don't, what was said, what was done. There was much enthusiasm. Today, with the surfeit of minutiae passing for information and insight, all I can find is regurgitation.

This, alas, is unlikely to change because the dispensers of trivia believe their audience can only handle bite-size bits and the latter shrug believing the dispensers can only dish out this much. They live in a happy compromise.

* * *

A lot has happened around the world.

Donald Trump being able to think he will be President of the United States of America is not only about his temerity but the licence a large enough section of Americans has granted him. He exists because there is perhaps a felt need for him.

Then there is Hillary Clinton who said that Trump is ISIS's best recruiter after he said he would not allow Muslims into America. If one was being paranoid, the other seemed to convey that Muslims hurt by such a move would naturally be inclined towards ISIS. This makes Hillary sound worse. Transparent hate is way better to deal with than such covert projection of stereotypes.

In the days following San Bernardino, the top search phrase was "kill Muslims" on Google. It would be interesting to find out who was looking for such details, and what it might reveal.

Muslims continued to make news, much of it because a bunch of them terrorised the world into believing that they represented 1.6 billion people. It couldn't be their marketing skills, for they were killing Muslims too, mainly Muslims. In fact, it is Muslims who are fighting them on the ground.

In India, it was the cow. Some suggested that the cow should be honoured as the Mother of the Nation, and this was in all seriousness. Cow urine was sought to be used as disinfectant in hospitals; it is already an ingredient in the Patanjali range of products by Baba Ramdev, a yoga guru who has the government of India as his patron.

Narendra Modi continued with his magical version of prime ministership by using the flying carpet jet to see what other countries have been upto so that he can tell Indians what he can do to become like them so that they can become like us with Make in India. It's as simple and complicated as that.

He made a 'surprise' visit to Lahore on December 25, which happened to be Nawaz Sharif's, Jinnah's, Vajpayee's and Jesus' birthday. Much was made of it as a move forward towards peace. It is more about showmanship. The people crave for such visits on both sides. Unless they are permitted such "drop in" moments, peace will be a word on paper erased and rewritten many many times according to the whims of the politicians.

* * *

To wind up for now, I am not cynical about the new at all. I welcome it. I only wish that we did not feel the need to kick out the old. Is there any assurance that the new will not be mere varnish?

Last evening, on my way home I stopped at the end of my lane where the fruit vendor's cart stands. I like pineapple, especially if they are sliced and ready to eat. I do not pretend to enjoy hard labour, and don't find it exciting to cut and chop. He had strawberries too. "They are too bright," I told him. "Stobry aisa hi hota hai (strawberries are always like that)," he said. I gave him an angry look, "Do you think I am buying strawberries for the first time?"

He did not look chastised, and for some reason I liked that, that certain defiance in his eyes. He is a young man, maybe just out of his teens. For him strawberry is upward mobility, the shinier the better.

A beggar woman with a baby held at her hips stood there. What does one do? He gave her one piece of the shiny strawberry. I fished out some money and gave it to her.

As I walked towards home, I saw her sitting on the pavement. She beamed and waved at me, lifting her son's hand to do the same. I waved back and reached my gate with a strawberry smile.

A Happy New Year...may you all find a reason to smile.

Rampal, Ramdev and Political Complicity

He is a criminal. And a godman. He operates from a fortress that he calls an ashram. And his followers are armed. This man should have been arrested long ago. But in India godmen, even the charlatans, not only survive but thrive.

The often-exaggerated reporting on television was this time quite accurate, at least in the scenes they showed us. It did look like a war zone. Sant Rampal began to call himself a saint inspired by Sant Kabir and as happens often managed to attract a crowd of people to believe in him.

There are no checks on such people, and even their crimes are not treated with seriousness. He has been charged with the murder of a villager by one of his devotees, and he has avoided attending court after 40 summons. He is still free. What powers does he possess that no police force, no intelligence agency, no government can find him and put him behind bars?

On Tuesday, cops surrounded the Satlok Ashram, but could do little. Because this despicable 'godman' has transformed his followers into an armed militia. They threw acid and petrol bombs at the police. Worse, they used human shields, including women and children. Bodies were found; seven of his followers are dead, cause not yet ascertained. Rampal is safe.

Some devotees who came out said they had been forced to stay inside; others, almost 2000, put up a brave front and protested on behalf of their guru even as the cops used batons and water cannons.

In all this, the police started beating up the journalists. At some point the news story altered a bit and the focus was on the media being attacked. Nobody knows why this happened. Were there some higher orders to divert attention?

As it turns out, it was the local people of Haryana who forced the authorities to stop water and power to the ashram. But knowing how powerful the ashram is, they would be well-equipped or provisions could be arranged. It is a well laid out high security den that has its secret entrances and exits.

After the violence, fresh charges have been filed by the Haryana Police:

The case has been filed under Sections 121 (waging, or attempting to wage war, or abetting waging of war, against the Government of India), 121A (conspiring to commit certain offences against the state) and 122 (Collecting arms etc. With the intention of waging war against the Govt of India).

Besides, the cases have also been slapped against the accused under Sections 123 (concealing with intent to facilitate design to wage war) and other charges that include attempt to murder, assault and under various Sections of the Arms Act, police said.

This looks good on paper. But, how did the devotees get an audience with Home Minister Rajnath Singh and also the President of India?

Rampal supporters demanded a CBI probe into allegations of his role in a murder conspiracy. A team of five of his supporters also met President Pranab Mukherjee and submitted a memo seeking a CBI probe. The Union home ministry has so far decided not to intervene, but is closely monitoring events.

Do victims of violence during riots have such access to political leaders?

All this is extremely dangerous because people like Rampal set up a second-rung establishment. 'Baba's Commandos' take direct inspiration from the RSS; they are called the Rashtriya Samaj Sewa Samiti (RSSS). This is how planned it is:

RSSS functions like an army battalion, which is divided into several companies and platoons. Each company and platoon is headed by trained commanders. These days, they assemble every morning and evening to be briefed about their routine for the entire day. Armed with pistols, RSSS's quick reaction team patrol the ashram round the clock. Its intelligence wing is closely monitoring the movement of police in adjoining Barwala and Hisar towns and instantly provides information to their headquarter in the ashram.

There are some 4000 young people in this army that guards the 12-acre property. Do they have a licence for those guns? It is surprising that there has been no big exposé on this.

We have become accustomed to soft power centres that do well because the political power centre might benefit in some manner. Think of Chandraswami, Asaram Bapu, Swami Nityanand, not to speak of the politically active Adityanaths. Ashrams are often dens of money stashing and vice. These are social crimes that feed off the public. Why are they protected?

Just as the Rampal tense situation continues, we are left to ponder over why the new government has decided to provide Z-category security to that other charlatan, Baba Ramdev. 40 CRPF personnel will provide him cover wherever he goes.

Who has threatened him? Have there been any checks? If Z-security is all about vanity, then why is Ramdev, a yogi, granted such vanity even as he must not seek it too? This man has a cure for everything, from AIDS and cancer to homosexuality. What is he vulnerable to?

He is a friend of the BJP who is allowed to often speak on behalf of the government. Nobody in the government questions him or his motives.

We saw him in action during the street protests and his escape wearing a salwaar-kameez. He had audaciously claimed when he was externed after his tamasha at the Ramilla Grounds (the pavilion air-conditioned for his common man comfort): “Today is the blackest day in history. We will observe black day all over India. The fast is not over."

He could see his history as India's history because he has the backing of leaders who believe in a convoluted history. Unfortunately, where such 'spiritual' leaders are concerned, all political parties either fall for their claims or use those claims to cover up their own. Nobody is serious about putting an end to their antics. (Read The Republic of Ramdev and the comments.)

It isn't as simple as bad godmen. It is about bolstered-by-politicians godmen.

With the threat these Babas pose to us, all Indians should get Z-security as protection against them.

---

[Update: News comes in that Rampal has been arrested. BJP spokespersons are using this as evidence of how they've been quick to end the reign of a "Congress baba". There will be political oneupmanship, and once again this diversion will take away from the blatant abuse of illegal power.]

Ramdev and Digvijay: Leaky Pens

Inked face and assaulter

We are a culture that thrives on condemning. We condemn those who are silent and we also condemn those who make a noise. Such condemnation takes away from any other questions. So, it was not surprising that the Congress, the BJP, the RJD, everybody condemned a man who threw ink on Baba Ramdev. Soon after, some ‘uncondemned’ the act. The theatre of the absurd does not quite go with a Greek tragedy, but Indian democracy can manage such contradictions. We will get there. First, a snapshot:

A man who gate-crashed at Baba Ramdev’s press meet on black money splattered ink on the yoga guru when he refused to answer a question on the 2008 Batla House encounter. 

Kamran Siddiqui, was beaten up by the yoga guru’s supporters immediately after the incident at the Constitution Club where Baba Ramdev was speaking to reporters regarding his plans to campaign against black money in the upcoming Assembly Elections. Siddiqui, who runs a non-governmental organisation called Real Cause was placed under arrest following a medical examination. A case under sections 153 (promoting enmity among communities) and 355 (criminal assault) of Indian Penal Code has been registered against him, a senior police official said. A first information report has been registered against him at the Parliament Street police station. If convicted, he may be jailed for up to two years.

When Baba said that the Batla House encounter was not fake, Kamran threw ink on him. Siddiqui is a petitioner in the Batla House encounter case.

A few points:

• If Baba Ramdev is discussing politics, stop calling him a yoga guru in the context of his speeches.
• A bit strange that nobody had heard about Kamran Siddiqui even though he is a petitioner in the case. Is it difficult to find that out?
• Even more strange is that he asked this question to Baba Ramdev, and the latter chose to answer it. On what basis? 
• Why has he been arrested for promoting enmity among communities? This sort of pigeonholing makes it into a communal issue. Batla House is not the whole of India.

Arrest anyone who indulges in this sort of behaviour, but is it so unusual? Don’t our MPs throw slippers at each other inside Parliament? What about heads of educational and medical institutions whose faces are blackened?

What about scheduled caste/female victims who are paraded with their faces smeared because of some ‘honour’? Why do we not condemn those acts with equal ferocity?

Typically, Baba Ramdev has become a martyr:

Media reports quoted Baba Ramdev as saying that he was not deterred by such attacks and would continue his campaign against corruption with full force. I spoke about bringing back black money to the country and giving it to the nation. I spoke about eradicating corruption. I spoke about turning a loot-tantra to a real loktantra (democracy). And in return, as a prize, this is what I have got. I don’t mind receiving black ink. By throwing ink on someone, one cannot malign someone’s character, he said.

You talk about a vague show-me-the-money, and everything else gets washed off. The report said that Baba Ramdev said that it was not an encounter and that led to the ink throwing.

This is not an attempt to blacken the face of Swami Ramdev. This is an attempt to blacken democracy, Hazare said in a statement.

Has Anna Hazare never seen such blackened faces before? Much as I do not relish the idea of such juvenile shoe-ink throwing, let us remind Mr. Hazare that his movement is a protest that has attempted to speak on behalf of the population without its consent. He should not be talking about democracy. If democracy is about protest, then black or blue ink should not be of concern. Hazare and his team should be finding out what it is that angers certain people. He has been holding the flag for such propagandised anger for a while now.

We have entered absurd territory, and the wilting cherry on a leftover cake is this:

Congress leader Digvijay Singh said the incident was a well-orchestrated conspiracy by RSS and the NGO activist who did it was anti-Congress and had links with BJP.

There have been occasions when such orchestrated attempts were made, by every political party. I do not understand how it can be deemed anti-Congress when the Congress government had said the encounter was not fake. (Unless, Ramdev has joined forces with the Congress Party!) Or, is this a strategy similar to the one he is accusing the RSS of – outsourcing, with the frontman speaking one version while the high command maintains its larger role?

The Batla House case was already politicised. The encounter had several loose ends that I mentioned in Shooting Terrorists and Other Stories: It was over within 30 minutes. 25 shots were fired by the cops; eight by the terrorists. Were these dreaded men so naïve as to open the door to a ‘salesman’, sub-inspector Dharmendra. What was he trying to sell? Did they buy anything? Did they not notice him looking at them carefully? Did all the “suspicious characters” stand at the door to welcome him?

Now Samajwadi Party chief Mulayam Singh Yadav has spoken out clearly:

"Congress is not serious on the issues pertaining to Muslims and treats them only as a vote bank. That is why when assembly polls are underway, the issue of Batla House encounter has been raised by party leader Digvijay Singh, who termed it as fake. Why has this issue been raised by him now? Congress should either sack him or take action against PM and Home minister, who feel that the encounter was not fake...This is just a political gimmick to befool Muslims, who are being treated as a vote bank.”

Do the political parties realise that for the majority of Muslims, all this produces a huge yawn? You think someone in Bhiwandi (a communally sensitive area in Mumbai) cares or even knows what Batla House is? Or are the ordinary Muslims suddenly expected to possess knowledge about all that happens with, to and by their community?

It disturbs me that one episode of ink-throwing has brought another case to the fore. And it is back to the chain reaction of condemn this and condemn that. Don’t. Each player is an actor here. If Siddiqui was sponsored by the RSS, and Digvijay Singh has been sponsored by his own party, with the satellite players Anna and the rest forming the chorus, then the crowded stage is bound to fall.

Nothing new. We invariably get the dark pits we deserve. If only we saved that ink and wrote our own fate.

(c) Farzana Versey

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Image: Mumbai Mirror

Will Ramdev Join The SlutWalk?

I’d like to know how many of these women who are promoting the SlutWalk in India are bothered about sluts. Spend a day as a slut, a whore, a sex worker and then tell us what it feels like to be called a slut after servicing upto ten men in a tiny cubicle behind a dirty curtain. Yes, you want to bring awareness to India, then don’t ride on the name of a group of women who don’t wear masks or carry placards saying they are sluts. For them it is bloody work and the only means of earning. And most of them do not dress up in fancy dress even when they have to lure men for their keep.

Some of them should get together and protest against this group of pampered pop activists and prick their bubble.

Women, feminists and others, have been writing about their bodies, about sexual exploitation, about objectification. So, why is the SlutWalk being heralded as something that has finally arrived in India, like some colonial hangover after a rave party?

I thought I’d give this major happening a pass because what does it say that one has not said before? But the people responsible and those opposed are gearing up for it. To sufficiently localise it, they have added ‘besharmi morcha’ to the terminology. What does it convey? That, yeah, we are shameless and so what?

Someone said, oh, cut out the crap about rural women, as long as it works for some. It works for the very people who already don’t give a damn, will dress as they wish at their lounge parties and ask for “Orgasm on the beach’ from a bartender who has seen more cleavages than cognac bottles. It will work for the teen brigade that is looking for a heart-stopping, heavy-breathing cause that is in your face but does not need much work. It will work for a certain kind of feminist who is discovering her ‘ism’ and a walk won’t hurt.

It is true that women are often derided for what they wear, but it is disturbing to see westernised clothing as representative. What about hipster sarees and backless cholis? How many of the girls/women will be dressed in everyday clothes and not hot pants and short skirts? Because this is making it into a garment association and women are objectified even in the workplace not because of what they wear but who they are – talented, confident and achievers. Their achievement is stimulus enough to taunt them.

The SlutWalk is not only about rape, but while Bollywood films of the 80s often had courtroom scenes where a lawyer raised sexist questions, art-house cinema has not been much different – what about ‘Bawandar’ that was based on the Bhanwari Devi gang-rape case? The protagonist was asked: “Were you wet?” She had her ‘odhni’ covering her, but her head was not lowered. Finally she said, looking straight into his eyes, in her dialect, “A woman gets wet when she is intimate out of choice, but when it is forced on her she bleeds.”

It is sad that we begin to be thankful for small mercies, so if someone takes on the ‘challenge’ of portraying a true story, we shower hosannas. But think about it. The rape in the movie was depicted quite graphically. Then at the police station the cop is shown smelling the victim’s ‘ghagra’, swirling in it and finally masturbating. There is also the lasciviousness of the MLA who asks the culprits whether they enjoyed it or not. All this in the name of realism.

Do the Dilli billis know about these aspects? How grounded are they in such real issues and what about the already educated men in the BMWs who commit date rape? What about marital rape and the silence of emotional rape?

Now we have Baba Ramdev who has made the accusation that the cops had plans to rape his female supporters at the Ramlila grounds rally. It is pretty disgusting the way women are used all around. There are several cases where such things happen, but in an open ground with the ruling party watching and seeking electoral brownie points? Isn’t it surprising then that he chose to dress as a woman to escape? Has he ever commented on the Nityanand type swamis and their antics captured on camera? Or the godman who sold pornographic CDs of young boys and girls against the exotic backdrop of the Varanasi ghats and of his wife too with deity pictures in the background? Does Baba have anything to say about these?

The Slutwalk is a minor tic, but today when everyone wants to be a concerned citizen, it could turn into a movement. I won’t be surprised if some media group joins in to sponsor the event. After all, we do have beauty pageants that already flaunt the female body as an example of empowerment. The ramp is the precursor of the SlutWalk. No one calls it ‘besharmi’ because these girls are trained by ‘experts’ and Mother Teresa protégées in diction and clichés. They speak up for causes ranging from global warming to education. Not one of them has spoken up for the real slut. The whore. The sex worker. The woman who works by getting fucked. Really.

If on the appointed day they can walk and show solidarity for those women, then these hawks can tawk.

- - -

(c) Farzana Versey

Babas and Babes

Had we been Pakistan, the doomsday prophets would have pronounced us a failed state. But we are a ‘dynamic’ democracy. So dynamic that currently there is a fight about which godman is a better showcase for yoga. That one of them died after fasting for 115 days makes such comparisons disgusting.

It really does not make sense to compare the fast taken by Swami Nigamanand against illegal quarrying in Ganga and Baba Ramdev’s against corruption. The political parties were quiet all along and now that Nigamanand is dead they are using his staying power as opposed to Ramdev’s. This is if we set aside the accusations of him being poisoned. Why would anyone wait this long to poison him?

However, it is childish to discuss how yoga has suffered a blow. Nobody expected Ramdev to bring about any change. But should one cast aspersions on yoga because of him? Don’t cardiologists suffer heart attacks? Don’t dentists have cavities and ophthalmologists get cataract?

Take any field and there will be some fault lines. Are all PR exercises successful and all diplomats diplomatic (remember the headless chicken remark by our ambassador to the US)? Do all writers write exceptional prose or poetry? How many teachers are great tutors?

I am absolutely not interested in Ramdev’s concave stomach and his yogic and other postures. We must also remember that yoga is a discipline and not the jaagir of a few godmen. This is what should disturb us: By questioning one man’s inability to live up to his yogic image we are giving a carte blanche to such characters to take charge of our ‘heritage’. The politicking is not too far behind.

The important fact is that Ramdev has proved to be a non-entity in the larger public scheme. It is, therefore, time to stop this ‘whose fast was better’. We look like fools to ourselves, and let us not start on the image of yoga abroad suffering. We have enough of these export-quality levitators teaching the firangs how to hold their noses and breathe.


And...

Since Anna Hazare has stated with some flourish that our political leaders are public servants, one might remind him that if he wishes to head any people’s movement his role will be the same.

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Now, when it come to staying power, it seems even Hugh Hefner has had to taste defeat. At 85, he was all set to marry 25-year-old Crystal. And then she decided it really isn’t worth it. Of course, they say she wanted money, but would she not get it as Mrs. Hef? She wanted a career in music, apparently and our old stud is old-fashioned and don’t like his women having careers, though what they are doing with him is a career. Anyhow, Crystal says:

“This isn't the lifestyle for me. Multiple girls around all the time. The Playboy lifestyle. I just wanted to be true to myself.”

Aww. Nice. She was a bunny. Now she wants to be a carrot.

Baba Rahul Hazare

What's up? Is this the Shivaji-like guerrilla tactic Ramdev talked about? Rahul Gandhi has taken charge of the brigade and the Congress party is talking about acting tough.

Sure, if this is the new avtaar seen at the Lucknow meeting yesterday, then he has perfected the look that has caught the fancy of the derailed 'civil society' that's come out of the woodwork.

Smart move to 'cross dress' as both Ramdev and Anna. Maybe now someone might call him Amul cheez.

The Republic of Ramdev

‘Midnight drama’, ‘Midnight drama’ kept flashing on the screen. Since I had not kept up with the news at midnight, I had no clue. Why do the channels not specify what the drama is? Because that takes away from the TRPs.


The news:

At 1 am, the police landed at the Ramlila ground and took Baba Ramdev to his ashram in Hardwar. Delhi Police served an externment order under Section 144 of the Indian Penal Code (IPC), which prevents unlawful assembly of five or more persons. The process of doing so resulted in stone throwing, destruction of props and injuries. Should we be surprised? Not at what happened but how it happened and why. My parodic take now seems tragic.

Meanwhile, the Baba is going on and on in a choked voice talking about how the poor, the women and children were dragged and arrested. He is to blame for it. There is no scope for BJP-like self-righteousness here. He bloody well knew what he was doing and when his sly plan to stop the fast after three days was leaked out, he got agitated.One should hope he now realises how it must feel for those who are rounded up and imprisoned for years without a trial for no crime except being 'suspects'.

We are hearing words like ‘blot on democracy’ from the BJP and how he has every right to protest. It is not the BJP’s business to raise a voice now unless they had sponsored this rally. He is a sadhu and this is not a theocracy. No religious figure has a right to protest in a public place on what is a state issue, and that includes Swami Agnivesh and all those mullahs coming out with black bands and white flags or whatever else.

We are playing into the hands of a virulent form of citizen’s movement. None of these people can claim to speak on behalf of the Indian population, not Anna Hazare, not Baba Ramdev. If they wish to, then they should start their own political party and contest elections. That is what democracy is about.

The so-called midnight drama has been likened to the Emergency, which is a most facile analogy.


Here are a few of the characters and their stupidity.


Kapil Sibal, HRD minister, Congress:

“A guru who teaches yoga should not teach politics to his followers of 50,000 people at the site. The permission was for yoga exercises, but he violated it.” 

Why was he walking behind the Baba when he landed at the airport? Was he discussing yoga?

Everybody knew what was going to happen there, so why was it not stopped before it got out of hand? This is a ridiculous argument and Sibal should apologise to the Indian public for misleading us. This is double crossing.

A report says:

An official in the government said that the permission to hold the protest at the site was given for a day and Ramdev and his followers had exceeded it. But the police action has led to a wave of anger among political parties who are now calling for the Prime Minister Manmohan Singh to resign.

He has been giving interviews about how he would not end until his demands are met. Manmohan Singh should not resign because it is his job to put things in order. Resigning would be the easy way out. Are we discussing corruption or politics?


Nitin Gadkari, president, Bharatiya Janata Party:

“This government has no moral authority to rule anymore. This government should resign. They let the corrupt go, but beat up people who are conducting peaceful protest.”

How many corrupt people were arrested during the NDA regime? I am not talking only about scams. Corruption is a way of life in India, and it also sponsors movements against corruption. Newspapers bring out duds to show losses and also get additional newsprint; TV channels do something similar. So, what high horse are we sitting on?

Such peaceful protests are pre-planned and arranged by other factions. It happens even within the Congress. All political parties do this and the ordinary people who gather are no different from those who are brought in trucks to vote. If the cops used teargas shells and beat up people, then they should be hauled up and questioned. From what one has read, some people got violent. It is bound to happen when there is such a large gathering. It is also likely that together with the cops there must have been some goons on the ground who caused part of the damage.

There seems to be no stopping BJP spokesperson Arun Jaitley who is supporting the right to protest. In that case, the Kashmiris have a right to protest, the Maoists have a right to protest, riot victims have a right to protest. The problem with a democracy such as ours is that not a single political party is concerned about the rights of the people. Baba Ramdev does not have to be given any assurances by the Government of India. The Indian government is answerable to the citizens, not to individuals, unless they have specific problems or certain groups that represent sections of society.

Using the shield of corruption, these movements are tacitly supporting the rightwing parties. Why were they asleep for all these years? Will Baba Ramdev go and park himself outside the mansions of the big guys who pay big bribes to get their deals? Does he have the courage to perform yoga there? Guess what? He just might because the big guys will pay him to come and teach them and their wives and their kids and those society men and women with their arm candies dressed in comfy designer labels to get their taut bodies in the right asanas.

This is a sick game. People like Digvijay Singh of the Congress just make things worse by calling Ramdev a “thug”. Jaitley is really hot and bothered about “this kind of language”. There was no need to call him a thug; he is a shrewd businessman selling his saintliness. However, the BJP should not be too worried about language. Its politicians are not known to use temperate words – recall Modi on Sonia Gandhi, Thackeray on Sonia and Rahul, Varun Gandhi on Muslims, Uma Bharti on just about everyone. Calling him names transforms him into a hero and martyr and he is making full use of it on live television. Yes, he is live, in white robes like a newly widowed woman.

And I do not like anyone, including the media, talking about Sadhvi Rithambara's presence by mentioning her role in the Babri Masjid demolition; she was not alone. Do not ride on this and cunningly convey that they are against her because of it. It gives the impression that Ramdev’s arrest has something do with Muslim votes. Wait a minute. He had some Sufi belting out songs at his camp.

One cannot wish away corruption even with the Lokpal Bill. The manner in which it is being done is also corrupt because they are greasing the government’s palm with vile methods.

Baba Ramdev to his followers after his externment (not arrest):

“Today is the blackest day in history. We will observe black day all over India. The fast is not over."

Your history, Baba Ramdev, has nothing to do with Indian history. Keep your followers, for that is the only way you can be a leader. Ask them to register a case against the government. Get the BJP to be a co-respondent because they had supported Anna Hazare’s fast. You can continue fasting.

Most of India does. Everyday. Not out of choice. Or to protest.

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Updated on new post

Baba Ramdev’s Ramleela

Beat it!

Baba Ramdev walks out of the aircraft and is followed by four ministers of the central government of India on the tarmac. He commands one of the minions, “Phone George Bush.”

“Baba, it is very late there. Shall I call up Barack Obama instead?”

“Won’t it be late for him?”

“No, Sir, he is watching the Osama video, he does it every night to get good sleep.”

“This is not Obama’s territory. I need Bush.”

Now the minion is scared. Yet, he hesitantly asks, “Can you tell me why it is so urgent?”

“I want his fire helmet.”

Watching the man’s face, Baba Ramdev taps him lightly on the head, “Murkh, you fool, we are at the Ramleela Maidan, everyone is going to perform and must look the part.”

“What role are you playing?”

“George Bush.”

“But Bush was not in the Ramayana.”

“Neither was Anna Hazare. I am portraying Bush because the media has referred to this place we are making pavitra (pure) as Ground Zero and you remember how Bush had reached his Ground Zero with that yellow helmet.”

“It won’t match with your saffron robes, pitashri.”

“There is no match-making here. You think those Congress leaders are agreeing with me? The RSS and BJP is agreeing? That Anna Hazare who till the other day was on his own trip now wants to join me.”

“Haan, why?”

“Simple. Mallika Sherawat.”

“No, no, you are mistaking. He is Gandhian.”

“Exactly. For him this is test in all areas. Why he did not sit in fast in Ralegaon Siddhi?”

“Maybe there is no corruption there.”

“Paagal ho gaye ho (are you mad)? No one is fighting corruption. You don’t read the papers? There are 1000 toilets built here.”

“So you want the papers for that?”

“Nahin, don’t forget we are Indians first…”

“Okay, I found the papers. There will be 50 litres of water used for each day of the rally.”

“That is for drinking.”

“But you are on hunger strike.”

“Yes, but technically hunger and thirst are different. Also this will be good publicity for my yoga, to show how with asanas we can control the body. Lot of bodies will be controlled there.”

Ground Zero being made up

“Your rally is bigger than Anna’s. There is a 2.5-lakh sq ft waterproof tent, four platforms, 1,000 ceiling fans, and an event management company. Jai ho. But why do you have 50 ambulances and an ICU at the venue?”

“There will be so many celebrities, and people are complaining that they are not clean, they are earning crores in cash so how can they not be corrupt. Government is fighting political war, so just for some shoo-sha they could arrest some people, like at airport they caught Bipasha Basu for bringing shoes only because she did not throw one at Chidambaram.”

“Was that the reason?”

“This is the inside story no one talks about. The amount of shoes thrown at ministers shows their power.”

“So what is the strategy?”

“When they come to arrest, the celebrities can complain of chest pain, diabetes, liver problem, kidney failure, piles, anything and we can immediately put them in ICU or take them in ambulances to the hospitals. That way our message will go beyond the grounds.”

“But lakhs of people are expected and not all are celebrities…I hear the Mumbai dabbawallas are also supporting you.”

“These dabbawallas are celebrities. They go to IIT for lectures and were invited to Buckingham Palace.”

“Shahrukh Khan has said you have a political agenda.”

“And he does not? He is talking for that Amul baby, Rahul. Also, now Salman’s film is ready so he wants attention.”

“Wah, you are so intelligent. You don’t need that George Bush helmet.”

“We want the world to see our Ground Zero.”

“But these media people are wrong. Ground Zero means an epicentre of some disaster.”

“Aisa kya (is that so)? Then arrange some disaster.”

“G.R.Khairnar is coming. You want him to bring bulldozer?”

“Tchah, he is small man dealing with jhuggi-jhonpdi (hutments). Can you get some SIMI or Hizbul-Isabgol group? We will pay them to buy some firecrackers and make some noise. These days unless there is some Islamic mention it does not make international headlines.”

“I got an idea, sirji. Why not we say we are fighting jihad against corruption and issuing fatwa against those who have stashed millions?”

Baba Ramdev smiles: “Tathastu!” …So be it…

-
(c) Farzana Versey

- - -


A backgrounder: Yoga guru/godman Baba Ramdev has planned this massive rally from tomorrow, June 4, at Delhi's Ramleela grounds to fight corruption. He was received at the airport by Congress Party ministers, celebrities will be there, other details mentioned are all true, including Hazare and former Municipal Commissioner Khairnar, known to demolish slums, and the dabbawallas joining him. As for the rest, it's a fast....I mean farce.

- - -


Images: Rediff, Mumbai Mirror

Ramgopal Verma ka Constitution

“I have no idea who Anna Hazaare is as I don't keep track of anyone except for film people and gangsters. I don't know what he is fasting for because I don't know what he or anybody else in the whole world is up to as I am too busy in my film work.”

- Film director Ramgopal Verma

When everyone is “charged up”, his comment most certainly lightens up the atmosphere, especially with so many factions and so much fractiousness already visible. Here’s some freewheeling - the backgrounder and more is in the footnote):

Anupam Kher calls up Ramgopal Verma. “Hello, hello?”

“Who?”

“My name is Kher. Anupam Kher.”

“I don’t know Anna Hazare.”

Hangs up and returns to looking at pictures of starlets to cast in his new film.

Phone rings again.

“Hallo? Halla Bol!”

“Who?”

“Mee Ramdas Athavale boltoy.”

“I don’t know Anna Hazare.”

Hangs up and returns to looking at pictures of starlets to cast in his new film.

Phone rings again.

“Halo? Halo?”

“Who?”

“Ha, ha, ha! Namaskar. Main Baba Ramdev hoon na.”

“I don’t know Anna Hazare.”

“Never mind. Aap ki filmon se woh haddiyon ki idea milee (I got the idea about using bones for yogic healing from your films).”

“Send royalty cheque please.”

“Ab tak Umaid Bhavan mein nahin gaya (I have not been to the royal palace Umaid Bhavan yet), wahaan tau Hollywood shaadiyan hoti hai.”

“I don’t know shaadi. Why call? Am busy and I don’t know you.”

“Lekin Mallika Sherawat ko jaante honge.(But you must know Mallika Sherawat)”

“Who is Mallika Sherawat?”

“Film star, mere blessings bohat leti hai yogasana ke liye (She takes my blessings for yoga asanas)”

“Ess, ess, I know fillim star. She is taking blessing to do yoga?”

“Nahin. To be a better person.”

“What is wrong with her now?”

“Better, better, everyone wants to be better. Yeh life ka neeyam hai (this is the rule of life)”

“I don’t know rules.”

“Pataa hai, aapki filmon mein clearly dikhta hai (I can see it clearly in your films)”

“Why you called? I don’t know yoga.”

“I am having trouble with An…”

“I don’t know Anupam Kher.”

“Oh, woh tau Constitution pheinkna chahta tha are Athavale ke log uske ghar par paththar pheinke (He wanted to throw out the Constitution and Ramdas Athavale’s people pelted stones at his house).”

“I don’t know the Constitution. He can keep it or do what he wants and I don’t know stones so they can do what they want.”

“Aap Bharat mata ke putra hai. (You are the son of mother India.)”

“I don’t know putra.”

“Yeh sab aag phaila rahe hai. (They are only spreading fire)”

“I did it, I made film on Sholay.”

“Aap Sholay ko jaante hai? Hum prasann hue (You know Sholay? I am thrilled.)”

“No. I don’t know Sholay, only made film.”

“Tau theek hai. Ab Ann…”

“I don’t know Anna Hazare.”

“Wah. I need people like you. I am fighting and fighting for so many years for this, but one man who looks bhookha (hungry) goes on hunger strike and takes credit.”

“I don’t know him. I know gangsters.”

“Woh corruption se ledenge? (Will they fight against corruption?)”

“They become gangsters because of corruption.”

“You said you don’t know corruption.”

“If you don’t know who your father is it does not mean you cannot be a father.”

“Wah. I will tell this on Rajat Sharma’s India TV. He keeps repeating my episode, it is like Comedy Circus, ha, ha, ha.”

“I am busy. Why you called.”

“Dil halka karne. (To lighten my stress.)”

“I don’t know stress.”

“Then you are my guru.”

“I am not Dhirubhai Ambani.”

“Pataa hai.”

“I am making new film: Ramgopal Verma ka Constitution. No one will be able to amend it.”

“The public will throw it out.”

“Who is public?”

- - -


The background:

Actor Anupam Kher must get it clear that you cannot eat your cake while baking it. And it would also do Ramdas Athavale’s RPI (Republican Party of India) members to understand that any slur on the Indian Constitution is not about Ambedkarites alone. While Babasaheb Ambedkar is the person who drafted it, we do not want a situation where his supporters, neo-Buddhists and Dalits are the only ones who rush to shelter its image, although this is not about image at all. It is also a bit ironical that those who are from groups that need protection should come out in support of laws that they themselves want updated.

Kher has defended himself:

“I have not made those remarks. I am really sad; someone should’ve verified with the person concerned or the news channels or backed it with documentary evidence before passing the privilege notice. It is not right to malign anyone without knowing the correct facts. I have not said that ‘Constitution should be thrown out’. All I said was there was a need for an amendment to the constitution. If MPs take 80 seconds to pass their salary bills, the government should do the same for the Lokpal Bill which is important.”

The Constitution is not a holy book and most people have not read it in its entirety. The Indian Constitution is a frame and the painting keeps changing. So, Mr. Kher cannot “throw” it out. However, the analogy he has used is immature. But it shows just how kneejerk reactions work. This was only one…

And Baba Ramdev is of course confused because he is feeling left out. 

Over the weekend I got almost 15 forwarded pieces giving a 'contrarian' view. Wow. This too is herd instinct when you cannot see the faulty discourse in the beginning and wait to ask the questions when you see 'like-minded' people doing so. This is not only hypocrisy, but reveals how many turncoats are there.

- - -

As for Anna Hazare, here's a quote:

"The work done by chief ministers of Bihar (Nitish Kumar) and Gujarat (Narendra Modi) should be done by chief ministers of all states. I am not in support of any party, but the work they (Modi and Nitish Kumar) have done at the grassroots level is needed. The rural development they have done should be imitated. I will not go into politics of this."

If this is not politics, then what is?

- - -

An abridged version of my April 7 piece has appeared in today's Khaleej Times

News meeows

Gujarat

The verdict on the Godhra case will be pronounced on Tuesday. 10,000 cops will guard Ahmedabad and 2000 will be posted at Godhra. This is a telling indicator that it is the big city that decides how the tide will swing.

Godhra collector Milind Torawane has banned all TV channels from showing images of the Godhra carnage or the riots that followed, for 12 hours beginning noon of February 22. Joint commissioner Satish Sharma told mediapersons on Saturday that they should refrain from showing or publishing images of Godhra and post-Godhra riots on the verdict day so as not to fuel public emotions. The police have given security cover for families of all the 92 accused booked in the case.

I understand it, but why did the Gujarat government use images of the burning train in its own election campaign? Was it not to fuel public emotions? How selective are these emotions? The locals go on a rampage, the police with the connivance of the government kills over 1200 people – their own people – because of a burnt train coach with 59 passengers they did not know the identities of?

94 accused were rounded up and are in the Sabarmati prison since 2002, whereas Narendra Modi remains the chief minister. Have these accused been given security cover because the verdict will go against some of them or because it won’t? Then the public emotions will again be divided. The post-Godhra riots took place without any photographic evidence. It spread through hate-inducing pamphlets and posters. So, images won’t cause any such reaction unless they are engineered to.

However, I’d agree that they should not be aired because TV channels will sensationalise it for no reason other than to grab attention for themselves. And anyway, the media people do not decide the fate of criminal or civil cases, although they’d like to believe they do.

Orissa

The Orissa government on Saturday seemed to be working to a hush-hush plan to swap abducted Malkangiri collector R Vineel Krishna and junior engineer Pabitra Majhi with a clutch of jailed Maoist leaders. This could be the first such exchange deal since the 1999 IC-814 Kandahar incident in which militant Masood Azhar and others were freed for 190-odd Indian Airlines passengers.

There is a huge difference. The plane was hijacked by Harkat ul Mujahideen, a Pakistani militant outfit, and demanded the release of its members. The lives of 190 people were at stake. In Orissa, the kidnapping is against the Indian establishment. It is an indigenous hostage situation.

From reports one gathers that the cops helped in putting up the bail pleas for the Maoists, but the lawyer says it has to be done the proper judicial way. Apparently, the reasons for the arrests are flimsy. The government may well go the quiet way because it can be questioned regarding its policies. I do wonder, though, why the Maoists have not kidnapped policemen or politicians.

Mumbai/Dharamshala

The Dalai Lama gave a lecture in Mumbai on “Ancient Wisdom and Modern Thoughts”, but he did sneak in politics:

“Now in China, genuine socialism is no longer there; a communist party without communist ideology. Capitalist communism: this is new. I heard that the life of some Indian communists and a few leaders of the Indian communist party is more bourgeois than socialist.”

True. Just as the life of some spiritual leaders who check into five-star hotels while their people sit for hours in protest. The Dalai Lama has consistently played a dog and the bone game with China. The problem is this tussle on his part takes place in India. And he does it so subtly, so 'spiritually', that we don’t even realise what is happening”

“I describe Indians as the guru, we (Tibetans) are chelas (students) of Indian guru. Essentially we learn from you.”

And then he said:

“Caste, dowry, discrimination, these may be a part of your tradition but they are outdated, and must change. The youth must change some of these…. From your chela, this is constructive criticism. Sometimes, you are a little bit lazy. You must be more hardworking; work with full self-confidence.”

Did anyone object? Of course, these are evils but where was the BJP that starts getting all hot and bothered everytime someone talks about our ‘tradition’?

Forget Indians, may we know in what manner the Tibetan youth can be self-confident and hardworking when they don’t even have their own land? How many of them have access to the huge amount of donated money from overseas by foreign supporters? Does the Indian government not have limits on this?

He made a rather curious comment:

"Modern education system does not pay attention to wholeheartedness. Teaching ethics without touching the religious space is important."

Is he conceding that ethics is antithetical to religion? And if it is important and 'wholehearted', then why must it not infringe into the religious space?

Arunachal

Yoga guru Baba Ramdev got a taste of politics on Saturday at his yoga camp in Arunachal’s Pasighat where he was allegedly called a “bloody Indian dog” by Congress MP Ninong Ering. Taking exception to the insult, the yoga guru’s spokesperson S K Tijarawala threatened that Ering wouldn’t be allowed to come to Delhi to attend Parliament. Ering, who has denied the charge, has been asked by the Congress to explain his conduct.

1. This should tell the Congress that, if true, its own party is completely removed from Arunachal. 
2. Who is Swami Ramdev to disallow an elected MP from attending Parliament? File a case against such libellous language. Simple.